CSI - Crime Scene Investigation Quotes
Wendy: Anytime a dog is impounded in a criminal case, its DNA is collected and profiled.It's just like CODIS.
Hodges: DODIS.
Wendy: Anyway most of the cases in the database are gang-related. But I figured, well, it's worth a shot.
Hodges: Well, that'll look good on the old Grissom point meter.
Wendy: It's protocol.
Hodges: I'm just saying, be careful. No one likes a kiss-ass.
Hodges: DODIS.
Wendy: Anyway most of the cases in the database are gang-related. But I figured, well, it's worth a shot.
Hodges: Well, that'll look good on the old Grissom point meter.
Wendy: It's protocol.
Hodges: I'm just saying, be careful. No one likes a kiss-ass.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Catherine: You gonna be okay with this one?
Doc Robbins: I'm just not used to seeing them alive.
Doc Robbins: I'm just not used to seeing them alive.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Steve Card: Lizzie was the #1 dog fighter in all of Vegas. That drove Gino nuts 'cause he was like this close to knocking her off the top spot.
Detective Vega: You seriously want us to believe that Mrs. Rodriguez, humanitarian of the year, was into dog fighting?
Steve Card: Oh, she was no Mother Theresa. But, see, she'd still be alive if she wasn't a dirty dog fighter. That rub, it made the other dog sick.
Catherine: Gee, I hate to see the sport tainted like that.
Steve Card: Why do you think she gave money to my rescue kennel? She didn't even like dogs, but fighting them, that was in her blood. Passed down from her daddy, who taught her the whole family business.
Detective Vega: You seriously want us to believe that Mrs. Rodriguez, humanitarian of the year, was into dog fighting?
Steve Card: Oh, she was no Mother Theresa. But, see, she'd still be alive if she wasn't a dirty dog fighter. That rub, it made the other dog sick.
Catherine: Gee, I hate to see the sport tainted like that.
Steve Card: Why do you think she gave money to my rescue kennel? She didn't even like dogs, but fighting them, that was in her blood. Passed down from her daddy, who taught her the whole family business.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Greg: Cowboys, cattle rustling, and now a shooting at the dance hall.
Nick: Welcome to the Wild West.
Nick: Welcome to the Wild West.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Wendy: Hey buckaroos, have you seen Catherine? Because I just got the results from that semen stain on Cody Latshaw's jeans.
Nick: Come up with a match?
Wendy: I did. I had to run an Ouchterlony test on it.
Greg: So, not from a human donor?
Wendy: No, no, bovine. (Nick and Greg look appalled) Yeah. I took a psychobiology class once and we studied a very interesting case. Okay, there was a guy who lived on a farm, and literally the only way this guy could get sexually satisfied was when he was with livestock. (Nick tries to interrupt)
Nick: Hey, I'm good...
Wendy (growing more enthusiastic as she continues): Apparently the whole thing started one day because he was in the barn and it started snowing, he got stuck in there and couldn't make his way back to the farmhouse so he decided that he would try and stay warm... well, with a sheep. (Nick just looks at Wendy) But then the horses were jealous, so, you know... And I think there was a cow in there as well...
Greg: You know, I think we got the picture.
Nick: I wish I didn't.
Nick: Come up with a match?
Wendy: I did. I had to run an Ouchterlony test on it.
Greg: So, not from a human donor?
Wendy: No, no, bovine. (Nick and Greg look appalled) Yeah. I took a psychobiology class once and we studied a very interesting case. Okay, there was a guy who lived on a farm, and literally the only way this guy could get sexually satisfied was when he was with livestock. (Nick tries to interrupt)
Nick: Hey, I'm good...
Wendy (growing more enthusiastic as she continues): Apparently the whole thing started one day because he was in the barn and it started snowing, he got stuck in there and couldn't make his way back to the farmhouse so he decided that he would try and stay warm... well, with a sheep. (Nick just looks at Wendy) But then the horses were jealous, so, you know... And I think there was a cow in there as well...
Greg: You know, I think we got the picture.
Nick: I wish I didn't.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Hodges (talking about cotton fiber): I need something to compare it to.
Catherine: You know how to use scissors? (pushes them to him) Put your fingers in the holes and squeeze.
Hodges (smirks): Yes ma-am.
Catherine: You know how to use scissors? (pushes them to him) Put your fingers in the holes and squeeze.
Hodges (smirks): Yes ma-am.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Nick (slaps Precious Ricky's arm): I didn't take you for a country music fan, yee-haw. (leaves)
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Brass: Well this is a new one for me. This is the first time I caught me a rustler.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Grissom: He was living the American dream. Every kid has always wanted to grow up to be a cowboy.
Brass: Not a dead cowboy.
Brass: Not a dead cowboy.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Nick (about Cody): That's part of the tradition, you know. Solitary man out there trying to find himself.
Catherine: Yeah, but no man is an island. I mean, obviously, he had feelings for Nancy or he wouldn't have written her that poem.
Nick: Nancy? I don't know about that. Tiffany's the one that broke his heart.
Grissom: I don't think it's about either girl. (reading the poem): "I can't help now but wonder what your brown eyes were concealing." Did you read Tiffany's autopsy report?
Nick: Oh. Yeah, her eyes were blue.
Grissom: So were Nancy's.
Nick: Then who did he write the poem for?
Grissom: Wintwister. (Catherine and Nick can't believe it)
Catherine: The bull?
Grissom: I think that's why he went back to the arena that night. Wordsworth once wrote, "Through love we feel we are greater than we know." My guess is, riding that bull, Cody felt like a greater man.
Catherine: Yeah, but no man is an island. I mean, obviously, he had feelings for Nancy or he wouldn't have written her that poem.
Nick: Nancy? I don't know about that. Tiffany's the one that broke his heart.
Grissom: I don't think it's about either girl. (reading the poem): "I can't help now but wonder what your brown eyes were concealing." Did you read Tiffany's autopsy report?
Nick: Oh. Yeah, her eyes were blue.
Grissom: So were Nancy's.
Nick: Then who did he write the poem for?
Grissom: Wintwister. (Catherine and Nick can't believe it)
Catherine: The bull?
Grissom: I think that's why he went back to the arena that night. Wordsworth once wrote, "Through love we feel we are greater than we know." My guess is, riding that bull, Cody felt like a greater man.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Nick (after Grissom read Cody's poem): It's not Shakespeare.
Grissom: I'm actually a fan of cowboy poetry.
Nick: Are you really?
Grissom: Yeah, it's just a way of organizing your thoughts and feelings so that you can make sense of them.
Nick: Sounds like Cody was trying to make sense of his girl leaving him.
Grissom (returning the poetry letter to Nick): Yeah well, poetry can help you with that, too.
Grissom: I'm actually a fan of cowboy poetry.
Nick: Are you really?
Grissom: Yeah, it's just a way of organizing your thoughts and feelings so that you can make sense of them.
Nick: Sounds like Cody was trying to make sense of his girl leaving him.
Grissom (returning the poetry letter to Nick): Yeah well, poetry can help you with that, too.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Hodges: (after Nick coughs) You know, in China people wear masks when they're sick. It's considered impolite to infect your co-workers.
Nick: Maybe you should go work in China.
Hodges: Maybe you should wear a mask.
Nick: Maybe you should go work in China.
Hodges: Maybe you should wear a mask.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Warrick (to Greg who has a scarf wrapped around his neck): What are you doing, a catalog shoot? Where's your matching hat with your pom-pom?
Greg: Leave me alone. I have a cold.
Greg: Leave me alone. I have a cold.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Madeline Klein: Maybe the reception sucks out here, I said I want Grissom. Say I asked for him personally. I don't want anyone touching anything. Thanks for your help, guys. The case is reassigned to Grissom.
Brass: He's home sick Maddy.
Madeline Klein: Yeah, I heard all about it from Ecklie, blah, blah, blah. The point, that he and you seem to be missing, is that I have 18 grand jurors sifting through evidence, trying to help me indict one of the deadliest gangs this city has ever seen.
Brass: He's home sick Maddy.
Madeline Klein: Yeah, I heard all about it from Ecklie, blah, blah, blah. The point, that he and you seem to be missing, is that I have 18 grand jurors sifting through evidence, trying to help me indict one of the deadliest gangs this city has ever seen.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Madeline Klein: Nobody knew he was coming, Conrad. Nobody knew his name. Yeah, well, if you'd stop talking for a minute you'd understand. The investigation has been compromised. People's lives are at risk. How many people do the right thing anymore? Have a conscience? Don Cook, didn't even know what he saw. El Mataocho doesn't kill for the thrill, or because he was abused as a child, he kills because it's his answer to everything. I had him eye-witnessed, it was enough for an indictment. No indictment, no trial, he goes free and La Tierra gets stronger, so don't patronize me by saying it might be an accident. I'm not asking you for advice here, I'm telling you. I want Grissom.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Nick: Why can't people just wait till they get to Vegas to start partying? Is that so difficult?
Ray: Well, it is for some people. You know what they say, beer before wine, you'll be fine.
Nick: Yeah, wine after liquor, never sicker.
Ray: Well, it is for some people. You know what they say, beer before wine, you'll be fine.
Nick: Yeah, wine after liquor, never sicker.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Catherine [to Ray]: You're not going to your scene anymore. You're going home.
Ray: You're suspending me?
Catherine: No, I'm diagnosing you. You got the whatever virus. Take a sick day.
Ray: You're suspending me?
Catherine: No, I'm diagnosing you. You got the whatever virus. Take a sick day.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Madeline Klein [to Grissom]: Boy, you look like hell. I need sugar. You got a soda?
Grissom: Nice to see you, too, Maddy.
Madeline Klein: 6 months' worth of investigation; two months working with the grand jury; 5 low-level indictments against the LATs. Why you? 'Cause you're the only one who won't screw it up.
Grissom: My team won't screw it up.
Madeline Klein: Oh, right. Your team. Warrick Brown got mixed up with a crooked judge. Sanders ran down a civilian while on duty. Ms. Willows lied about being at a crime scene, among other things. And who can forget Stokes, your straight arrow? Suspected of killing his hooker girlfriend. How does the song go? "You call me up, I get 'em out of it"? If it weren't for me, you'd have no team.
Grissom: Nice to see you, too, Maddy.
Madeline Klein: 6 months' worth of investigation; two months working with the grand jury; 5 low-level indictments against the LATs. Why you? 'Cause you're the only one who won't screw it up.
Grissom: My team won't screw it up.
Madeline Klein: Oh, right. Your team. Warrick Brown got mixed up with a crooked judge. Sanders ran down a civilian while on duty. Ms. Willows lied about being at a crime scene, among other things. And who can forget Stokes, your straight arrow? Suspected of killing his hooker girlfriend. How does the song go? "You call me up, I get 'em out of it"? If it weren't for me, you'd have no team.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Nick [to Warrick]: Hey.
Warrick: Oh, man, you look beat up.
Nick: I feel beat up.
Warrick: Why don't you ... uh ... take a break. I got this.
Nick: No, no, I'm cool. I can push through it.
Warrick: Yeah. You're ... uh ... breaking the lab's budget for rubber gloves here, dawg. Listen, get some rest, man. You'd do the same for me.
Warrick: Oh, man, you look beat up.
Nick: I feel beat up.
Warrick: Why don't you ... uh ... take a break. I got this.
Nick: No, no, I'm cool. I can push through it.
Warrick: Yeah. You're ... uh ... breaking the lab's budget for rubber gloves here, dawg. Listen, get some rest, man. You'd do the same for me.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Greg (to Nick): DA Klein asked Grissom, who asked Catherine, who told me to tell you that we need to figure out if the victim was shot before he got in the car, while he was in the car or after he got out.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Grissom: There's nails all over the place.
Warrick: Grissom, I think I found the point of origin.
Grissom: Green plastic. Sugar, butane, and nails. Add some egg whites in a soda bottle. You got a MacGyver bomb. Crude, but it works.
Warrick: I think they were looking to do more than just destroy evidence.
Warrick: Grissom, I think I found the point of origin.
Grissom: Green plastic. Sugar, butane, and nails. Add some egg whites in a soda bottle. You got a MacGyver bomb. Crude, but it works.
Warrick: I think they were looking to do more than just destroy evidence.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Brass [to Donny Gomez]: And why that apartment? Who do you know lives there?
Donny Gomez: Nobody. I got a mental illness. I'm a firebug. I'm loco.
Brass: You're loco?
Donny Gomez: Who knows? (Madeline walks in) Maybe I'll set the lawyer lady's house on fire.
Madeline Klein: Hey, little man with the big mouth. It doesn't matter what you say, 'cause all your boys are going to hear is that you rolled on Alvarado. (Gomez surges to his feet. His hands are cuffed behind his back. The officer grabs his shoulders)
Brass: Sit down.
Madeline Klein: Just bought yourself another ten years. I'm going to hand-pick your cell mate.
Donny Gomez: Nobody. I got a mental illness. I'm a firebug. I'm loco.
Brass: You're loco?
Donny Gomez: Who knows? (Madeline walks in) Maybe I'll set the lawyer lady's house on fire.
Madeline Klein: Hey, little man with the big mouth. It doesn't matter what you say, 'cause all your boys are going to hear is that you rolled on Alvarado. (Gomez surges to his feet. His hands are cuffed behind his back. The officer grabs his shoulders)
Brass: Sit down.
Madeline Klein: Just bought yourself another ten years. I'm going to hand-pick your cell mate.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Brass [to Madeline Klein]: Did you take Cook back to Little Gordo's house? You know, maybe to verify his story?
Madeline Klein: Yeah, I always take my secret witnesses on a bus tour of the hood.
Brass: You know, when Don Cook first refused to testify that he saw Alvarado come out of Little Gordo's house, you know what I did? I took him to an out-of-town diner and bought him a cup of coffee. What'd you do?
Madeline Klein: I went to Little Gordo's. (Brass nods, Maddy gets it now) Damn it. Good job, Maddy. They saw me. I can't even blame it on the booze. All they had to do was trail me back to the courthouse and watch me go into the security entrance with 18 escorted jurors. That's how they knew grand jury. (sighs, Brass is silent) Damn it! This is where you're supposed to say, "It's okay. It could happen to anyone. It's not your fault Don Cook is dead." Like hell it isn't.
Madeline Klein: Yeah, I always take my secret witnesses on a bus tour of the hood.
Brass: You know, when Don Cook first refused to testify that he saw Alvarado come out of Little Gordo's house, you know what I did? I took him to an out-of-town diner and bought him a cup of coffee. What'd you do?
Madeline Klein: I went to Little Gordo's. (Brass nods, Maddy gets it now) Damn it. Good job, Maddy. They saw me. I can't even blame it on the booze. All they had to do was trail me back to the courthouse and watch me go into the security entrance with 18 escorted jurors. That's how they knew grand jury. (sighs, Brass is silent) Damn it! This is where you're supposed to say, "It's okay. It could happen to anyone. It's not your fault Don Cook is dead." Like hell it isn't.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Catherine: Never thought I'd be disappointed that we solved a case.
Grissom: Hmm.
Catherine: Court personnel files?
Grissom: Reading upside down is a talent.
Catherine: What are you looking for?
Grissom: The leak. 90 minutes after the warrant was issued, Alvarado's apartment went up.
Catherine: So you're looking at the judge, his staff, the clerk that issued the warrant, court reporter, any cops who knew ...
Grissom: Yeah, but according to this, everybody cleared. The only ones left are the grand jurors ... and Maddy Klein.
Grissom: Hmm.
Catherine: Court personnel files?
Grissom: Reading upside down is a talent.
Catherine: What are you looking for?
Grissom: The leak. 90 minutes after the warrant was issued, Alvarado's apartment went up.
Catherine: So you're looking at the judge, his staff, the clerk that issued the warrant, court reporter, any cops who knew ...
Grissom: Yeah, but according to this, everybody cleared. The only ones left are the grand jurors ... and Maddy Klein.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Madeline Klein: Well, I was right about Alvarado, he was leaving Vegas. Otherwise, he would have killed me himself.
Grissom: You okay?
Madeline Klein: Yeah. Guess now, I owe you one, huh?
Grissom: I don't keep score, Madeline.
Madeline Klein: You know what Gilbert? You're the only man I know that's never let me down. Which means either your a classic enabler or my soulmate.
Grissom: You okay?
Madeline Klein: Yeah. Guess now, I owe you one, huh?
Grissom: I don't keep score, Madeline.
Madeline Klein: You know what Gilbert? You're the only man I know that's never let me down. Which means either your a classic enabler or my soulmate.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Brass: Well, that didn't help.
Madeline Klein: That kid wouldn't roll if I gave him a night with Jessica Alba.
Brass: You're really good at making enemies, Maddy.
Madeline Klein: That's why I'm unlisted, divorced and carry a gun.
Madeline Klein: That kid wouldn't roll if I gave him a night with Jessica Alba.
Brass: You're really good at making enemies, Maddy.
Madeline Klein: That's why I'm unlisted, divorced and carry a gun.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Warrick: Hey, Grissom, I got tickets to the Rebels tomorrow night. If you're feeling any better and you want to check it out.
Grissom: I'll be in bed.
Grissom: I'll be in bed.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Hodges: Grissom!
Grissom: What's our rule, Dave?
Hodges: That it better be good, and this is.
Grissom: What's our rule, Dave?
Hodges: That it better be good, and this is.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Wendy: Okay. This one has a tag. Now... (hands hair follicular tag to Hodges) ... tag, you're it.
Hodges: Is that what passes for DNA humor around here? Never thought I would miss Sanders.
Hodges: Is that what passes for DNA humor around here? Never thought I would miss Sanders.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Greg Fitzsimmons: I would never hit my kids cause, you know, my father used to beat me. He didn't beat me too much. He beat me just right. You know, I remember the last time he really slapped me around, just getting up off the ground, thinking, "perfect." He really nailed it. Any more would have been barbaric. Any less I wouldn't be seeking the approval of you drunks. Parenting is hard and expensive. If you were to have a baby today and raise it all the way through college, it would cost you one million dollars. And that's why I feel like no woman should ever walk out of an abortion clinic with her head hung down in shame. You walk out of there like you just hit the lotto. I'm a winner.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation