Coupling Quotes
Felix Ungar: [serving refreshments at the poker game] Cold glass of beer for Roy...
Roy: Thank you.
Felix Ungar: Where's your coaster?
Roy: My what?
Felix Ungar: Your coaster. The little round thing that goes under the glass.
Roy: I think I bet it.
Oscar Madison: [tosses the coaster back to Roy] Here, here, here. I knew I was winning too much! Here.
Felix Ungar: Always try to use your coasters, huh, fellas? A scotch and a little bit of water...
Speed: Scotch and a little bit of water and I have my coaster.
Felix Ungar: I don't want to be a pest, but you know what glasses can do.
Oscar Madison: [under his breath] They leave little rings on the table.
Felix Ungar: They leave little rings on the table!
Oscar Madison: [under his breath] And we don't want little rings on the table.
Roy: Thank you.
Felix Ungar: Where's your coaster?
Roy: My what?
Felix Ungar: Your coaster. The little round thing that goes under the glass.
Roy: I think I bet it.
Oscar Madison: [tosses the coaster back to Roy] Here, here, here. I knew I was winning too much! Here.
Felix Ungar: Always try to use your coasters, huh, fellas? A scotch and a little bit of water...
Speed: Scotch and a little bit of water and I have my coaster.
Felix Ungar: I don't want to be a pest, but you know what glasses can do.
Oscar Madison: [under his breath] They leave little rings on the table.
Felix Ungar: They leave little rings on the table!
Oscar Madison: [under his breath] And we don't want little rings on the table.
Movie: Coupling
Oscar Madison: Was it San Marino?
Felix Ungar: Not San Marino, maybe San Quentino.
Oscar Madison: Not San Quentino, San Sorina.
Felix Ungar: No not San Sorina.
Oscar Madison: San Mateo. San Clemente. Roberto Clemente.
Felix Ungar: Sancho Pancho. Pancho Gonzales.
Oscar Madison: Ferrando Lamas, Ricardo Montalban.
Felix Ungar: Ricky Ricardo!
Felix Ungar: Not San Marino, maybe San Quentino.
Oscar Madison: Not San Quentino, San Sorina.
Felix Ungar: No not San Sorina.
Oscar Madison: San Mateo. San Clemente. Roberto Clemente.
Felix Ungar: Sancho Pancho. Pancho Gonzales.
Oscar Madison: Ferrando Lamas, Ricardo Montalban.
Felix Ungar: Ricky Ricardo!
Movie: Coupling
Oscar Madison: I'm in for a quarter.
Murray: Aren't you going to look at your cards first?
Oscar Madison: What for? I'm gonna bluff anyway. Who gets a Pepsi?
Murray: I get a Pepsi.
Oscar Madison: My friend Murray the policeman gets a warm Pepsi.
Roy: You still didn't fix the refrigerator. It's been two weeks now - no wonder it stinks in here.
Oscar Madison: Temper, temper. If I wanted nagging, I'd go back with my wife. I'm out. Who wants food?
Murray: What do you got?
Oscar Madison: I got, uh, brown sandwiches and, uh, green sandwiches. Which one do you want?
Murray: What's the green?
Oscar Madison: It's either very new cheese or very old meat.
Murray: I'll take the brown. [Oscar hands Murray a sandwich which Murray starts wolfing down]
Roy: Are you crazy? You're not going to eat that, are you?
Murray: I'm hungry!
Roy: His refrigerator has been out of order for two weeks now. I saw milk standing in there that wasn't even in the bottle!
Oscar Madison: What are you, some kind of health nut? Eat, Murray, eat!
Murray: Aren't you going to look at your cards first?
Oscar Madison: What for? I'm gonna bluff anyway. Who gets a Pepsi?
Murray: I get a Pepsi.
Oscar Madison: My friend Murray the policeman gets a warm Pepsi.
Roy: You still didn't fix the refrigerator. It's been two weeks now - no wonder it stinks in here.
Oscar Madison: Temper, temper. If I wanted nagging, I'd go back with my wife. I'm out. Who wants food?
Murray: What do you got?
Oscar Madison: I got, uh, brown sandwiches and, uh, green sandwiches. Which one do you want?
Murray: What's the green?
Oscar Madison: It's either very new cheese or very old meat.
Murray: I'll take the brown. [Oscar hands Murray a sandwich which Murray starts wolfing down]
Roy: Are you crazy? You're not going to eat that, are you?
Murray: I'm hungry!
Roy: His refrigerator has been out of order for two weeks now. I saw milk standing in there that wasn't even in the bottle!
Oscar Madison: What are you, some kind of health nut? Eat, Murray, eat!
Movie: Coupling
Thelma: You know, Oscar, if I didn't know better, I'd say a nice old grandfather like you was trying to hit on a couple of ladies.
Oscar Madison: I'm not as old as I look. I had this plastic surgery done recently, and the quack doctor botched it up.
Holly: Your friend doesn't say much, does he?
Oscar Madison: He's the doctor who botched it up.
Oscar Madison: I'm not as old as I look. I had this plastic surgery done recently, and the quack doctor botched it up.
Holly: Your friend doesn't say much, does he?
Oscar Madison: He's the doctor who botched it up.
Movie: Coupling
[After Oscar has throat surgery.]
Felix: You sound terrible.
Oscar: No kidding, I just had my throat circumcised!
Felix: You sound terrible.
Oscar: No kidding, I just had my throat circumcised!
Movie: Coupling
[Felix and Oscar are sprayed by a crop dusting airplane]
Felix Ungar: What the hell was that?
Oscar Madison: They purposely did it. They hate New Yorkers.
Felix Ungar: Who's going to pick us up now? We look like a couple of Pillsbury Doughboys.
Oscar Madison: Well we'd better get out of the sun before we start to rise.
Felix Ungar: What the hell was that?
Oscar Madison: They purposely did it. They hate New Yorkers.
Felix Ungar: Who's going to pick us up now? We look like a couple of Pillsbury Doughboys.
Oscar Madison: Well we'd better get out of the sun before we start to rise.
Movie: Coupling
Jeff: I mean, where exactly do you take your socks off? My advice is to take them off right after your shoes, and before your trousers. That’s the sock gap. Miss it, and suddenly you’re a naked man in socks. No self-respecting woman will ever let a naked man in socks do the squelchy with her.
TV Show: Coupling
Sally: Remember: every morning your face has slipped a little bit more. Since 30 I have had to put a daily limit on facial expressions. I only ever smile at single men, so I can justify the loss of elasticity.
TV Show: Coupling
Jeff: Steve, do you know what I call this kind of woman? You know, the type you "can't get rid of."
Steve: Is this gonna be really tasteless? Am I gonna be ashamed to be your friend?
Jeff: It's a technical term. It's just a harmless expression...
Steve: Hit me.
Jeff: "Unflushable!"
Steve: Turn around, Jeff; walk away!
Jeff: You know, because they keep bobbing around...
Steve: No, no, no, Jeff! GO! GO! ...Don't look back. GO!
Steve: Is this gonna be really tasteless? Am I gonna be ashamed to be your friend?
Jeff: It's a technical term. It's just a harmless expression...
Steve: Hit me.
Jeff: "Unflushable!"
Steve: Turn around, Jeff; walk away!
Jeff: You know, because they keep bobbing around...
Steve: No, no, no, Jeff! GO! GO! ...Don't look back. GO!
TV Show: Coupling
Jeff: [drunk] It must be a lot easier being gay. Sex must be a piece of piss if you're gay.
Howard: And why is that?
Jeff: If you're gay, see... if you're gay, masturbation is practice. Y'know, you can have a good old practice on your own, and then later, when you're ready, when you've got the hang of it, you have a go on someone else's. It's a piece of piss.... See, it's different... it's different when you're a straight bloke. When we finally get our hands on the gear, let me tell you, it's not a drill. Gays have their own practice kit, but you don't get any practice women. We're supposed to fly those babies the first time we get in 'em!
Howard: That's a very good point, actually.
Sally: No it's not, it's homophobic, you stupid queen!
Jane: Hello! There's no such thing as homophobia, just people-phobia!
Howard: And why is that?
Jeff: If you're gay, see... if you're gay, masturbation is practice. Y'know, you can have a good old practice on your own, and then later, when you're ready, when you've got the hang of it, you have a go on someone else's. It's a piece of piss.... See, it's different... it's different when you're a straight bloke. When we finally get our hands on the gear, let me tell you, it's not a drill. Gays have their own practice kit, but you don't get any practice women. We're supposed to fly those babies the first time we get in 'em!
Howard: That's a very good point, actually.
Sally: No it's not, it's homophobic, you stupid queen!
Jane: Hello! There's no such thing as homophobia, just people-phobia!
TV Show: Coupling
Sally: Patrick, what do you call people you go out with but don't try to sleep with?
Patrick: Men?
Patrick: Men?
TV Show: Coupling
Patrick: You can’t prevent death with face cream.
Sally: Yeah? That’s what everyone thinks, but no-one’s ever used it in the quantities I do.
Sally: Yeah? That’s what everyone thinks, but no-one’s ever used it in the quantities I do.
TV Show: Coupling
Patrick: What's a giggle loop?
Jeff: Don't ask! To know about the giggle loop is to become part OF the giggle loop!
Jeff: Don't ask! To know about the giggle loop is to become part OF the giggle loop!
TV Show: Coupling
Bar staff: What are you doing?
Jeff: ...It's a giggle loop.
Bar staff: It's not a loop, it's a stack.
Jeff: Well I couldn't call it a giggle stack now, could I.
Steve: That would sound ridiculous.
Patrick: Exactly!
Jeff: ...It's a giggle loop.
Bar staff: It's not a loop, it's a stack.
Jeff: Well I couldn't call it a giggle stack now, could I.
Steve: That would sound ridiculous.
Patrick: Exactly!
TV Show: Coupling
Steve: I don't know if she has seen the tape. And if she has seen it, what does she think? That I'm some kind of masturbating pervert?
Jeff: You are.
Patrick: We all are.
Steve: True.
Jeff: You are.
Patrick: We all are.
Steve: True.
TV Show: Coupling
Jill: How could you possibly enjoy a film like that?
Steve: Oh, because it's got naked women in it! Look, I like naked women! I'm a bloke! I'm supposed to like them! We're born like that. We like naked women as soon as we're pulled out of one. Halfway down the birth canal, we're already enjoying the view. Look, it's the four pillars of the male heterosexual psyche. We like: naked women, stockings, lesbians, and Sean Connery best as James Bond. Because that is what being a boy is. And if you don't like it, darling, join a film collective. Look, I want to spend the rest of my life with the woman at the end of that table there. But that does not stop me wanting to see several thousand more naked bottoms before I die. Because that's what being a bloke is. When Man invented fire, he didn't say "Hey, let's cook!" He said: "Great! Now we can see naked bottoms in the dark!" As soon as Caxton invented the printing press, we were using it to make pictures of - hey! - naked bottoms. We've turned the internet into an enormous international database of... naked bottoms. So, you see, the story of male achievement through the ages, feeble though it may have been, has been the story of our struggle to get a better look at your bottoms. Frankly, girls, I'm not so sure how insulted you really ought to be.
Steve: Oh, because it's got naked women in it! Look, I like naked women! I'm a bloke! I'm supposed to like them! We're born like that. We like naked women as soon as we're pulled out of one. Halfway down the birth canal, we're already enjoying the view. Look, it's the four pillars of the male heterosexual psyche. We like: naked women, stockings, lesbians, and Sean Connery best as James Bond. Because that is what being a boy is. And if you don't like it, darling, join a film collective. Look, I want to spend the rest of my life with the woman at the end of that table there. But that does not stop me wanting to see several thousand more naked bottoms before I die. Because that's what being a bloke is. When Man invented fire, he didn't say "Hey, let's cook!" He said: "Great! Now we can see naked bottoms in the dark!" As soon as Caxton invented the printing press, we were using it to make pictures of - hey! - naked bottoms. We've turned the internet into an enormous international database of... naked bottoms. So, you see, the story of male achievement through the ages, feeble though it may have been, has been the story of our struggle to get a better look at your bottoms. Frankly, girls, I'm not so sure how insulted you really ought to be.
TV Show: Coupling
Jane: I'm an emotional vegetarian. I know a lot of vegetarians and we tend to like the same films.
TV Show: Coupling
Jeff: I need breasts with brains. I don’t mean individual brains, obviously... I mean, not a brain each. You know, I like intelligent women, but you’ve got to draw the line somewhere.
Steve: You draw the line at intelligent breasts?
Jeff: I think breast brains would be over-egging the woman pudding.
Steve: You draw the line at intelligent breasts?
Jeff: I think breast brains would be over-egging the woman pudding.
TV Show: Coupling
Jeff: Do you know what would be the best way to wipe out all of human kind?... Make all women telepathic because if they suddenly found out about the kind of stuff that goes on in our heads they'd kill us all on the spot. Men are not people. We are disgustoids in human form!
TV Show: Coupling
Steve: Well, how'd it go?
Jeff: She's leaving the country, doesn't speak English, I insulted her friend's breasts and she thinks I collect women's ears in a bucket.
Steve: Well, you've had worse.
Jeff: She's leaving the country, doesn't speak English, I insulted her friend's breasts and she thinks I collect women's ears in a bucket.
Steve: Well, you've had worse.
TV Show: Coupling
Jeff: You know, when I was a kid, I used to write the word "naked" hundreds of times on a bit of paper and then rub my face in it. It's better than sex.
TV Show: Coupling
Sally: "Room in your cupboard for one more"? You said that?
Jane: Yeah. I really thought I'd gone to his house, you know, to "heal our spiritual divide," but it turns out I was just gagging for a shag. Those two are so similar!
Jane: Yeah. I really thought I'd gone to his house, you know, to "heal our spiritual divide," but it turns out I was just gagging for a shag. Those two are so similar!
TV Show: Coupling
Patrick: There's one thing I don't get here. You've seen this woman on the train and you find her attractive, right?
Jeff: Yeah.
Patrick: And you haven't had sex with her?
Jeff: No.
Patrick: You see my problem?
Steve: Let me explain, Patrick. Here on Earth, there is a gap between seeing someone you like and having sex with them that we like to call conversation. In Jeff's case, it can last for up to ten years.
Patrick: Are you saying I don't converse? I converse. I talk to women.
Steve: Well, do the women talk too?
Patrick: [pause] Well, they must do.
Jeff: Yeah.
Patrick: And you haven't had sex with her?
Jeff: No.
Patrick: You see my problem?
Steve: Let me explain, Patrick. Here on Earth, there is a gap between seeing someone you like and having sex with them that we like to call conversation. In Jeff's case, it can last for up to ten years.
Patrick: Are you saying I don't converse? I converse. I talk to women.
Steve: Well, do the women talk too?
Patrick: [pause] Well, they must do.
TV Show: Coupling
Steve: You know what they say: If music be the food of love, then masturbation is just a snack between meals.
TV Show: Coupling
[Patrick doesn't realize a sculpture of his penis was actually for a sex toy]
Steve: I think you may have been had, mate.
Jeff: And a lot more often than you realize.
Steve: I think you may have been had, mate.
Jeff: And a lot more often than you realize.
TV Show: Coupling