Blue Heelers Quotes

Grace: What did you talk about?
Tom: This and that.
Grace: Specifically which and what?

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Ben: Deodorant...what are you trying to tell me Jo?

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Tess: If I need any help from you, I will ask for it.

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Jonesy: There's one thing I don't miss about being on the road...seedy coffee in seedy road houses.

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Tess: I'm sorry about Meg.
Jonesy: I'm not...she blamed you.
Tess: Me?! Why?
Jonesy: She reckons you were jealous.
Tess: Of what?!
Jonesy: Of me and her.
Tess: Well, that comes from living in a fantasy world for too long.
Jonesy: She reckons you fancy me, Sergeant.

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[Tess kisses Jonesy on the cheek.]
PJ: Hey! Don't we all get one?
Ben: I've been good, Sergeant!

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Chris: So when will I get to see G-I Jonesy in action?
Jonesy: The body can't take it anymore, Chris.
Chris: Weak!
Jonesy: Thanks!

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Jo: See something's sus. Parrish 1, Hasham 0.

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PJ: Best excuse of the days wins.

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Jo: I cant believe the boss would dob me in like that.
Ben: Ohh he just said that you and Falcon-Price were being competitive...
Jo: Russell, was being a complete jerk. Talk about win at all costs. I just, tried to cut him down to size a little bit.
PJ: By cutting the rope on the raft?
Jo: It wasn't as if it was going to hurt anybody. I guess you've um, heard about the rest...
PJ: Do go on.

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Flashback

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(Inspector Falcon-Price get's into bed and goes to pull the sheets up)
Falcon-Price: Alright, who short-sheeted my bed?

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(Everyone is sitting inside around a fire. Inspector Falcon-Price takes a sip of his coffee and spits it out straight away)
Falcon-Price: Who salted the sugar?
(Jo is on the top bunk giggling into her coffee and covering her mouth with her hand)

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(Inspector Falcon-Price sit's on his bed and falls straight through to the floor)
Falcon-Price: Oomph
(Jo is laying on her own bed and starts laughing uncontrollably into her pillow)

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[PJ walks in on Jo hugging Jonesy.]
PJ: Is this the start of a new relationship or just comfort from a friend?
Jonesy: Just comfort.
Jo: Thanks mate.
PJ: In that case, I think it's my job.

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PJ: I'm saying I love you.

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Chris: What about a board?
Jo: What? To hit PJ over the head with?
Chris: No, under the mattress. My father used to swear by a board. Actually, the wardrobe door of room 7 would do fine.
PJ: How much?
Chris: For you, PJ, nothing.
PJ: Speaking my language.

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PJ: Careful, Boss. Your chauvinism is showing.

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Tess: Of course, because we all know that every pregnant woman is capable of murder.

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Tess: Do you want to have a look?
Jonesy: Thought you'd never ask.

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[Jonesy enters Tess' ultrasound.]
Doctor: I'm sorry, I didn't realise.
Jonesy: What?
Doctor: That you were the father.
Jonesy: No, we're just good friends.
Doctor: Do you want to know the sex of the baby?
Jonesy: Yes.
Tess: No.
Jonesy: Nah...
Tess: Print him out a copy if he wants. He can frame it.

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Jonesy: I guess it's a shame we're not more like seahorses.
Tess: Seahorses?!
Jonesy: Yeah. It's the male that gets pregnant.
Tess: Probably the only male anything that knows what it's like to be dismissed as an eratic, hormonal half-wit every time it opens it's mouth.

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Ben: Mate, you can't reason with pregnant women, they're stubborn for two.

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Jonesy: Don't call me pal, mate.
Calvin: Don't call me mate, pal.

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PJ: She called me a bastard.

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Ben: She pays, she chooses.
PJ: She wants pineapple on the pizza.
Ben: Well we'll get our own pizza.

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[PJ thinks Jo has just hung up on him. The phone rings.]
PJ: Oh? Over our little hissy fit, are we...oh, it's Senior Detective Hasham...

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Brad: Squeeze the trigger, you'd be doing me a favour.

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Jonesy: You a big Sergeant, me lowly bleb.

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Susie: What is wrong with these men?
Jo: It's simple. Inside every man is a twelve-year-old boy.
Susie: And inside everyone woman?
Jo: Is a twelve-year-old girl. But twelve-year-old girls are much more mature than twelve-year-old boys.

TV Show: Blue Heelers