Buffy the Vampire Slayer Quotes
Buffy: [about Kathy] You're right. Ooh! She's even affecting my work, now. She's the Titanic. She's a crawling black cancer!
[She brings her foot up, around and down onto a bench, breaking it in two.]
Buffy: She's... other really bad things.
Oz: On the plus side you've killed the bench, which was looking shifty.
[She brings her foot up, around and down onto a bench, breaking it in two.]
Buffy: She's... other really bad things.
Oz: On the plus side you've killed the bench, which was looking shifty.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Willow: [on the phone with Rupert Giles] Giles, I just talked to Buffy and, yeah, I think she's feeling a little... insane. [pause] No, not bitchy crazy, more like... homicidal maniac crazy. So I told her to come see you, OK?
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Anya: I can't stop thinking about you. Sometimes, in my dreams, you're all naked.
Xander: Really? You know, if I'm in the checkout lane at the Wal-Mart, I've had that same one.
Xander: Really? You know, if I'm in the checkout lane at the Wal-Mart, I've had that same one.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: What's the matter, Spike? Dru dump you again?
Spike: Maybe I dumped her!
Harmony: She left him for a fungus demon. That's all he talks about most days.
Spike: Harm!
Spike: Maybe I dumped her!
Harmony: She left him for a fungus demon. That's all he talks about most days.
Spike: Harm!
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Anya: I like you. You're funny and you're nicely shaped. And, frankly, it's ludicrous to have these interlocking bodies and not... interlock. Please remove your clothing now.
Xander: And the amazing thing? Still more romantic than Faith.
Xander: And the amazing thing? Still more romantic than Faith.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Xander: Whoa! Giles has a TV! Everybody... Giles has a TV, he's shallow like us!
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Harmony: Is Antonio Banderas a vampire?
Spike: No.
Harmony: Can I make him a vampire?
Spike: No. [Beat] On second thought, go ahead. Take as long as you like. Do Melanie and the kids as well.
Spike: No.
Harmony: Can I make him a vampire?
Spike: No. [Beat] On second thought, go ahead. Take as long as you like. Do Melanie and the kids as well.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Anya: You haven't called. Not once!
Xander: You said you were over me.
Anya: And you just accepted that? I only said that because I thought that's what you wanted to hear.
Xander: Well, that's the funny thing about me. I tend to hear the actual words people say and accept them at face value.
Anya: That's stupid.
Xander: I accept that.
Xander: You said you were over me.
Anya: And you just accepted that? I only said that because I thought that's what you wanted to hear.
Xander: Well, that's the funny thing about me. I tend to hear the actual words people say and accept them at face value.
Anya: That's stupid.
Xander: I accept that.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Willow: [about her costume] I'm Joan of Arc. I figured we had a lot in common, seeing as how I was almost burned at the stake, plus she has that close relationship with God.
Xander: [to Oz] And you are?
[Oz opens his jacket and reveals a name tag that says "God."]
Xander: Of course. I wish I'd thought of that before I put down my deposit. I could've been God.
Oz: Blasphemer.
Xander: [to Oz] And you are?
[Oz opens his jacket and reveals a name tag that says "God."]
Xander: Of course. I wish I'd thought of that before I put down my deposit. I could've been God.
Oz: Blasphemer.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Giles: [reading from the book] "The summoning spell for Gachnar can be shut down in one of two ways. Destroying the Mark of Gachnar..."
[Buffy promptly stamps into the floor, destroying the Mark on the floor and tearing up the boards; she looks very self-satisfied]
Giles: [greatly irritated] "...is not one of them, and will, in fact, immediately bring forth the fear demon itself!"
[Buffy promptly stamps into the floor, destroying the Mark on the floor and tearing up the boards; she looks very self-satisfied]
Giles: [greatly irritated] "...is not one of them, and will, in fact, immediately bring forth the fear demon itself!"
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[The demon Gachnar slowly emerges from the pentacle in the floor... and is revealed to be just six inches tall.]
Buffy: This is Gachnar?
Xander: [looks down mockingly at Gachnar] Big overture, little show.
Gachnar: [in a squeaky voice]: I am the Dark Lord of Nightmares! The Bringer of Terror! Tremble before me! Fear me!
Willow: He... he's so cute!
Gachnar: Tremble!
[Xander pokes a finger at the tiny demon, speaking to it as if to a puppy.]
Xander: Who's a little fear demon? Come on! Who's a little fear demon?
Giles: Don't taunt the fear demon.
Xander: Why, can he hurt me?
Giles: No, it's just... tacky.
Buffy: This is Gachnar?
Xander: [looks down mockingly at Gachnar] Big overture, little show.
Gachnar: [in a squeaky voice]: I am the Dark Lord of Nightmares! The Bringer of Terror! Tremble before me! Fear me!
Willow: He... he's so cute!
Gachnar: Tremble!
[Xander pokes a finger at the tiny demon, speaking to it as if to a puppy.]
Xander: Who's a little fear demon? Come on! Who's a little fear demon?
Giles: Don't taunt the fear demon.
Xander: Why, can he hurt me?
Giles: No, it's just... tacky.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[After defeating Gachnar, Giles looks back at the small image of him in the book]
Giles: Bloody hell, the inscription!
Buffy: What?
Giles: I should've translated the Gaelic inscription beneath the picture.
Buffy: What does it say?
Giles: ... Actual size.
Giles: Bloody hell, the inscription!
Buffy: What?
Giles: I should've translated the Gaelic inscription beneath the picture.
Buffy: What does it say?
Giles: ... Actual size.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Willow: Aren't you too young to be a bartender?
Xander: Au contraire, mon frere.
Buffy: Mon frere means brother.
Xander: Mon girl-frere. Behold! [holds up a fake ID]
Willow: I don't believe this is entirely on the up and up.
Xander: What gives it away?
Willow: Looking at it.
Xander: Au contraire, mon frere.
Buffy: Mon frere means brother.
Xander: Mon girl-frere. Behold! [holds up a fake ID]
Willow: I don't believe this is entirely on the up and up.
Xander: What gives it away?
Willow: Looking at it.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Willow: Buffy that is my best friend you need to think about not Parker. He's no good. There are men, better men, wherein the mind is stronger than the penis.
Xander: Nothing can defeat the penis! [looks around] Too loud, very unseemly.
Xander: Nothing can defeat the penis! [looks around] Too loud, very unseemly.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Oz: Hey, you got a table.
Willow: I had to kill a man.
Oz: Well it's a really good table.
Willow: I had to kill a man.
Oz: Well it's a really good table.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Giles: I can't believe you served Buffy that beer.
Xander: I didn't know it was evil.
Giles: You knew it was beer!
Xander: Well, excuse me, Mr. I-spent-the-sixties-in-an-electric-Kool-Aid-funky-Satan-groove!
Giles: It was the early seventies, and you should know better.
Xander: I didn't know it was evil.
Giles: You knew it was beer!
Xander: Well, excuse me, Mr. I-spent-the-sixties-in-an-electric-Kool-Aid-funky-Satan-groove!
Giles: It was the early seventies, and you should know better.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Xander: And was there a lesson in all this? huh? What did we learn about beer?
Buffy: Foamy.
Xander: Good, just as long as that's clear. Anyways I think the boys in the car are contained for the time being. This'll give them some time to ponder the geo-political ramifications of being mean to me!
Buffy: Foamy.
Xander: Good, just as long as that's clear. Anyways I think the boys in the car are contained for the time being. This'll give them some time to ponder the geo-political ramifications of being mean to me!
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Willow: How come you didn't tell me I look like a crazy birthday cake in this shirt?
Buffy: I thought that was the point.
Buffy: I thought that was the point.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Oz: You don't wanna find out what I am.
Veruca: You're an animal... Animals kill.
Oz: You're right. We kill.
Veruca: You're an animal... Animals kill.
Oz: You're right. We kill.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Willow: Oz, don't you love me?
Oz: My whole life, I've never loved anything else.
Oz: My whole life, I've never loved anything else.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: You know, for someone who teaches human behavior, you might try showing some.
Professor Walsh: It's not my job to coddle my students.
Buffy: You're right. A human being in pain has nothing to do with your job. [exits]
Professor Walsh: I like her.
Professor Walsh: It's not my job to coddle my students.
Buffy: You're right. A human being in pain has nothing to do with your job. [exits]
Professor Walsh: I like her.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Willow: OK, say that I help and you start a conversation. It goes great. You like Buffy, she likes you. You spend time together, feelings grow deeper and one day, without even realizing it, you find you're in love. Time stops and it feels like the whole world's made for you two and you two alone, until the day one of you leaves and rips the still-beating heart from the other, who's now a broken, hollow mockery of the human condition.
Riley: [taken aback] Yep, that's the plan.
Willow: I figured it was.
Riley: [taken aback] Yep, that's the plan.
Willow: I figured it was.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[Willow is trying to help Riley get together with Buffy]
Willow: Talk, funny is good but don't be glib. And remember, if you hurt her I will beat you to death with a shovel. A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend. Have fun!
Willow: Talk, funny is good but don't be glib. And remember, if you hurt her I will beat you to death with a shovel. A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend. Have fun!
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[Spike, having tricked Willow into inviting him into her dorm room, prepares to attack her.]
Spike: I'll give you a choice. Now I'm going to kill you - no choice in that. But I can let you stay dead... or bring you back, to be like me.
Willow[frightened]: I'll scream!
Spike: Bonus. [moves toward Willow's neck]
...
[A short time later, Spike sits on Willow's bed, confused and disconsolate. Willow still cowers from him.]
Spike: I don't understand. This sort of thing's never happened to me before.
Willow[timidly trying to offer comfort]: Maybe you were nervous.
Spike: I felt all right when I started. Let's try again.
[He tries to attack Willow again, only to crumple in searing pain]
Spike: Ow ow ow! Dammit!![kicks a dresser]
Willow: Maybe you're trying too hard. Doesn't this happen to every vampire?
Spike: Not to me it doesn't!
...
Spike[desperate and embarrassed]: I'm only 126!
Willow: You're being too hard on yourself. Why don't we wait a half an hour and try again? Or...
[Finally realizing the insanity of her advice, Willow grabs a lamp, smashes it over Spike's head and tries to flee the room.]
Spike: I'll give you a choice. Now I'm going to kill you - no choice in that. But I can let you stay dead... or bring you back, to be like me.
Willow[frightened]: I'll scream!
Spike: Bonus. [moves toward Willow's neck]
...
[A short time later, Spike sits on Willow's bed, confused and disconsolate. Willow still cowers from him.]
Spike: I don't understand. This sort of thing's never happened to me before.
Willow[timidly trying to offer comfort]: Maybe you were nervous.
Spike: I felt all right when I started. Let's try again.
[He tries to attack Willow again, only to crumple in searing pain]
Spike: Ow ow ow! Dammit!![kicks a dresser]
Willow: Maybe you're trying too hard. Doesn't this happen to every vampire?
Spike: Not to me it doesn't!
...
Spike[desperate and embarrassed]: I'm only 126!
Willow: You're being too hard on yourself. Why don't we wait a half an hour and try again? Or...
[Finally realizing the insanity of her advice, Willow grabs a lamp, smashes it over Spike's head and tries to flee the room.]
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Xander: Well, how about this: we whip out the Ouija board, light a few candles, summon some ancient unstoppable evil? Mayhem, mayhem, mayhem; we show up and and kick its ass.
Giles[pauses to contemplate]: A wee bit unethical.
Giles[pauses to contemplate]: A wee bit unethical.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Willow: Thanksgiving isn't a-about blending of two cultures. It's about one culture wiping out another! A-and then they make animated specials about the part where... w-with the maize and th-the big, big belt buckles. They don't show you the next scene, where... where all the bison die, a-and Squanto takes a musketball in the stomach!
Buffy: Okay, now, for some of that, you were channeling your mother?
Buffy: Okay, now, for some of that, you were channeling your mother?
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: With Mom at Aunt Darlene's this year, I'm not getting a Thanksgiving. Maybe it's just as well.
Anya: Well, I think that's a shame. I love a ritual sacrifice.
Buffy: It's not really a one of those.
Anya: To commemorate a past event, you kill and eat an animal. It's a ritual sacrifice... with pie.
Anya: Well, I think that's a shame. I love a ritual sacrifice.
Buffy: It's not really a one of those.
Anya: To commemorate a past event, you kill and eat an animal. It's a ritual sacrifice... with pie.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Anya: I inflicted a lot of putrefying diseases on men when I was an avenging demon, you look like you're getting all of them.
Xander: Okay, I'll stay. But you should go, you could catch it.
Anya: We'll die together. It's romantic... Help me get your trousers off.
Xander: You're a strange girlfriend.
Anya: I'm a girlfriend?
Xander: Oh, there's a chance I'm delirious.
Anya: Ah, yes. Well, whatever it is that's making you sick, so far I like it.
Xander: Okay, I'll stay. But you should go, you could catch it.
Anya: We'll die together. It's romantic... Help me get your trousers off.
Xander: You're a strange girlfriend.
Anya: I'm a girlfriend?
Xander: Oh, there's a chance I'm delirious.
Anya: Ah, yes. Well, whatever it is that's making you sick, so far I like it.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Spike: Oh, someone put a stake in me!
Xander: You gotta lot of volunteers in here.
Spike: I just can't take all this namby-pamby boo-hooing about the bloody Indians.
Willow: Uh, the preferred term is-
Spike: You won. All right? You came in and you killed them and you took their land. That's what conquering nations do. That's what Caesar did, and he's not going around saying, "I came, I conquered, I felt really bad about it." The history of the world is not people making friends. You had better weapons, and you massacred them. End of story.
Buffy: Well, I think the Spaniards actually did a lot of-- Not that I don't like Spaniards.
Spike: Listen to you. How you gonna fight anyone with that attitude?
Willow: We don't wanna fight anyone.
Buffy: I just wanna have Thanksgiving.
Spike: Heh. Yeah...Good luck.
Willow: If we could talk to him--
Spike: You exterminated his race. What could you possibly say that would make him feel better? It's kill or be killed here. Take your bloody pick.
Xander: Maybe it's the syphilis talking, but... some of that made sense.
Giles: I made a lot of these points earlier, but fine, no one listens to me.
Xander: You gotta lot of volunteers in here.
Spike: I just can't take all this namby-pamby boo-hooing about the bloody Indians.
Willow: Uh, the preferred term is-
Spike: You won. All right? You came in and you killed them and you took their land. That's what conquering nations do. That's what Caesar did, and he's not going around saying, "I came, I conquered, I felt really bad about it." The history of the world is not people making friends. You had better weapons, and you massacred them. End of story.
Buffy: Well, I think the Spaniards actually did a lot of-- Not that I don't like Spaniards.
Spike: Listen to you. How you gonna fight anyone with that attitude?
Willow: We don't wanna fight anyone.
Buffy: I just wanna have Thanksgiving.
Spike: Heh. Yeah...Good luck.
Willow: If we could talk to him--
Spike: You exterminated his race. What could you possibly say that would make him feel better? It's kill or be killed here. Take your bloody pick.
Xander: Maybe it's the syphilis talking, but... some of that made sense.
Giles: I made a lot of these points earlier, but fine, no one listens to me.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Willow: I'll never get used to this. One day, she's at the friendship ceremony. The next day, she's on the news. The coroner's office said she was missing an ear. So I'm thinking, maybe we're looking for a witch. There's some great spells that work much better with an ear in the mix.
Buffy: That's one fun little hobby you've got there, Will.
Willow: Or... or maybe an ear-harvesting demon that--it's, like, building another demon completely out of ears. Or... ooh! Thought. We're just assuming someone else cut off the ear. What if it was self-inflicted, like Van Gogh?
Buffy: So... she brutally stabs herself, dumped the body, then cut off her own ear?
Willow: No. She cut off her ear, then killed herself, then dumped the body--I'm really off my game, aren't I?
Buffy: That's one fun little hobby you've got there, Will.
Willow: Or... or maybe an ear-harvesting demon that--it's, like, building another demon completely out of ears. Or... ooh! Thought. We're just assuming someone else cut off the ear. What if it was self-inflicted, like Van Gogh?
Buffy: So... she brutally stabs herself, dumped the body, then cut off her own ear?
Willow: No. She cut off her ear, then killed herself, then dumped the body--I'm really off my game, aren't I?
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer