Boston Legal Quotes
Denny: Canada, Japan, England. Any number of those pinko countries, I'd be in jail for shooting somebody.
Alan: God bless America.
Alan: God bless America.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Brad: I was wondering if I could join you and Denny on the balcony sometime. Just trying to diversify my life with some male bonding and I was wondering...you know.
Alan: Brad, any gathering of three or more men always seems like a team to me, and I've never been much of a team player, so if you're going to show count me out. [pauses] Was there something specific you'd like to talk about?
Brad: Are you a good kisser?
Alan: Brad, any gathering of three or more men always seems like a team to me, and I've never been much of a team player, so if you're going to show count me out. [pauses] Was there something specific you'd like to talk about?
Brad: Are you a good kisser?
TV Show: Boston Legal
Judge Robert Sanders: I've had enough of all this. Mr. Crane, you've had no excuse to be carrying a gun.
Denny: 2nd Amendment. Founding Fathers. You probably knew them.
Denny: 2nd Amendment. Founding Fathers. You probably knew them.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Chelina: God, the last time I saw you...
Alan: I believe it was a Sunday. Then I was taken off the air, you went off to do movies, I got switched to Tuesdays and...
Chelina: Here we are...with old footage.
Alan: I believe it was a Sunday. Then I was taken off the air, you went off to do movies, I got switched to Tuesdays and...
Chelina: Here we are...with old footage.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Judge Sanders: (to Alan) I think I have enough probable cause, Mr. Shoup. The victim is in the hospital.
Alan: Actually, your honor, since our last get together, I've changed my name from Shoup to Shore. I figured since it's on my birth certificate and driver's license, not to mention the pleadings before you, though I never expect you to read the pleadings because of their (with Judge Sanders) Jibber Jabber.
Alan: Actually, your honor, since our last get together, I've changed my name from Shoup to Shore. I figured since it's on my birth certificate and driver's license, not to mention the pleadings before you, though I never expect you to read the pleadings because of their (with Judge Sanders) Jibber Jabber.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Vivian: Did you see the calorie count? Were you able to perform basic math?
Phil: I was addicted, Thin Mint!
Shirley: All right...
Vivian: Let the record reflect that he called me FOOD - a cookie, no less.
Phil: I was addicted, Thin Mint!
Shirley: All right...
Vivian: Let the record reflect that he called me FOOD - a cookie, no less.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Denny: Are we setting a bad example? I shoot people.
Alan: I bribe them.
Denny: We drink.
Alan: We smoke.
Denny: I'm unfaithful.
Alan: Not to me.
Denny: Never to you.
Alan: We're not setting examples. We're just being true to who we are.
Denny: Who are we?
Alan: Denny Crane.
Denny: Alan Shore.
Alan: Leaders of men.
Denny: With bull's eyes on our asses.
Alan: I bribe them.
Denny: We drink.
Alan: We smoke.
Denny: I'm unfaithful.
Alan: Not to me.
Denny: Never to you.
Alan: We're not setting examples. We're just being true to who we are.
Denny: Who are we?
Alan: Denny Crane.
Denny: Alan Shore.
Alan: Leaders of men.
Denny: With bull's eyes on our asses.
TV Show: Boston Legal
[Talking about Alan at the hearing]
Denny: Yes your honor, he gets me off, I get him off.
Alan: We're flamingos.
Denny: Don't ask, don't tell.
Denny: Yes your honor, he gets me off, I get him off.
Alan: We're flamingos.
Denny: Don't ask, don't tell.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Denny: (To Alan) I don't think I've ever seen you this nervous, except for night terrors, clowns and word salad.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Denny: (Closing Argument) Who the hell are we kidding? Defense Attorneys make their living helping their clients get away with murder. We put rapists back on the streets knowing they're gonna rape again. Let's not pretend that we don't aid and abet crime. But the key is: Make sure we cover our asses. Defense attorneys do that better than anybody. Now, Alan Shore covered his. He knew he couldn't legally advise Mr. Mkeba to run, and he expressly told him he couldn't give him such advice. Did Mr. Mkeba get the message anyway? Sure, but technically, Alan Shore didn't break the law. Ass covered, over and out. Not guilty, simple as that. Oh, and here's another thing about asses: (Turns to District Attorney Kupfer) Not you, we'll get to you in a second. If you have a lot of success against the D.A.'s office, and Alan Shore's had a lot. Especially against this putz, beats him every time.
Kupfer: Objection.
Judge Sanders: Sustained. Mr. Crane.
Denny: I'm sorry, Your Honor. Too much success, and eventually, you get a giant bullseye painted on your bottom. (Pulls down pants, revealing bullseye painted on his boxers)
Kupfer: Objection!
Judge Sanders: Sustained! Mr. Crane!
Denny: I'm just trying to make a point, your honor. (To jury) Alan Shore, was the target. He has a bigger bullseye on his ass than I have on mine. And this man, Douglas Kupfer, is aiming for it! He said he wanted to stab him. That's subtle. There's a vendetta. He wants my client, anyway he can get him, and that's the only reason we're here. Reasonable doubt? You all know that. Last name Crane. First name Denny. Not Guilty! Over and out.
Kupfer: Objection.
Judge Sanders: Sustained. Mr. Crane.
Denny: I'm sorry, Your Honor. Too much success, and eventually, you get a giant bullseye painted on your bottom. (Pulls down pants, revealing bullseye painted on his boxers)
Kupfer: Objection!
Judge Sanders: Sustained! Mr. Crane!
Denny: I'm just trying to make a point, your honor. (To jury) Alan Shore, was the target. He has a bigger bullseye on his ass than I have on mine. And this man, Douglas Kupfer, is aiming for it! He said he wanted to stab him. That's subtle. There's a vendetta. He wants my client, anyway he can get him, and that's the only reason we're here. Reasonable doubt? You all know that. Last name Crane. First name Denny. Not Guilty! Over and out.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Judge Sanders: Silence! Mr. Shore, you are the defendent! I don't want to hear another poop out of you! How do you plea?
Alan: Not guilty by reason of the District Attorney's insanity.
Judge Sanders: Alright, we'll set-That's not a real plea!
Alan: Not guilty then.
Alan: Not guilty by reason of the District Attorney's insanity.
Judge Sanders: Alright, we'll set-That's not a real plea!
Alan: Not guilty then.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Dr Harati Waibi: Even though it's legal in Nepal, our clinic made the decision not to in order to receive US funding. However, we hung up a poster that said, “We Believe That A Woman Has A Right To Control Her Own Body.”
Denny Crane: Objection - misleading. Women can't control their bodies. They're either menstruating or lactating.
Denny Crane: Objection - misleading. Women can't control their bodies. They're either menstruating or lactating.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Denny Crane: This is completely disrespectful. You don't come home to papa by suing his government.
Donny Crane: Someone has to, Dad. Our policy is denying thousands of people life-saving medical care, based on the personal religious views of our leader. Nothing says democracy like imperialism.
Denny Crane: Why can't you for once come to town and we just toss the pigskin? That's American.
Donny Crane: Someone has to, Dad. Our policy is denying thousands of people life-saving medical care, based on the personal religious views of our leader. Nothing says democracy like imperialism.
Denny Crane: Why can't you for once come to town and we just toss the pigskin? That's American.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Derek Roth: Now, anytime someone tries to Google my name or my company, Roth's Plumbing Supplies, instead of finding my website, yours is the first site that comes up. My sales have dropped forty percent since that posting!
TV Show: Boston Legal
Denny Crane: Alright. What are we doing in Mexico?
Paul Schwimmer: That's where President Reagan first enacted the policy in 1984. He enacted it as a reaction to forced abortions in China as a means of population control.
Denny Crane: Chinese, Mexican… [to jury] Who's getting hungry?
Paul Schwimmer: That's where President Reagan first enacted the policy in 1984. He enacted it as a reaction to forced abortions in China as a means of population control.
Denny Crane: Chinese, Mexican… [to jury] Who's getting hungry?
TV Show: Boston Legal
Donny Crane: So don't you find it curious that in our Administration's quest to stop abortion, we're actually restricting free speech which is a hallmark of democracy?
Denny Crane: Objection. Irrelevant and unpatriotic.
Denny Crane: Objection. Irrelevant and unpatriotic.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Derek Roth: And she said I have no sense of humor. I make jokes all the time.
Atty John Lenox: Those aren't jokes. They're puns and puns aren't funny.
Derek Roth: Well, that's just your o-opunion.
Denise Bauer: Oh, good Lord.
Atty John Lenox: Those aren't jokes. They're puns and puns aren't funny.
Derek Roth: Well, that's just your o-opunion.
Denise Bauer: Oh, good Lord.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Daniel: [Discussing his cancer treatment with Denise] You wouldn't have wanted to see me. I was at least 7% less cute.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Alan: There used to be a day when the pandering in our society was reserved for…
Denny: Politicians?
Alan: [laughs] Maybe that's what bothers me. Hollywood has sunk to the level of Congress.
Denny: Politicians?
Alan: [laughs] Maybe that's what bothers me. Hollywood has sunk to the level of Congress.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Alan: To more travels, Denny.
Denny: To the mountains…
Alan: Prairies…
Denny: Whores…
Alan: America the beautiful.
Denny: To the mountains…
Alan: Prairies…
Denny: Whores…
Alan: America the beautiful.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Courtney: Mr Crane? I need you to stop staring at me like that.
Denny Crane: Of course. Marry me.
Courtney: I beg your pardon?
Denny Crane: Your fifteen minutes are almost up. Mine has lasted a lifetime. [to Barry] Tell her.
Barry: Marry him.
Denny Crane: Of course. Marry me.
Courtney: I beg your pardon?
Denny Crane: Your fifteen minutes are almost up. Mine has lasted a lifetime. [to Barry] Tell her.
Barry: Marry him.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Denny: [to Alan] What do you mean she's measuring you for trousers? Is that some kind of fetish? Would I like it?
TV Show: Boston Legal
Marlene: You missed your ten o'clock.
Alan: Um, something came up.
Marlene: Something was supposed to come up, at the closet, at ten o'clock.
Alan: I've got a few minutes now if you'd like to go somewhere and... grab a bite.
Alan: Um, something came up.
Marlene: Something was supposed to come up, at the closet, at ten o'clock.
Alan: I've got a few minutes now if you'd like to go somewhere and... grab a bite.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Alan: [Referring to Jerry's legal problems and infatuation with a doll] I've got to get him help. My God, if you saw the way he hugged her.
Denny: Is she cute?
Alan: Denny, its a doll.
Denny: Oh, come on, don't tell me you've never gone to town with a doll.
Alan: [laughs] No, as a matter of fact. [pause] Have you?
[longer pause]
Alan: Denny...
Denny: Well, not just any doll. Well, I mean I'm not... ah, what's the word?
Alan: Peculiar?
Denny: But I suppose I've been with... a special doll.
Alan: Would I like her?
Denny: You want to meet her?
Denny: Is she cute?
Alan: Denny, its a doll.
Denny: Oh, come on, don't tell me you've never gone to town with a doll.
Alan: [laughs] No, as a matter of fact. [pause] Have you?
[longer pause]
Alan: Denny...
Denny: Well, not just any doll. Well, I mean I'm not... ah, what's the word?
Alan: Peculiar?
Denny: But I suppose I've been with... a special doll.
Alan: Would I like her?
Denny: You want to meet her?
TV Show: Boston Legal