Buffy the Vampire Slayer Quotes
Xander: There was this one guy, he hurt her real bad. So she paid him back. She killed him, but she did it real slow. See, first she stopped his heart, and then she replaced it with darkness, and then she made him live his life like that. But he still had to go do his job, see his friends, wake up in the morning and go to bed at night, but he had to do it all... empty. Without anything to look forward to... ever.
Andrew: Sounds bad.
Xander: Well, then she tore out his intestines and rubbed it in his face and took pictures of it.
Andrew: Oh, God.
Xander: But she's downstairs now. Don't worry about her.
Andrew: Sounds bad.
Xander: Well, then she tore out his intestines and rubbed it in his face and took pictures of it.
Andrew: Oh, God.
Xander: But she's downstairs now. Don't worry about her.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
The First (as Buffy): I have to admit I'm glad it worked out this way, I was going to bleed Andrew but you look a lot better with your shirt off... To be honest, I'm getting a little tired of subtle... I think it's about time we brought some authority to our presence... Now Spike, you wanna see what a real vampire looks like?
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: [to Willow] He's been feasting off human blood for weeks. He's been having some pretty bad withdraws. I think we need to get him some blood.
Willow: [enthusiastically & happily] Do you want me to kill Anya?
Buffy: No, we should probably try to ween him off humans. He'll have to make due with animal blood.
Willow: I'll go get some then.
...
Buffy: You don't mind?
Willow: Oh no, I have to get out of the house, Xander is installing the new windows and he keeps giving lectures on proper tool maintenance. Tool talk not my thing.
Buffy: Thank you.
Willow: [enthusiastically & happily] Do you want me to kill Anya?
Buffy: No, we should probably try to ween him off humans. He'll have to make due with animal blood.
Willow: I'll go get some then.
...
Buffy: You don't mind?
Willow: Oh no, I have to get out of the house, Xander is installing the new windows and he keeps giving lectures on proper tool maintenance. Tool talk not my thing.
Buffy: Thank you.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Andrew: Man, this place gives me the creeps. It's like in Wonder Woman, issue 297–299.
Xander: "Catacombs". Yeah, with the skeletons.
Andrew, Xander: That was cool.
[Pause]
Xander: [embarrassed] Move it! This way!
[He shoves Andrew ahead.]
Xander: "Catacombs". Yeah, with the skeletons.
Andrew, Xander: That was cool.
[Pause]
Xander: [embarrassed] Move it! This way!
[He shoves Andrew ahead.]
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Xander: Hey, junior Slayers, don't look so worried. I mean, sure, we don't know where Spike is or how to fight the First, or if and when the super-styled vampire is gonna attack us all. However, house — boarded up. Now all we gotta do is trap this Übervamp in the pantry, and it's game over.
Willow: Xander, newbies. Let's ease them into the whole "jokes in the face of death" thing.
Xander: Who's joking? That pantry thing could work. You saying M. Night Shyamalanlied to us?
Willow: Xander, newbies. Let's ease them into the whole "jokes in the face of death" thing.
Xander: Who's joking? That pantry thing could work. You saying M. Night Shyamalanlied to us?
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Willow: Uhm, Buffy? I just.. I-I want you to know that I'm, I'm really sorry for letting you down. You know, here, before with the magic going all "aaah" and me going all "eeeh" and everything getting all "rrrr".
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Giles: We're back at square one.
Xander: Which square would that be, exactly?
Giles: I'm not sure. The First predates everything we've ever known. Or can know. It's everywhere, it's pure. I don't know if we can fight it.
Buffy: You're right. We don't know how to fight it. We don't know when it'll come. [We] can't run, can't hide... can't pretend it's not the end 'cause it is. Something has always... been there to try and destroy the world. We've... beaten them back, but we're not dealing with them anymore. We're dealing with the reason they exist. Evil. The strongest. The First.
Giles: Buffy, I, um... I-I know you're... you're tired...
Buffy: I'm beyond tired. I'm beyond scared. [near sobbing] I'm standing on the mouth of Hell and it is going to swallow me whole. [hardens] And it'll choke on me. We're not ready? They're not ready. They think we're gonna wait for the end to come, like we always do. I'm done waiting. They want an apocalypse? Well, we'll give 'em one. Anyone else who wants to run, do it now, 'cause we just became an army. We just declared war. From now on, we won't just face our worst fears, we will seek them out. We will find them, and cut out their hearts, one by one, until the First shows itself for what it really is. And I'll kill it myself. There is only one thing on this earth more powerful than evil. And that's us. Any questions?
Xander: Which square would that be, exactly?
Giles: I'm not sure. The First predates everything we've ever known. Or can know. It's everywhere, it's pure. I don't know if we can fight it.
Buffy: You're right. We don't know how to fight it. We don't know when it'll come. [We] can't run, can't hide... can't pretend it's not the end 'cause it is. Something has always... been there to try and destroy the world. We've... beaten them back, but we're not dealing with them anymore. We're dealing with the reason they exist. Evil. The strongest. The First.
Giles: Buffy, I, um... I-I know you're... you're tired...
Buffy: I'm beyond tired. I'm beyond scared. [near sobbing] I'm standing on the mouth of Hell and it is going to swallow me whole. [hardens] And it'll choke on me. We're not ready? They're not ready. They think we're gonna wait for the end to come, like we always do. I'm done waiting. They want an apocalypse? Well, we'll give 'em one. Anyone else who wants to run, do it now, 'cause we just became an army. We just declared war. From now on, we won't just face our worst fears, we will seek them out. We will find them, and cut out their hearts, one by one, until the First shows itself for what it really is. And I'll kill it myself. There is only one thing on this earth more powerful than evil. And that's us. Any questions?
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Willow: [to Buffy] Are you sure this thing called itself The First?
Buffy: Pretty sure. It claimed to be the original evil, the one that came before anything else.
Anya: Please, how many times have I heard that line in my demon days? "I'm so rotten, they don't even have a word for it. I'm bad. Baddy bad bad bad. Does it make you horny?" [everyone stares at her] Or terrified. Whatever.
Buffy: Pretty sure. It claimed to be the original evil, the one that came before anything else.
Anya: Please, how many times have I heard that line in my demon days? "I'm so rotten, they don't even have a word for it. I'm bad. Baddy bad bad bad. Does it make you horny?" [everyone stares at her] Or terrified. Whatever.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Xander: Potential Slayers can function without sleep. Me, I'm no good without my usual 90 minutes.
Andrew: I'm with him. Keep the chatter down! Or speak up so I can hear you... I'm bored. Episode I bored.
...
[About Andrew.]
Rona: Um... why is that guy tied to a chair?
Xander: The question you'll soon be asking is, "Why isn't he gagged?"
Andrew: I'm with him. Keep the chatter down! Or speak up so I can hear you... I'm bored. Episode I bored.
...
[About Andrew.]
Rona: Um... why is that guy tied to a chair?
Xander: The question you'll soon be asking is, "Why isn't he gagged?"
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[Xander is undoing the extremely tight ropes around Andrew's arms.]
Andrew: Ow! Watch it, that's my joystick hand.
Xander: I'm not gonna touch that one.
...
Buffy: You try anything, try to run---did you ever see the movie Misery?
Andrew: Six times. But the book was scarier than the movie, 'cause instead of crushing his foot with a sledgehammer, Kathy Bates chops it off with...
[Andrew trails off as it sinks in. Buffy nods.]
Andrew: I'll be good.
Andrew: Ow! Watch it, that's my joystick hand.
Xander: I'm not gonna touch that one.
...
Buffy: You try anything, try to run---did you ever see the movie Misery?
Andrew: Six times. But the book was scarier than the movie, 'cause instead of crushing his foot with a sledgehammer, Kathy Bates chops it off with...
[Andrew trails off as it sinks in. Buffy nods.]
Andrew: I'll be good.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Andrew: I think a guy slayer would be badass. Like—like if there was this ninja, a guy slayer would be like, "you may be silent, but this'll shut you up." Hiya.
Dawn: Buffy could stomp ninja ass.
Dawn: Buffy could stomp ninja ass.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[To the Potential Slayers.]
Buffy: We need to stick together, okay? We're stronger that way. We cannot afford to fall apart now.
Andrew: She's right. Where would the Justice League have been if they hadn't put their differences aside to stop the Imperium and his shape-shifting alien horde?
Buffy: Don't help me.
Buffy: We need to stick together, okay? We're stronger that way. We cannot afford to fall apart now.
Andrew: She's right. Where would the Justice League have been if they hadn't put their differences aside to stop the Imperium and his shape-shifting alien horde?
Buffy: Don't help me.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Willow: Last time I tried using magic... the First, it turned it around on me, got inside. I felt it surging through me, every fibre of my being, pure undiluted evil. I could taste it.
Kennedy: How's evil taste?
Willow: A little chalky.
Kennedy: How's evil taste?
Willow: A little chalky.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: [on the phone at work] Well, I'm sorry Xander...next time, close the door when you take a shower at my house...of course they're curious!
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Andrew: Plucked from an ordinary life, handed a destiny
Xander: Say Skywalker, and I smack ya.
...
Andrew: It's like—well, it's almost like this metaphor for womanhood, isn't it? The sort of flowering that happens when a girl realizes that she's part of a fertile heritage stretching back to Eve, and-
Xander: I'll pay you to talk about Star Wars again.
Xander: Say Skywalker, and I smack ya.
...
Andrew: It's like—well, it's almost like this metaphor for womanhood, isn't it? The sort of flowering that happens when a girl realizes that she's part of a fertile heritage stretching back to Eve, and-
Xander: I'll pay you to talk about Star Wars again.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Xander: They'll never know how tough it is, Dawnie, to be the one who isn't chosen. To live so near to the spotlight and never step in it. But I know. I see more than anybody realizes because nobody's watching me. I saw you last night. I see you working here today. You're not special. You're extraordinary.
Dawn: Maybe that's your power.
Xander: What?
Dawn: Seeing, knowing.
Xander: Maybe it is... Maybe I should get a cape.
Dawn: Maybe that's your power.
Xander: What?
Dawn: Seeing, knowing.
Xander: Maybe it is... Maybe I should get a cape.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: I know. But you should go. This trip is important for the girls, to understand the source of their power, and know how to use it right.
Giles: I don't think they appreciate the gravity of what we're undertaking. It's frightening and it's difficult. Then, apparently someone told them that the vision quest consists of me driving them to the desert, doing the hokey pokey.. until a spooky rasta mama slayer arrives and speaks to them in riddles.
Giles: I don't think they appreciate the gravity of what we're undertaking. It's frightening and it's difficult. Then, apparently someone told them that the vision quest consists of me driving them to the desert, doing the hokey pokey.. until a spooky rasta mama slayer arrives and speaks to them in riddles.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Kennedy: Let's start with the easy stuff. How long have you known... that you were gay?
Willow: Wait. That's easy? And what, you just assume that I'm gay. I mean, presume much?
Kennedy: Okay, sorry. How long have you enjoyed having sex with women?
Willow: Hey! What, you think you have some sort of special lesbo-dar or something?
Kennedy: Okay, you know there's a better word for that, right?
Willow: Wait. That's easy? And what, you just assume that I'm gay. I mean, presume much?
Kennedy: Okay, sorry. How long have you enjoyed having sex with women?
Willow: Hey! What, you think you have some sort of special lesbo-dar or something?
Kennedy: Okay, you know there's a better word for that, right?
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[Spike lies bleeding because of his malfunctioning control chip.]
Buffy: Well, we'll fix it. We'll hit serious research mode—
Spike: Good. Try Behavioral Modification Software Throughout the Ages.
Buffy: [sighs] Okay. You're right. Not a book thing. [pauses] It's a phone thing.
Spike: Who you gonna call?
[Buffy looks askance at him.]
Spike: God, that phrase is never gonna be usable again, is it?
Buffy: Doubt it.
Buffy: Well, we'll fix it. We'll hit serious research mode—
Spike: Good. Try Behavioral Modification Software Throughout the Ages.
Buffy: [sighs] Okay. You're right. Not a book thing. [pauses] It's a phone thing.
Spike: Who you gonna call?
[Buffy looks askance at him.]
Spike: God, that phrase is never gonna be usable again, is it?
Buffy: Doubt it.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Giles: Now wait a minute—you think I'm evil... if I bring a group of girls on a camping trip and don't touch them?
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Soldier: Miss Summers! Agent Finn reported that you tried to contact him earlier today.
Buffy: I knew it! [whispers to Spike] Government conspiracy.
Soldier: He indicated you might be needing our assistance. We're to provide you anything you need to help Ass-Face here.
[Spike and Buffy stare at him.]
Soldier: Those were his exact words, ma'am.
Buffy: I knew it! [whispers to Spike] Government conspiracy.
Soldier: He indicated you might be needing our assistance. We're to provide you anything you need to help Ass-Face here.
[Spike and Buffy stare at him.]
Soldier: Those were his exact words, ma'am.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: You think I'm losing sight of the big picture, but I'm not. When Spike had that chip, it was like having him in a muzzle. It was wrong. You can't beat evil by doing evil. I know that.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Lissa: I can't even figure out if I've got the right kind of rope.
Xander: That depends on what you need it for. Something like functional around the house, or, you know, recreational -- by which I mean, for example, boating or mountain climbing -- not for tying someone up for sexy, funky fun... In conclusion, rope can be useful in various ways.
Xander: That depends on what you need it for. Something like functional around the house, or, you know, recreational -- by which I mean, for example, boating or mountain climbing -- not for tying someone up for sexy, funky fun... In conclusion, rope can be useful in various ways.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Robin: Well, then, I'd, um, I'd like to take you out to dinner, if that's all right with you. I mean, you don't have to. I'm certainly not saying come to dinner if you enjoy having a job. [chuckles] You know, I may have to make up a document saying I didn't just say that and have you sign it.
Buffy: Sure. I'd be happy to have dinner with you.
Robin: Great. I'll draw up the paperwork.
Buffy: Sure. I'd be happy to have dinner with you.
Robin: Great. I'll draw up the paperwork.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: [about a date with Principal Wood] Or it could be work-related. Maybe I'm getting promoted for doing such a good job.
Willow: [laughs heartily, then sees Buffy's look] Right, that makes sense too.
Buffy: Or maybe he knows I suspect he's up to something, and he's taking me out to kill me.
Willow: Well, you'll have to dress for the ambiguity.
Buffy: You know, it’s not even that he’s acting that suspicious. It’s just - there he is. On the hell mouth. All day, every day. That’s got to be like being showered with evil. Only from underneath.
Willow: Not really a shower.
Buffy: A bidet. Like a bidet of evil.
...
Willow: I'm gonna wait for that sentence to come around again before I jump on.
Willow: [laughs heartily, then sees Buffy's look] Right, that makes sense too.
Buffy: Or maybe he knows I suspect he's up to something, and he's taking me out to kill me.
Willow: Well, you'll have to dress for the ambiguity.
Buffy: You know, it’s not even that he’s acting that suspicious. It’s just - there he is. On the hell mouth. All day, every day. That’s got to be like being showered with evil. Only from underneath.
Willow: Not really a shower.
Buffy: A bidet. Like a bidet of evil.
...
Willow: I'm gonna wait for that sentence to come around again before I jump on.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Andrew: Yes, it was in Buffy's underwear drawer. She has nice things.
The First (as Jonathan): Show me.
Andrew: Well, I didn't take 'em, but there were thongs and regular underpants-
The First (as Jonathan): Show me.
Andrew: Well, I didn't take 'em, but there were thongs and regular underpants-
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Anya: And I wasn't talking about your date anyway. I was talking about this sham date of Xander's. I think it's part of a plan to make me jealous.
Buffy: [shakes her head] Well, it's not working.
Anya: Are you nuts? Of course it's working. Observe my-my bitter ranting. Hear the shrill edge of hysteria in my voice.
Buffy: Um, I should really go find something else to wear. [walks out of the room]
Anya: Fine, go. Leave me here to stew in my impotent rage. [Buffy stops, turns to look at Anya] I'm also gonna pee, so you should probably go.
Buffy: [shakes her head] Well, it's not working.
Anya: Are you nuts? Of course it's working. Observe my-my bitter ranting. Hear the shrill edge of hysteria in my voice.
Buffy: Um, I should really go find something else to wear. [walks out of the room]
Anya: Fine, go. Leave me here to stew in my impotent rage. [Buffy stops, turns to look at Anya] I'm also gonna pee, so you should probably go.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Spike: I should move out. Leave town before it is time for me.
Buffy: No, you have to stay.
Spike: You've got another demon fighter now.
Buffy: That's not why I need you here.
Spike: Is that right? Why's that, then?
Buffy: Because I'm not ready for you not to be here.
Buffy: No, you have to stay.
Spike: You've got another demon fighter now.
Buffy: That's not why I need you here.
Spike: Is that right? Why's that, then?
Buffy: Because I'm not ready for you not to be here.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer