Curb Your Enthusiasm Quotes
Krazee-Eyez Killa: So you think you gonna cross me and mess with my ****? Opening your ****ing trap and flapping your lip. Don't **** with me nigga or you gonna get dropped. I'll snap off your neck with a crackle and pop. If you say anything, you'll beg me to die, 'cause I'll make you suck my dick then I'll nut in your eye. I'll stomp on your world as if my name was Godzilla. I'm coming for you mother ****er, I'm your Krazee-Eyez Killa.
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Krazee-Eyez Killa: Wanda ain't gon' find out ****! This between... you my nigga, right? This between me and you!
Larry: Yes, I'm your nigger.
Larry: Yes, I'm your nigger.
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Larry: I can't believe this guy's converting. Why's he doing that? You guys come to our side, we don't go to your side. Yeah. Jews don't convert. I'm really surprised.
Cheryl David: Well, you know what, if he didn't convert she wouldn't marry him. I know that about Becky, she's very... she's very passionate about her religion.
Larry: Why do Christians take everything so personally with Christ, ya know? It's like not only do you have to worship him, you want everybody to. It's like I like lobster. Do I go around pushing lobster on people? Do I say you must like lobster? "Eat lobster, it's good, it's good!" It's not only where you live, you go to Africa, you travel all over the world, "Eat lobster! Have some more lobster, it's good."
Cheryl David: I don't really think it's the same...
Larry: "WE WANT YOU TO HAVE LOBSTER!"
Cheryl David: Lobster and religion, I really don't see the similarities.
Cheryl David: Well, you know what, if he didn't convert she wouldn't marry him. I know that about Becky, she's very... she's very passionate about her religion.
Larry: Why do Christians take everything so personally with Christ, ya know? It's like not only do you have to worship him, you want everybody to. It's like I like lobster. Do I go around pushing lobster on people? Do I say you must like lobster? "Eat lobster, it's good, it's good!" It's not only where you live, you go to Africa, you travel all over the world, "Eat lobster! Have some more lobster, it's good."
Cheryl David: I don't really think it's the same...
Larry: "WE WANT YOU TO HAVE LOBSTER!"
Cheryl David: Lobster and religion, I really don't see the similarities.
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Richard Lewis: [after Larry asks for his meditating style back] No, you can't be an East Indian giver.
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Richard: You'd better call me later on, alright? By sundown.
Larry: By sundown? What are you... what are you, Gary Cooper? By sundown? What's gonna happen?
Richard: That's funny. You know, I'm tryin' not to laugh, but that's funny.
Larry: Yeah, okay.
Richard: You better call me by sundown.
Larry: By sundown? Is the posse gonna come get me?
Larry: By sundown? What are you... what are you, Gary Cooper? By sundown? What's gonna happen?
Richard: That's funny. You know, I'm tryin' not to laugh, but that's funny.
Larry: Yeah, okay.
Richard: You better call me by sundown.
Larry: By sundown? Is the posse gonna come get me?
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Larry David: One thing I admire about Hitler - he never took any shit from magicians. [...] [imitating Hitler] Where is the rabbit? Show me the rabbit!
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Cheryl: Well, I think you should write a letter of apology to him.
Larry: "Dear prick, why are you such a prick?"
Larry: "Dear prick, why are you such a prick?"
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Larry: Who do you think has more freedom: the married man in America or the single man in Communist China?
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Larry: [regarding his "bunch-up"] Is it a bad thing? Maybe it's not such a bad thing.
Cheryl: Oh, 'cause you want people to think you constantly have an erection?
Cheryl: Oh, 'cause you want people to think you constantly have an erection?
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Richard: [regarding his girlfriend] She reads Wiesel and a lot of things.
Larry: She reads Wiesel?
Richard: That's right. Not everyone's a moron I go out with.
Larry: You know what she should be reading? Emily fucking Post!
Larry: She reads Wiesel?
Richard: That's right. Not everyone's a moron I go out with.
Larry: You know what she should be reading? Emily fucking Post!
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
[Larry, unaware he is on speakerphone, is asked if he wants to play golf]
Larry: I dunno, I'll have to ask Hitler. (Cheryl)
Larry: I dunno, I'll have to ask Hitler. (Cheryl)
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Richard: You better call me later on, by sundown.
Larry: "By sundown"? What are you, Gary Cooper?
Larry: "By sundown"? What are you, Gary Cooper?
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Larry: It's always great to see a black entrepreneur, isn't it?
Jeff's Mom: What?
Jeff's Dad: What did he just say? What is that supposed to mean?
Jeff's Mom: What?
Jeff's Dad: What did he just say? What is that supposed to mean?
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Larry: Everything is "heaven" with [Ted]. The piece of gum he had; "Oh this is heaven!" Had a taste of a chocolate bar; "I'm in heaven." A parking space is "heaven." It's all "heaven."
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Salesperson: It's people like you that are the problem.
Larry: No, I'm the solution! I'm the solution to the problem!
Larry: No, I'm the solution! I'm the solution to the problem!
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Larry: I'd like to return this, please.
Sales woman: What seems to be the problem?
Larry: You know, it's kinda of half-jacket, half-shirt; half-man, half-beast.
Sales woman: What seems to be the problem?
Larry: You know, it's kinda of half-jacket, half-shirt; half-man, half-beast.
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Brian: Should you be going to the party with your back or, er, can you bend over? Can you bend with your back?
Larry: Yeah.
Brian: Well then maybe you should just bend over and kiss my ass and maybe next time you'll remember to pick up my fucking golf ball.
Larry: Yeah.
Brian: Well then maybe you should just bend over and kiss my ass and maybe next time you'll remember to pick up my fucking golf ball.
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Richard: I can't believe you won't help out a blind man.
Larry: I can't believe you said "blind man" in front of a blind man!
Larry: I can't believe you said "blind man" in front of a blind man!
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Parking Attendant: "The bald guy with the glasses." That's you?
Larry: Unfortunately, that's me.
Parking Attendant: Hey, it's a good look.
Larry: Unfortunately, that's me.
Parking Attendant: Hey, it's a good look.
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Larry: And who knows, you know what? Maybe I'll be able to need a lawyer someday.
Cheryl: Anything could happen.
Larry: A lot of people sue me.
Cheryl: Anything could happen.
Larry: A lot of people sue me.
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Larry: What's the guy, 40 years old? He's got to meet Julia Louis-Dreyfus! What kind of person is that?!
Cheryl: He's a fan.
Larry: What does he expect to gain from such meeting? What does he think? He's gonna go over there, she's gonna be so charmed by him that all of a sudden they'll start becoming friends? They'll talk on the phone and go out to dinner together, go to the movies? What, start e-mailing each other? Summer vacations? Is he out of his fucking mind?!
Cheryl: He's a fan.
Larry: What does he expect to gain from such meeting? What does he think? He's gonna go over there, she's gonna be so charmed by him that all of a sudden they'll start becoming friends? They'll talk on the phone and go out to dinner together, go to the movies? What, start e-mailing each other? Summer vacations? Is he out of his fucking mind?!
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Phyllis: Tell me about Jerry Seinfeld and tell me about...he dates those young girls-
Larry: Well, um, he's a eunuch. Yes. His testicles were cut off when he was about 13 because he was in the Beth Shalom choir. And, um, that's what he wanted to be, he was a choirboy.
Phyllis: Julia, is that true? Does he really have no testicles?
Julia Louis-Dreyfus: You know, I've got to tell you, I don't have any fucking idea.
Larry: Well, um, he's a eunuch. Yes. His testicles were cut off when he was about 13 because he was in the Beth Shalom choir. And, um, that's what he wanted to be, he was a choirboy.
Phyllis: Julia, is that true? Does he really have no testicles?
Julia Louis-Dreyfus: You know, I've got to tell you, I don't have any fucking idea.
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Cheryl: I guess Julia will have to come back over. You'll just have to arrange another meeting.
Larry: Are you out of your mind now?
Larry: Are you out of your mind now?
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Julie: [referring to Larry's movie "Sour Grapes"] I enjoyed it. It was interesting. It was such a perfect length.
Larry: That's my specialty, length.
Julie: Well, I thought it was a good length
Larry: The width, what about the width? There's some good width in that movie.
Larry: That's my specialty, length.
Julie: Well, I thought it was a good length
Larry: The width, what about the width? There's some good width in that movie.
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Hobo: Got any spare change?
Jeff: Nah, I got nothing, man.
Larry: [hands him some leftovers] Want this?
Hobo: What is it?
Larry: It's tuna.
Hobo: I don't like tuna.
Jeff: Nah, I got nothing, man.
Larry: [hands him some leftovers] Want this?
Hobo: What is it?
Larry: It's tuna.
Hobo: I don't like tuna.
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm