Buffy the Vampire Slayer Quotes
Doctor: [To Harmony] You can't smoke in here
Harmony: [Holding a Crossbow] Oh yeah, says who? [Doctor points to a "No Smoking" sign] Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I didn't see the sign.
Harmony: [Holding a Crossbow] Oh yeah, says who? [Doctor points to a "No Smoking" sign] Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I didn't see the sign.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Big Vampire: I've always wanted to kill the Slayer.
Buffy: And I've always wanted piano lessons. So really... who's surprised we've got this unexpressed rage? But honestly, I think I express mine better. Tell you what... you find yourself a good anger management class, and I'll jam this pokey wood stick through your heart.
Buffy: And I've always wanted piano lessons. So really... who's surprised we've got this unexpressed rage? But honestly, I think I express mine better. Tell you what... you find yourself a good anger management class, and I'll jam this pokey wood stick through your heart.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: [pulls a glowing orb out of her bag] What the hell is it?
Giles: It appears to be paranormal in origin.
Willow: How can you tell?
Giles: Well, it's so shiny.
Giles: It appears to be paranormal in origin.
Willow: How can you tell?
Giles: Well, it's so shiny.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Anya: [to a customer who just finished her purchase] Please go.
Xander: Anya, the Shopkeepers Union of America called. They wanted me to tell you that "Please go" just got replaced with "Have a nice day."
Anya: But I have their money. Who cares what kind of day they have?
Xander: No one. It's just a long cultural tradition of raging insincerity. Embrace it.
Xander: Anya, the Shopkeepers Union of America called. They wanted me to tell you that "Please go" just got replaced with "Have a nice day."
Anya: But I have their money. Who cares what kind of day they have?
Xander: No one. It's just a long cultural tradition of raging insincerity. Embrace it.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: What are you doing here? [Spike begins to answer] Five words or less.
Spike: [Pauses, then, counting on his fingers] Out... for... a... walk... bitch.
Buffy: Out for a walk by my house at night. I don't have time for this, William.
Spike: On your merry way, then. Contrary to one's self involved world view, your house happens to be directly between... parts and... other parts of this town. And I would pass by in the day but I feel I'm outgrowing my burst into flames phase.
Buffy: Fine. Keep going. I'll cut you a break.
Spike: Let me guess. You won't kill me. The whole crowd pleasing threats and swagger routine. Outstandingly original. You know, I was just passing through. Satisfied? I hope so because God knows you need some satisfaction in your life besides shagging Captain Cardboard. And... and I never really liked you anyway. And... and you have stupid hair.
Spike: [Pauses, then, counting on his fingers] Out... for... a... walk... bitch.
Buffy: Out for a walk by my house at night. I don't have time for this, William.
Spike: On your merry way, then. Contrary to one's self involved world view, your house happens to be directly between... parts and... other parts of this town. And I would pass by in the day but I feel I'm outgrowing my burst into flames phase.
Buffy: Fine. Keep going. I'll cut you a break.
Spike: Let me guess. You won't kill me. The whole crowd pleasing threats and swagger routine. Outstandingly original. You know, I was just passing through. Satisfied? I hope so because God knows you need some satisfaction in your life besides shagging Captain Cardboard. And... and I never really liked you anyway. And... and you have stupid hair.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Glory: And another thing I just want you to know, this whole "beat you to death" thing I'm doing? This is valuable time out of life I'm never gonna get back.
...
Glory: Wait, I've always wanted to try this. You know that thing with worms, where if you have one and you rip it in half, you get two worms. Do you think that'll work with you? [Buffy headbutts her] Ow! You hit me. What are you crazy? You can't go around hitting people. What were you, born in a barn? Fine, be that way! [grabs Buffy by the throat] I just noticed something, you have superpowers, that is so cool. Can you fly? [throws Buffy across the room]
...
Glory: Wait, I've always wanted to try this. You know that thing with worms, where if you have one and you rip it in half, you get two worms. Do you think that'll work with you? [Buffy headbutts her] Ow! You hit me. What are you crazy? You can't go around hitting people. What were you, born in a barn? Fine, be that way! [grabs Buffy by the throat] I just noticed something, you have superpowers, that is so cool. Can you fly? [throws Buffy across the room]
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Tara: You learn her source [grins] and, uh, we'll introduce her to her insect reflection.
[Everyone stares in confusion. Tara stops smiling.]
Tara: Um, that-that was funny if you, um, studied Taglarin mythic rites… [quietly] and are a complete dork.
Riley: Oh, then how come Xander didn't laugh?
Xander: I don't know that Taglarin stuff.
[Everyone stares in confusion. Tara stops smiling.]
Tara: Um, that-that was funny if you, um, studied Taglarin mythic rites… [quietly] and are a complete dork.
Riley: Oh, then how come Xander didn't laugh?
Xander: I don't know that Taglarin stuff.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Giles: You're in a magic shop, and you can't think what Tara would like. I believe you're both profoundly stupid.
Xander: Well, we don't really know what kind of things witches like. What, are we gonna get her some cheesy crystal ball?
Giles: You bloody well better not. I've got mine already wrapped.
Xander: Well, we don't really know what kind of things witches like. What, are we gonna get her some cheesy crystal ball?
Giles: You bloody well better not. I've got mine already wrapped.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Giles: In fact if you want Tara, you have to go through every one of us.
Spike: [Holds up hand] Except me.
Xander: Except Spike.
Spike: I don't care what happens.
Spike: [Holds up hand] Except me.
Xander: Except Spike.
Spike: I don't care what happens.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Mr. Maclay: This is insane. You people have no right to interfere with Tara's affairs. We are her blood kin! Who the hell are you?
Buffy: We're family.
Buffy: We're family.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Xander: [re: Riley’s commando hand movements] What's with the hand move? D’you see that? Does that, like, mean somethin’?
Willow: It's code. I think it breaks down to "choo-choo." [mimics pulling a train whistle]
Anya: It probably means to follow him. That, or wait here for him.
Xander: Hey Riley! What's the [Mimics gesture] all about?
Riley: It means yell real loud, so the vampires who don't know we're coming will have a sporting chance.
Willow: It's code. I think it breaks down to "choo-choo." [mimics pulling a train whistle]
Anya: It probably means to follow him. That, or wait here for him.
Xander: Hey Riley! What's the [Mimics gesture] all about?
Riley: It means yell real loud, so the vampires who don't know we're coming will have a sporting chance.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: Look, I realize that every Slayer comes with an expiration mark on the package. But I want mine to be a long time from now. Like a Cheeto. If there were just a few good descriptions of what took out the other Slayers, maybe it would help me to understand my mistake, to keep it from happening again.
Giles[uncomfortable with the topic]: Yes, well, the problem is after a final battle, it's difficult to get any... well, the Slayer's not... she's rather...
Buffy: It's OK to use the D-word, Giles.
Giles: Dead. And hence, not very forthcoming.
Buffy: Why didn't the Watchers keep fuller accounts of it? The journals just stop.
Giles: Well, I suppose if they're anything like me they just find the whole subject too—
Buffy: Unseemly? Damn, love ya, but you Watchers are such prigs sometimes.
Giles: Painful, I was going to say. [Giles and Buffy are very quiet for a moment] But you're right; accounts of the final battles would be very helpful. But there's no one left to tell the tales.
[Buffy has a sudden revelation]
Giles: What?
Giles[uncomfortable with the topic]: Yes, well, the problem is after a final battle, it's difficult to get any... well, the Slayer's not... she's rather...
Buffy: It's OK to use the D-word, Giles.
Giles: Dead. And hence, not very forthcoming.
Buffy: Why didn't the Watchers keep fuller accounts of it? The journals just stop.
Giles: Well, I suppose if they're anything like me they just find the whole subject too—
Buffy: Unseemly? Damn, love ya, but you Watchers are such prigs sometimes.
Giles: Painful, I was going to say. [Giles and Buffy are very quiet for a moment] But you're right; accounts of the final battles would be very helpful. But there's no one left to tell the tales.
[Buffy has a sudden revelation]
Giles: What?
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Spike: Lesson the first: a Slayer must always reach for her weapon. [morphs into vampire face] I've already got mine.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Spike: How many of my kind do you think you've done?
Buffy: Not enough.
Spike: Mm-hmm. And we just keep comin'. But you can kill a hundred, a thousand, a thousand thousand and the armies of Hell besides, and all we need is for one of us, just one, sooner or later, to have the thing we're all hoping for.
Buffy: And that would be what?
Spike: [whispers in her ear] One... good... day.
Buffy: Not enough.
Spike: Mm-hmm. And we just keep comin'. But you can kill a hundred, a thousand, a thousand thousand and the armies of Hell besides, and all we need is for one of us, just one, sooner or later, to have the thing we're all hoping for.
Buffy: And that would be what?
Spike: [whispers in her ear] One... good... day.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[Intercut between flashbacks of New York City, 1977, and present-day Sunnydale. Flashback Spike battles Nikki Wood while Modern Spike narrates and demonstrates to Buffy in sync.]
Spike: The first was all business, but the second -- she had a touch of your style. She was cunning, resourceful... oh, did I mention? Hot. I could have danced all night with that one.
Buffy: You think we're dancing?
Spike: That's all we've ever done. And the thing about the dance is... you never get to stop. Every day you wake up, it's the same bloody question that haunts you: "Is today the day I die?"
...
[Flashback Spike has Nikki pinned. Both narrate.]
Flashback Spike: Death is your art.
Spike: You make it with your hands, day after day.
Flashback Spike: That final gasp. That look of peace.
Spike: Part of you is desperate to know: "What's it like? Where does it lead you?"
Flashback Spike: And now, you see, that's the secret. Not the punch you didn't throw, or the kicks you didn't land. She merely wanted it. Every Slayer... has a death wish.
[Flashback Spike snaps Nikki’s neck]
Flashback Spike: Even you. The only reason you've lasted as long as you have is you've got ties to the world... your mum, your brat kid sister, the Scoobies. They all tie you here, but you're just putting off the inevitable. Sooner or later, you're gonna want it. And the second- the second - [Both Spikes clap their hands together inches from Buffy's face]
Spike: ... That happens... You know I'll be there. I'll slip in... have myself a real good day. Here endeth the lesson.
Spike: The first was all business, but the second -- she had a touch of your style. She was cunning, resourceful... oh, did I mention? Hot. I could have danced all night with that one.
Buffy: You think we're dancing?
Spike: That's all we've ever done. And the thing about the dance is... you never get to stop. Every day you wake up, it's the same bloody question that haunts you: "Is today the day I die?"
...
[Flashback Spike has Nikki pinned. Both narrate.]
Flashback Spike: Death is your art.
Spike: You make it with your hands, day after day.
Flashback Spike: That final gasp. That look of peace.
Spike: Part of you is desperate to know: "What's it like? Where does it lead you?"
Flashback Spike: And now, you see, that's the secret. Not the punch you didn't throw, or the kicks you didn't land. She merely wanted it. Every Slayer... has a death wish.
[Flashback Spike snaps Nikki’s neck]
Flashback Spike: Even you. The only reason you've lasted as long as you have is you've got ties to the world... your mum, your brat kid sister, the Scoobies. They all tie you here, but you're just putting off the inevitable. Sooner or later, you're gonna want it. And the second- the second - [Both Spikes clap their hands together inches from Buffy's face]
Spike: ... That happens... You know I'll be there. I'll slip in... have myself a real good day. Here endeth the lesson.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Xander: Am I right, Giles?
Giles: I'm almost certain you're not, but to be fair, I wasn't listening.
Giles: I'm almost certain you're not, but to be fair, I wasn't listening.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Anya: I for one didn't want to start my day with a slaughter... Which really just goes to show how much I've grown!
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[Anya is looking over the day's receipts]
Anya: Hey. Hey! HEY! HEY!!!
Giles: Anya, your "heys" are startling the customers.
Xander: And pretty much the state!
Anya: You sold somebody a Kohl's amulet and a Sobekian bloodstone!
Giles: Yes, I believe I did.
Anya: Are you stupid or something?
Giles: Allow me to answer that question with a firing.
Xander: She's kidding. An, we talked about the employee-employer vocabulary no-nos. That was number five.
Anya: Hey. Hey! HEY! HEY!!!
Giles: Anya, your "heys" are startling the customers.
Xander: And pretty much the state!
Anya: You sold somebody a Kohl's amulet and a Sobekian bloodstone!
Giles: Yes, I believe I did.
Anya: Are you stupid or something?
Giles: Allow me to answer that question with a firing.
Xander: She's kidding. An, we talked about the employee-employer vocabulary no-nos. That was number five.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Xander: Just once I would like to run into a cult of bunny worshippers.
Anya: Great! Thank you very much for those nightmares.
Anya: Great! Thank you very much for those nightmares.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Dr. Kriegel: Joyce, there's no reason to get upset.
Joyce: No reason to get upset? Oh, right, sorry, I must just think there is because of my brain tumor!
Joyce: No reason to get upset? Oh, right, sorry, I must just think there is because of my brain tumor!
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Xander: I still don't get why we had to come here to get info about a killer snot monster.
Giles: Because it's a killer snot monster from outer space... I did not just say that.
Giles: Because it's a killer snot monster from outer space... I did not just say that.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Joyce: Dawn... she's not mine is she?
Buffy: No.
Joyce: She's... she does belong to us though.
Buffy: Yes she does,
Joyce: And she's important... to the world, precious. As precious as you are to me... Then we have to take care of her. Buffy, promise me, if anything happens, if I don't come through this-
Buffy: Mom-
Joyce: No, listen to me. No matter what she is, she still feels like my daughter. I have to know that you'll take care of her, that you'll keep her safe, that you'll love her like I love you.
Buffy: I promise.
Buffy: No.
Joyce: She's... she does belong to us though.
Buffy: Yes she does,
Joyce: And she's important... to the world, precious. As precious as you are to me... Then we have to take care of her. Buffy, promise me, if anything happens, if I don't come through this-
Buffy: Mom-
Joyce: No, listen to me. No matter what she is, she still feels like my daughter. I have to know that you'll take care of her, that you'll keep her safe, that you'll love her like I love you.
Buffy: I promise.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Dawn: Alone time always translates into let's get Dawn out of the house so we can have loud, obnoxious sex.
Anya: [to Xander] Does that mean we can't?
Anya: [to Xander] Does that mean we can't?
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Anya: That's so very humorous. Make fun of the ex-demon! I can just hear you in private: [speaking to a chicken foot] "I dislike that Anya. She's newly human and strangely literal."
Willow: Anya, I don't say that. No one says that. No one talks that way.
Willow: Anya, I don't say that. No one says that. No one talks that way.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Spike: Look at you, all afraid I'm hot for your honey.
Riley: Because you are.
Spike: Well, yeah. But that's not your problem, even if I wasn't in the picture you're never going to be able to hold onto her. [Riley sticks his finger into the hole he's just made in Spike's chest] Oh! Bloody hell!
Riley: Maybe I didn't almost kill you enough.
Riley: Because you are.
Spike: Well, yeah. But that's not your problem, even if I wasn't in the picture you're never going to be able to hold onto her. [Riley sticks his finger into the hole he's just made in Spike's chest] Oh! Bloody hell!
Riley: Maybe I didn't almost kill you enough.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Riley: They want me back Buffy, the military. It's deep undercover. No contact with civilians. Transport's leaving tonight.
Buffy: Tonight? When were you going to tell me about this?
Riley: I'm telling you now.
...
Riley: I'm leaving, Buffy. Unless you give me reason to stay.
Buffy: What more do you want from me Riley? I've given you everything I have. My heart, my body and soul... and if that isn't enough for you then we really have a problem
Buffy: Tonight? When were you going to tell me about this?
Riley: I'm telling you now.
...
Riley: I'm leaving, Buffy. Unless you give me reason to stay.
Buffy: What more do you want from me Riley? I've given you everything I have. My heart, my body and soul... and if that isn't enough for you then we really have a problem
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Xander: [to Anya] I've gotta say something, 'cause I don't think I've made it clear. I'm in love with you. Powerfully, painfully in love. The things you do, the way you think, the way you move. I get excited every time I'm about to see you. You make me feel like I've never felt before in my life... like a man. I just thought you might like to know.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Anya: Well, I get to run the store, right?
Giles: [alarmed] You? Ah, w-well, it's quite a lot for one person to take care of.
...
Willow: We can come by between classes. Usually I use that time to copy over my class notes with a system of different colored pens, but it's been pointed out to me that that's, you know, insane.
Tara: I said "quirky."
...
Giles: Um, Anya, while, while I completely trust you uh, uh, to take care of the inventory and the money, um ... dealing with people requires a certain, uh ... finesse.
Anya: [angrily] I have finesse! I have finesse coming out of my bottom! I can completely lie to the health inspector. I can, you know, distract him with coy smiles, and-and bribe him with money and goods.
Xander: See there? She'll be great.
Willow: Don't worry, Giles. I'll help her take care of everything. It'll be ship-shape. Better, it'll be shop-shape.
Giles: [alarmed] You? Ah, w-well, it's quite a lot for one person to take care of.
...
Willow: We can come by between classes. Usually I use that time to copy over my class notes with a system of different colored pens, but it's been pointed out to me that that's, you know, insane.
Tara: I said "quirky."
...
Giles: Um, Anya, while, while I completely trust you uh, uh, to take care of the inventory and the money, um ... dealing with people requires a certain, uh ... finesse.
Anya: [angrily] I have finesse! I have finesse coming out of my bottom! I can completely lie to the health inspector. I can, you know, distract him with coy smiles, and-and bribe him with money and goods.
Xander: See there? She'll be great.
Willow: Don't worry, Giles. I'll help her take care of everything. It'll be ship-shape. Better, it'll be shop-shape.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Olaf: You do well to flee, townspeople! I will pillage your lands and dwellings! I will burn your crops and make merry sport with your more attractive daughters, mark my words!
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer