Celebrity Deathmatch Quotes
Mills Lane: Gloves don't fit? Why don't you use your bare hands, dammit!
O.J. Simpson: Whatever!
O.J. Simpson: Whatever!
TV Show: Celebrity Deathmatch
[to Ernest Hemingway]
Mankind: You know what the difference between your book and mine is? MINE WEIGHS MORE. [Clobbers Hemingway with his book]
Mankind: You know what the difference between your book and mine is? MINE WEIGHS MORE. [Clobbers Hemingway with his book]
TV Show: Celebrity Deathmatch
[Axl Rose pulls out a sharp object from under his kilt]
Johnny Gomez: Nick, what the hell is this psycho doing? [Celtic music played in background]
Nick Diamond: Ancient Scottish soldiers wearing kilts such as Axl's always carried a dagger strapped to their ankle. Tradition has it that once a soldier removes it from its scabbard, he can't put it back without drawing blood... even if it's his own.
Johnny Gomez: It's scissors, Nick. [Celtic music abruptly stops]
Nick Diamond: Oh... uh, that must be a different tradition.
Johnny Gomez: Nick, what the hell is this psycho doing? [Celtic music played in background]
Nick Diamond: Ancient Scottish soldiers wearing kilts such as Axl's always carried a dagger strapped to their ankle. Tradition has it that once a soldier removes it from its scabbard, he can't put it back without drawing blood... even if it's his own.
Johnny Gomez: It's scissors, Nick. [Celtic music abruptly stops]
Nick Diamond: Oh... uh, that must be a different tradition.
TV Show: Celebrity Deathmatch
[to Ernest Hemingway]
Mankind: You know what the difference between your book and mine is? MINE WEIGHS MORE. [Clobbers Hemingway with his book]
Mankind: You know what the difference between your book and mine is? MINE WEIGHS MORE. [Clobbers Hemingway with his book]
TV Show: Celebrity Deathmatch
Mills Lane: All right, young ladies, this is a fight to the death. Now death may not be something you two have thought about, so let me just explain...
Mary-Kate Olsen: [interrupting, to Ashley] I hate you!
Ashley Olsen: I hate you more!
Mary-Kate Olsen: You're stupid!
Ashley Olsen: You're stupider!
Mills Lane: [breaking up the girls' slapping match] Ladies, I haven't even started the fight yet!
Mary-Kate Olsen: She started it!
Ashley Olsen: No, she did!
Mills Lane: [giving up after they try and hit each other] On second thought... just go ahead and get it on!
TV Show: Celebrity Deathmatch
Debbie Matenopoulos: You may be a reanimated corpse, Stacey, but you don't scare me! I've dealt with bigger stiffs than you!
Stacey Cornbread: Oh yeah? LIKE WHO?
Debbie Matenopoulos: Like Meredith Vieira, THAT'S WHO!
TV Show: Celebrity Deathmatch
Alfred Hitchcock: [to Steven Spielberg] Good evening, Steven. Welcome to Alfred Hitchcock Presents... your death.
TV Show: Celebrity Deathmatch
Anna Kournikova: [about opponent Elizabeth Hurley] Yes, I called her ugly, but I should have called her a pig! I should have called her a hideous, swirly moonie face! I hate her, I hate her! Aaaaaaaaaah!
TV Show: Celebrity Deathmatch
Cher: [to Bette Midler] Hey, Midler! You got a wide load sign for that ass?
TV Show: Celebrity Deathmatch