Buffy the Vampire Slayer Quotes
Xander: You know, maybe we're on the wrong track with the whole spell, curse and whammy thing. Maybe what we should be looking for is something like... Slayer kryptonite.
Oz: Faulty metaphor. Kryptonite kills.
Xander: You're assuming I was talking about the green kryptonite. I was referring, of course, to the red kryptonite, which drains Superman of all his powers.
Oz: Wrong. The gold kryptonite's the power-sucker. The red kryptonite mutates Superman into some sort of weird --
Buffy: Guys, reality!
Oz: Faulty metaphor. Kryptonite kills.
Xander: You're assuming I was talking about the green kryptonite. I was referring, of course, to the red kryptonite, which drains Superman of all his powers.
Oz: Wrong. The gold kryptonite's the power-sucker. The red kryptonite mutates Superman into some sort of weird --
Buffy: Guys, reality!
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[Angel gives Buffy a book for her birthday.]
Buffy: It's sweet and thoughtful, and full of neat words to learn and say like "wilt" and "henceforth."
Angel: Then why'd you seem more excited last year when you got a severed arm in a box?
Buffy: I'm sorry ... it's just, suddenly there's a chance that my calling's a wrong number ... it's just freaking me out a little.
Buffy: It's sweet and thoughtful, and full of neat words to learn and say like "wilt" and "henceforth."
Angel: Then why'd you seem more excited last year when you got a severed arm in a box?
Buffy: I'm sorry ... it's just, suddenly there's a chance that my calling's a wrong number ... it's just freaking me out a little.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: Before I was the Slayer I was ... Well, I- I don't wanna say shallow, but let's say a certain person, who will remain nameless, we'll just call her "Spordelia," looked like a classical philosopher next to me. Angel, if I'm not the slayer, what do I do? What do I have to offer? Why would you like me?
Angel: I saw you before you became the slayer.
Buffy: What?
Angel: I watched you, I saw you called, it was a bright afternoon out in front of your school. You walked down the steps and ... I loved you.
Buffy: Why?
Angel: Because I could see your heart. You held it before you for everyone to see, and I was worried that it would get bruised or torn. And more than anything in my life, I wanted to keep it safe. To warm it with my own.
Buffy: That's beautiful ... Or, taken literally, incredibly gross.
Angel: I was just thinking that too.
Angel: I saw you before you became the slayer.
Buffy: What?
Angel: I watched you, I saw you called, it was a bright afternoon out in front of your school. You walked down the steps and ... I loved you.
Buffy: Why?
Angel: Because I could see your heart. You held it before you for everyone to see, and I was worried that it would get bruised or torn. And more than anything in my life, I wanted to keep it safe. To warm it with my own.
Buffy: That's beautiful ... Or, taken literally, incredibly gross.
Angel: I was just thinking that too.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Kralik: [to Buffy's mother] Mother. May I call you "mother"? My own mother was a person with no self-respect of her own, so she tried to take mine. Ten years old, she had the scissors. You wouldn't believe what she took with those. But she's dead to me now. Mostly because I killed and ate her, but also because I know I won't be alone much longer. I'll have your daughter. I won't kill her -- I'll just make her like me. Different. She'll go to sleep, and when she wakes up, your face will be the first thing she eats. [considers] I have a problem with mothers. I'm aware of that.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: Xander, one of these days, you're gonna get yourself hurt.
Faith: Or killed.
Buffy: Or both. And you know, with the pain and then the death, maybe you shouldn't be leaping into the fray like that. Maybe you should be fray-adjacent.
Xander: Excuse me? Who, at a crucial moment, distracted the lead demon by allowing her to pummel him about the head?
Faith: Yeah. That was real manly, how you shrieked and all.
Xander: I think you'll find that was more of a bellow.
Faith: Or killed.
Buffy: Or both. And you know, with the pain and then the death, maybe you shouldn't be leaping into the fray like that. Maybe you should be fray-adjacent.
Xander: Excuse me? Who, at a crucial moment, distracted the lead demon by allowing her to pummel him about the head?
Faith: Yeah. That was real manly, how you shrieked and all.
Xander: I think you'll find that was more of a bellow.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Cordelia: It must be really hard when all your friends have, like, superpowers. Slayer, werewolf, witches, vampires, and you're, like, this little nothing. You must feel like Jimmy Olsen.
Xander: I happen to be an integral part of that group. I happen to have a lot to offer.
Cordelia: Oh, please.
Xander: I do!
Cordelia: Integral part of the group? Xander, you're the-the useless part of the group. You're the Zeppo. "Cool." Look it up. It's something that a sub-literate that's repeated twelfth grade three times has, and you don't.
[Cordelia turns and walks away.]
Cordelia: [to herself] There was no part of that that wasn't fun.
Xander: I happen to be an integral part of that group. I happen to have a lot to offer.
Cordelia: Oh, please.
Xander: I do!
Cordelia: Integral part of the group? Xander, you're the-the useless part of the group. You're the Zeppo. "Cool." Look it up. It's something that a sub-literate that's repeated twelfth grade three times has, and you don't.
[Cordelia turns and walks away.]
Cordelia: [to herself] There was no part of that that wasn't fun.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: Do you remember the demon that almost got out the night I died?
Willow: Every nightmare I have that doesn't revolve around academic failure or public nudity is about that thing. In fact, once ... I dreamt that it attacked me while I was late for a test and naked.
Willow: Every nightmare I have that doesn't revolve around academic failure or public nudity is about that thing. In fact, once ... I dreamt that it attacked me while I was late for a test and naked.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Faith: She got me really wound up. A fight like that and, no kill. I'm about ready to pop!
Xander: Really? Pop?!
Faith: You up for it?
Xander: Oh, I'm up. I'm suddenly very up. It's just, um, I've never been up with people before.
Faith: Just relax. And take your pants off.
Xander: Those two ... concepts are ... antithetical.
Faith: Don't worry. I'll steer you around the curves.
Xander: Did I mention that I'm having a very strange night?
Xander: Really? Pop?!
Faith: You up for it?
Xander: Oh, I'm up. I'm suddenly very up. It's just, um, I've never been up with people before.
Faith: Just relax. And take your pants off.
Xander: Those two ... concepts are ... antithetical.
Faith: Don't worry. I'll steer you around the curves.
Xander: Did I mention that I'm having a very strange night?
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[Thinking he's alone, Xander discovers a bomb in basement of the school]
Xander: [to bomb] Hello, nasty. [to himself] Less than two minutes. Dumb guy. Little bomb. How hard can it be?
[Jack, leader of the zombie gang, knocks him to the floor]
Jack: And it just got harder.
Xander: I'm not leaving 'til that thing's disarmed.
Jack: Then I guess you're not leaving. I'm gonna carve you up and serve you with gravy. You piss me off, boy. Now you pay the price. First the eyes, then the tongue. I'm gonna break every one of your fingers.
Xander: You gonna do all that in forty-nine seconds?
[Jack looks at the bomb's clock, then the door, then Xander.]
Xander: I know what you're thinking. Can I get by him? Get up the stairs, out of the building, seconds ticking away. I don't love your chances.
Jack: Then you'll die, too.
Xander: Yeah, looks like. So I guess the question really is: Who has less fear?
Jack: I'm not afraid to die. I'm already dead.
Xander: Yeah, but this is different. Being blown up isn't walking-around-and-drinking-with-your-buddies dead. It's little-pieces-being-swept-up-by-a-janitor dead, and I don't think you're ready for that.
Jack: Are you?
Xander: [tired smile] I like the quiet.
Xander: [to bomb] Hello, nasty. [to himself] Less than two minutes. Dumb guy. Little bomb. How hard can it be?
[Jack, leader of the zombie gang, knocks him to the floor]
Jack: And it just got harder.
Xander: I'm not leaving 'til that thing's disarmed.
Jack: Then I guess you're not leaving. I'm gonna carve you up and serve you with gravy. You piss me off, boy. Now you pay the price. First the eyes, then the tongue. I'm gonna break every one of your fingers.
Xander: You gonna do all that in forty-nine seconds?
[Jack looks at the bomb's clock, then the door, then Xander.]
Xander: I know what you're thinking. Can I get by him? Get up the stairs, out of the building, seconds ticking away. I don't love your chances.
Jack: Then you'll die, too.
Xander: Yeah, looks like. So I guess the question really is: Who has less fear?
Jack: I'm not afraid to die. I'm already dead.
Xander: Yeah, but this is different. Being blown up isn't walking-around-and-drinking-with-your-buddies dead. It's little-pieces-being-swept-up-by-a-janitor dead, and I don't think you're ready for that.
Jack: Are you?
Xander: [tired smile] I like the quiet.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Willow: Chemistry is easy. It's a lot like witchcraft, only less newt.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: New Watcher?
Giles: New Watcher.
Wesley: Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, it's very nice to meet you.
Buffy: Is he evil?
Wesley: Evil?
Buffy: The last one was evil.
Wesley: Oh yes, Gwendolyn Post, we all heard. No, Mr. Giles has checked my credentials ... rather thoroughly, phoned the Council. But I'm glad to see you're on the ball as well. A good Slayer is a cautious Slayer.
Buffy: Is he evil?
Giles: Not in the strictest sense.
Giles: New Watcher.
Wesley: Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, it's very nice to meet you.
Buffy: Is he evil?
Wesley: Evil?
Buffy: The last one was evil.
Wesley: Oh yes, Gwendolyn Post, we all heard. No, Mr. Giles has checked my credentials ... rather thoroughly, phoned the Council. But I'm glad to see you're on the ball as well. A good Slayer is a cautious Slayer.
Buffy: Is he evil?
Giles: Not in the strictest sense.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Wesley: Remember the three key words for any Slayer: preparation, preparation, preparation.
Buffy: That's one word three times.
Buffy: That's one word three times.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Wesley: Now hold on, we can deal with this rationally. We have something you want, you have something we want...
Balthazar: A trade, intriguing... No, wait, boring. Pull off his kneecaps!
Balthazar: A trade, intriguing... No, wait, boring. Pull off his kneecaps!
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[Buffy confronts Faith about killing Deputy Mayor Allan Finch (whom she thought was a vampire)]
Buffy: Faith, you can shut off all the emotions that you want. But eventually, they're gonna find a body.
Faith: Okay, this is the last time we're gonna have this conversation, and we're not even having it now, you understand me? There is no body. I took it, weighted it, and dumped it. The body doesn't exist.
Buffy: Getting rid of the evidence doesn't make the problem go away.
Faith: It does for me.
Buffy: Faith, you don't get it - you killed a man.
Faith: No, you don't get it - I don't care!
Buffy: Faith, you can shut off all the emotions that you want. But eventually, they're gonna find a body.
Faith: Okay, this is the last time we're gonna have this conversation, and we're not even having it now, you understand me? There is no body. I took it, weighted it, and dumped it. The body doesn't exist.
Buffy: Getting rid of the evidence doesn't make the problem go away.
Faith: It does for me.
Buffy: Faith, you don't get it - you killed a man.
Faith: No, you don't get it - I don't care!
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[Cordelia Chase makes an entrance, flirts with Wesley, then leaves.]
Wesley: My. She's cheeky, isn't she?
Faith: Uh, first word: jail; second word: bait.
Wesley: My. She's cheeky, isn't she?
Faith: Uh, first word: jail; second word: bait.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Faith: I missed the mark last night and I'm sorry about the guy, I really am! But it happens! Anyways, how many people do you think we've saved by now? Thousands? And didn't you stop the world from ending? Because in my book, that puts you and me in the plus column.
Buffy: We help people! It doesn't mean we can do whatever we want.
Faith: Why not? The guy I offed was no Gandhi. I mean, we just saw he was mixed up in dirty dealings.
Buffy: Maybe, but what if he was coming to us for help?
Faith: What if he was? You're still not seeing the big picture, B. Something made us different. We're warriors. We're built to kill.
Buffy: To kill demons! But it does not mean that we get to pass judgment on people like we're better than everybody else!
Faith: We are better!
Buffy: We help people! It doesn't mean we can do whatever we want.
Faith: Why not? The guy I offed was no Gandhi. I mean, we just saw he was mixed up in dirty dealings.
Buffy: Maybe, but what if he was coming to us for help?
Faith: What if he was? You're still not seeing the big picture, B. Something made us different. We're warriors. We're built to kill.
Buffy: To kill demons! But it does not mean that we get to pass judgment on people like we're better than everybody else!
Faith: We are better!
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[The gang are discussing who should approach Faith.]
Xander: She was fighting those apocalypse demon things and I helped out... gave her a ride home.
Buffy: And you guys talked?
Xander: Not extensively, no.
Buffy: Then why would you... oh!
Giles: Oh!
Willow: I don't need to say "oh", I got it before. They slept together.
Xander: She was fighting those apocalypse demon things and I helped out... gave her a ride home.
Buffy: And you guys talked?
Xander: Not extensively, no.
Buffy: Then why would you... oh!
Giles: Oh!
Willow: I don't need to say "oh", I got it before. They slept together.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Angel: You can't imagine the price for true evil.
Faith: Yeah? I hope evil takes MasterCard.
Faith: Yeah? I hope evil takes MasterCard.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Faith: You sent your boy to kill me.
Mayor Wilkins: That's right, I did.
Faith: He's dust.
Mayor Wilkins: I thought he might be, what with you standing here and all.
Faith: I guess that means you have a job opening.
Mayor Wilkins: That's right, I did.
Faith: He's dust.
Mayor Wilkins: I thought he might be, what with you standing here and all.
Faith: I guess that means you have a job opening.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: I-I just... well, I-I wanna do...
Willow: [smiles knowingly] Better than Faith?
Buffy: [slightly embarrassed] So very shallow.
Willow: Competition is natural and healthy. Plus, you'll definitely ace her on the psych test. Just don't mark the box that says, "I sometimes like to kill people."
Willow: [smiles knowingly] Better than Faith?
Buffy: [slightly embarrassed] So very shallow.
Willow: Competition is natural and healthy. Plus, you'll definitely ace her on the psych test. Just don't mark the box that says, "I sometimes like to kill people."
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Faith: Thanks, sugar daddy.
Mayor Wilkins: Now Faith, you know I don't like that. I'm a family man. Now, let's kill your little friend.
Mayor Wilkins: Now Faith, you know I don't like that. I'm a family man. Now, let's kill your little friend.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Vamp Willow: Xander!
Xander: Will, changing the look not an idle threat with you!
Vamp Willow: [smiling] You're alive.
Xander: Uh, Will, this is verging on naughty touching here, don't wanna fall back on bad habits - Hands! Hands in new places!
Vamp Willow: [revolted] You're alive.
...
Buffy: [approaches Xander and Vamp Willow] So, Xander, are you gonna introduce me to- [Vamp Willow turns to Buffy] Holy God, you're Willow.
Vamp Willow: [instantly hostile] You.
Buffy: [nervous, trying to be polite] You know what? I-I like the look. It's, um, it's extreme, but it, it, it looks good, you know, it's a... leather thing, and, uh... I said "extreme" already, right?
Xander: Will, changing the look not an idle threat with you!
Vamp Willow: [smiling] You're alive.
Xander: Uh, Will, this is verging on naughty touching here, don't wanna fall back on bad habits - Hands! Hands in new places!
Vamp Willow: [revolted] You're alive.
...
Buffy: [approaches Xander and Vamp Willow] So, Xander, are you gonna introduce me to- [Vamp Willow turns to Buffy] Holy God, you're Willow.
Vamp Willow: [instantly hostile] You.
Buffy: [nervous, trying to be polite] You know what? I-I like the look. It's, um, it's extreme, but it, it, it looks good, you know, it's a... leather thing, and, uh... I said "extreme" already, right?
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[Vamp Willow turns Willow around and looks her up and down, particularly noticing her pink sweater.]
Vamp Willow: Well, look at me. I'm all fuzzy.
Willow: What do I want with you? Uh...
Vamp Willow: Your little school friend Anya said that you're the one that brought me here. She said that you could get me back to my world.
Willow: Oh. Oh! Oops!
Vamp Willow: But I don't know...I kinda like the idea of the two of us.
[She turns Willow around again, caressing her shoulders.
Vamp Willow: We could be quite a team, if you came around to my way of thinking.
Willow: Would that mean we have to snuggle?
[Vamp Willow brushes Willow's hair away from her neck.]
Vamp Willow: What do you say?
[She gives Willow's neck an eager, lengthy lick. Willow shudders with loathing and grimaces at the feeling.]
Vamp Willow: Wanna be bad?
Willow: This just can't get more disturbing.
[Vamp Willow growls horribly with desire and bares her teeth behind Willow's neck. Willow freaks out and whirls around, stepping back and away from her.]
Willow: Ack! Ew! No more! You're really starting to freak me out!
Vamp Willow: Well, look at me. I'm all fuzzy.
Willow: What do I want with you? Uh...
Vamp Willow: Your little school friend Anya said that you're the one that brought me here. She said that you could get me back to my world.
Willow: Oh. Oh! Oops!
Vamp Willow: But I don't know...I kinda like the idea of the two of us.
[She turns Willow around again, caressing her shoulders.
Vamp Willow: We could be quite a team, if you came around to my way of thinking.
Willow: Would that mean we have to snuggle?
[Vamp Willow brushes Willow's hair away from her neck.]
Vamp Willow: What do you say?
[She gives Willow's neck an eager, lengthy lick. Willow shudders with loathing and grimaces at the feeling.]
Vamp Willow: Wanna be bad?
Willow: This just can't get more disturbing.
[Vamp Willow growls horribly with desire and bares her teeth behind Willow's neck. Willow freaks out and whirls around, stepping back and away from her.]
Willow: Ack! Ew! No more! You're really starting to freak me out!
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Willow: It's horrible! That's me as a vampire? I'm so evil and...skanky. And I think I'm kinda gay.
Buffy: Willow, just remember, a vampire's personality has nothing to do with the person it was.
Angel: Well, actually... [Buffy gives him a look] That's a good point.
Buffy: Willow, just remember, a vampire's personality has nothing to do with the person it was.
Angel: Well, actually... [Buffy gives him a look] That's a good point.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Wesley: And you say this demon wanted cash? That's very unusual.
Giles: Demons after money. Whatever happened to the still beating heart of a virgin? No one has any standards anymore.
Giles: Demons after money. Whatever happened to the still beating heart of a virgin? No one has any standards anymore.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Mayor Wilkins: There's more than one way to skin a cat. And I happen to know that's factually true.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Xander: Got the address. I beat it out of Willy the snitch personally.
Buffy: You beat up Willy?
Xander: Sure. Well, actually, let's just say I applied some pressure. Or more accurately, that I asked politely. And then... Okay, I bribed him.
Buffy: How much?
Xander: Twenty-eight bucks. Does the council reimburse for that kinda stuff?
Giles: Did you get a receipt?
Xander: Damn...
Buffy: You beat up Willy?
Xander: Sure. Well, actually, let's just say I applied some pressure. Or more accurately, that I asked politely. And then... Okay, I bribed him.
Buffy: How much?
Xander: Twenty-eight bucks. Does the council reimburse for that kinda stuff?
Giles: Did you get a receipt?
Xander: Damn...
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: I know this. It's down by the bus station. Not the nicest part of town.
Giles: Again. See, no standards. I mean, any self-respecting demon should be living in a pit of filth or a nice crypt.
Giles: Again. See, no standards. I mean, any self-respecting demon should be living in a pit of filth or a nice crypt.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Xander: You know how some people hate to say I told you so? Not me. I told you so. Angel's back in the really bad sense, and um, I told you so.
Wesley: Angelus has turned? Xander, this is terribly serious. Are you sure?
Xander: Gee, let me think. Kind of hard to tell. Last thing I remember was his fist.
Wesley: We must contact Giles immediately.
Xander: Good thinking. Let's waste time with a lively debate. Leave Buffy alone, and see how dead she gets.
Cordelia: Slow down, Xander. This isn't Wesley's fault.
Xander: Actually, it is. Faith was your responsibility. Guess who's Angel's new playmate?
Willow: Faith and Angel? Together?
Xander: Imagine the possibilities.
Wesley: Angelus has turned? Xander, this is terribly serious. Are you sure?
Xander: Gee, let me think. Kind of hard to tell. Last thing I remember was his fist.
Wesley: We must contact Giles immediately.
Xander: Good thinking. Let's waste time with a lively debate. Leave Buffy alone, and see how dead she gets.
Cordelia: Slow down, Xander. This isn't Wesley's fault.
Xander: Actually, it is. Faith was your responsibility. Guess who's Angel's new playmate?
Willow: Faith and Angel? Together?
Xander: Imagine the possibilities.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[after Buffy begins to hear people's thoughts]
Angel: And Buffy, be careful with this gift. A lot of things that seem strong and good and powerful, they can be painful.
Buffy: Like, say... immortality?
Angel: Exactly. I'm dying to get rid of that.
Buffy: Funny.
Angel: [deadpan] I'm a funny guy.
Angel: And Buffy, be careful with this gift. A lot of things that seem strong and good and powerful, they can be painful.
Buffy: Like, say... immortality?
Angel: Exactly. I'm dying to get rid of that.
Buffy: Funny.
Angel: [deadpan] I'm a funny guy.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer