Castle Quotes

Maddie: [To Beckett] You’re hot for Castle. You wanna make little Castle babies!

TV Show: Castle
Ryan: Beckett’s a good cop. She can canvass and make googly eyes at the same time.

TV Show: Castle
Castle: Wilder, Daemon Wilder?
Esposito: Yeah, you know him?
Castle: I know of him, this is a photo of one of his ad campaigns. He runs a line of boutique men's skin care products.
Ryan: You mean like bathroom stuff?
Castle: He's got a toner; totally alcohol free. Fantastic. He's got a shaving cream that is ridiculous.
Esposito: I'm good with the drug store stuff man.
Castle: No no no no, hang on. This stuff will change your life. (squirt)
Esposito: It's hot...
Castle: It's hot.
Ryan: It's hot?
Castle: It's HOT.
Ryan: It's hot! How do they do that?

TV Show: Castle
Beckett: Guys. (all look)
Beckett: A man has been murdered here.
Castle: And... we are honoring his legacy.
Lanie: Hm. It's like Sex And The City, only with boys.

TV Show: Castle
Clerk: Here you go sir.
Beckett: I cannot believe that you asked for samples.
Castle: She said anything we needed!
Beckett: (Hmph)
Castle: Besides, it's not for me; it's for Ryan and Esposito.
Beckett: Don't you mean Charlotte and Miranda?
Castle: Wait a minute, that would make me Carrie.
Beckett: You are SO metro-sexual for even knowing that!
Castle: I only watched that show out of the corner of my eye when my mother had it on! That did not come out right...

TV Show: Castle
Suspect: Hey look, it's her! (pointing at a picture)
Beckett: You're sure this is the woman who rented the room?
Suspect: Yes.
Beckett: Rebecka Strong. She's a lab tech at the company.
Castle: Mmm, she's got cruel eyes. I bet she enjoyed watching Wilder suffer...

TV Show: Castle
Alexis: [Bringing Castle breakfast in bed] Breakfast time!
Castle: Oh! What did I do to deserve this? Other than, you know, being... me.
Alexis: Isn't that enough?
[Alexis kisses him on the cheek, Castle chuckles]
Castle: Okay, what do you want?
Alexis: Nothing! Why do I have to want something?
Castle: March, 1999, you wanted a Hello Kitty backpack. I got French toast with a whipped-cream smiley face. October, 2004, you wanted a set of mint condition, Empire Strikes Backlightsabers. I got an omelet shaped like Darth Vader.

TV Show: Castle
Castle: You were a girl once.
Beckett: [Smirks] Still am...
Castle: [Holding up a picture of Alexis sitting on a Vespa ] Can you tell me why my daughter wants one of these so badly?
Beckett: Old bikes are what girls want when we realize we're never gonna get a pony.

TV Show: Castle
Beckett: [About Alexis wanting a scooter] You know what this means, though?
Castle: No. What?
Beckett: Well, Alexis is entering her "wild child" phase.
Castle: [Smiles indulgently] My daughter? Hah, I don't think so.
Beckett: Oh yeah, Castle, all girls go through it. And the good girls are the worst.
[Castle's smile slides off his face]

TV Show: Castle
Random: I wasn't running away! I was jogging.
Beckett: So what were you doing climbing down the side of a building?
Random: Uh, Cross-training. [Nods sagely] Better cardiovascular workout.

TV Show: Castle
Beckett: Did you kill Carver for the map?
Royce: Oh, come on, kid, you know me better than that.
Beckett: [Coldly, hurt] I don't think I do. Because the man I knew wouldn't betray me like this.
Royce: I gotta go.
Beckett: Mike. I was in love with you.
Royce: Oh, Kate. Don't.
Beckett: You were the only one who understood the obsession that drove me. Who didn't tell me that I would get over my mother's murder and that she wouldn't want me to do this.
Royce: [Shaking his head, sadly] Just — just trying to do right by you, kid.
Beckett: I dreamt about you. The night I shot the guy that killed my mother, I dreamt that I was the one who was on the ground dying, and that you came up to me and told me to stand up, 'cause there was still work to be done. [Longingly] When I woke up that morning I just wanted to call you, but we hadn't talked in so long.
Royce: You should've called. I never forgot.
Beckett: I'm going to catch Carver's killer, Royce. And then I'm going to recover Lloyd's score. And when I arrest you, you're going to realize that what you destroyed today was worth a hell of a lot more than money. [She hangs up. Speaks to Ryan, suddenly distant, and unemotional] Did I keep him on long enough?
Ryan: [Shocked] Uh, uh...
Esposito: Yeah, we got an address.
Beckett: All right, let's go.
Castle: Wh-what? All of that was just an act, to get a trace?
Beckett: Of course. [She turns and walks out, her face contorting with silent tears]

TV Show: Castle
Ryan: He didn't kill Goldstein, but he did kill squirrel-stein. [Holds up a dead squirrel] What're the odds, huh?
Castle: Oh no, they took his clothes too!
Ryan: Could you...? [hands dead squirrel to officer]
Officer: Awwwww!
Ryan: Yeah I know, I'm sorry.

TV Show: Castle
Castle: Wonder what’s up with Alexis. She seems a little out of it.
Martha: Isn’t it obvious?
Castle: What?
Martha: Oh, she’s in love.
Castle: Alexis?
Martha: Oh, come on, darling. In case you haven’t noticed, she’s not a little girl anymore.
Castle: Thank you, mother. I think if Alexis were in love she would’ve told me.
Martha: Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. The fact that she hasn’t told you is how we know it’s real.
Castle: [Warningly] Mother.
Martha: Okay. And the fact that she mentioned it to me last night.
Castle: Who is he? Where did she meet him?
Martha: Oh, I don’t know. She wouldn’t say. No, diva's honour. She didn’t tell me anything. She didn’t even tell me his name.
Castle: [Sulkily] Can’t believe she told you and not me. I’m supposed to be her go-to guy.
Martha: Oh, darling, of course you are. It’s just, you know, it’s first love. It’s magical, ethereal. It defies logic.
[Castle’s phone rings. He ignores it, still sulking]
Martha: Richard, your phone.
Castle: [He shrugs] Mmm.
Martha: [Picks it up] Ah, Beckett. Maybe it’s a nice murder, darling. Brighten your day.
[Castle starts to smile]
Martha: Good boy.
Castle: [Answers] Castle.

TV Show: Castle
Castle: So, I wear boxers. What do you wear? Thong? Cheekies? I told you mine! Bloomers? Granny panties? [Eyes opening wide] Commando?

TV Show: Castle
Castle: How do you know you're in love?
Beckett: All the songs make sense.

TV Show: Castle
Beckett: Are you getting mail here now?
Castle: Only when I don't want my daughter to see it. [opens the envelope to show 2 tickets for Taylor Swift concert] Laa...
Beckett: You're a Taylor Swift fan?
Castle: They are for Alexis. Cost me an arm and a leg, but Alexis will be thrilled. Apparently she and Ash have a song.
Beckett: Yeah, well we have a song as well.
Castle: We do?
Beckett: Uhuh. "You talk too much" by Clarence Carter.

TV Show: Castle
Esposito: That was a nice thing you guys did in there.
Castle: Well, I just thought that after everything Greg did for her, they deserve a chance. Besides, if it were you and I in Amy's shoes, we'd still be rotting in prison.
Esposito: Huh, speak for yourself, bro. I'd escape.
Castle: What, you'd just leave me in there?
Esposito: It's the law of the jungle. I gotta look out for numero uno.
Castle: Wow. Nothing like a hypothetical prison term to let you know who your friends really are.
Beckett: Don't worry Castle, I'd get you out.

TV Show: Castle
Montgomery: An FBI profile was as close as we came to ID-ing a suspect. Feds say he's a white male, 25 to 45 years old,
Castle: [To Beckett] Could be me.
Montgomery: Has a dysfunctional relationship with his mother,
Castle: Still me.
Montgomery: He has a menial, unimportant job.
Beckett: [To Castle] Definitely you.
Castle: Just for that, I base my next book on Esposito. [Beckett glares at Castle]

TV Show: Castle
Martha: It's like when I was doing Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf and I thought my understudy was trying to poison me.
Castle: Oh, yeah, the daily blood tests I paid for. Wait, she did poison you. The Swiss chocolate she gave you was a laxative.
Martha: Eh, added a certain urgency to my performance. But the point is, you indulged my paranoia. So therefore I'm going to be in the park - five 'o clock - at a discreet distance to make sure that Alexis' secret admirer is not an ax-murderer.

TV Show: Castle
Castle: Tell me you've arrested Gates
Beckett: Not even close. I mean, I don't know how, Castle, but he killed Kim Foster and he's gonna do it again.
Castle: There's been no developments? Usually you call me with news. [He stops in realization, his eyes grow wide. Beckett cringes, knowing she's been caught] You called to seek my council!
Beckett: [Very slightly sheepish] I wouldn't say it exactly like that...
Castle: No, no, no! You're hoping I had some wild theory. Some sort of penetrating insight that would lead us to a breakthrough.
Becket: Well... do you?
Castle: [Stops, as if trying very hard to come up with something. Exhales exasperatedly] Gah! I got nothing.

TV Show: Castle
Castle: Oh, it's really not complicated. You were raised by a single mother. She was blonde, she was beautiful, but she never wanted you. When you were, what, twelve? She died, suddenly. Let's say drug overdose. You went foster care, the bad kind. So much hate. So much hate towards your mother for abandoning you that you kill these women to get back at her. But you leave them looking peaceful because as much as you hated your mother, you loved your mother. Am I getting warm?
Jerry: You're drawn to death. You like to be around it, because it thrills you. Now, where does that come from? Your own suppressed impulses? [Leans forward] How close to death do you want to get, huh?

TV Show: Castle
Becket: Tell me something, Castle. Why did he let you live?
Castle: As punishment, for me ruining his plan. Now he's gonna kill again, all 'cause I couldn't stop him. I feel so... [shakes his head despairingly]
Beckett: I know the feeling.
Castle: I know you do.
[Beckett puts her hand on his knee. He clasps her hand in his own, his thumb stroking the back of her hand.]

TV Show: Castle
Martha: This is... the best thing that has ever happened to you. Rejection is the bedrock of a great acting career. Until an actor has suffered, he hasn't really lived.
Alexis: Thanks, gram.
Martha: You're welcome. And besides, auditions are like men. There's another one right around the corner.

TV Show: Castle
Castle: Ladies, I am not a stripper. Though I can understand how you’d make that mistake.

TV Show: Castle
Beckett: Castle?
Castle: (He’s surrounded by women.) Hey, honey. Oh, you found me. I was just telling Denise here about you. (The women start to disperse.) This is, uh, my girlfriend, who’s idea it was to come here tonight. She’s very adventurous, you have no idea... there’s... (The women leave. Kate sits down.) Thank God you found me. Oh, my God, these women are like piranhas.

TV Show: Castle
Castle: [holding a DVD] Wait! That's it? I mean, no pomp? No circumstance? What's on this could shape the foundations of our very existence. We need to pause and savor-
Beckett: [taking the DVD] Please, let's just stick it in and get this over with.

TV Show: Castle
Beckett: [Showing a photo to two Chinese men she holds at gunpoint] Have you seen this man?
Castle: [In Chinese] My partner is crazy and may start firing at any moment.
[They point]
Beckett: Go. Go! [They run] Semester abroad?
Castle: No. A TV show I used to love.
Beckett: Huh. Nice job.
Castle: Thanks.

TV Show: Castle
[A captured suspect begins chewing on something]
Castle: Cyanide capsule! [pries the object from the suspect's mouth, inspects it with a flashlight, sees it's chewing gum] ...Ew!

TV Show: Castle
[After entering a sewer discovered next to a basement.]
Beckett: This must be part of the old sewer system.
Castle: Probably the exact sewer system --- This is incredible, isn't it?
Beckett: Yeah! Aside from the fact that it's damp, cramped, dark, and we're almost certainly walking in rat poop. [high pitched] Awesome.

TV Show: Castle
[Castle walks into the station carrying two coffees. Natalie is writing on the "murder board", Beckett eyes at her uneasily]
Natalie: [Takes a coffee] Thanks, Castle!
Castle: [Stunned at her audacity] Tha—that's, I was— uh... you're welcome?
[Beckett looks shocked and distraught]
Castle: So, where are we?
Natalie: Ryan and Esposito are digging into Tanya Wellington.
Castle: [Directly addressing Beckett] Mmm, what about Duke Jones? Did his neighbour confirm his romantic evening?
Beckett: He—
Natalie: [Cuts her off] So did a couple of other neighbours, who complained about the noise. So it looks like Duke Jones allibis out.
Beckett: [Put out] What she said. [To Castle] Can we talk for a second?
Castle: Sure.
[Beckett loops her arm through his and quickly leaves the room, ending up frantically dragging him into another room]
Beckett: She took my coffee, Castle!
Castle: It's just coffee.
Beckett: Then what's next? My soul?! Everything I do, she does. Even when I'm thinking I can feel her in my head like some kind of a brain-eating parasite from one of her movies!

TV Show: Castle