Castle Quotes
Castle: Alright, so you and I are married.
Beckett: We are not married.
Castle: Relax, it's just pretend.
Beckett: I don't wanna pretend.
Castle: Scared you'll like it?
Beckett: Okay, if we're married, I want a divorce.
Apartment Guy: Are you two like this all the time?
Castle & Beckett: Yes.
Beckett: We are not married.
Castle: Relax, it's just pretend.
Beckett: I don't wanna pretend.
Castle: Scared you'll like it?
Beckett: Okay, if we're married, I want a divorce.
Apartment Guy: Are you two like this all the time?
Castle & Beckett: Yes.
TV Show: Castle
[parked outside the home of a grandfather who killed his daughter's murderer]
Castle: You could just leave it like this. Sam's dead. The captain's happy. Those kids look pretty happy.
Beckett: That's the difference between a novel and the real world, Castle. A cop doesn't get to decide how the story ends.
Castle: You could just leave it like this. Sam's dead. The captain's happy. Those kids look pretty happy.
Beckett: That's the difference between a novel and the real world, Castle. A cop doesn't get to decide how the story ends.
TV Show: Castle
Beckett: This is for the life I saved [pointing at the watch on her left arm which belongs to her father]. And. This is for the life I lost [picking at her necklace which belongs to her dead mother].
TV Show: Castle
Castle: I had sex with my ex-wife this morning. My first ex-wife. Meredith, Alexis' mom. And she's thinking about moving back to New York. Do you know what that would mean to me? That would be a very special brand of hell: the hell of a deep-fried twinkie.
Ryan: Deep-fried twinkie?
Castle: Yeah, the guilty pleasure that you know is bad for you so you only do it once, maybe twice a year for the novelty,
Ryan and Esposito: Ah!
Castle: But a deep-fried twinkie everyday is... [gags]
Beckett: Castle!
Castle: What?
Beckett: Crime scene. Dead body. A little respect here.
Castle: I don't think he can hear me.
Beckett: Okay, how about a little self-respect then?
Castle: ...Fine.
Ryan: Deep-fried twinkie?
Castle: Yeah, the guilty pleasure that you know is bad for you so you only do it once, maybe twice a year for the novelty,
Ryan and Esposito: Ah!
Castle: But a deep-fried twinkie everyday is... [gags]
Beckett: Castle!
Castle: What?
Beckett: Crime scene. Dead body. A little respect here.
Castle: I don't think he can hear me.
Beckett: Okay, how about a little self-respect then?
Castle: ...Fine.
TV Show: Castle
Beckett: If she's so bad, why did you have sex with her this morning?
Castle: Let me tell you something about crazy people. The sex is unbelievable.
Beckett: How shallow are you?
Castle: [soberly] Very.
Castle: Let me tell you something about crazy people. The sex is unbelievable.
Beckett: How shallow are you?
Castle: [soberly] Very.
TV Show: Castle
[hiding behind a kitchen island while getting shot at]
Beckett: [to Castle] Stay down!
Castle: You stay down!
Beckett: I can't shoot him from down here.
Castle: Yeah, and he can't shoot you either!
Beckett: [to Castle] Stay down!
Castle: You stay down!
Beckett: I can't shoot him from down here.
Castle: Yeah, and he can't shoot you either!
TV Show: Castle
Ryan: Why do you writers always call them "perps?"
Castle: Isn't that what you call them?
Ryan: Ah, we've got a whole lot of names for them. Pipehead, pisshead, orc, creep...
Esposito: ...crook, knucklehead, chucklehead...
Ryan: ...chud, turd...
Esposito: ...destro, scall...
Ryan: ...skexy, slicko, slick...
Esposito: ...mope...
Ryan: ...sleestak...
Castle: [writing in notepad] Slow down, slow down!
Beckett: Suspects. We call them suspects.
Montgomery: I'm old-school. I like "dirtbag."
Castle: Classic.
Castle: Isn't that what you call them?
Ryan: Ah, we've got a whole lot of names for them. Pipehead, pisshead, orc, creep...
Esposito: ...crook, knucklehead, chucklehead...
Ryan: ...chud, turd...
Esposito: ...destro, scall...
Ryan: ...skexy, slicko, slick...
Esposito: ...mope...
Ryan: ...sleestak...
Castle: [writing in notepad] Slow down, slow down!
Beckett: Suspects. We call them suspects.
Montgomery: I'm old-school. I like "dirtbag."
Castle: Classic.
TV Show: Castle
Beckett: The next time you show up at a crime scene without me, I'll show you how my taser works.
Castle: Promise?
Castle: Promise?
TV Show: Castle
Alexis: My, dad, nervous for a date?
Castle: It's not a date - it's an undercover operation.
Martha: I don't know why you won't tell me where the party is.
Castle: Because you'll show up.
Castle: It's not a date - it's an undercover operation.
Martha: I don't know why you won't tell me where the party is.
Castle: Because you'll show up.
TV Show: Castle
Castle: How often are people killed in neighbourhoods like this?
Beckett: Same as anywhere else Castle. Just the once.
Beckett: Same as anywhere else Castle. Just the once.
TV Show: Castle
[talking about a poker game]
Judge: [to Beckett] Do us a favor. Beat his pants off.
Castle: Yes, beat my pants off if you dare.
Judge: [to Beckett] Do us a favor. Beat his pants off.
Castle: Yes, beat my pants off if you dare.
TV Show: Castle
[talking about a poker game]
Beckett: I'm gonna make you hurt.
Castle: Oh, you're gonna get hurt.
Beckett: What are we playing for?
Castle: Pride...or clothing.
Beckett: I think I have a bag of gummy bears in my desk...
Beckett: I'm gonna make you hurt.
Castle: Oh, you're gonna get hurt.
Beckett: What are we playing for?
Castle: Pride...or clothing.
Beckett: I think I have a bag of gummy bears in my desk...
TV Show: Castle
Beckett: It's Sunday morning. Shouldn't you be slinking home from a scandalous liaison?
Castle: Wouldn't you be jealous if I were?
Beckett: In your dreams.
Castle: Actually, in my dreams, you're never jealous. In my dreams, you just join-- [Beckett shoves bear claw in Castle's mouth]
Castle: Wouldn't you be jealous if I were?
Beckett: In your dreams.
Castle: Actually, in my dreams, you're never jealous. In my dreams, you just join-- [Beckett shoves bear claw in Castle's mouth]
TV Show: Castle
Beckett: Oh, do you want to see grumpy? How about the cover art for your new novel?
Castle: Nikki Heat cover art? That's only available to... [Beckett starts walking away] oh my God, you subscribed to my website? Wait a minute... are you Castlefreak1212? Castlelover45?
Beckett: You do realize that most people would be creeped by crazy anonymous fans?
Castle: Like you?
Beckett: It was strictly professional curiosity.
Castle: So what did you think of your alter ego Nikki? Very sweet, right?
Beckett: "Sweet?" She's naked!
Castle: She's not naked! She's holding a gun... strategically.
Castle: Nikki Heat cover art? That's only available to... [Beckett starts walking away] oh my God, you subscribed to my website? Wait a minute... are you Castlefreak1212? Castlelover45?
Beckett: You do realize that most people would be creeped by crazy anonymous fans?
Castle: Like you?
Beckett: It was strictly professional curiosity.
Castle: So what did you think of your alter ego Nikki? Very sweet, right?
Beckett: "Sweet?" She's naked!
Castle: She's not naked! She's holding a gun... strategically.
TV Show: Castle
Beckett: [Castle and Beckett in elevator at the police station] Six months.
Castle: Six months what?
Beckett: [about FBI agent Will Sorenson] We dated for six months.
Castle: I didn't ask.
Beckett: Yeah, I know. You were not asking very loudly.
Castle: I know. I'm like a Jedi like that.
Castle: Six months what?
Beckett: [about FBI agent Will Sorenson] We dated for six months.
Castle: I didn't ask.
Beckett: Yeah, I know. You were not asking very loudly.
Castle: I know. I'm like a Jedi like that.
TV Show: Castle
Beckett: Oh, for God's sake. [referring to Sorenson and Castle] Why don't you both just drop your pants and get it over with?
Castle: I'm game.
Castle: I'm game.
TV Show: Castle
Sorenson: He's quite a guy. If only he knew how big a fan you really are.
Beckett: Yeah, well, he's not going to know.
Sorenson: You never told him how you stood in line for an hour just to get your book signed? How his novels got you through your mother's death?
Beckett: Is there anything you don't remember?
Sorenson: Not when it comes to you.
Beckett: Yeah, well, he's not going to know.
Sorenson: You never told him how you stood in line for an hour just to get your book signed? How his novels got you through your mother's death?
Beckett: Is there anything you don't remember?
Sorenson: Not when it comes to you.
TV Show: Castle
Beckett and Castle find the plastic surgeon's office; she and Castle walk past a well-endowed woman; Castle stares
Beckett: Well, this must be the place. [clears throat] What is it with men and boobs, anyway?
Castle: Biological. We can't help it.
Beckett: But doesn't it bother you that they're so obviously not real?
Castle: Santa's not real. We still love opening his presents.
Beckett: Well, this must be the place. [clears throat] What is it with men and boobs, anyway?
Castle: Biological. We can't help it.
Beckett: But doesn't it bother you that they're so obviously not real?
Castle: Santa's not real. We still love opening his presents.
TV Show: Castle
Beckett: I'm not running a background check on your daughter's date.
Castle: Oh, come on! She says he's quiet, he keeps to himself, and he lives with his parents. Tell me that doesn't sound like a serial killer to you!
Castle: Oh, come on! She says he's quiet, he keeps to himself, and he lives with his parents. Tell me that doesn't sound like a serial killer to you!
TV Show: Castle
Castle: [Regarding Alexis' date] Boy, I can't believe my little girl is going to prom... my only comfort now is the long-standing tradition of torturing the boyfriend.
Beckett: What do you mean?
Castle: You know, the time-honored hazing that goes on in those few moments we share, where he and I are alone, just before my daughter descends the stairs.
Ryan: I remember the terror of meeting my date's old man.
Castle: What did he do?
Ryan: Checked my wallet for condoms, showed me his gun collection, my hands were shaking so bad I could barely put on the corsage.
Castle: [to Beckett] What did your dad do?
Beckett: [pause] I... I don't know. I was in my room.
Castle: How was your date when you finally came out?
Beckett: You know what, now that you mention it, he looked terrified. [Castle and Ryan nod] And this whole time I though he was scared of me.
Castle: Nope! And now it's my turn...
Ryan: What are you planning?
Castle: Something befitting the name of 'Castle'...
Beckett: What do you mean?
Castle: You know, the time-honored hazing that goes on in those few moments we share, where he and I are alone, just before my daughter descends the stairs.
Ryan: I remember the terror of meeting my date's old man.
Castle: What did he do?
Ryan: Checked my wallet for condoms, showed me his gun collection, my hands were shaking so bad I could barely put on the corsage.
Castle: [to Beckett] What did your dad do?
Beckett: [pause] I... I don't know. I was in my room.
Castle: How was your date when you finally came out?
Beckett: You know what, now that you mention it, he looked terrified. [Castle and Ryan nod] And this whole time I though he was scared of me.
Castle: Nope! And now it's my turn...
Ryan: What are you planning?
Castle: Something befitting the name of 'Castle'...
TV Show: Castle
Richard Castle: [Season tagline] There are two kinds of folks who sit around thinking about how to kill people: psychopaths and mystery writers. I'm the kind that pays better.
TV Show: Castle
Esposito: [About the bachelor-party cop twins' uniforms at the photo shoot] Hey, Beckett, how come you don't wear a uniform like that?
Beckett: Because I don't want to be paid in singles.
Beckett: Because I don't want to be paid in singles.
TV Show: Castle
Castle: [About what he found about Beckett's mother] What was I suppose to do? Not tell her what I found?
Lanie: [Surprised] What you found?
Castle: Oh she didn't tell you, did she? Three people were killed the same way her mother was, right about the same time. One of them was a former law student of hers, another one a documents clerk, the third one a lawyer for a non-profit.
Lanie: Wait, the M.E. at the time didn't make the connection?
Castle: If he did, he buried it.
Lanie: Did you talk to him?
Castle: He died four years ago. So you see why I had to tell her.
Lanie: [Surprised] What you found?
Castle: Oh she didn't tell you, did she? Three people were killed the same way her mother was, right about the same time. One of them was a former law student of hers, another one a documents clerk, the third one a lawyer for a non-profit.
Lanie: Wait, the M.E. at the time didn't make the connection?
Castle: If he did, he buried it.
Lanie: Did you talk to him?
Castle: He died four years ago. So you see why I had to tell her.
TV Show: Castle
Esposito: You know what I don't get? Who would steal a dead body?
Castle: Oh, plenty of people. Organ harvesters, cadaver-less med students, Satanists. [pause] Mad scientists looking to create their own monster.
Beckett: Or the guys who killed him might have left some evidence behind.
Castle: Boring. How about a spy having swallowed a microchip that the enemy spies murder him over before the CIA can get ahold of him?
Castle: Oh, plenty of people. Organ harvesters, cadaver-less med students, Satanists. [pause] Mad scientists looking to create their own monster.
Beckett: Or the guys who killed him might have left some evidence behind.
Castle: Boring. How about a spy having swallowed a microchip that the enemy spies murder him over before the CIA can get ahold of him?
TV Show: Castle
Castle: You want me to put on some music? Whenever they do this sort of thing on CSI, they always do it to music in poorly lit rooms. Kinda reminds me of porn.
TV Show: Castle
Beckett: *in a Russian accent* Sometimes when I am bored, I go to Glechik Cafe in Little Odessa and pretend to be Muscovite.
Esposito: Now that's kinda hot!
Esposito: Now that's kinda hot!
TV Show: Castle
Castle: She may have built up a wall between us, but I am going to build a door in that wall. Or put up a ladder. [thinking] Or dig a hole.
TV Show: Castle
Beckett: [written on a therapist's body] "Psycho the rapist your out of time"?
Lanie Parish: Looks like a patient lost their patience.
Castle: Also his command of grammar. "Your" should be You-apostrophe-R-E as in "you are." That's not even a tough one, not like when to use "who" or "whom."
Beckett: You really think that's the take-away here, Castle?
Castle: I'm just saying - whoever killed her also murdered the English language.
Lanie Parish: Looks like a patient lost their patience.
Castle: Also his command of grammar. "Your" should be You-apostrophe-R-E as in "you are." That's not even a tough one, not like when to use "who" or "whom."
Beckett: You really think that's the take-away here, Castle?
Castle: I'm just saying - whoever killed her also murdered the English language.
TV Show: Castle