Curb Your Enthusiasm Quotes
Cheryl David: I thought you didn't like talking to people?
Larry: I don't like talking to people I know, but strangers I have no problem with.
Larry: I don't like talking to people I know, but strangers I have no problem with.
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Larry: You can't get sweet potatoes anywhere, have you noticed that?
Cheryl: Everybody's noticed that.
Cheryl: Everybody's noticed that.
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Cheryl: So Barbara says she's going to have that frame ready for us next week.
Larry: Oh good, see, it paid for me to open my mouth.
Cheryl: And your dentist called and wants us over for dinner Saturday.
Larry: Dr. Blore?
Cheryl: Yeah.
Larry: Wants to have us for dinner?
Cheryl: Yeah. I thought that you'd know what that meant.
Larry: He's my dentist, why is he calling me for dinner?
Cheryl: I don't know.
Larry: What are we gonna talk about, my teeth?
Cheryl: I don't know what to say, I thought you guys talked about it.
Larry: No, I've never mentioned anything to him about getting together socially, I wouldn't mix social and professional, that's a terrible combination. Well, I'm just gonna tell him we're going out of town or something.
Cheryl: OK.
Larry: Because if we go over his house for dinner then we're gonna have to invite him someplace and if we don't invite him then he's gonna be offended, then the next time I go there there's gonna be tension, "I invited you, why didn't you invite me?" You know what I mean? We don't wanna get into that game. I'll need a new dentist soon, there's no question about it. That's the end of this dentist for all intents and purposes, I'm tellin'. ya, it's already ruined, the whole thing. Everybody's gotta get together, gotta get together, the whole world's gotta get together.
Larry: Oh good, see, it paid for me to open my mouth.
Cheryl: And your dentist called and wants us over for dinner Saturday.
Larry: Dr. Blore?
Cheryl: Yeah.
Larry: Wants to have us for dinner?
Cheryl: Yeah. I thought that you'd know what that meant.
Larry: He's my dentist, why is he calling me for dinner?
Cheryl: I don't know.
Larry: What are we gonna talk about, my teeth?
Cheryl: I don't know what to say, I thought you guys talked about it.
Larry: No, I've never mentioned anything to him about getting together socially, I wouldn't mix social and professional, that's a terrible combination. Well, I'm just gonna tell him we're going out of town or something.
Cheryl: OK.
Larry: Because if we go over his house for dinner then we're gonna have to invite him someplace and if we don't invite him then he's gonna be offended, then the next time I go there there's gonna be tension, "I invited you, why didn't you invite me?" You know what I mean? We don't wanna get into that game. I'll need a new dentist soon, there's no question about it. That's the end of this dentist for all intents and purposes, I'm tellin'. ya, it's already ruined, the whole thing. Everybody's gotta get together, gotta get together, the whole world's gotta get together.
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Burt Bondy: Excuse me, I don't normally do this but I know you from somewhere and I just can't place it. Burt Bondy, I think I know you from the 12: 15 spin class down at the gym.
Larry: No, I've never taken a spin class, sorry.
Burt: Oh, I'm sorry.
Larry: OK.
Burt: Are you a friend of Bill W's? In the program, AA, I think I know you from there, don't I?
Larry: No, I wish you did, it sounds like a nice place to hang out.
Burt: What is your name?
Larry: Larry David.
Burt: Larry David. Burt Bondy. I know you from the waiting room, at the dentist's office, Dr. Blore's, we have the same dentist.
Larry: Oh OK, yeah. I don't actually go to him anymore.
Burt: I still see him, if I run into him I'll tell him you said hello.
Larry: You don't have to.
Burt: You don't want me to say hello?
Larry: Kind of a trite thing to say to somebody anyway, someone says hello, you know?
Burt: Yeah, I hear what you're saying. Very high level.
Larry: Yeah.
Burt: I gotta get there, that's good.
Larry: No, I've never taken a spin class, sorry.
Burt: Oh, I'm sorry.
Larry: OK.
Burt: Are you a friend of Bill W's? In the program, AA, I think I know you from there, don't I?
Larry: No, I wish you did, it sounds like a nice place to hang out.
Burt: What is your name?
Larry: Larry David.
Burt: Larry David. Burt Bondy. I know you from the waiting room, at the dentist's office, Dr. Blore's, we have the same dentist.
Larry: Oh OK, yeah. I don't actually go to him anymore.
Burt: I still see him, if I run into him I'll tell him you said hello.
Larry: You don't have to.
Burt: You don't want me to say hello?
Larry: Kind of a trite thing to say to somebody anyway, someone says hello, you know?
Burt: Yeah, I hear what you're saying. Very high level.
Larry: Yeah.
Burt: I gotta get there, that's good.
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Wanda: Why'd you fire the black man?
Larry: I fired the black man... because... he's the guy who set up the whole system here and it doesn't work! And he's here like... every week, I'm givin' him checks, we've got five remotes, I can't turn it on... but I know, you know, a black man can never do anything wrong, at least to get fired from a job! Black people always do everything right!
Wanda: [walks over to TV, pushes button - the TV works] You gotta turn the damn satellite on for the TV to work! See the little green light? Just gotta turn it on! Or you can fire the black man. Whatever works for you.
Larry: I fired the black man... because... he's the guy who set up the whole system here and it doesn't work! And he's here like... every week, I'm givin' him checks, we've got five remotes, I can't turn it on... but I know, you know, a black man can never do anything wrong, at least to get fired from a job! Black people always do everything right!
Wanda: [walks over to TV, pushes button - the TV works] You gotta turn the damn satellite on for the TV to work! See the little green light? Just gotta turn it on! Or you can fire the black man. Whatever works for you.
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Larry: You know what? You gotta stop that grunting.
Cheryl: What are you talking about?
Larry: You grunt every shot. Every shot you hit you go "UHH! UHH!". You make this disgusting noise. You don't hear it?
Cheryl: No.
Larry: What do you mean "no"?
Cheryl: That's how I play tennis. I didn't even know I was doing it.
Larry: Well, you grunt every shot and it's really annoying, and it's throwing me off.
Cheryl: Oh! Is that why you're losing?
Larry: It sounds like pigs fucking!
Cheryl: What are you talking about?
Larry: You grunt every shot. Every shot you hit you go "UHH! UHH!". You make this disgusting noise. You don't hear it?
Cheryl: No.
Larry: What do you mean "no"?
Cheryl: That's how I play tennis. I didn't even know I was doing it.
Larry: Well, you grunt every shot and it's really annoying, and it's throwing me off.
Cheryl: Oh! Is that why you're losing?
Larry: It sounds like pigs fucking!
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Larry: Ya know, I really don't like not driving. You should've let me drive.
Cheryl: It's my car.
Larry: Well, on the way back, I'm gonna drive.
Cheryl: Why?
Larry: I don't feel I have a personality in this seat.
Cheryl: Pfft.
Larry: No, really. I feel very dull.
Cheryl: Mm-hm.
Larry: Do you want me to sing or do you want the uh, radio?
Cheryl: I think I'd rather choose the radio.
Larry: All right. [turns it on, cassette starts playing] What is this, a tape?
Cheryl: Mm-hm.
Larry: What are you doing with a tape? I thought you only...I thought you only buy CDs.
Cheryl: Um, actually a friend loaned it to me.
Larry: Who is this?
Cheryl: It's Al Green.
Larry: Who gave you this tape?
Cheryl: Brad. It's good, isn't it?
Larry: "You oughta to be with me"? Is that what he's saying?! "You oughta be with me"! That's what--that's what he's singing about?!
Cheryl: What is wrong with you?
Larry: What the--wait, Brad gives you a tape? An Al Green tape? "You oughta be with me"?
Cheryl: It's my car.
Larry: Well, on the way back, I'm gonna drive.
Cheryl: Why?
Larry: I don't feel I have a personality in this seat.
Cheryl: Pfft.
Larry: No, really. I feel very dull.
Cheryl: Mm-hm.
Larry: Do you want me to sing or do you want the uh, radio?
Cheryl: I think I'd rather choose the radio.
Larry: All right. [turns it on, cassette starts playing] What is this, a tape?
Cheryl: Mm-hm.
Larry: What are you doing with a tape? I thought you only...I thought you only buy CDs.
Cheryl: Um, actually a friend loaned it to me.
Larry: Who is this?
Cheryl: It's Al Green.
Larry: Who gave you this tape?
Cheryl: Brad. It's good, isn't it?
Larry: "You oughta to be with me"? Is that what he's saying?! "You oughta be with me"! That's what--that's what he's singing about?!
Cheryl: What is wrong with you?
Larry: What the--wait, Brad gives you a tape? An Al Green tape? "You oughta be with me"?
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Martine: I remember when I let you in, you said "If there's any problems, I'll take care of it." So here I am. I'm gonna have to hold you to that 'cuz I don't have another job.
Cheryl: Oh no.
Martine: So I am homeless except I don't stink.
Cheryl: Ok.
Martine: And I..um..your home is big.
Cheryl: Oh no.
Martine: So I am homeless except I don't stink.
Cheryl: Ok.
Martine: And I..um..your home is big.
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Larry: Oh its this guy he spotted me. Oh he's gonna want to do a stop and chat, don't...don't go.
Richard: (looks at watch) Oh my god I got to uh.. I got alot of shopping to do.
Larry: Oh what a fuck.
Richard: Have a blast.
Richard: (looks at watch) Oh my god I got to uh.. I got alot of shopping to do.
Larry: Oh what a fuck.
Richard: Have a blast.
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Larry: I love this dog, it's not very often you get the chance to be affectionate to something german.
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Krazee-Eyez Killa(rapping): So you think you gonna cross me, and mess with my shit? Opening your fucking trap, and flapping your lip. Don't fuck with me nigga, or you gonna get dropped. I'll snap off your neck with a crackle and pop.
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Larry: I like it... I got one tiny little comment. I would lose the "motherfucker" at the end - 'cause you already said "fuck" once. You don't need two fucks.
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Krazee-Eyez Killa[Knocks Loudly]:
Cheryl: "Uh, Who is it?"
Krazee-Eyez KillaIts Killa!
Cheryl: "Uh, Who is it?"
Krazee-Eyez KillaIts Killa!
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Krazee-Eyez Killa[showing Larry around]: OK, you see this shit here? This is the dining room.
Larry: This is where you eat.
Krazee-Eyez Killa: Yeah, you do your dining in here and shit. You got a table, a dining room table ... you got some chairs and shit, you know what I mean? [...] That's the floor, you know what I mean? It's made out of, uh, you know, floor shit ... you know what I'm saying?
Larry: Yeah, that's floor shit.
Krazee-Eyez Killa: Steps - four of those motherfuckers. They wanted three, but I was like, four's better.
Larry: This is where you eat.
Krazee-Eyez Killa: Yeah, you do your dining in here and shit. You got a table, a dining room table ... you got some chairs and shit, you know what I mean? [...] That's the floor, you know what I mean? It's made out of, uh, you know, floor shit ... you know what I'm saying?
Larry: Yeah, that's floor shit.
Krazee-Eyez Killa: Steps - four of those motherfuckers. They wanted three, but I was like, four's better.
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
[the cook, with Tourette's Syndrome, yells out]FUCKHEAD SHITFACED COCKSUCKER ASSHOLE SON OF A BITCH!
[everyone in the restaurant is silent]
Larry: [thinking back in his mind] Maybe someday I'll do something good for somebody like that. [yells out] SCUM SUCKING MOTHERFUCKING WHORE!
[everyone looks at Larry]
Jeff: COCK, COCK! JIZZUM! GRANDMA! COCK!
Michael York: BUM! FUCK! TURD! FART! CUNT! PISS! SHIT! BUGGER AND BALLS!
Manager: DAMN IT! HELL! CRAP! SHIT!
Cheryl: YOU GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING BITCH!
[Susie walks in]
Susie: Fuck you, you car wash cunt! I had a dental appointment!
[storms out]
Cheryl's dad: Fellatio, cunnilingus , french kissing! Rim job!
Jeff's mom: Crap, piss!
Chet's wife: Fucking, fucking fuck fuck!
Larry's dad: Schmuck, putz!
Richard Lewis: Pussy, pig fucker!
Cheryl's sister: Balls!
Jeff's dad: Boy cock, Girl cock, E-I-E-I-O!
[entire restaurant erupts in laughter and profanity]
[everyone in the restaurant is silent]
Larry: [thinking back in his mind] Maybe someday I'll do something good for somebody like that. [yells out] SCUM SUCKING MOTHERFUCKING WHORE!
[everyone looks at Larry]
Jeff: COCK, COCK! JIZZUM! GRANDMA! COCK!
Michael York: BUM! FUCK! TURD! FART! CUNT! PISS! SHIT! BUGGER AND BALLS!
Manager: DAMN IT! HELL! CRAP! SHIT!
Cheryl: YOU GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING BITCH!
[Susie walks in]
Susie: Fuck you, you car wash cunt! I had a dental appointment!
[storms out]
Cheryl's dad: Fellatio, cunnilingus , french kissing! Rim job!
Jeff's mom: Crap, piss!
Chet's wife: Fucking, fucking fuck fuck!
Larry's dad: Schmuck, putz!
Richard Lewis: Pussy, pig fucker!
Cheryl's sister: Balls!
Jeff's dad: Boy cock, Girl cock, E-I-E-I-O!
[entire restaurant erupts in laughter and profanity]
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Doctor: Now, I don't know if you've ever had stitches before, but there's a slight bit of pain involved. Nothing more than, I would say, a little prick.
Larry: Um-hm. Yeah, there's definitely a prick involved.
Doctor: Uh, yes there is a prick involved.
Larry: Yeah, there's one prick involved.
Doctor: Yeah, I would say there's one prick involved.
Larry: I agree. I'm not a doctor, but I agree. There is one prick.
Doctor: Yep.
Larry: Um-hm. Yeah, there's definitely a prick involved.
Doctor: Uh, yes there is a prick involved.
Larry: Yeah, there's one prick involved.
Doctor: Yeah, I would say there's one prick involved.
Larry: I agree. I'm not a doctor, but I agree. There is one prick.
Doctor: Yep.
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Cady Huffman: We have some time before the show. I'd like to give you your 10th anniversary present.
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Susie: What are you doing?
Larry: Who invited you? Get the hell out of here!
Susie: Look at you, You are sick.
Larry: Where's the other one? I want the other one. Get out!
Susie: I'm the only one here, baby, and now for the rest of your life you sick four-eyed pervert fuck! You're gonna be fantasizing about me in this outfit! (laughing)
Larry: Who invited you? Get the hell out of here!
Susie: Look at you, You are sick.
Larry: Where's the other one? I want the other one. Get out!
Susie: I'm the only one here, baby, and now for the rest of your life you sick four-eyed pervert fuck! You're gonna be fantasizing about me in this outfit! (laughing)
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
[at Sol Funkhouser's dentist office, upset as Sol ruined his sleeve]
Larry: Oh, great, look he ruined the shirt, look, look at this cuff, and its flopping all over the place, look at that! whats with him?
Nurse: He's not himself right now, his uncle has Hodgkins.
Larry: Yeah, but it's the good Hodgkins.
Nurse: I didn't know there was a good Hodgkins.
Larry: I'm not saying it's a great Hodgkins, It's a good Hodgkins.
Larry: Oh, great, look he ruined the shirt, look, look at this cuff, and its flopping all over the place, look at that! whats with him?
Nurse: He's not himself right now, his uncle has Hodgkins.
Larry: Yeah, but it's the good Hodgkins.
Nurse: I didn't know there was a good Hodgkins.
Larry: I'm not saying it's a great Hodgkins, It's a good Hodgkins.
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Larry: Hey Pop, do me a favor?
Nat: MMM?
Larry: Next time you use the bathroom, make sure to keep the seat down.
Nat: What are you pussy-whipped?
Larry: It's not really about her, It's about me, I pee sitting down.
Nat: MMM?
Larry: Next time you use the bathroom, make sure to keep the seat down.
Nat: What are you pussy-whipped?
Larry: It's not really about her, It's about me, I pee sitting down.
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Marty: Hey Lar, you ever hear of Denta Friend?
Larry: Denta Friend? No.
Marty: It's a new sonic toothbrush that would really get rid of your plaque.
Larry: What are you talking about, get rid of plaque. I don't have any plaque.
Marty: My cousin's hygienist told me you have plaque.
Larry: Your cousin's hygienist told you I have a lot of plaque?
Marty: What's the big deal? Plaque is not a serious disease.
Larry: First of all, number one I don't have any plaque...
Russian Man (with Wife/Translator): (laughing)
Larry: Number two, she shouldn't be telling you, that's a breach of patient-hygienist confidentiality.
Jeff: There is no patient-hygienist confidentiality.
Larry: You're so wrong.
Susie: It's unethical, not legally like a doctor or a lawyer, but its unethical is what he's saying.
Larry: It's totally unethical, and I don't have any plaque by the way, do i have an electric toothbrush?
Cheryl: He has an electric toothbrush.
Larry: How often do I floss?
Cheryl: At least twice a day.
Larry (talking to translator): Tell him I don't have any plaque, okay, did you tell him that?
Marty: You have plaque.
Larry: Do you wanna have a plaque contest with me Marty?
Marty: Let's have a plaque contest.
Larry: Anytime you want.
Marty: Anytime you want.
Larry: Fine, you want to?
Marty: Challenge me just like you do in golf.
Larry: Denta Friend? No.
Marty: It's a new sonic toothbrush that would really get rid of your plaque.
Larry: What are you talking about, get rid of plaque. I don't have any plaque.
Marty: My cousin's hygienist told me you have plaque.
Larry: Your cousin's hygienist told you I have a lot of plaque?
Marty: What's the big deal? Plaque is not a serious disease.
Larry: First of all, number one I don't have any plaque...
Russian Man (with Wife/Translator): (laughing)
Larry: Number two, she shouldn't be telling you, that's a breach of patient-hygienist confidentiality.
Jeff: There is no patient-hygienist confidentiality.
Larry: You're so wrong.
Susie: It's unethical, not legally like a doctor or a lawyer, but its unethical is what he's saying.
Larry: It's totally unethical, and I don't have any plaque by the way, do i have an electric toothbrush?
Cheryl: He has an electric toothbrush.
Larry: How often do I floss?
Cheryl: At least twice a day.
Larry (talking to translator): Tell him I don't have any plaque, okay, did you tell him that?
Marty: You have plaque.
Larry: Do you wanna have a plaque contest with me Marty?
Marty: Let's have a plaque contest.
Larry: Anytime you want.
Marty: Anytime you want.
Larry: Fine, you want to?
Marty: Challenge me just like you do in golf.
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Larry: ...And how about that hygienist. It's like if you go to a prostitute, and the prostitute goes around and tells everybody that you got a small penis. Not that I've ever been to a prostitute... not that I have a small penis.
TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm