CSI - Crime Scene Investigation Quotes
Grissom: Greg, how many licks are take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
Greg: The world may never know.
Warrick: Just see if you get some DNA off this stick, would you?
Greg: All work and no play makes Greg a dull boy.
Grissom: All play and no work makes Greg an unemployed boy.
Greg: The world may never know.
Warrick: Just see if you get some DNA off this stick, would you?
Greg: All work and no play makes Greg a dull boy.
Grissom: All play and no work makes Greg an unemployed boy.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Warrick: I blew it.
Grissom: Yeah. But you're not the one who's paying for it.
Grissom: Yeah. But you're not the one who's paying for it.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Greg: I thought we had a relationship! What are you doing taking Archie into the field instead of me?
Nick: Right tool for the right job, man. You have to understand the world you're investigating (Greg gives Nick a look) Hey, Archie? What's that "Star Trek" episode with that guy and the forehead thingy and the time portal...?
Archie: In classic, TNG, DS9, Voyager or Enterprise?
Greg: Point taken.
Archie: Or were you thinking about Farscape?
Nick: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Nick: Right tool for the right job, man. You have to understand the world you're investigating (Greg gives Nick a look) Hey, Archie? What's that "Star Trek" episode with that guy and the forehead thingy and the time portal...?
Archie: In classic, TNG, DS9, Voyager or Enterprise?
Greg: Point taken.
Archie: Or were you thinking about Farscape?
Nick: I have no idea what you're talking about.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Grissom: Even the greatest intentions are filled with disappointment.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Nick: The semen sample I recovered is still being processed in DNA.
Greg: [walks in] Not anymore. I'm done. And no jokes about me being fast in this department. The ejaculate outside the first girl's window -- spank high. Good news: It does have DNA.
Nick: Whose?
Greg: I don't know. Ran it through CODIS, nothing kicked out.
Catherine: Well, it's possible this guy's so new he doesn't even have a record.
Greg: Well, I can tell you this about him: Really low sperm count. Sample hardly had any swimmers.
Nick: That's probably from excessive masturbation. Guy's outpacing his ability to produce ... [he looks up and finds everyone staring at him] ... sperm.
Warrick: You'd know it, spanky
Greg: [walks in] Not anymore. I'm done. And no jokes about me being fast in this department. The ejaculate outside the first girl's window -- spank high. Good news: It does have DNA.
Nick: Whose?
Greg: I don't know. Ran it through CODIS, nothing kicked out.
Catherine: Well, it's possible this guy's so new he doesn't even have a record.
Greg: Well, I can tell you this about him: Really low sperm count. Sample hardly had any swimmers.
Nick: That's probably from excessive masturbation. Guy's outpacing his ability to produce ... [he looks up and finds everyone staring at him] ... sperm.
Warrick: You'd know it, spanky
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
[Sara gives Bobby the bullet from her friend to process]
Bobby: Hang on a second. [smiling] You get approval from Grissom, I don't want him walking in on me.
Sara: [nodding] Yeah.
Bobby: Sara Sidle.
Sara: [smiling] Yeah, I did!
Bobby: All right. Just checking!
Bobby: Hang on a second. [smiling] You get approval from Grissom, I don't want him walking in on me.
Sara: [nodding] Yeah.
Bobby: Sara Sidle.
Sara: [smiling] Yeah, I did!
Bobby: All right. Just checking!
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Grissom: May we come in?
Lady Heather: Say the magic word...
Brass: Warrant.
Lady Heather: Say the magic word...
Brass: Warrant.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Brass: We are going back to Lady Heather's.
Grissom: I can take care of this myself.
Brass: Gil, do me a favor. Get a sport car. It's a lot cheaper and easier to handle.
Grissom: I can take care of this myself.
Brass: Gil, do me a favor. Get a sport car. It's a lot cheaper and easier to handle.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Lady Heather: Unfortunately the language we speak in here doesn't necessarily translate to the world out there.
Grissom: No, in here, the submissive has the power... all he has to do is say the safety word and everything stops.
Lady Heather: Very good, Mr. Grissom.
Grissom: I'm just repeating what I've heard.
Lady Heather: You're a good listener.
Grissom: Part of the job.
Lady Heather: So, this is work?
Grissom: Yes, but I value your insight.
Lady Heather: I'm flattered...but you already seem to know the answers to your questions. You keep me in proximity when I walk away [She moves closer to him] and when I'm close you watch my lips. Are you losing your hearing?
Grissom: I'm losing my balance.
Lady Heather: Your sense of self?
Grissom: No, I know who I am.
Lady Heather: Do you?
Grissom: Yes... I do. [He touches one side of her cheek with one hand then the other with his other hand] You can always say "stop".
Lady Heather: So can you.
Grissom: No, in here, the submissive has the power... all he has to do is say the safety word and everything stops.
Lady Heather: Very good, Mr. Grissom.
Grissom: I'm just repeating what I've heard.
Lady Heather: You're a good listener.
Grissom: Part of the job.
Lady Heather: So, this is work?
Grissom: Yes, but I value your insight.
Lady Heather: I'm flattered...but you already seem to know the answers to your questions. You keep me in proximity when I walk away [She moves closer to him] and when I'm close you watch my lips. Are you losing your hearing?
Grissom: I'm losing my balance.
Lady Heather: Your sense of self?
Grissom: No, I know who I am.
Lady Heather: Do you?
Grissom: Yes... I do. [He touches one side of her cheek with one hand then the other with his other hand] You can always say "stop".
Lady Heather: So can you.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
[Screen fades, then the next scene of them is in the morning at Lady Heather's house, having tea]
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Detective Cyrus: Death: the cheapest show in Vegas.
Grissom: Yeah. it doesn't suprise me. Remember the MGM fire? We found people burned to their slot machines cause they wouldn't leave the action.
Detective Cyrus: Only in Vegas.
Grissom: Yeah. it doesn't suprise me. Remember the MGM fire? We found people burned to their slot machines cause they wouldn't leave the action.
Detective Cyrus: Only in Vegas.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Nick: Feces?
Grissom: Yep.
Nick: Under the fingernail?
Grissom: Yep. [Nick looks up with pained expression]
Nick: He wiped his own ass?
Grissom: [laughs] No, Nick, it's not human. It's scat. Could be from a bat.
Nick: Bat scat.
Grissom: Bat guano.
Grissom: Yep.
Nick: Under the fingernail?
Grissom: Yep. [Nick looks up with pained expression]
Nick: He wiped his own ass?
Grissom: [laughs] No, Nick, it's not human. It's scat. Could be from a bat.
Nick: Bat scat.
Grissom: Bat guano.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Nick: There's a sucker born every minute.
Grissom: Yep, and they all come to Vegas.
Grissom: Yep, and they all come to Vegas.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Grissom: Bats are like bees, Nick. Don't bother them, and they won't bother you.
Nick: Let's not bother them... I mean it.
Nick: Let's not bother them... I mean it.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Greg: Hey, I hear you're working on Hank's case.
Sara: I believe it's my case.
Greg: Territorial. You know, guys don't like that.
Sara: You're crowding me, Greg.
Greg: Well, I have some information that'll bring us even closer.
Sara: I believe it's my case.
Greg: Territorial. You know, guys don't like that.
Sara: You're crowding me, Greg.
Greg: Well, I have some information that'll bring us even closer.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Grissom: What happened to your enthuasism, Greg?
Greg: Well, everytime I make a DNA match in here my world gets a little smaller. Out there I felt large.
Grissom: Out there... means a pay cut.
Greg: It's not about the money.
Grissom: That's good to know.
Greg: Well, everytime I make a DNA match in here my world gets a little smaller. Out there I felt large.
Grissom: Out there... means a pay cut.
Greg: It's not about the money.
Grissom: That's good to know.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Doorman: Sorry, 5 dollars to get in.
Brass: [Pointing to his badge] I got a coupon.
Brass: [Pointing to his badge] I got a coupon.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Sara: What do you think caused these marks?
Hodges: Give me more time. I'm not a miracle worker.
Sara: Well, that's obvious, Hodges. If you were a miracle worker, you wouldn't be rude.
Hodges: I wasn't being rude. I was being curt. Rude would be, "When I know, you'll know." Friends?
Sara: No.
Hodges: Give me more time. I'm not a miracle worker.
Sara: Well, that's obvious, Hodges. If you were a miracle worker, you wouldn't be rude.
Hodges: I wasn't being rude. I was being curt. Rude would be, "When I know, you'll know." Friends?
Sara: No.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Catherine: Hi. What'd I miss?
Grissom: Murder, seduction, deceit — the usual.
Catherine: Mm. This one of your favorites?
Grissom: Actually, I'm not a big fan of noir.
Catherine: Okay. Well, what do you like?
Grissom: I like silent movies.
Grissom: Murder, seduction, deceit — the usual.
Catherine: Mm. This one of your favorites?
Grissom: Actually, I'm not a big fan of noir.
Catherine: Okay. Well, what do you like?
Grissom: I like silent movies.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Brass: I'm chasing something that Gil Grissom isn't interested in ... a hunch.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Nick: You sure you don't want me to do this?
Sara: Are you kidding? I live for this. I mean, Shelley Stark and I are the same height and weight.
Nick: Yeah, but you're taller, thinner.
Sara: Oh, butter that toast, Nick.
Sara: Are you kidding? I live for this. I mean, Shelley Stark and I are the same height and weight.
Nick: Yeah, but you're taller, thinner.
Sara: Oh, butter that toast, Nick.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Catherine: It's physically impossible to absorb a fatal dose of cocaine through the penis.
Grissom: Cite your source.
Grissom: Cite your source.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Brass: Did you hear the one about the comedian who died onstage?
Catherine: Ba-dum-bum
Brass: I'll be here all week.
Catherine: Ba-dum-bum
Brass: I'll be here all week.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Catherine: We have a bigger problem than we thought we did.
Hodges: Why are you looking at me?
Catherine: I'm not looking at you.
Hodges: Yes you are!
Catherine: Okay...
Hodges: Why are you looking at me?
Catherine: I'm not looking at you.
Hodges: Yes you are!
Catherine: Okay...
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Catherine: What do you see?
Grissom: Nothing.
Catherine: What are you looking for?
Grissom: A punchline?
Brass: Ba-dum-bum.
Grissom: Nothing.
Catherine: What are you looking for?
Grissom: A punchline?
Brass: Ba-dum-bum.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Catherine: I'm gonna find out what Rone's mothers maiden name is.
Grissom: What's his mother got to do with it?
Catherine: She may have sold me my engagement ring.
Grissom: What's his mother got to do with it?
Catherine: She may have sold me my engagement ring.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Archie: Nevada State Correctional Facility. Pretty casual for a prison.
Grissom: It's medium-security...
Nick: ...for nicer criminals.
Archie: [laughing] Right.
Grissom: It's medium-security...
Nick: ...for nicer criminals.
Archie: [laughing] Right.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation