Corner Gas Quotes
Oscar: I didn't know whether to tell you this or not, but someone in town has a crush on me.
Emma: A crush...on you? You couldn't get a dog to lick you if you were covered in gravy.
Oscar: What the hell are you talking about? Dogs lick me all the time.
Emma: So who's got a crush on you? Is Helen Keller back in town?
Emma: A crush...on you? You couldn't get a dog to lick you if you were covered in gravy.
Oscar: What the hell are you talking about? Dogs lick me all the time.
Emma: So who's got a crush on you? Is Helen Keller back in town?
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Emma: You're going to the doctor.
Oscar: Over my dead body!
Emma: That'd speed things up.
Oscar: Over my dead body!
Emma: That'd speed things up.
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Brent: You're going to be around for a long time.
Oscar: How do you know?
Brent: Because I've angered the karma gods and you're my punishment.
Oscar: How do you know?
Brent: Because I've angered the karma gods and you're my punishment.
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Karen: Do you know how fast you were going back there?
Stephen: Uh, ninety-seven?
Karen: Oh, that's a relief, radar gun's workin'.
Stephen: Uh, ninety-seven?
Karen: Oh, that's a relief, radar gun's workin'.
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Mrs. Jensen: When your father ran the place, the customer was always respected.
Oscar: Hey, jackass, stop talking to this old wingnut and come pump my gas!
Brent: Well, he's a people person.
Oscar: Hey, jackass, stop talking to this old wingnut and come pump my gas!
Brent: Well, he's a people person.
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Paul Kinistino: If anyone wants to give Oscar $1.20 to shut up about the bottle thing, he's in the corner.
Oscar: I'm a senior!
Oscar: I'm a senior!
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Davis: Do you think my new cell phone is small?
Karen: I don't know.
Davis: Brent's got a smaller one. I mean I wasn't looking at it on purpose, he had it out and I just glanced at it.
Karen: Right.
Davis: But mine is small right? I mean how small would you say is normal? You get an inaccurate idea because you see smaller ones in movies and magazines and stuff. But for a normal person's cell phone mine is small, smaller than average.
Karen: I don't think anyone really cares as long as it works.
Karen: I don't know.
Davis: Brent's got a smaller one. I mean I wasn't looking at it on purpose, he had it out and I just glanced at it.
Karen: Right.
Davis: But mine is small right? I mean how small would you say is normal? You get an inaccurate idea because you see smaller ones in movies and magazines and stuff. But for a normal person's cell phone mine is small, smaller than average.
Karen: I don't think anyone really cares as long as it works.
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Brent: No, Dad, I didn't lose it. ...How could I be talkin' to you on it if I had lost it?
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Lacey: Karen, I'm glad you're here. Look, we need to talk about the book club.
Karen: I thought the first rule of book club was you don't talk about book club.
Lacey: That's fight club.
Karen: What do you know about fight club?
Karen: I thought the first rule of book club was you don't talk about book club.
Lacey: That's fight club.
Karen: What do you know about fight club?
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Lacey: Right now we're reading Life of Pi.
Hank: Oh, a detective novel.
Lacy: What?
Hank: You know, PI. Private investigator.
Hank: Oh, a detective novel.
Lacy: What?
Hank: You know, PI. Private investigator.
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Wanda: Now, I just need to finish the set design. I'm thinking something shiny. Bright colours, red, green, flashing lights...
Brent: So, old Christmas decorations.
Wanda: Yeah!
Brent: Fine, you deck the halls but I'm not donning any gay apparel.
Wanda: Okay.
Brent: So, old Christmas decorations.
Wanda: Yeah!
Brent: Fine, you deck the halls but I'm not donning any gay apparel.
Wanda: Okay.
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Karen: I can't believe you're sending me in without back-up.
Davis: It's just a fishing trip, Karen.
Karen: But it's with Hank, twelve hours, killing fish.
Davis: If it gets to you, you don't have to kill him, just throw him into the lake.
Karen: I wasn't worried about the fish.
Davis: I wasn't talking about the fish.
Davis: It's just a fishing trip, Karen.
Karen: But it's with Hank, twelve hours, killing fish.
Davis: If it gets to you, you don't have to kill him, just throw him into the lake.
Karen: I wasn't worried about the fish.
Davis: I wasn't talking about the fish.
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Davis: Uh... I came to use your skate sharpener.
Oscar: Getting ready for the season opener, eh? Geez, I can't wait.
Davis: I heard we almost lost Brent.
Oscar: What do you mean?
Davis: The Stonewood Saints asked him to play for their team.
Oscar: They what? Sons of... How would they like it if we went there and burnt down their rink?
Karen: That genuinely seems like an appropriate response to you?
Oscar: Getting ready for the season opener, eh? Geez, I can't wait.
Davis: I heard we almost lost Brent.
Oscar: What do you mean?
Davis: The Stonewood Saints asked him to play for their team.
Oscar: They what? Sons of... How would they like it if we went there and burnt down their rink?
Karen: That genuinely seems like an appropriate response to you?
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Rocket Ronnie: Over-celebrating a bit for a tie, aren't we boys?
Hank: You're just upset because you didn't win! You poor tie-ers!
Brent: Yeah, sleep well tonight knowing you don't suck less than we do!
Hank: You're just upset because you didn't win! You poor tie-ers!
Brent: Yeah, sleep well tonight knowing you don't suck less than we do!
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Brent: They're frightened and confused by the weird newness.
Lacey: They're ranklin' at the weird newness.
Lacey: They're ranklin' at the weird newness.
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Davis: [after losing the Grey Cup tickets] Well, I'll have to go to a scalper.
Karen: Isn't it weird for you to go to a scalper?
Davis: Why? Because I'm a Cree man? I resent that!
Karen: Because you're a police officer and scalping tickets is illegal.
Davis: Oh yeah.
Karen: Isn't it weird for you to go to a scalper?
Davis: Why? Because I'm a Cree man? I resent that!
Karen: Because you're a police officer and scalping tickets is illegal.
Davis: Oh yeah.
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Hank: Hey Oscar, does your friend Russell like to lie on the kitchen floor with a phone in his hand?
Oscar: No.
Hank: Then either this guy ain't Russell, or your friend Russell's dead.
[Oscar runs over and sees Russell is dead.]
Oscar: Told ya he was here.
Oscar: No.
Hank: Then either this guy ain't Russell, or your friend Russell's dead.
[Oscar runs over and sees Russell is dead.]
Oscar: Told ya he was here.
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Karen: I know you're my senior officer, so I say this with all due respect: How stupid are you? You can't just fire your gun off willy-nilly!
Davis: It wasn't willy-nilly. It was at crows.
Davis: It wasn't willy-nilly. It was at crows.
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Brent: Or you could have just said 'We lost the photos'....Mind you that wouldn't have been as emotionally scarring.
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[Fitzy and a woman accuse Brent of making fun of people.]
Brent: I'm a monster? A monster with a game?
Brent: I'm a monster? A monster with a game?
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Oscar: How'd you lose your sense of smell in the first place?
Davis: I got hit in the face with a ball.
Oscar: Then what you need to do is get hit with a ball again.
Davis: I don't think that'll work.
Oscar: Why not?
Davis: Because this isn't Gilligan's Island.
Davis: I got hit in the face with a ball.
Oscar: Then what you need to do is get hit with a ball again.
Davis: I don't think that'll work.
Oscar: Why not?
Davis: Because this isn't Gilligan's Island.
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Oscar: You're about to watch yourself lose a customer!
Man: I let you play here for free.
Oscar: Not any more you don't.
Man: I let you play here for free.
Oscar: Not any more you don't.
TV Show: Corner Gas