Boston Legal Quotes
Denny: [to Alan] Here's the thing about rich people Alan - we get whatever we want.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Marlene: Brad, did you hear? Denise is getting married.
Brad: [to Denise] Really?
Denise: I was going to tell you.
Marlene: Sometimes it's easier to hear it from a third party.
[Denise attempts to hit Marlene, but she ducks as Denise's arm flies past]
Marlene: [emotionless] That could've hit me.
Brad: [to Denise] Really?
Denise: I was going to tell you.
Marlene: Sometimes it's easier to hear it from a third party.
[Denise attempts to hit Marlene, but she ducks as Denise's arm flies past]
Marlene: [emotionless] That could've hit me.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Marlene: Denise.
Denise: Marlene.
Marlene: I hear you're getting married.
Denise: I am.
Marlene: Congratulations. It must be a relief to have some financial security. Does Buzz know?
Denise: Buzz?
Marlene: Buzz Lightyear. Isn't that the nickname for the Ken-doll with benefits?
Denise: Marlene, I'm finding it extremely difficult not to assault you right now.
Marlene: [deadpan] Oh, I'm sorry. Am I being too familiar? I thought we were girlfriends. I was hoping the relationship wouldn't change when I made partner and you didn't but I guess it has. Oh well.
Denise: Marlene.
Marlene: I hear you're getting married.
Denise: I am.
Marlene: Congratulations. It must be a relief to have some financial security. Does Buzz know?
Denise: Buzz?
Marlene: Buzz Lightyear. Isn't that the nickname for the Ken-doll with benefits?
Denise: Marlene, I'm finding it extremely difficult not to assault you right now.
Marlene: [deadpan] Oh, I'm sorry. Am I being too familiar? I thought we were girlfriends. I was hoping the relationship wouldn't change when I made partner and you didn't but I guess it has. Oh well.
TV Show: Boston Legal
[after Melissa catches Marlene having sex with Alan]
Marlene: If you like to watch... I'm okay with that.
Marlene: If you like to watch... I'm okay with that.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Judge Reese: In my chambers.
[Alan gets up]
Judge Reese: Just Ms. Schmidt and Mr. Tiggs.
Alan: Couldn't I come and just watch?
Judge Reese: [glaring at Alan menacingly] No.
[Alan gets up]
Judge Reese: Just Ms. Schmidt and Mr. Tiggs.
Alan: Couldn't I come and just watch?
Judge Reese: [glaring at Alan menacingly] No.
TV Show: Boston Legal
[Melissa walks in on Alan and Marlene having sex in the photocopying room]
Alan: We're developing pictures.
Marlene: We're photography buffs.
Alan: We're developing pictures.
Marlene: We're photography buffs.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Officer: [to Jerry] Mr Espenson, you were driving in the car pool lane. That lane's reserved for vehicles with two or more passengers. Sir, that is not a person in your passenger seat. [points to the plastic doll in the car]
TV Show: Boston Legal
Brad: [about Judge Hooper] So how can such a little bald man like that end up with such a beautiful wife?
TV Show: Boston Legal
Jeffrey: Standing real close. It's okay. I'm a personal guy myself. As a matter of fact, I like to talk to people directly and not read their reports. That is why I went to see the corner. Chatty little fella. Okay, that's a little too close now.
Jonathan Winant: Here's the deal.
Jefrey: I love deals!
Jonathan Winant: ... ... Do I make myself clear?
Jeffrey: You do. And if you think I've broken the law, arrest me. And insist on it. You're staring. That's cause you can't think of anything to say or Richmond told you that works. You know, when my mind goes blank, I just like to go with my old standby which is, of course,' Go screw yourself. Do I need to include instructions with that?' Everybody gives me the look.
Jonathan Winant: Here's the deal.
Jefrey: I love deals!
Jonathan Winant: ... ... Do I make myself clear?
Jeffrey: You do. And if you think I've broken the law, arrest me. And insist on it. You're staring. That's cause you can't think of anything to say or Richmond told you that works. You know, when my mind goes blank, I just like to go with my old standby which is, of course,' Go screw yourself. Do I need to include instructions with that?' Everybody gives me the look.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Alan: Hello.
Claire: I know who you are. You're a little horny toad. Horny toads give me warts. Hop away, horny toad.
Claire: I know who you are. You're a little horny toad. Horny toads give me warts. Hop away, horny toad.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Alan: Shirley, as lovely as the new case you sent me is and she is delightful. I just had Jerry Espenson last week, I need a break from this sort of thing.
Shirley: I'll get the new girl to help, she knows employment law.
Alan: You can't just assign me cases and girls. Girls, maybe.
Shirley: I'll get the new girl to help, she knows employment law.
Alan: You can't just assign me cases and girls. Girls, maybe.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Jeffrey: I assured him the police never arrest innocent people. Just doesn't happen. I'm sure you in particular are never wrong.
Cop: I thought you came down here to cooperate?
Jeffrey: You killed the moment.
Cop: I can officially detain him.
Jeffrey: In which case he officially asks for he's lawyer and you can't talk to him. What is this? Good cop bad cop? If so, send in the good cop!
Cop: [Stare]
Jeffrey: That's quite a look.
Cop: I thought you came down here to cooperate?
Jeffrey: You killed the moment.
Cop: I can officially detain him.
Jeffrey: In which case he officially asks for he's lawyer and you can't talk to him. What is this? Good cop bad cop? If so, send in the good cop!
Cop: [Stare]
Jeffrey: That's quite a look.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Denny: You want a war? You get a war.
Bethany: You fat old man.
Denny: Bring it on, small fry!
Bethany: You fat old man.
Denny: Bring it on, small fry!
TV Show: Boston Legal
[After Alan loses the wrestling match to Denny]
Shirley: Five seconds?
Alan: He cheated. You can't squat on the head.
Shirley: Five seconds?
Alan: Four, actually.
Shirley: Five seconds?
Alan: He cheated. You can't squat on the head.
Shirley: Five seconds?
Alan: Four, actually.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Jeffrey: Small point. Mr Little here is a witness. Your questions seems to suggest he's a suspect. Maybe it's just me. You might try asking whether there were any cars parked in the street. Any strange people in the area. Any other information that might shed some light into who killed her. You do wanna know right?
Cop: You wanna let me do my job?
Claire: He's hoping you'll do it.
Cop: [Stare]
Claire: What? You wanna ask me out?
Cop: You wanna let me do my job?
Claire: He's hoping you'll do it.
Cop: [Stare]
Claire: What? You wanna ask me out?
TV Show: Boston Legal
Clarence: [As Clarice] Anyway, I finally thought why not adopt? Go overseas, get me one of those Chinese babies. You know, like Angelina Jolie? She did it, why not me?
TV Show: Boston Legal
Denise: I want to know when I'm going to be made partner?
Shirley: When you're good enough.
Shirley: When you're good enough.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Clarence: [As Clarice] Why you staring? I know why you're staring. You're staring at my knockers. I know when a man is staring at my knockers. This here, is part of the problem. They don't let me take maternity, they stare at my knockers. Know what I'm sayin'?
Alan: No way to treat a woman.
Alan: No way to treat a woman.
TV Show: Boston Legal
[Looking at Denny's date's picture]
Alan: Denny, she looks young. Does she know that you're... not?
Alan: Denny, she looks young. Does she know that you're... not?
TV Show: Boston Legal
Alan: Excuse me, I realize you're new to this office but we have a zero-tolerance policy here when it comes to sexual harassment.
Claire: Ha! [points to Denny] Tubby over there groped me when I came off the elevator.
Alan: Did he grunt as he groped? Because I found as long as he's not grunting you're perfectly fine.
Claire: Ha! [points to Denny] Tubby over there groped me when I came off the elevator.
Alan: Did he grunt as he groped? Because I found as long as he's not grunting you're perfectly fine.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Denise: [to Shirley about Jeffrey] Excuse me, but did you say this man is a partner?
Jeffrey: She did. I could be your partner.
Jeffrey: She did. I could be your partner.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Claire: [upon being greeted by the firm] Yeah, don't anybody try to make friends with me.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Claire: This is abusive. Making me leave New York. I'm gonna call my parents and tell them I'm being abused.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Claire: Who do we complain to here? The old people?
[Paul and Shirley get wide-eyed]
[Paul and Shirley get wide-eyed]
TV Show: Boston Legal
[Denny spots Claire for the first time]
Denny: Well, well, well, well, well. If you're a client, I'll get you off; if you're not... the offer's still there.
Claire: Okay, ick... and double ick.
Denny: Well, well, well, well, well. If you're a client, I'll get you off; if you're not... the offer's still there.
Claire: Okay, ick... and double ick.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Denny: Welcome, to Boston Legal.
Claire: Jeffrey, the gross man is fondling me.
Denny: It's the official firm greeting.
[squeezes Claire's butt]
Denny: Cue the music.
Claire: Jeffrey, the gross man is fondling me.
Denny: It's the official firm greeting.
[squeezes Claire's butt]
Denny: Cue the music.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Denny: Oh please. If there were new guys they would have shown up in the season premiere.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Alan: Shirley, the truth is I only took this case to be in court with you. I enjoy your company. So, if I can't join you on cases, I'll just have to oppose you. Or I could just oppose you right now against the wall. That would certainly make me happy.
Denny: Bethany, Brad'll be your point-man here, if you need anything go to him. If you're not satisfied... you come to me.
Denny: Bethany, Brad'll be your point-man here, if you need anything go to him. If you're not satisfied... you come to me.
TV Show: Boston Legal