Buffy the Vampire Slayer Quotes
Kendra: And those two, they also know you are the Slayer?
Buffy: Yep.
Kendra: Did anyone explain to you what "secret identity" means?
Buffy: Nope. Must be in the handbook. Right after the chapter on personality removal.
Buffy: Yep.
Kendra: Did anyone explain to you what "secret identity" means?
Buffy: Nope. Must be in the handbook. Right after the chapter on personality removal.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: It's your lucky day, Spike.
Kendra: Two Slayers!
Buffy: No waiting!
Kendra: Two Slayers!
Buffy: No waiting!
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Oz: Oh, hey, animal cracker?
Willow: No, thank you. How's your arm?
Oz: Suddenly painless.
Willow: You can still play guitar okay?
Oz: Not well, but not worse.
Willow: You know, I never really thanked you.
Oz: Please don't. I don't do thanks. I get all red and I have to bail. It's not pretty.
Willow: Well then forget-that thing. Especially the part where I kind of owe you my life.
[Oz pulls a cracker from the box, hoping to change the subject.]
Oz: Look. Monkey. And he has a little hat. And little pants.
Willow: Yeah. I see.
Oz: The monkey is the only cookie animal that gets to wear clothes, you know that... You have the sweetest smile I've ever seen... So I'm wondering, do the other cookie animals feel sort of ripped? Like, is the hippo going, "hey man, where are my pants? I have my hippo dignity." And you know the monkey's just, [in French accent] "I mock you with my monkey pants," then there's a big coup at the zoo...
Willow: The monkey's French?
Oz: All monkeys are French. You didn't know that?
Willow: No, thank you. How's your arm?
Oz: Suddenly painless.
Willow: You can still play guitar okay?
Oz: Not well, but not worse.
Willow: You know, I never really thanked you.
Oz: Please don't. I don't do thanks. I get all red and I have to bail. It's not pretty.
Willow: Well then forget-that thing. Especially the part where I kind of owe you my life.
[Oz pulls a cracker from the box, hoping to change the subject.]
Oz: Look. Monkey. And he has a little hat. And little pants.
Willow: Yeah. I see.
Oz: The monkey is the only cookie animal that gets to wear clothes, you know that... You have the sweetest smile I've ever seen... So I'm wondering, do the other cookie animals feel sort of ripped? Like, is the hippo going, "hey man, where are my pants? I have my hippo dignity." And you know the monkey's just, [in French accent] "I mock you with my monkey pants," then there's a big coup at the zoo...
Willow: The monkey's French?
Oz: All monkeys are French. You didn't know that?
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Willow: And you're loving playing nursemaid?
Buffy: Oh, yeah!
Xander: So, is it better than playing naughty stewardess?
Buffy: Oh, yeah!
Xander: So, is it better than playing naughty stewardess?
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: Vampires are creeps.
Giles: Yes, that's why one slays them.
Buffy: I mean, people are perfectly happy getting along, and then vampires come, and they run around and they kill people, and they take over your whole house, they start making these stupid little mini-pizzas, and everyone's like, "I like your mini pizzas", but I'm telling you, I am—
Giles: Uh, Buffy! I believe the subtext here is rapidly becoming, uh... text.
Giles: Yes, that's why one slays them.
Buffy: I mean, people are perfectly happy getting along, and then vampires come, and they run around and they kill people, and they take over your whole house, they start making these stupid little mini-pizzas, and everyone's like, "I like your mini pizzas", but I'm telling you, I am—
Giles: Uh, Buffy! I believe the subtext here is rapidly becoming, uh... text.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: So Mom's like, "Do you think Ted will like this?" and "This is Ted's favorite show", and "Ted's teaching me computers", and "Ted said the funniest thing", and I'm like, "That's really great, Mom", and then she said I was being sarcastic, which I was, but I'm sorry if I don't wanna talk about Ted all the time.
Angel: So, you gonna talk about something else at some point?
Buffy: I'm sorry. I just have so much to deal with, I don't need some new guy in my life.
Angel: No, but maybe your mom does.
Buffy: Well, sure, if you're gonna use wisdom.
Angel: Loneliness is about the scariest thing there is.
Buffy: Okay, so my mom needs a guy in her life. Does it have to be Ted?
Angel: Do you have somebody else in mind? There's a guy out there that would satisfy you?
Buffy: My dad? Yeah, okay, that's not gonna happen. Fine, fine, I'll give Ted a chance. I'll play mini-golf, and I'll smile and curtsy and be the dutiful daughter. Do I have to like him?
Angel: Kiss me.
Buffy: Finally, something I wanna do!
Angel: So, you gonna talk about something else at some point?
Buffy: I'm sorry. I just have so much to deal with, I don't need some new guy in my life.
Angel: No, but maybe your mom does.
Buffy: Well, sure, if you're gonna use wisdom.
Angel: Loneliness is about the scariest thing there is.
Buffy: Okay, so my mom needs a guy in her life. Does it have to be Ted?
Angel: Do you have somebody else in mind? There's a guy out there that would satisfy you?
Buffy: My dad? Yeah, okay, that's not gonna happen. Fine, fine, I'll give Ted a chance. I'll play mini-golf, and I'll smile and curtsy and be the dutiful daughter. Do I have to like him?
Angel: Kiss me.
Buffy: Finally, something I wanna do!
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Joyce: It's an outfit. An outfit that you may never buy.
Buffy: But I looked good in it.
Joyce: You looked like a streetwalker.
Buffy: But a thin streetwalker. (pauses) That's probably not gonna be the winning argument, is it?
Joyce: You're just too young to wear that.
Buffy: Yeah, and I'm gonna be too young to wear it until I'm too old to wear it.
Joyce: That's the idea.
Buffy: But I looked good in it.
Joyce: You looked like a streetwalker.
Buffy: But a thin streetwalker. (pauses) That's probably not gonna be the winning argument, is it?
Joyce: You're just too young to wear that.
Buffy: Yeah, and I'm gonna be too young to wear it until I'm too old to wear it.
Joyce: That's the idea.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: Did Mr. Whitmore notice I was tardy?
Xander: I think the word you're searching for is absent.
Willow: Tardy people show. And yes, he did notice, so he wanted me to give you this. [hands Buffy an egg]
Buffy: As far as punishments go, this is fairly abstract.
Willow: No, it's your baby!
Buffy: Okay, I get it even less.
Xander: You know it's the whole sex leads to responsibility thing, which I personally don't get. You gotta take care of the egg, it's a baby. You gotta keep it safe and teach it Christian values.
Willow: My egg is Jewish.
Xander: Then teach it that dreidel song.
Xander: I think the word you're searching for is absent.
Willow: Tardy people show. And yes, he did notice, so he wanted me to give you this. [hands Buffy an egg]
Buffy: As far as punishments go, this is fairly abstract.
Willow: No, it's your baby!
Buffy: Okay, I get it even less.
Xander: You know it's the whole sex leads to responsibility thing, which I personally don't get. You gotta take care of the egg, it's a baby. You gotta keep it safe and teach it Christian values.
Willow: My egg is Jewish.
Xander: Then teach it that dreidel song.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Willow: Hey, maybe you can have Angel help you find the Gorches.
Giles: Yes! Yes, yes, that's not a bad idea. Strength in numbers.
Xander: Oh, right. I see a lotta hunting getting done in that scenario.
Buffy: Please. Like Angel and I are just helpless slaves to passion. Grow up! [cut to Buffy and Angel on patrol making out]
Giles: Yes! Yes, yes, that's not a bad idea. Strength in numbers.
Xander: Oh, right. I see a lotta hunting getting done in that scenario.
Buffy: Please. Like Angel and I are just helpless slaves to passion. Grow up! [cut to Buffy and Angel on patrol making out]
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Xander: Which is another secret to conscientious egg care. A pot of scalding water and about eight minutes.
Willow: You boiled your young?
Giles: I suppose there is a sort of Machiavellian ingenuity to your transgression.
Xander: I resent that! Or possibly thank you.
Giles: A little of both might be appropriate.
Willow: You boiled your young?
Giles: I suppose there is a sort of Machiavellian ingenuity to your transgression.
Xander: I resent that! Or possibly thank you.
Giles: A little of both might be appropriate.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Angel: So you don't think about the future?
Buffy: No.
Angel: Never?
Buffy: No.
Angel: You really don't care what happens a year from now? Five years from now?
Buffy: Angel, when I look into the future, all I see is you! All I want is you.
Angel: I know the feeling.
Buffy: No.
Angel: Never?
Buffy: No.
Angel: You really don't care what happens a year from now? Five years from now?
Buffy: Angel, when I look into the future, all I see is you! All I want is you.
Angel: I know the feeling.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[Buffy tells Angel about her dream, in which Drusilla kills him.]
Angel: Still, not every dream you have comes true. I mean, what else did you dream last night? Can you remember?
Buffy: I dreamt ... I dreamt that Giles and I opened an office supply warehouse in Vegas.
Angel: You see my point?
Angel: Still, not every dream you have comes true. I mean, what else did you dream last night? Can you remember?
Buffy: I dreamt ... I dreamt that Giles and I opened an office supply warehouse in Vegas.
Angel: You see my point?
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[Buffy prods Willow about her interest in Oz.]
Willow: Oh, I don't know, though. He is a senior.
Buffy: You think he's too old 'cause he's a senior? Please. My boyfriend had a bicentennial.
...
Buffy: You can't spend the rest of your life waiting for Xander to wake up and smell the hottie. Make a move. Do the talking thing.
Willow: Well, what if the talking thing becomes the awkward-silence thing?
Willow: Oh, I don't know, though. He is a senior.
Buffy: You think he's too old 'cause he's a senior? Please. My boyfriend had a bicentennial.
...
Buffy: You can't spend the rest of your life waiting for Xander to wake up and smell the hottie. Make a move. Do the talking thing.
Willow: Well, what if the talking thing becomes the awkward-silence thing?
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Oz: I'm gonna ask you to go out with me tomorrow night. And I'm kinda nervous about it, actually. It's interesting.
Willow: Oh! Well, if it helps at all, I'm gonna say "yes."
Oz: Yeah, it helps. It ... it creates a comfort zone. ... Do you wanna go out with me tomorrow night?
Willow: [slaps forehead] Oh! I can't!
Oz: Well, see, I like that you're unpredictable.
Willow: Oh ... It's just, it's Buffy's birthday, and we're throwing her a surprise party.
Oz: It's okay.
Willow: But you could come! If you wanted.
Oz: Well, I don't want to crash.
Willow: No, it's fine! You could be my ... my date.
Oz: All right. I'm in. [nods farewell when she indicates she's ready to leave]
Willow: [walks off, delighted with the encounter] I said "date"!
Willow: Oh! Well, if it helps at all, I'm gonna say "yes."
Oz: Yeah, it helps. It ... it creates a comfort zone. ... Do you wanna go out with me tomorrow night?
Willow: [slaps forehead] Oh! I can't!
Oz: Well, see, I like that you're unpredictable.
Willow: Oh ... It's just, it's Buffy's birthday, and we're throwing her a surprise party.
Oz: It's okay.
Willow: But you could come! If you wanted.
Oz: Well, I don't want to crash.
Willow: No, it's fine! You could be my ... my date.
Oz: All right. I'm in. [nods farewell when she indicates she's ready to leave]
Willow: [walks off, delighted with the encounter] I said "date"!
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Willow: Are you okay?
Oz: Yeah. Hey, did everybody see that guy just turn to dust?
Willow: Ohhh, well ... sort of.
Xander: Yep. Vampires are real, a lot of 'em live in Sunnydale, Willow will fill you in.
Willow: I know it's hard to accept at first.
Oz: Actually, it explains a lot.
Oz: Yeah. Hey, did everybody see that guy just turn to dust?
Willow: Ohhh, well ... sort of.
Xander: Yep. Vampires are real, a lot of 'em live in Sunnydale, Willow will fill you in.
Willow: I know it's hard to accept at first.
Oz: Actually, it explains a lot.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[The Judge has captured both Buffy and Angel.]
Angel: Leave her alone!
Spike: That'll work. Now say pretty please.
Angel: Take me instead.
Spike: Apparently, you're not familiar with the concept. There is no instead, only firsts and seconds.
Drusilla: And if you go first, you don't get to watch the Slayer die.
Angel: Leave her alone!
Spike: That'll work. Now say pretty please.
Angel: Take me instead.
Spike: Apparently, you're not familiar with the concept. There is no instead, only firsts and seconds.
Drusilla: And if you go first, you don't get to watch the Slayer die.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Willow: [spots Oz] Ooh, boyfriend! It's my on campus boyfriend!
Buffy: Oh no, I forgot to pick mine up, the line's probably really long now too.
Buffy: Oh no, I forgot to pick mine up, the line's probably really long now too.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Eddie: Of Human Bondage, have you ever read it?
Buffy: Oh, I'm not really into porn... I mean, I'm just trying to cut way back.
Buffy: Oh, I'm not really into porn... I mean, I'm just trying to cut way back.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Spike: Passions is on! Timmy's down a bloody well, and if you make me miss it I'll -
Giles: Do what? Lick me to death?
Giles: Do what? Lick me to death?
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Spike: Hurts, doesn't it?
Angelus: Well, you know, it kinda itches a little.
Spike: Don't just stand there. Burn him.
Angelus: Gee, maybe he's broken.
Spike: What the hell is going on?
Judge: This one ... cannot be burnt. He is clean.
Spike: Clean? You mean, he's ...
Judge: There's no humanity in him.
Angelus: I couldn't have said it better myself.
Drusilla: Angelus.
Angelus: Yeah, baby. I'm back.
...
Spike: No more of this 'I've got a soul' crap?
Angelus: What can I say, hmm? I was going through a phase.
...
Spike: You've really got a yen to hurt this girl, haven't you?
Angelus: She made me feel like a human being. That's not the kind of thing you just forgive.
Angelus: Well, you know, it kinda itches a little.
Spike: Don't just stand there. Burn him.
Angelus: Gee, maybe he's broken.
Spike: What the hell is going on?
Judge: This one ... cannot be burnt. He is clean.
Spike: Clean? You mean, he's ...
Judge: There's no humanity in him.
Angelus: I couldn't have said it better myself.
Drusilla: Angelus.
Angelus: Yeah, baby. I'm back.
...
Spike: No more of this 'I've got a soul' crap?
Angelus: What can I say, hmm? I was going through a phase.
...
Spike: You've really got a yen to hurt this girl, haven't you?
Angelus: She made me feel like a human being. That's not the kind of thing you just forgive.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Willow: I knew it! I knew it! Well, not knew it in the sense of having the slightest idea, but I knew there was something I didn't know. You two were fighting way too much. It's not natural!
Xander: I know it's weird ...
Willow: Weird? It's against all laws of God and Man! It's Cordelia! Remember? The, the 'We Hate Cordelia Club', of which you are the treasurer.
Xander: Look, I was gonna tell you.
Willow: Gee, what stopped you? Could it be shame?
Xander: All right, let's over-react, shall we?
Willow: But I'm ...
Xander: Willow. We were just kissing. It doesn't mean that much.
Willow: No. ... It just means you'd rather be with someone you hate, than be with me.
Xander: I know it's weird ...
Willow: Weird? It's against all laws of God and Man! It's Cordelia! Remember? The, the 'We Hate Cordelia Club', of which you are the treasurer.
Xander: Look, I was gonna tell you.
Willow: Gee, what stopped you? Could it be shame?
Xander: All right, let's over-react, shall we?
Willow: But I'm ...
Xander: Willow. We were just kissing. It doesn't mean that much.
Willow: No. ... It just means you'd rather be with someone you hate, than be with me.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Angelus: What? I took off.
Buffy: But you didn't say anything. You just left.
Angelus: Yeah. Like I really wanted to stick around after that.
Buffy: What?
Angelus: You got a lot to learn about men, kiddo. Although I guess you proved that last night.
Buffy: What are you saying?
Angelus: Let's not make an issue out of it, okay? In fact, let's not talk about it at all. It happened.
Buffy: I, I don't understand. Was it m-me? Was I not good?
Angelus: You were great. Really. I thought you were a pro.
Buffy: But you didn't say anything. You just left.
Angelus: Yeah. Like I really wanted to stick around after that.
Buffy: What?
Angelus: You got a lot to learn about men, kiddo. Although I guess you proved that last night.
Buffy: What are you saying?
Angelus: Let's not make an issue out of it, okay? In fact, let's not talk about it at all. It happened.
Buffy: I, I don't understand. Was it m-me? Was I not good?
Angelus: You were great. Really. I thought you were a pro.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Spike: Now, I know you haven't been in the game for a while, mate, but we still do kill people. Sort of our raison d'être, you know.
...
Angelus: Spike, my boy, you really don't get it, do you? You tried to kill her, but you couldn't. Look at you. You're a wreck! She's stronger than any Slayer you've ever faced. Force won't get it done. You gotta work from the inside. To kill this girl ... you have to love her.
...
Angelus: Spike, my boy, you really don't get it, do you? You tried to kill her, but you couldn't. Look at you. You're a wreck! She's stronger than any Slayer you've ever faced. Force won't get it done. You gotta work from the inside. To kill this girl ... you have to love her.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Giles: It's not over. I suppose you know that. He'll come after you, particularly. His profile ... he's likely to strike out at the things that made him the most human.
Buffy: You must be so disappointed in me.
Giles: No. No no, I'm not.
Buffy: This is all my fault.
Giles: I don't believe it is. Do you want me to wag my finger at you and tell you that you acted rashly? You did. And I can. I know that you loved him. And, he ... he's proven more than once that he loved you. You couldn't have known what would happen. The coming months are, are going to be hard, I suspect on all of us. But if it's guilt you're looking for, Buffy, I'm not your man. All you will get from me is my support. And my respect.
Buffy: You must be so disappointed in me.
Giles: No. No no, I'm not.
Buffy: This is all my fault.
Giles: I don't believe it is. Do you want me to wag my finger at you and tell you that you acted rashly? You did. And I can. I know that you loved him. And, he ... he's proven more than once that he loved you. You couldn't have known what would happen. The coming months are, are going to be hard, I suspect on all of us. But if it's guilt you're looking for, Buffy, I'm not your man. All you will get from me is my support. And my respect.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Willow: We have a lot of fun, but I want smoochies!
Buffy: Have you dropped any hints?
Willow: I've dropped anvils.
Buffy: Well, he'll come around. What guy could resist your wily Willow charms?
Willow: At last count? All of them, maybe more.
Buffy: Well, none of them know a thing! They all get an "F" in Willow.
Willow: But I want Oz to get an "A," and, oh, one of those gold stars!
Buffy: Have you dropped any hints?
Willow: I've dropped anvils.
Buffy: Well, he'll come around. What guy could resist your wily Willow charms?
Willow: At last count? All of them, maybe more.
Buffy: Well, none of them know a thing! They all get an "F" in Willow.
Willow: But I want Oz to get an "A," and, oh, one of those gold stars!
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: But I would do a lot better if you and Xander and I could do that "sharing our misery" thing tonight.
Willow: Great. I'll give Xander a call. What's his number? Oh, yeah 1-800-I'm-Dating-A-Skanky-Ho.
Buffy: Meow!
Willow: Thanks, I haven't gotten a "Meow" before.
Willow: Great. I'll give Xander a call. What's his number? Oh, yeah 1-800-I'm-Dating-A-Skanky-Ho.
Buffy: Meow!
Willow: Thanks, I haven't gotten a "Meow" before.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Giles: Quite. And it, uh, acts on-on pure instinct. No conscience, uh, uh, predatory and-and aggressive.
Buffy: In other words, your typical male.
Xander: On behalf of my gender, hey!
Giles: Yes, let's not jump to any conclusions.
Buffy: I didn't jump. I took a tiny step, and there conclusions were.
Buffy: In other words, your typical male.
Xander: On behalf of my gender, hey!
Giles: Yes, let's not jump to any conclusions.
Buffy: I didn't jump. I took a tiny step, and there conclusions were.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: [to Willow] Welcome to the mystery that is men. I think it goes something like, they grow body hair, they lose all ability to tell you what they really want.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Oz: You mean... you'd still...
Willow: Well, I like you. You're nice, and you're funny, and you don't smoke. Yeah, okay, werewolf, but that's not all the time. I mean, three days out of the month, I'm not much fun to be around either.
Oz: You are quite the human.
Willow: So I'd still, if you'd still.
Oz: I'd still. I'd very still!
Willow: Okay. No biting, though.
Oz: Agreed.
[Willow walks off, then runs back and gives Oz a quick but thorough kiss. She leaves again.]
Oz: Huh. A werewolf in love.
Willow: Well, I like you. You're nice, and you're funny, and you don't smoke. Yeah, okay, werewolf, but that's not all the time. I mean, three days out of the month, I'm not much fun to be around either.
Oz: You are quite the human.
Willow: So I'd still, if you'd still.
Oz: I'd still. I'd very still!
Willow: Okay. No biting, though.
Oz: Agreed.
[Willow walks off, then runs back and gives Oz a quick but thorough kiss. She leaves again.]
Oz: Huh. A werewolf in love.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Xander: I wish dating was like slaying. You know, simple, direct, stake to the heart, no muss, no fuss.
Buffy: Sorry to say, Xand, slaying is a tad more perilous than dating.
Xander: Well, you're obviously not dating Cordelia.
Buffy: Sorry to say, Xand, slaying is a tad more perilous than dating.
Xander: Well, you're obviously not dating Cordelia.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer