Cheers Quotes
Rebecca: I don't understand why nobody wants to come back to my beautiful tearoom.
Frasier: Well Rebecca, a restaurant should be like a mistress. See one shouldn't feel she's over eager to please. It's far more enticing if you need her more than she needs you.
Lilith: Who is this she you're talking about, Frasier?
Frasier: Purely hypothetical.
Lilith: It's a little strange for a happily married man to go prattling on about a mistress.
Frasier: Oh come on, hon. Give me this one. You already heard me admit I was whipped in front of the boys.
Lilith: That was good.
Frasier: Well Rebecca, a restaurant should be like a mistress. See one shouldn't feel she's over eager to please. It's far more enticing if you need her more than she needs you.
Lilith: Who is this she you're talking about, Frasier?
Frasier: Purely hypothetical.
Lilith: It's a little strange for a happily married man to go prattling on about a mistress.
Frasier: Oh come on, hon. Give me this one. You already heard me admit I was whipped in front of the boys.
Lilith: That was good.
TV Show: Cheers
Norm: I have a new industrial paint sprayer. It gets the job done in a couple of hours.
Cliff: Very clever.
Norm: It was invented by the Japanese so they could paint more efficiently, more quickly.
Frasier: Whereas you will use it to drink more beers, watch more TV, and put off everything until the very last minute.
Norm: Right. You see they're way ahead of us in technology but they don't have our creativity.
Cliff: Very clever.
Norm: It was invented by the Japanese so they could paint more efficiently, more quickly.
Frasier: Whereas you will use it to drink more beers, watch more TV, and put off everything until the very last minute.
Norm: Right. You see they're way ahead of us in technology but they don't have our creativity.
TV Show: Cheers
Cliff: Well that Paul, is the history of Western Civilization in a nutshell. You were right to come to me.
Paul: I didn't come to you, Cliff. I was waiting to use the phone.
Paul: I didn't come to you, Cliff. I was waiting to use the phone.
TV Show: Cheers
Frasier: Two grown men settling a rivalry by throwing a little white ball at a wooden stick. How pathetic. Now boxing, that's a man's sport. Punch a guy in the face and scramble his brains. That proves something.
Norm: Fraze, you're really coming around buddy.
Frasier: Thank you.
Norm: Fraze, you're really coming around buddy.
Frasier: Thank you.
TV Show: Cheers
Carla: Hey guys did I miss anything?
Norm: Sam hasn't started yet. Where've you been?
Carla: I've been visiting the other team. Ran into somebody I used to get hot and sweaty with.
Norm: Who's that?
Carla: The other team.
Norm: Sam hasn't started yet. Where've you been?
Carla: I've been visiting the other team. Ran into somebody I used to get hot and sweaty with.
Norm: Who's that?
Carla: The other team.
TV Show: Cheers
Sam: What just happened here guys?
Norm: Well you got shot down, Sam.
Sam: You know you read about those things but you never think they're going to happen to you.
Norm: Well you got shot down, Sam.
Sam: You know you read about those things but you never think they're going to happen to you.
TV Show: Cheers
Sam: Hey, this had been driving me crazy. I got to know something Paul.
Paul: What Sam?
Sam: I'll try to put this as delicately as I can because you're my friend and I like ya and I don't want to insult ya. Why would any girl be caught dead with you when she could be with me?
Paul: You thought that would offend me?
Sam: I'm serious. What did you do? Slip her a mickey or something?
Paul: Well since you asked me so nicely Sam, I'll tell ya. Paula is what we like to refer to as a chubby chaser.
Sam: You're kidding. You mean she like to go out with guys who are uh...
Paul: Portly Sam. The word is portly.
Paul: What Sam?
Sam: I'll try to put this as delicately as I can because you're my friend and I like ya and I don't want to insult ya. Why would any girl be caught dead with you when she could be with me?
Paul: You thought that would offend me?
Sam: I'm serious. What did you do? Slip her a mickey or something?
Paul: Well since you asked me so nicely Sam, I'll tell ya. Paula is what we like to refer to as a chubby chaser.
Sam: You're kidding. You mean she like to go out with guys who are uh...
Paul: Portly Sam. The word is portly.
TV Show: Cheers
Lilith: I don't know how comfortable I feel with this setup. He's just a baby. He needs supervision.
Frasier: Well Sam can take care of him.
Lilith: I'm talking about Sam. You know how out of control he can get at times. What a mess he can make.
Frasier: Sam can clean it up.
Lilith and Frasier: I'm talking about Sam.
Frasier: Darling, it will just be for a few hours.
Lilith: All right but if anything goes wrong he could be scarred for life.
Frasier: You mean Sam, right.
Lilith: Yes and it's a threat.
Frasier: Well Sam can take care of him.
Lilith: I'm talking about Sam. You know how out of control he can get at times. What a mess he can make.
Frasier: Sam can clean it up.
Lilith and Frasier: I'm talking about Sam.
Frasier: Darling, it will just be for a few hours.
Lilith: All right but if anything goes wrong he could be scarred for life.
Frasier: You mean Sam, right.
Lilith: Yes and it's a threat.
TV Show: Cheers
Sam: Say Carla, I'm babysitting tonight. You got any advice for me?
Carla: Sure. Here's everything you need to know about babies. Remember you're the boss. Don't let them give you any lip. And if they start to act crabby stick a bottle in their mouth.
Sam: Great, okay, good.
Kelly: Okay I'm ready.
Carla: Here's everything you need to know about customers. Remember you're the boss. Don't let them give you any lip. And if they start to act crabby, just stick a bottle in their mouths.
Carla: Sure. Here's everything you need to know about babies. Remember you're the boss. Don't let them give you any lip. And if they start to act crabby stick a bottle in their mouth.
Sam: Great, okay, good.
Kelly: Okay I'm ready.
Carla: Here's everything you need to know about customers. Remember you're the boss. Don't let them give you any lip. And if they start to act crabby, just stick a bottle in their mouths.
TV Show: Cheers
Frasier: [about Frederick and Sam] Isn't it sweet? My son and babysitter passed out in a bar.
TV Show: Cheers
Sam: Do you think guys have a biological clock? You know like they know it's time to have a kid.
Carla: Oh yeah. Usually when they say, "Hey Carla, you want to go out tonight?"
Carla: Oh yeah. Usually when they say, "Hey Carla, you want to go out tonight?"
TV Show: Cheers
Frasier: Sam, your whole life has been a string of meaningless albeit enjoyable sexual encounters. Now for the first time you're engaging in a meaningful productive pursuit. It's a common conflict between what we call recreational sex and procreational sex.
Sam: What?
Frasier: Oh, dirty sex and clean sex.
Sam: What?
Frasier: Oh, dirty sex and clean sex.
TV Show: Cheers
Sam: Woody, we're out of here. You're in charge of the bar.
Woody: Why bother, Sam? Whenever you put me in charge nobody every listens to me. I just get laughed at and get drinks poured over my head.
Sam: If anyone does that to you, you just sic Carla on them.
Woody: I'm talkin' about Carla.
Woody: Why bother, Sam? Whenever you put me in charge nobody every listens to me. I just get laughed at and get drinks poured over my head.
Sam: If anyone does that to you, you just sic Carla on them.
Woody: I'm talkin' about Carla.
TV Show: Cheers
Cliff: What do you say, Norm? For of us toolin' down old mother road, getting in touch with the old hairy man mobile.
Norm: I don't know. I don't think I can handle sitting still for six hours a day.
Cliff: It might be more like 20.
Norm: Oh then I'm in.
Norm: I don't know. I don't think I can handle sitting still for six hours a day.
Cliff: It might be more like 20.
Norm: Oh then I'm in.
TV Show: Cheers
Rebecca: Oh shoot. It's a minus. I'm not pregnant. Well we only started trying last night. I guess we can't expect to get pregnant the first time.
Sam: I thought that's what the fourth and fifth times were for.
Norm: Fifth time? Imagine that.
Cliff: I'm only up to three.
Sam: I thought that's what the fourth and fifth times were for.
Norm: Fifth time? Imagine that.
Cliff: I'm only up to three.
TV Show: Cheers
Pete: I wonder what's wrong with Carla.
Cliff: We all know what's wrong with Carla, but I'm the only one with enough courage to say it. Not enough bran.
[Carla pushes Cliff off his stool]
Cliff: We all know what's wrong with Carla, but I'm the only one with enough courage to say it. Not enough bran.
[Carla pushes Cliff off his stool]
TV Show: Cheers
Carla: Sam, I'm gonna read your mind. Okay, think of something.
Sam: Right now?
Carla: Yeah.
Sam: Okay.
Carla: You're thinkin' about your car.
Sam: Nope.
Carla: You're thinkin' about some babe.
Sam: Nope.
Carla: Wait a minute. Give me a minute. I can do this. Just give me a chance. You're thinkin' about your hair.
Sam: Nope.
Carla: Come on, Sam. That's everything you ever think about.
Sam: Right now?
Carla: Yeah.
Sam: Okay.
Carla: You're thinkin' about your car.
Sam: Nope.
Carla: You're thinkin' about some babe.
Sam: Nope.
Carla: Wait a minute. Give me a minute. I can do this. Just give me a chance. You're thinkin' about your hair.
Sam: Nope.
Carla: Come on, Sam. That's everything you ever think about.
TV Show: Cheers
Frasier: Oh say you know Norm, the guy on This Old House said you should apply paint with vertical strokes.
Norm: Yeah, what's This Old House?
Frasier: Well it's a show on PBS.
Norm: What's PBS?
Lilith: Tell me you didn't see that coming a mile away.
Norm: Yeah, what's This Old House?
Frasier: Well it's a show on PBS.
Norm: What's PBS?
Lilith: Tell me you didn't see that coming a mile away.
TV Show: Cheers
Rebecca: Carla, do you think I'll make a good mother?
Carla: Nope.
Rebecca: What do you mean?
Carla: You asked me a question. I gave you an answer.
Rebecca: But I'm serious.
Carla: Sorry I'm just being honest.
Rebecca: You're not being honest. You're being mean.
Carla: Sometimes you get a twofer.
Carla: Nope.
Rebecca: What do you mean?
Carla: You asked me a question. I gave you an answer.
Rebecca: But I'm serious.
Carla: Sorry I'm just being honest.
Rebecca: You're not being honest. You're being mean.
Carla: Sometimes you get a twofer.
TV Show: Cheers
Rebecca: I think I figured out why you haven't been able to give me a baby.
Sam: What makes you think it's my fault?
Rebecca: Well I've been doing some reading and I think I know what the problem is. You wear bikini briefs, don't you?
Sam: Sweetheart, I know the light's usually off but I do take them off.
Sam: What makes you think it's my fault?
Rebecca: Well I've been doing some reading and I think I know what the problem is. You wear bikini briefs, don't you?
Sam: Sweetheart, I know the light's usually off but I do take them off.
TV Show: Cheers
Cliff: The only real hurdle left is Ma. It's very traumatic when the woman you love more than anything else is the world meets your significant other.
Norm: Which would be which, Cliff?
Cliff: Now you see my problem.
Norm: Which would be which, Cliff?
Cliff: Now you see my problem.
TV Show: Cheers
Rebecca: I am not going to have a baby until I'll know I'll be a good parent.
Sam: Taking care of Carla's kids is not going to prove you're a good parent. It just proves you can survive in the wild.
Sam: Taking care of Carla's kids is not going to prove you're a good parent. It just proves you can survive in the wild.
TV Show: Cheers
Frasier: People. People. We cannot impose our own moral belief systems on these two.
Sam: Yes, thank you very much.
Frasier: The real question is, will they make responsible parents?
Rebecca: That's right.
Frasier: And the answer is an emphatic no.
Sam: Yes, thank you very much.
Frasier: The real question is, will they make responsible parents?
Rebecca: That's right.
Frasier: And the answer is an emphatic no.
TV Show: Cheers
Lilith: Frasier, we need to have a discussion.
Frasier: oh no, don't tell me you have a thing against Halloween too.
Lilith: I don't have a thing against Halloween. I just don't want my child panhandling door to door accepting non-nutritious snacks from strangers dressed in a silly costume.
Frasier: But darling, that is Halloween.
Lilith: Oh well, then I guess I do have a thing against it.
Frasier: oh no, don't tell me you have a thing against Halloween too.
Lilith: I don't have a thing against Halloween. I just don't want my child panhandling door to door accepting non-nutritious snacks from strangers dressed in a silly costume.
Frasier: But darling, that is Halloween.
Lilith: Oh well, then I guess I do have a thing against it.
TV Show: Cheers
Rebecca: I think you guys should just call it off. I mean I think it's childish.
Sam: Excuse me. Childish? Sweetheart, this is bar versus bar. We will use any weapons available to us; water balloons, stink bombs, whoopee cushions, and fake vomit. Yes fake vomit. Now how childish is it?
Sam: Excuse me. Childish? Sweetheart, this is bar versus bar. We will use any weapons available to us; water balloons, stink bombs, whoopee cushions, and fake vomit. Yes fake vomit. Now how childish is it?
TV Show: Cheers
Sam: Hey what's going on, Normie?
Norm: It's my birthday Sammy. Give me a beer, stick a candle in it, and I'll blow out my liver.
Norm: It's my birthday Sammy. Give me a beer, stick a candle in it, and I'll blow out my liver.
TV Show: Cheers
Lilith: Frasier, I've got to run. I'm having my photograph taken for a new ID badge at the lab.
Rebecca: Are you going to get your hair done for that?
Lilith: Why on earth should I?
Carla: Well at least get the tension on that bun checked. I mean if that baby goes, we are dead!
Lilith: That hardly seems just, coming from a woman whose hair has never seen a greasy pot it couldn't scrub clean.
Rebecca: Are you going to get your hair done for that?
Lilith: Why on earth should I?
Carla: Well at least get the tension on that bun checked. I mean if that baby goes, we are dead!
Lilith: That hardly seems just, coming from a woman whose hair has never seen a greasy pot it couldn't scrub clean.
TV Show: Cheers
Carla: What are you doing down here, Hill? Hair Club for Men meeting?
John Hill: Oh I didn't see you down there Miss Tortelli. Although frankly, [sniffs] you do announce your presence.
Carla: So have you decided what color you're going to dye your head for Easter?
John Hill: Why don't you just scuttle under the office door and get Sam?
Carla: [Yelling in Mr. Hill's face] SAM! HILL'S HERE!
John Hill: Oh I didn't see you down there Miss Tortelli. Although frankly, [sniffs] you do announce your presence.
Carla: So have you decided what color you're going to dye your head for Easter?
John Hill: Why don't you just scuttle under the office door and get Sam?
Carla: [Yelling in Mr. Hill's face] SAM! HILL'S HERE!
TV Show: Cheers
Woody: Hey Mr. P, how goes the search for Mr. Clavin?
Norm: Not as well as the search for Mr. Doughnut. I found him every couple of blocks.
Norm: Not as well as the search for Mr. Doughnut. I found him every couple of blocks.
TV Show: Cheers