Boston Legal Quotes
Shirley: I am a senior partner here.
Jeffrey: You say that like it can get you laid. It can.
Jeffrey: You say that like it can get you laid. It can.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Bethany: I need to speak with you... [notices Alan] ...privately.
Denny: Anything you want to say to me can be said in front of him.
Alan: We're married.
Denny: Anything you want to say to me can be said in front of him.
Alan: We're married.
TV Show: Boston Legal
[On the balcony]
Jerry: When I was in law school, my dream wasn't so much the big trial as... well, I guess this. Having a drink at the end of the day with co-counsel, battle-weary, rehashing the day, discussing strategy. The whole socialization of lawyering that... well, until now, I've never experienced. It's a rich feeling, whatever it is.
Alan: It's called friendship.
[Jerry nods]
Alan: To friendship, my colleague.
[They click glasses in a toast]
Jerry: When I was in law school, my dream wasn't so much the big trial as... well, I guess this. Having a drink at the end of the day with co-counsel, battle-weary, rehashing the day, discussing strategy. The whole socialization of lawyering that... well, until now, I've never experienced. It's a rich feeling, whatever it is.
Alan: It's called friendship.
[Jerry nods]
Alan: To friendship, my colleague.
[They click glasses in a toast]
TV Show: Boston Legal
[Renee and Alan run into each other]
Renee: My apologies.
Alan: Renee, looking well.
Renee: I'm glad. It's a goal.
Alan: Coping okay with your...tragic loss?
Renee: My apologies.
Alan: Renee, looking well.
Renee: I'm glad. It's a goal.
Alan: Coping okay with your...tragic loss?
TV Show: Boston Legal
Shirley: [to Alan] This was one of Edwin Poole's cases. Somehow it managed to slip through my cracks, so I was sure you'd find it especially tasty.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Gracie Jane: [on TV] It takes more than a stiff whack on the head to keep me down, folks. Trust me, I get hit harder during sex. I'm only sorry this creepo didn't have at me with a shovel during sweeps.
Lincoln: [turns the TV off] I knew I should've plunked her a second time! I just knew it!
Shirley: Are you telling me you're the one who assaulted her?
Lincoln: I say that in confidence, of course.
Lincoln: [turns the TV off] I knew I should've plunked her a second time! I just knew it!
Shirley: Are you telling me you're the one who assaulted her?
Lincoln: I say that in confidence, of course.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Claire: [about Shirley] Are we really sure she's missing? Sometimes old people just slip off to have some work done.
[Jeffrey glares at her]
[Jeffrey glares at her]
TV Show: Boston Legal
Denny: My murder case went away. You've still got yours. It just doesn't seem fair.
Alan: Nutty Lincoln didn't whack the judge?
Alan: Nutty Lincoln didn't whack the judge?
TV Show: Boston Legal
Alan: Ready?
Jerry: I'm ready. I actually feel... calm. Of course, I'm medicated but... [smiles at his own joke]
Jerry: I'm ready. I actually feel... calm. Of course, I'm medicated but... [smiles at his own joke]
TV Show: Boston Legal
Lincoln: From the first moment I saw you, do you know what I wanted to do?
Shirley: Pave my driveway?
Lincoln: I wanted to suck on your right earlobe. I'm sure people tell you you have soft, supple lobes.
Shirley: It gets old.
Lincoln: Is mocking me really an exercise of your most sound judgment, Shirley? After all, I do have in my possession a loaded firearm.
Shirley: Let alone a ukulele.
Shirley: Pave my driveway?
Lincoln: I wanted to suck on your right earlobe. I'm sure people tell you you have soft, supple lobes.
Shirley: It gets old.
Lincoln: Is mocking me really an exercise of your most sound judgment, Shirley? After all, I do have in my possession a loaded firearm.
Shirley: Let alone a ukulele.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Denny: Right on my balcony.
Alan: It is not what you think.
Denny: I saw you. I heard you.
Alan: We were just talking.
[Denny storms from the room]
Alan: Oh dear.
Alan: It is not what you think.
Denny: I saw you. I heard you.
Alan: We were just talking.
[Denny storms from the room]
Alan: Oh dear.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Alan: Denny, where is that doll?
Denny: The police took her in for questioning.
Alan: Shirley Schmidt-ho?
Denny: She'll be back.
Denny: The police took her in for questioning.
Alan: Shirley Schmidt-ho?
Denny: She'll be back.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Shirley: [to Lincoln] We all live our lives on a ledge. And it takes surprisingly little to push us over.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Jeffrey: I suppose we better work this out.
Brad: Does it have to be now?
Jeffrey: Well, it is the season. Peace on Earth...love for your fellow man...
Brad: Wait. What was that?
Jeffrey: "Love for your fellow man"?
Brad: No, before that.
Jeffrey: "Peace on Earth"?
Brad: Liberal. I knew it!
Brad: Does it have to be now?
Jeffrey: Well, it is the season. Peace on Earth...love for your fellow man...
Brad: Wait. What was that?
Jeffrey: "Love for your fellow man"?
Brad: No, before that.
Jeffrey: "Peace on Earth"?
Brad: Liberal. I knew it!
TV Show: Boston Legal
Alan: I think we've just had our first three-way.
Denny: It didn't look like Shirley enjoyed it as much as we did. You know, she tasted differently than I remember...
Alan: [chuckles] That's because it was my slobber on her mouth, Denny. We've finally exchanged bodily fluids.
Denny: [quickly downs his glass of wine] Blech!
Denny: It didn't look like Shirley enjoyed it as much as we did. You know, she tasted differently than I remember...
Alan: [chuckles] That's because it was my slobber on her mouth, Denny. We've finally exchanged bodily fluids.
Denny: [quickly downs his glass of wine] Blech!
TV Show: Boston Legal
White Supremacist Twins: [singing] Michael rowed the boat ashore...Hallelujah! Michael rowed the boat ashore...
Alan: You do know that Michael was a homosexual Jew from Mexico, right?
Alan: You do know that Michael was a homosexual Jew from Mexico, right?
TV Show: Boston Legal
Denise: [scolding Brad and Jeffrey] You're both partners! I'm not. So why am I the only one acting like an adult?
TV Show: Boston Legal
Alan: What's my motivation?
Shirley: Excuse me?
Alan: My character's motivation. Surely you can't expect me to simply jump in and take this case!
Shirley: Excuse me?
Alan: My character's motivation. Surely you can't expect me to simply jump in and take this case!
TV Show: Boston Legal
Alan: Denny, I'm not going to presume you were paying attention in court today, were you?
Denny: In and out.
Alan: You were hung-over.
Denny: It happens!
Denny: In and out.
Alan: You were hung-over.
Denny: It happens!
TV Show: Boston Legal
Vanessa Walker: I only have two plane tickets
Denny: Oh, gee, and I only have a Gulfstream.
Denny: Oh, gee, and I only have a Gulfstream.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Alan: We have geniuses in this country. True pioneers of innovation. Steve Jobs, Steven Wozniak, Steve Ballmer...if we could just round up some of our best Steves!
TV Show: Boston Legal
Alan: The 9/11 commission, they dumped on you pretty good didn't they?
Linwood Winchell: Somewhat.
Alan: Somewhat?! A 'D' in port security, an 'F' in improving communications for first responders a 'D' in border security, an 'F' in aviation security, a 'D' in chemical plant security. These aren't passing grades Mr. Winchell.
Linwood Winchell: Somewhat.
Alan: Somewhat?! A 'D' in port security, an 'F' in improving communications for first responders a 'D' in border security, an 'F' in aviation security, a 'D' in chemical plant security. These aren't passing grades Mr. Winchell.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Denny: This country works Alan. You Democrats don't want to admit it. Oh, I'm not saying there aren't kinks! Foam chips off the occasional space craft, we start the odd war on false pretenses, but by and large...America works! That's why I'm completely nuts about it.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Denny: You can change one thing, what is it?
Alan: I'd get rid of stores that end in Mart.
Alan: I'd get rid of stores that end in Mart.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Alan: Everyone here is named Denny Crane. These are just the ones within driving distance, of course, since airplane travel is not an option.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Denny: I'll let you play with my gun.
Shirley: Your gun goes off too prematurely for me, Denny. It always has.
Shirley: Your gun goes off too prematurely for me, Denny. It always has.
TV Show: Boston Legal