CSI - Crime Scene Investigation Quotes
Ray: Sometimes, when God closes a door, Satan opens a window.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Greg: Where have you been?
Hodges: I was dialoging with Conrad. What else have you been touching?
Greg: Have you run the trace from cash tray? (Hodges hands him the file, Greg reads it) Dust bunnies?
Hodges: Comprised of dirt, pollen, metal shavings and fecal matter. Did you know that most dust contains trace amounts of poop? Even in hospitals.
Greg: What about the white fragment?
Hodges: Eh, still in the works. Alright, I know you're dying to know, so I'm just gonna tell you. I was talking to Onrad-Cay about Endy-Way and an ansfer-tray to the ield-fay.
Greg: I need the trace ow-nay. (goes to leave) Oser-lay.
Hodges: I was dialoging with Conrad. What else have you been touching?
Greg: Have you run the trace from cash tray? (Hodges hands him the file, Greg reads it) Dust bunnies?
Hodges: Comprised of dirt, pollen, metal shavings and fecal matter. Did you know that most dust contains trace amounts of poop? Even in hospitals.
Greg: What about the white fragment?
Hodges: Eh, still in the works. Alright, I know you're dying to know, so I'm just gonna tell you. I was talking to Onrad-Cay about Endy-Way and an ansfer-tray to the ield-fay.
Greg: I need the trace ow-nay. (goes to leave) Oser-lay.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Ray (about the burnt matches): Maybe you could pull DNA.
Wendy: I knew you were takin' all the classes, I didn't realize you knew all about DNA.
Ray: I don't know all about it, yet. But I did learn that burned materials used to be collected in paint cans, and plastic bags which preserves accelerant but destroys DNA, which no one knew until recently can survive fire damage.
Wendy (smiles): I take it you passed.
Ray: You take it right.
Wendy: I knew you were takin' all the classes, I didn't realize you knew all about DNA.
Ray: I don't know all about it, yet. But I did learn that burned materials used to be collected in paint cans, and plastic bags which preserves accelerant but destroys DNA, which no one knew until recently can survive fire damage.
Wendy (smiles): I take it you passed.
Ray: You take it right.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Catherine: You said that Tommy got violent when you tried to process him? He refused medical treatment, he went home and showered, and according to his brother, he wouldn't talk about what happened. If this were a woman, what would you think?
Nick: I'd think she was raped.
Nick: I'd think she was raped.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Ray: So, Wayne Smith sexually assaulted Tommy Baker.
Nick: Which gives Tommy motive to kill the bastard. If I were Tommy, I'da killed him, too.
Nick: Which gives Tommy motive to kill the bastard. If I were Tommy, I'da killed him, too.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
April: And don't be surprised if Mr. Baker never admits he was raped. Odds are, you'll probably close the case on lack of co-operation and then make fun of him around the office. Have a nice day, Mr. Stokes.
Nick: Hey, what is your problem? I'm just trying to do my job here.
April: I've watched you guys stand over dead bodies and crack jokes. I still see a human being when all you see is evidence. Which, might make you a good investigator, but it also makes you cold, hard, people.
Nick: So you can feel compassion for dead people? But you can't feel it for someone who's alive, wearing a badge, tryin' to help. Good luck with that. Enjoy your sandwich.
Nick: Hey, what is your problem? I'm just trying to do my job here.
April: I've watched you guys stand over dead bodies and crack jokes. I still see a human being when all you see is evidence. Which, might make you a good investigator, but it also makes you cold, hard, people.
Nick: So you can feel compassion for dead people? But you can't feel it for someone who's alive, wearing a badge, tryin' to help. Good luck with that. Enjoy your sandwich.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Greg: Why'd the killer put the gun back in the register? Langston? ... Ray? ... I'll answer my own question. You see, Greg, cop pulls you over and finds cash on you, no big deal. If he finds a gun, then you're going to jail.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Nick: A St. Christopher medal with blood on it?
Catherine: Could belong to the victim.
Nick: Yeah, it didn't do him much good, did it?
Catherine: That's because he's the patron saint of travel. Eddie used to have one hanging on his rear-view, didn't do him much good either.
Catherine: Could belong to the victim.
Nick: Yeah, it didn't do him much good, did it?
Catherine: That's because he's the patron saint of travel. Eddie used to have one hanging on his rear-view, didn't do him much good either.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Wendy: What is up with Ecklie?
Hodges: Excuse me?
Wendy: He said he's not gonna let anybody else pull a Sanders. I don't get to go out in the field. And the thing that really pisses me off about this, I have recommendation letters from Grissom, Catherine and Nick in my file. It didn't make any difference to him. I mean, it's ridiculous, this is supposed to be a meritocracy.
Hodges: Since when?
Wendy: Et tu, Hodges?
Hodges: It's a bureaucracy. Just keeping it real. You want me to talk to Conrad for you?
Wendy: Yeah, no, I can talk to him myself.
Hodges: You sure? We're in book club together and Conrad respects my opinion. At least where Pride and Prejudice and Zombies is concerned.
Wendy: I thought you were against me going from lab rat to field mouse?
Hodges: I just want you to be happy.
Hodges: Excuse me?
Wendy: He said he's not gonna let anybody else pull a Sanders. I don't get to go out in the field. And the thing that really pisses me off about this, I have recommendation letters from Grissom, Catherine and Nick in my file. It didn't make any difference to him. I mean, it's ridiculous, this is supposed to be a meritocracy.
Hodges: Since when?
Wendy: Et tu, Hodges?
Hodges: It's a bureaucracy. Just keeping it real. You want me to talk to Conrad for you?
Wendy: Yeah, no, I can talk to him myself.
Hodges: You sure? We're in book club together and Conrad respects my opinion. At least where Pride and Prejudice and Zombies is concerned.
Wendy: I thought you were against me going from lab rat to field mouse?
Hodges: I just want you to be happy.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Nick: So, you catch a guy burglarizing your store. You wanna teach him a lesson, I get it. so you beat him, stab him or maybe even shoot him. But do you have to rape him?
Ray: Greek warriors in ancient times would sodomize their enemies after a battle, to humiliate them, take their manhood...
Nick: Yeah, yeah. I understand the concept of humiliation: rape isn't about sex, it's about violence. But this is a little excessive, don't you think?
Ray: Well... for some men... violence is their sex.
Ray: Greek warriors in ancient times would sodomize their enemies after a battle, to humiliate them, take their manhood...
Nick: Yeah, yeah. I understand the concept of humiliation: rape isn't about sex, it's about violence. But this is a little excessive, don't you think?
Ray: Well... for some men... violence is their sex.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Ray: What's a weather girl from Barstow doing turning tricks in Vegas?
Nick: These days, it seems like everybody has a second job.
Nick: These days, it seems like everybody has a second job.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Ray: We're going to impoud your vehicle, Mr. Sedesky.
Brass: Don't worry, we'll give you a ride.
Brass: Don't worry, we'll give you a ride.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Catherine (to Brass): Back in my dancing days, pimps would come to the club to recruit. They just have a gift for sniffing out the damaged and needy.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Brass: We got a dead woman, no ID in her purse, 40 dollars in cash, a half of dozen condoms, a few roofies and some baby wipes. What does that tell 'ya?
Nick: Standard hooker tool kit. $20 for cab fare, $20 for the bartender to look the other way. Which means she probably hasn't tricked yet. Looks like words already gotten out on the hoe-vine.
Ray: The hoe-vine?
Brass: Yeah, when the hookers get wind of cops, they start texting each other like mad and they then book outta here like a shot.
Nick: Standard hooker tool kit. $20 for cab fare, $20 for the bartender to look the other way. Which means she probably hasn't tricked yet. Looks like words already gotten out on the hoe-vine.
Ray: The hoe-vine?
Brass: Yeah, when the hookers get wind of cops, they start texting each other like mad and they then book outta here like a shot.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Hodges: If you're gonna keep making me do Archie's job, I'm gonna need a raise.
Nick: Lemme know what Ecklie says to that.
Hodges: I was hoping you'd ask. You're a supervisor now.
Nick: Yeah, well, it's good to hope for things.
Nick: Lemme know what Ecklie says to that.
Hodges: I was hoping you'd ask. You're a supervisor now.
Nick: Yeah, well, it's good to hope for things.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Wendy: What is this stuff?
Greg: Langston sent us some souvenirs from Miami and New York.
Catherine (unwraps a mini-statue of Liberty): Mm. I was kinda hopin' for a little somethin', somethin' from Burgdorff's.
Wendy: I love it.
Hodges (puts on sunglasses with palm trees on the side): How do I look?
Greg: Bitchin'.
Catherine: Ridiculous.
Greg: Langston sent us some souvenirs from Miami and New York.
Catherine (unwraps a mini-statue of Liberty): Mm. I was kinda hopin' for a little somethin', somethin' from Burgdorff's.
Wendy: I love it.
Hodges (puts on sunglasses with palm trees on the side): How do I look?
Greg: Bitchin'.
Catherine: Ridiculous.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Brass [to Anthony]: We also found Deede Chase's driver's license, how'd that get in there?
Anthony: Deede partied with my girls for a couple days. Asked me to hold on to her valuables when she went clubbin.
Brass: Did she also ask you to beat her, rape her, and slit her throat?
Anthony: Deede partied with my girls for a couple days. Asked me to hold on to her valuables when she went clubbin.
Brass: Did she also ask you to beat her, rape her, and slit her throat?
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Hodges (seeing Greg's bowling ball that looks like a dice): Somebody's rearview mirrors a little lighter.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Catherine (after she bowls a gutter ball): I hate this! I hate this. That happens every single time!
Hodges: Y'know, don't be afraid to rock the granny bowl, Cath.
Hodges: Y'know, don't be afraid to rock the granny bowl, Cath.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Nick: You sure do know a lot about bowling.
Greg: Uh... Mechanical engineering class, we took a field trip to a bowling alley.
Nick: Every Saturday night, family league.
Greg: Yeah. You any good?
Nick: Ah, I'm not bad.
Greg: Uh... Mechanical engineering class, we took a field trip to a bowling alley.
Nick: Every Saturday night, family league.
Greg: Yeah. You any good?
Nick: Ah, I'm not bad.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Nick: And what about all this bowling gear, it wouldn't happen to be stolen, now would it?
Vitis: I don't know donkey about bowlin', man. That's Ron-Ron's thing.
Nick: You just told me you worked at the bowling supply company.
Vitis: Yeah, but I just started there. And like I said that's Ron-Ron's thing.
Nick: Yeah, and so is this car. You're movin' out today, buddy. Come on.
Vitis: What are y'all doin' up so early?
Nick: Get outta there.
Vitis: I don't know donkey about bowlin', man. That's Ron-Ron's thing.
Nick: You just told me you worked at the bowling supply company.
Vitis: Yeah, but I just started there. And like I said that's Ron-Ron's thing.
Nick: Yeah, and so is this car. You're movin' out today, buddy. Come on.
Vitis: What are y'all doin' up so early?
Nick: Get outta there.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Nick: Time for a toast. Bowling is a family sport. I'd like to raise a glass to our CSI family. Cheers. (they all drink) But unfortunately, it's time to give the family a little ass-whoppin'. (they all laugh)
Hodges: Oh, really?!
Catherine: All of us?
Ray: Be careful, Nick, don't let your mouth write a check that your ass can't cash.
Everyone: Ooh!
Hodges: Oh, really?!
Catherine: All of us?
Ray: Be careful, Nick, don't let your mouth write a check that your ass can't cash.
Everyone: Ooh!
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Catherine (after Sara bowls and one pin is left): Ooh, Sara that pin is flippin' you off!
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Catherine (to Ray): Well, this is what's been buggin' me, with Joey Bigelow, Jekyll took the man's bowtie, and then left him another bowtie, so to speak, inside his body. And with Bernie, Jekyll gave him another appendix. I'm just wonderin' what did he take? (walks off, Ray ponders this)
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Nick (reading the "Closed Notice" at Harry's): "Notice closed by the board of health. Suspected point origin of hepatitis B outbreak. Date of closure 7/3/09." Oops.
Hodges: That was five months ago.
Henry: Nice, you were gonna give me hepatitis for my birthday.
Hodges: That was five months ago.
Henry: Nice, you were gonna give me hepatitis for my birthday.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Nick: I think we got a dead body here, boys.
Henry (unenthused): Best birthday, ever.
Henry (unenthused): Best birthday, ever.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Henry: Maybe the raccoon lept through that window ninja style, and before this guy could shoot it, it landed on him and chewed his face off. Well, I guess we should call it in, huh? Oh, that's right, we have no reception!
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Vartann: (to Catherine) I always thought that I was... you know, better alone, you know? But I miss having someone to come home to. (after few seconds) I didn't mean to put you on the spot. Just wanted you to know.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Shirley: You think I don't know what you see when you look at us? (takes a sip of her martini) Bunch of ignorant drunk crackers. Shiftless peckerwoods. Lemme tell you somethin', we built this outta nothin' with our hands, or sweat and or determination. Mayor of Vegas used to eat here.
Greg: (whispers to Hodges) Alright, if I can't find a phone, I'm gonna make one. Keep an eye on her. (walks off)
Shirley: We had politicians, celebrities, rubbin' up elbows with the common man. Some nights, we had eight, ten limos stacked out up front. Then Harry took off, it all went to hell. He didn't care who he hurt. (making another martini) Are you sure, that I can't fix you boys one of these?
Hodges: Uh... I could use the little boy's room.
Shirley: Ah, toilet is all stuffed up. There's one in the basement. But, you don't wanna use that one, believe me. There's like, a million black widow spiders down there. It's like a black widow convention is what it is. You just like puff and die. Use the bushes. (Hodges goes to leave)
Henry: (grabs his arm and whispers) Whoa, whoa, what am I supposed to do?
Hodges: You heard Greg, keep an eye on her.
Shirley: (pours Henry some whiskey) You are gonna drink a man drink, just like that. (Henry chuckles nervously)
Greg: (whispers to Hodges) Alright, if I can't find a phone, I'm gonna make one. Keep an eye on her. (walks off)
Shirley: We had politicians, celebrities, rubbin' up elbows with the common man. Some nights, we had eight, ten limos stacked out up front. Then Harry took off, it all went to hell. He didn't care who he hurt. (making another martini) Are you sure, that I can't fix you boys one of these?
Hodges: Uh... I could use the little boy's room.
Shirley: Ah, toilet is all stuffed up. There's one in the basement. But, you don't wanna use that one, believe me. There's like, a million black widow spiders down there. It's like a black widow convention is what it is. You just like puff and die. Use the bushes. (Hodges goes to leave)
Henry: (grabs his arm and whispers) Whoa, whoa, what am I supposed to do?
Hodges: You heard Greg, keep an eye on her.
Shirley: (pours Henry some whiskey) You are gonna drink a man drink, just like that. (Henry chuckles nervously)
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation