Buffy the Vampire Slayer Quotes
Xander: Scenario: We raise Buffy from the grave. She tries to eat our brains. Do we: a) congratulate ourselves on a job well done-
Willow: Xander, this isn't zombies.
Anya: And zombies don't eat brains anyway, unless instructed to by their zombie master. A lot of people get that wrong.
Willow: Xander, this isn't zombies.
Anya: And zombies don't eat brains anyway, unless instructed to by their zombie master. A lot of people get that wrong.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Giles: [sadly] I just can't help but wonder if... she would have been better off without me. Buffy.
Buffybot: I don't think that's true. You were very helpful to her.
Giles: [laughs bitterly] Right. Yes, I was a perfect Watcher. I did what any good Watcher would do - got my Slayer killed in the line of duty.
Buffybot: Oh, that wasn't your fault.
Giles: Of course not. That's how all Slayer-Watcher relationships end, isn't it? She's gone. I did my job.
Buffybot: [innocently] Then why are you still here?
Buffybot: I don't think that's true. You were very helpful to her.
Giles: [laughs bitterly] Right. Yes, I was a perfect Watcher. I did what any good Watcher would do - got my Slayer killed in the line of duty.
Buffybot: Oh, that wasn't your fault.
Giles: Of course not. That's how all Slayer-Watcher relationships end, isn't it? She's gone. I did my job.
Buffybot: [innocently] Then why are you still here?
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[To cast a spell, Tara assumes the lotus position]
Tara: I know how to help Willow and Xander.
Anya: [looking at Tara quizzically] Yoga?
Tara: I know how to help Willow and Xander.
Anya: [looking at Tara quizzically] Yoga?
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Xander: I know we've been going straight because I've been following the North Star.
Willow: Xander, that's not the North Star, it's an airplane.
Willow: Xander, that's not the North Star, it's an airplane.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Xander: Demons, ah. There's something you don't see every day. Unless you're us.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Demon: Big axe you got there.
Xander: Better to cut you down to size, grandma.
Xander: Better to cut you down to size, grandma.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Willow: Look, we don't want trouble, you don't want trouble.
Demon: Actually we do want trouble. We're Demons. We're pretty much all about trouble.
Demon: Actually we do want trouble. We're Demons. We're pretty much all about trouble.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: How long was I gone?
Spike: Hundred forty-seven days yesterday. Hundred and forty-eight today. 'Cept today doesn't count, does it? [Pause] How long was it where you were?
Buffy: ...Longer.
Spike: Hundred forty-seven days yesterday. Hundred and forty-eight today. 'Cept today doesn't count, does it? [Pause] How long was it where you were?
Buffy: ...Longer.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[Willow has called Giles to tell him about Buffy's resurrection.]
Tara: Did you get through to London?
Willow: Yeah. He's gonna head back as soon as he can. I'm not sure, like maybe a couple days.
Tara: How did he take it?
Willow: Um, I'm not sure. I mean... glad, but kinda weirded out? Which I get, you know. Lots of "Dear Lords". And I think I actually heard him clean his glasses.
Tara: Did you get through to London?
Willow: Yeah. He's gonna head back as soon as he can. I'm not sure, like maybe a couple days.
Tara: How did he take it?
Willow: Um, I'm not sure. I mean... glad, but kinda weirded out? Which I get, you know. Lots of "Dear Lords". And I think I actually heard him clean his glasses.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Spike: [to Buffy] Uh ... I do remember what I said. The promise. To protect her. If I had done that ... even if I didn't make it ... you wouldn't have had to jump. But I want you to know I did save you. Not when it counted, of course, but ... after that. Every night after that. I'd see it all again ... do something different. Faster or more clever, you know? Dozens of times, lots of different ways ... Every night I'd save you.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Spike: I was going to go inside but I overheard you and the superfriends having a special moment and I came over a bit queasy. Say, aren't you leaving a hole in the middle of some soggy group hug?
Buffy: I just wanted a little time alone.
Spike: Oh, uh... Right then. [goes to leave]
Buffy: It's okay, I can be alone with you here.
Buffy: I just wanted a little time alone.
Spike: Oh, uh... Right then. [goes to leave]
Buffy: It's okay, I can be alone with you here.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Spike: Well, I haven't been to a hell dimension just of late, but I do know a thing or two about torment.
Buffy: [looking down] I was happy.
[Spike stares at her, confused and shocked]
Buffy: Wherever I ... was ... I was happy. At peace. I knew that everyone I cared about was all right. I knew it. Time ... didn't mean anything ... nothing had form ... but I was still me, you know? And I was warm ... and I was loved ... and I was finished. Complete. I don't understand about theology or dimensions, or ... any of it, really ... but I think I was in heaven. And now I'm not. [near tears] I was torn out of there. Pulled out ... by my friends. Everything here is ... hard, and bright, and violent. Everything I feel, everything I touch ... this is hell. Just getting through the next moment, and the one after that ... knowing what I've lost... [pause] They can never know. Never.
Buffy: [looking down] I was happy.
[Spike stares at her, confused and shocked]
Buffy: Wherever I ... was ... I was happy. At peace. I knew that everyone I cared about was all right. I knew it. Time ... didn't mean anything ... nothing had form ... but I was still me, you know? And I was warm ... and I was loved ... and I was finished. Complete. I don't understand about theology or dimensions, or ... any of it, really ... but I think I was in heaven. And now I'm not. [near tears] I was torn out of there. Pulled out ... by my friends. Everything here is ... hard, and bright, and violent. Everything I feel, everything I touch ... this is hell. Just getting through the next moment, and the one after that ... knowing what I've lost... [pause] They can never know. Never.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: OK, so you're telling me I'm broke?
Willow: Not yet, but-
Tara: Money's definitely becoming an issue.
Xander: As in you're being almost out of it.
Buffy: But I haven't spent any money! I was all... dead and frugal.
Dawn: So what do we do?
Buffy: Easy, we burn the house to the ground and collect the insurance. Plus, fire? Pretty. [The Scoobies look at Buffy in horror] You guys, I'm kidding. OK, it's bills, it's money, it's pieces of paper sent by bureaucrats that we've never even met. It's not like it's the end of the world... which is too bad, you know, 'cause that, I'm really good at.
Willow: Not yet, but-
Tara: Money's definitely becoming an issue.
Xander: As in you're being almost out of it.
Buffy: But I haven't spent any money! I was all... dead and frugal.
Dawn: So what do we do?
Buffy: Easy, we burn the house to the ground and collect the insurance. Plus, fire? Pretty. [The Scoobies look at Buffy in horror] You guys, I'm kidding. OK, it's bills, it's money, it's pieces of paper sent by bureaucrats that we've never even met. It's not like it's the end of the world... which is too bad, you know, 'cause that, I'm really good at.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Dawn: Oh, come on, Tara. I am so old enough to do research. Do you really think I'm not mature enough?
Tara: I think you're very mature for your age ... but you're still only fifteen.
Dawn: Right. Fifteen, as in teenager. You know, if you don't let me look at the pictures, I'm gonna learn everything I know about demons on the street.
Tara: [sighs and hands Dawn a book] Knock yourself out.
Dawn: Thank you. See? No biggie. I can totally handle it.
[Dawn opens the book to the first page]
Dawn: That's a weird place for a horn... [stares at the page, then closes the book, shaken] That's not a horn.
...
Buffy: [seeing Dawn doing research] You do research now? Would you like a cappuccino and a pack of cigarettes to go with that?
Tara: I think you're very mature for your age ... but you're still only fifteen.
Dawn: Right. Fifteen, as in teenager. You know, if you don't let me look at the pictures, I'm gonna learn everything I know about demons on the street.
Tara: [sighs and hands Dawn a book] Knock yourself out.
Dawn: Thank you. See? No biggie. I can totally handle it.
[Dawn opens the book to the first page]
Dawn: That's a weird place for a horn... [stares at the page, then closes the book, shaken] That's not a horn.
...
Buffy: [seeing Dawn doing research] You do research now? Would you like a cappuccino and a pack of cigarettes to go with that?
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Giles: It's, uh, you're...
Buffy: A miracle.
Giles: Yes. But then, I always thought so.
Buffy: A miracle.
Giles: Yes. But then, I always thought so.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
M'Fashnik: Which one of you is the leader?
Warren, Jonathan, Andrew: I am.
M'Fashnik: I will kill the leader.
Warren, Jonathan, Andrew: [pointing at one another] He is.
M'Fashnik: I will kill you all.
Jonathan: Wait! Uh, no fair. It's not our fault the Slayer was there. We said we'd pay you, and we're gonna.
Warren: [dropping to his knees] Yes! Truly, Lord Jonathan is the wisest of us all.
Andrew: [also kneeling] Uh, yeah. Long live our noble lord and master.
Jonathan: You guys suck.
M'Fashnik: [grabs Jonathan by the throat] You can't pay me with paper, tiny king. You pitted me against the Slayer. For that, I must kill you.
[Warren and Andrew snicker at each other]
M'Fashnik: Then I will suck dry your bones and use them to beat your subjects to death.
[Warren and Andrew are suddenly alarmed]
Warren, Jonathan, Andrew: I am.
M'Fashnik: I will kill the leader.
Warren, Jonathan, Andrew: [pointing at one another] He is.
M'Fashnik: I will kill you all.
Jonathan: Wait! Uh, no fair. It's not our fault the Slayer was there. We said we'd pay you, and we're gonna.
Warren: [dropping to his knees] Yes! Truly, Lord Jonathan is the wisest of us all.
Andrew: [also kneeling] Uh, yeah. Long live our noble lord and master.
Jonathan: You guys suck.
M'Fashnik: [grabs Jonathan by the throat] You can't pay me with paper, tiny king. You pitted me against the Slayer. For that, I must kill you.
[Warren and Andrew snicker at each other]
M'Fashnik: Then I will suck dry your bones and use them to beat your subjects to death.
[Warren and Andrew are suddenly alarmed]
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Giles: Well, I know I'm back in America now. I've been knocked unconscious.
...
Buffy: Who's calling me? Everybody I know lives here.
[Buffy leaves]
Dawn: I bet it's creditors. The hounding's begun. I read about it. So, you think we'll starve?
Giles: I very much doubt it.
Dawn: No chance I'd have to quit school to work assembling cheap toys in a poorly ventilated sweatshop?
Giles: Poorly ventilated... what have you been reading?
...
Buffy: Who's calling me? Everybody I know lives here.
[Buffy leaves]
Dawn: I bet it's creditors. The hounding's begun. I read about it. So, you think we'll starve?
Giles: I very much doubt it.
Dawn: No chance I'd have to quit school to work assembling cheap toys in a poorly ventilated sweatshop?
Giles: Poorly ventilated... what have you been reading?
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Tara: I don't know about everybody else, but I would love some chicken.
Giles: Yes, as would I!
Dawn: I'll take a drumstick.
Willow: I'm a breast girl myself. [Glances at Tara] But, then again, you knew that.
Giles: Yes, as would I!
Dawn: I'll take a drumstick.
Willow: I'm a breast girl myself. [Glances at Tara] But, then again, you knew that.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Warren: What the hell is that?
Andrew: Death Star, dude! Wicked, huh?
Jonathan: Uh, thermal exhaust port's above the main port, numbnuts.
Andrew: For your information, I'm using the Empire's revised design from Return of the Jedi.
Jonathan: That's a flawed design!
Andrew: Death Star, dude! Wicked, huh?
Jonathan: Uh, thermal exhaust port's above the main port, numbnuts.
Andrew: For your information, I'm using the Empire's revised design from Return of the Jedi.
Jonathan: That's a flawed design!
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Andrew: [awed] The Slayer touched you.
Jonathan: Yeah, it was sexy the way she touched me real hard with her fists.
Jonathan: Yeah, it was sexy the way she touched me real hard with her fists.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: I don't really know how to say this, but it's a little like having Mom back.
Giles: In this scenario I am your mother?
Buffy: Wanna be my shiftless absentee father?
Giles: Is there some sort of, um, rakish uncle?
Buffy: I'm just saying, thank you. So much.
Giles: In this scenario I am your mother?
Buffy: Wanna be my shiftless absentee father?
Giles: Is there some sort of, um, rakish uncle?
Buffy: I'm just saying, thank you. So much.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Giles: Buffy, a word in your ear. If you think of the store as a library, it'll help you concentrate on your service rather than selling.
Buffy: Yes. And then I'm going to marry Bob Dole and raise penguins in Guam.
Giles: [Cleaning his glasses and not really listening] Yes, quite, yes.
Buffy: Yes. And then I'm going to marry Bob Dole and raise penguins in Guam.
Giles: [Cleaning his glasses and not really listening] Yes, quite, yes.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Dawn: So what are you supposed to be?
Anya: An angel.
Dawn: Oh, shouldn't you have wings?
Anya: Um, no, this is a special kind of angel called a Charlie. We don't have wings, we just skate around with perfect hair fighting crime.
Anya: An angel.
Dawn: Oh, shouldn't you have wings?
Anya: Um, no, this is a special kind of angel called a Charlie. We don't have wings, we just skate around with perfect hair fighting crime.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: What happened to Xander?
Giles: He kept poking me with his hook. I sent him over to Charmed Objects. With any luck, he'll poke the wrong one and end up in an alternative dimension inhabited by a fifty-foot Giles that squishes annoying teeny pirates.
Giles: He kept poking me with his hook. I sent him over to Charmed Objects. With any luck, he'll poke the wrong one and end up in an alternative dimension inhabited by a fifty-foot Giles that squishes annoying teeny pirates.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[Xander has announced his engagement to Anya; the two are kissing with uncomfortable intensity.]
Buffy: [softly] Did you know about this?
Giles: No. Unless I blocked it from my memory, much as I will Xander's vigorous use of his tongue.
[Giles takes off his glasses and cleans them on his shirt]
Buffy: [shocked] Is that why you're always cleaning your glasses? So you won't have to see what we're doing?
Giles: Tell no one.
Buffy: [softly] Did you know about this?
Giles: No. Unless I blocked it from my memory, much as I will Xander's vigorous use of his tongue.
[Giles takes off his glasses and cleans them on his shirt]
Buffy: [shocked] Is that why you're always cleaning your glasses? So you won't have to see what we're doing?
Giles: Tell no one.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Dawn: [after her first kiss] Shiver me timbers.
...
Justin: That was your first kiss.
Dawn: I've been kissed before. I kiss all the time, not that I'm a kiss slut. Just with the lips and the pressing together and stuff. Hey, expert here! OK, OK, that was my first kiss.
...
Justin: That was your first kiss.
Dawn: I've been kissed before. I kiss all the time, not that I'm a kiss slut. Just with the lips and the pressing together and stuff. Hey, expert here! OK, OK, that was my first kiss.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: Were you parking? With a vamp?
Dawn: I didn't know he was dead.
Justin: Living dead.
Dawn: Shut up.
Buffy: How did you not know?
Dawn: I just met him.
Buffy: Oh, so you were parking with a boy you just met?
Justin: We've seen each other at parties.
Buffy: Shut up.
Dawn: Oh, like you've never fallen for a vampire?
Buffy: That was different.
Dawn: It always is when it's you.
Vampire: Uh, excuse me! Can we fight now?
Buffy: Didn't anyone come here just to make out? [one couple raises their hands] Oh, that's sweet. [points at couple] You run, [points at another vampire] you scream.
Dawn: I didn't know he was dead.
Justin: Living dead.
Dawn: Shut up.
Buffy: How did you not know?
Dawn: I just met him.
Buffy: Oh, so you were parking with a boy you just met?
Justin: We've seen each other at parties.
Buffy: Shut up.
Dawn: Oh, like you've never fallen for a vampire?
Buffy: That was different.
Dawn: It always is when it's you.
Vampire: Uh, excuse me! Can we fight now?
Buffy: Didn't anyone come here just to make out? [one couple raises their hands] Oh, that's sweet. [points at couple] You run, [points at another vampire] you scream.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[From "Rest In Peace"]
Spike:
I died so many years ago.
But you can make me feel,
Like it isn't so.
Why you come to be with me,
I think I finally know.
You're scared, ashamed of what you feel.
You can't tell the ones you love,
You know they couldn't deal.
Whisper in the deadman's ear,
it doesn't make it real.
That's great,
but I don't wanna play.
Being with you touches me,
more than I can say.
But since I'm only dead to you,
I'm saying "stay away"
And let me rest in peace
Spike:
I died so many years ago.
But you can make me feel,
Like it isn't so.
Why you come to be with me,
I think I finally know.
You're scared, ashamed of what you feel.
You can't tell the ones you love,
You know they couldn't deal.
Whisper in the deadman's ear,
it doesn't make it real.
That's great,
but I don't wanna play.
Being with you touches me,
more than I can say.
But since I'm only dead to you,
I'm saying "stay away"
And let me rest in peace
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Anya: She came from the grave much graver.
Spike: First he'll kill her, then I'll save her.
Tara: Everything is turning out so dark.
Buffy: Walking through the...
Spike: No, I'll save her, then I'll kill her.
Willow: I think this line's mostly filler...
Giles: What's it gonna take to strike a spark?
Buffy: These endless days are finally ending in a blaze
All: And we are caught in the fire
The point of no return
So we will walk through the fire
And let it
Burn.
Spike: First he'll kill her, then I'll save her.
Tara: Everything is turning out so dark.
Buffy: Walking through the...
Spike: No, I'll save her, then I'll kill her.
Willow: I think this line's mostly filler...
Giles: What's it gonna take to strike a spark?
Buffy: These endless days are finally ending in a blaze
All: And we are caught in the fire
The point of no return
So we will walk through the fire
And let it
Burn.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[From "Something To Sing About"]
Buffy:
Life's a song you don't get to rehearse
And every single verse
Can make it that much worse
Still my friends don't know why I ignore
The million things or more
I should be dancing for
All the joys life sends
Family and friends
All the twists and bends
Knowing that it ends
Well that depends
On if they let you go
On if they know enough to know
That when you've bowed
You leave the crowd
[Slower. The energy has left her. She can hardly look at her friends.]
There was no pain
No fear, no doubt
'Til they pulled me out of Heaven
So that's my refrain
I live in Hell
'Cause I was expelled from Heaven
I think I was in Heaven
Buffy:
Life's a song you don't get to rehearse
And every single verse
Can make it that much worse
Still my friends don't know why I ignore
The million things or more
I should be dancing for
All the joys life sends
Family and friends
All the twists and bends
Knowing that it ends
Well that depends
On if they let you go
On if they know enough to know
That when you've bowed
You leave the crowd
[Slower. The energy has left her. She can hardly look at her friends.]
There was no pain
No fear, no doubt
'Til they pulled me out of Heaven
So that's my refrain
I live in Hell
'Cause I was expelled from Heaven
I think I was in Heaven
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer