Community Quotes
Shirley: I'm so sick of the dean jamming his PC-ness down my throat.
Jeff: Pierce, I'd like to commend you for letting that one go.
Jeff: Pierce, I'd like to commend you for letting that one go.
TV Show: Community
Britta: Guys, are we really going to let religion divide us? I think there's one thing we can all agree on.
Abed: I get 72 virgins in heaven.
Britta: ...No.
Abed: I get 72 virgins in heaven.
Britta: ...No.
TV Show: Community
Dean: Jeffrey, I am the least racist person in the world. My best friend, when I was six years old, was a black man!
TV Show: Community
Annie: Before we start, I'd like to have a preliminary pow-wow, or prelimi-wow, about what I'm calling our library's back-door conundrum.
Abed: That sounds like a porno starring Kate Winslet.
Abed: That sounds like a porno starring Kate Winslet.
TV Show: Community
Shirley: You don't see me saying anything crazy about Abed and Troy's weird relationship.
Abed and Troy: [to each other] They're just jealous.
Abed and Troy: [to each other] They're just jealous.
TV Show: Community
Dean Pelton: [over P.A.] It's Valentine's week, when the Greendale Human Being is the Cupid Being, delivering your gift to that special someone. But, remember, Cupid's face is magic marker on nylon, so love is not only blind but also dizzy and a little belligerent.
TV Show: Community
Abed: Another muffin basket, from another actress who wants to be in my next film.
Jeff: Does that work?
Abed: Yep. Meryl Streep has two Oscars because of her baking. Ah, that's sarcasm, but I forgot to inflect. This sounds way more like sarcasm. Inflection is so interesting.
Jeff: Does that work?
Abed: Yep. Meryl Streep has two Oscars because of her baking. Ah, that's sarcasm, but I forgot to inflect. This sounds way more like sarcasm. Inflection is so interesting.
TV Show: Community
[Abed is being a "different version of himself"; Annie is standing in as the girl]
Abed: What are you reading?
Annie: Pride and Prejudice.
Abed: So you're familiar with two sins... how about a third?
. . .
Shirley: Abed, what are you doing?!
Abed: Don Draper from Mad Men. What did you think?
Britta: Weird.
Troy: Awesome.
Pierce: Put your tongue in her ear.
Abed: What are you reading?
Annie: Pride and Prejudice.
Abed: So you're familiar with two sins... how about a third?
. . .
Shirley: Abed, what are you doing?!
Abed: Don Draper from Mad Men. What did you think?
Britta: Weird.
Troy: Awesome.
Pierce: Put your tongue in her ear.
TV Show: Community
Abed: The truth is lots of girls like me because, let's face it, I'm pretty adorable, and, uh, my aloofness unconsciously reminds them of their fathers, so... I'm more used to them approaching me.
Britta: So we didn't damage your self-esteem or anything?
Abed: Britta, I've got self-esteem falling out of my butt. That's why I was willing to change for you guys. When you really know who you are and what you like about yourself, changing for other people isn't such a big deal.
[There is a pause]
Jeff: Abed, you're a god.
Britta: So we didn't damage your self-esteem or anything?
Abed: Britta, I've got self-esteem falling out of my butt. That's why I was willing to change for you guys. When you really know who you are and what you like about yourself, changing for other people isn't such a big deal.
[There is a pause]
Jeff: Abed, you're a god.
TV Show: Community
Abed: I hope they're not twins. Twins freak me out. They always know what the other one is—
Troy: —Thinking?
Abed: Yeah. And they're always finishing each other's—
Troy: —Pie?
Abed: Exactly. It's creepy.
Troy: —Thinking?
Abed: Yeah. And they're always finishing each other's—
Troy: —Pie?
Abed: Exactly. It's creepy.
TV Show: Community
Jeff: [sobbing] I hate Glee.
Pierce: I'm not crazy about Glee either.
Jeff: I hate it! I don't understand the appeal at all.
Pierce: I'm not crazy about Glee either.
Jeff: I hate it! I don't understand the appeal at all.
TV Show: Community
Admiral Slaughter: I don't see students here; I see seamen. I didn't create them: from the moment you climbed aboard, I saw seamen inside you. More importantly, you've stopped giggling at the word "seamen," and that's the mark of a real seaman.
TV Show: Community
Abed: Anyone can be a lawyer. You can even represent yourself. You can't do surgery on yourself. It's illegal. You'd get arrested, and then you'd get a free lawyer.
TV Show: Community
Britta: "Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Cancer!" "Oh good, come on in, I thought it was Britta!"
TV Show: Community
Britta: Oh my God, you've been hit.
Jeff: What? Oh no! [rubs shirt] Wait, wait. It's blood. [laughs] I thought it was paint, but I'm just bleeding. Talk about luck!
Jeff: What? Oh no! [rubs shirt] Wait, wait. It's blood. [laughs] I thought it was paint, but I'm just bleeding. Talk about luck!
TV Show: Community
[Annie has betrayed the group]
Jeff: Now she is going to make the Disney face: her lip is going to quiver and her eyes will flutter but they won't ever actually close but do not feel sorry for her!
Jeff: Now she is going to make the Disney face: her lip is going to quiver and her eyes will flutter but they won't ever actually close but do not feel sorry for her!
TV Show: Community
Jeff: Friends don't do what you did to us. Did the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants poison each other's food so they were too sick to leave? No! I've never seen it, but I'm pretty sure they MAILED EACH OTHER PANTS!
Annie: I said I was sorry!
Jeff: Who cares if you're sorry; we're still screwed! Be sorry about this stuff before you do it, then DON'T DO IT!
Annie: I said I was sorry!
Jeff: Who cares if you're sorry; we're still screwed! Be sorry about this stuff before you do it, then DON'T DO IT!
TV Show: Community
Chang: [pulls out a roll of coins] Do you know what this is?
Duncan: A roll of quarters?
Chang: Yeah, that's right! [punches Duncan]
Duncan: A roll of quarters?
Chang: Yeah, that's right! [punches Duncan]
TV Show: Community
Chang: Guys, I got a confession to make. I took anthropology because I want to be a part of your study group. Now, I gotta do the honest thing and just ask. Is there any room in this pocket for a little spare Chang?
TV Show: Community
Jeff: Look, we have the strength to survive anything. What's the worst that can happen with Chang?
. . .
Chang: [growling] I told you they hate you. [chuckles; then, normally] No! They just said they needed more time! [menacingly] Time? They destroyed your life! How much time before we take revenge? [normally] But they're my friends! [menacingly]I'm your only friend! [normally] No! [menacingly, lifting his hands into the air] Ha ha ha! [normally] No!! [menacingly] Ah ha ha ha! [normally] Nooooo!
. . .
Chang: [growling] I told you they hate you. [chuckles; then, normally] No! They just said they needed more time! [menacingly] Time? They destroyed your life! How much time before we take revenge? [normally] But they're my friends! [menacingly]I'm your only friend! [normally] No! [menacingly, lifting his hands into the air] Ha ha ha! [normally] No!! [menacingly] Ah ha ha ha! [normally] Nooooo!
TV Show: Community
[Annie, Troy, and Abed are about to break into an office]
Troy: Annie, go back and keep lookout.
Annie: Wait, why me lookout; why not you guys?
Troy: 'Cause if someone comes up here Kanye and Kumar get taken to jail; you get taken to dinner.
Annie: [flouncing energetically] You guys! I'm the smartest one in this group and all I've been used for is bait and distraction! [notices that the others are looking at her chest] Ugh! Go on your stupid mission; I hope it sucks. [leaves]
Troy: What did she say?
Abed: I don't know.
Troy: All I heard was "suck".
Troy: Annie, go back and keep lookout.
Annie: Wait, why me lookout; why not you guys?
Troy: 'Cause if someone comes up here Kanye and Kumar get taken to jail; you get taken to dinner.
Annie: [flouncing energetically] You guys! I'm the smartest one in this group and all I've been used for is bait and distraction! [notices that the others are looking at her chest] Ugh! Go on your stupid mission; I hope it sucks. [leaves]
Troy: What did she say?
Abed: I don't know.
Troy: All I heard was "suck".
TV Show: Community
Shirley: [excitedly] Guys, guys, do you know I actually have a civil case against that bitch that stole my husband?
Jeff: Shirley, don't sue a stripper.
Shirley: Why not?
Jeff: She's a stripper: life sued her, and she lost.
Jeff: Shirley, don't sue a stripper.
Shirley: Why not?
Jeff: She's a stripper: life sued her, and she lost.
TV Show: Community
Jeff: [to Britta and Annie] Wow. You guys are real downers. I can't believe I made out with both of you.
TV Show: Community
Duncan: [watching Britta and Annie wrestle in oil] Now this is why I came to America.
TV Show: Community
Abed: [about the new space simulator] Once we clean it, can we go inside?
Dean Pelton: No. That is a job for some upstanding students, who are training right now in the simulator simulator.
Leonard: [sitting in a cardboard box] Great job on this. Hard to believe I'm not really not really in space.
Dean Pelton: No. That is a job for some upstanding students, who are training right now in the simulator simulator.
Leonard: [sitting in a cardboard box] Great job on this. Hard to believe I'm not really not really in space.
TV Show: Community