Black Books Quote
Bernard: Perhaps you'd like me to put the price down.
Customer: Well I was thinking two pounds.
Bernard: Because three pounds is just naked profiteering for a book of a mere... [checks the back pages of the book] 912 pages long. What'll I do with that extra pound? I'll add another acre to the grounds. I'll chuck a few more koi carp in my piano shaped pond. No, I know, I'll build a wing on the National Gallery with my name on it.
Customer: Two fifty.
Bernard: That's more like it. Now, being reasonable...[takes the book back and opens it] two fifty will get you...[rips a few pages out of the book] this much. You can come back and collect the rest when you have the other 50p.
Customer: But you--
Bernard: [Hits bell] Thank you!
[Customer walks out]
Manny: Bernard...
Bernard: Don't start, customer lover.
Manny: I was just going to say, I'm off to get the paint.
Bernard: What for? The shop's the way it is because it is the way it is. [Pause] If it wasn't the way it is, it wouldn't be the way it is.
Manny: It needs doing.
Bernard: It's charming. It has character.
Manny: Character is, an ambience, a feeling. It's not something with fur and a beak.
[A strange oinking noise coming from distance - Manny then moves over to a bookshelf, grabs a whip and kills the unseen monster, then adds a tally mark to the blackboard]
Manny: They've moved the nest again. I was going to get two brushes - by the way...
Bernard: You can paint with both hands. That's nice.
Manny: Well, I was kind of thinking...
Bernard: No, you weren't. You just thought you were thinking.
Customer: Well I was thinking two pounds.
Bernard: Because three pounds is just naked profiteering for a book of a mere... [checks the back pages of the book] 912 pages long. What'll I do with that extra pound? I'll add another acre to the grounds. I'll chuck a few more koi carp in my piano shaped pond. No, I know, I'll build a wing on the National Gallery with my name on it.
Customer: Two fifty.
Bernard: That's more like it. Now, being reasonable...[takes the book back and opens it] two fifty will get you...[rips a few pages out of the book] this much. You can come back and collect the rest when you have the other 50p.
Customer: But you--
Bernard: [Hits bell] Thank you!
[Customer walks out]
Manny: Bernard...
Bernard: Don't start, customer lover.
Manny: I was just going to say, I'm off to get the paint.
Bernard: What for? The shop's the way it is because it is the way it is. [Pause] If it wasn't the way it is, it wouldn't be the way it is.
Manny: It needs doing.
Bernard: It's charming. It has character.
Manny: Character is, an ambience, a feeling. It's not something with fur and a beak.
[A strange oinking noise coming from distance - Manny then moves over to a bookshelf, grabs a whip and kills the unseen monster, then adds a tally mark to the blackboard]
Manny: They've moved the nest again. I was going to get two brushes - by the way...
Bernard: You can paint with both hands. That's nice.
Manny: Well, I was kind of thinking...
Bernard: No, you weren't. You just thought you were thinking.
TV Show: Black Books
