Dad's Army Quotes
Mr Yeatman: VANDALS!
Mainwaring: Shall we meet again at the same time, same place next week?
Mainwaring: Shall we meet again at the same time, same place next week?
TV Show: Dad's Army
Frazer: DEATH! THE RUBY WILL BRING YE DEATH! DE-E-ATH!
Pike: Did the curse come true?
Frazer: Aye son it did, he died....last year he was 86.
Pike: Did the curse come true?
Frazer: Aye son it did, he died....last year he was 86.
TV Show: Dad's Army
German U-boat Captain: I am making notes, Captain, and your name will go on the list; and when we win the war you will be brought to account.
Captain Mainwaring: You can write what you like, You're not going to win the war!
U-boat Captain: Oh yes we are.
Mainwaring: Oh no you're not.
U-boat Captain: Oh yes we are!
Pvt. Pike: [Singing] Whistle while you work, Hitler is a twerp, he's half-barmy, so's his army, whistle while you work!
U-boat Captain: Your name will also go on the list! What is it?
Mainwaring: Don't tell him Pike!
U-boat Captain: Pike!
Captain Mainwaring: You can write what you like, You're not going to win the war!
U-boat Captain: Oh yes we are.
Mainwaring: Oh no you're not.
U-boat Captain: Oh yes we are!
Pvt. Pike: [Singing] Whistle while you work, Hitler is a twerp, he's half-barmy, so's his army, whistle while you work!
U-boat Captain: Your name will also go on the list! What is it?
Mainwaring: Don't tell him Pike!
U-boat Captain: Pike!
TV Show: Dad's Army
Later on, after the tables have turned courtesy of a foolish mistake by Hodges, the platoon are ordered to accompany the German crew on their boat, to protect them from the Navy (who will not blow up their boat if there are British men aboard):
U-boat Captain: When we arrive in France, you will be MY prisoners and then - we shall examine the List!
U-boat Captain: When we arrive in France, you will be MY prisoners and then - we shall examine the List!
TV Show: Dad's Army
U-boat Captain: Just to make sure Captain that your behaviour is correct, this old man will march in front of me [puts 'primed' grenade down Jones' trousers with string attached to pin]. One false move from you - and I pull the string!
Jones: Ohhhh.... don't make any false moves Mr Mainwaring, and don't make any real ones either!
U-boat Captain: Seven seconds will be enough for me to get clear, but I don't think it is enough time for the old man to unbutton his tunic.
Frazer: A terrible way to die!
Mainwaring (to the U-boat captain): You unspeakable swine!!
Jones: Ohhhh.... don't make any false moves Mr Mainwaring, and don't make any real ones either!
U-boat Captain: Seven seconds will be enough for me to get clear, but I don't think it is enough time for the old man to unbutton his tunic.
Frazer: A terrible way to die!
Mainwaring (to the U-boat captain): You unspeakable swine!!
TV Show: Dad's Army
Mainwaring: Oh you'd stick up for him wouldn't you? You both went to public school didn't you?
Wilson: You know sir, I can't help feeling that you've got a bit of a chip on your shoulder about that.
Mainwaring: There's no chip on my shoulder. I'll tell you what there is though, three pips and don't you forget it.
Wilson: You know sir, I can't help feeling that you've got a bit of a chip on your shoulder about that.
Mainwaring: There's no chip on my shoulder. I'll tell you what there is though, three pips and don't you forget it.
TV Show: Dad's Army
German airman dangling from clocktower: Bitte, mein Herr! Oh, bitte, bitte!
Jones: It's no good trying to apologize.
German: Schnell! Schnell!
Jones: Never mind about the smell. That's got nothing to do with it.
Jones: It's no good trying to apologize.
German: Schnell! Schnell!
Jones: Never mind about the smell. That's got nothing to do with it.
TV Show: Dad's Army
Polish Officer: You're supposed to keep a look out like soldiers, not talk like old women. What are you names?
Jones: Jones, sir.
Pike: Pike, sir.
Walker: Smith.
Jones: Walker.
Walker: Oh, thanks very much.
Polish Officer: It's no good you try and give me falseys
Jones: Jones, sir.
Pike: Pike, sir.
Walker: Smith.
Jones: Walker.
Walker: Oh, thanks very much.
Polish Officer: It's no good you try and give me falseys
TV Show: Dad's Army
Having cleaned and returned a Lewis gun
Frazer: Thank goodness I won't have to clean that thing for three weeks.
Mainwaring: That is not the right attitude to adopt, Frazer. You should consider it an honour and a privilege to use this Lewis gun.
Frazer: If it was a privilege, none of us would ever be getting a look in; you and the Sergeant would be doing it all the time.
Mainwaring: That'll do. That'll do. The butterfly spring seems to be missing from here Frazer.
Frazer: What? Oh aye. So it is. I must have left it in me workshop.
Mainwaring: Your workshop?
Frazer: Aye. I took the gun home to be cleaned.
Mainwaring: Look. For a start you've got no right to take that gun off these premises. Most of all that gun is totally useless without its butterfly spring. If a Nazi Storm Trooper came rushing in through that door you could do nothing with that, but hit him with it.
Jones: Permission to speak sir. If Frazer were to hit him with it, it wouldn't half make his eyes water.
Frazer: Thank goodness I won't have to clean that thing for three weeks.
Mainwaring: That is not the right attitude to adopt, Frazer. You should consider it an honour and a privilege to use this Lewis gun.
Frazer: If it was a privilege, none of us would ever be getting a look in; you and the Sergeant would be doing it all the time.
Mainwaring: That'll do. That'll do. The butterfly spring seems to be missing from here Frazer.
Frazer: What? Oh aye. So it is. I must have left it in me workshop.
Mainwaring: Your workshop?
Frazer: Aye. I took the gun home to be cleaned.
Mainwaring: Look. For a start you've got no right to take that gun off these premises. Most of all that gun is totally useless without its butterfly spring. If a Nazi Storm Trooper came rushing in through that door you could do nothing with that, but hit him with it.
Jones: Permission to speak sir. If Frazer were to hit him with it, it wouldn't half make his eyes water.
TV Show: Dad's Army
Watching Hodges' opening bowler, Fred Trueman, walking to his mark
Mainwaring: Where is he going?
Hodges: It's when he comes to you, you want to worry. That ball leaves his hand at ninety five miles an hour. This guy would've been playing for England if the war hadn't started.
Mainwaring: What?
Hodges: I'm gonna enjoy this.
(The Bowler runs in and Mainwaring is beaten for pace and knocked off his feet)
Hodges: (Laughing) Enjoying yourself, Mainwaring?
Mainwaring: He's not bowling at the stumps. He's bowling at me.
Mainwaring: Where is he going?
Hodges: It's when he comes to you, you want to worry. That ball leaves his hand at ninety five miles an hour. This guy would've been playing for England if the war hadn't started.
Mainwaring: What?
Hodges: I'm gonna enjoy this.
(The Bowler runs in and Mainwaring is beaten for pace and knocked off his feet)
Hodges: (Laughing) Enjoying yourself, Mainwaring?
Mainwaring: He's not bowling at the stumps. He's bowling at me.
TV Show: Dad's Army
Mainwaring: No liquor is to be taken without my permission.
Frazer: Hold on! That is undemocratic!
Mainwaring: You, Frazer, will be in charge of all liquor permits.
Frazer: I'm right behind you, Cap'n!
Frazer: Hold on! That is undemocratic!
Mainwaring: You, Frazer, will be in charge of all liquor permits.
Frazer: I'm right behind you, Cap'n!
TV Show: Dad's Army
The platoon has gone into a pub dressed as Nazis, without Mainwaring's permission.
Jones: We shouldn't be doing this, Mr. Wilson
Wilson: Well, what are you going to have?
Jone: A pint.
Jones: We shouldn't be doing this, Mr. Wilson
Wilson: Well, what are you going to have?
Jone: A pint.
TV Show: Dad's Army
Landlord: Good afternoon, Gentlemen. What can I get....(turns and sees the platoon dressed as nazis
Pike: (In a German accent) Gut afternoon mein host. 16 shandies mit the ginger beer.
Landlord: (Stammers) Pints or halves?
Pike: Pints!
Pike: (In a German accent) Gut afternoon mein host. 16 shandies mit the ginger beer.
Landlord: (Stammers) Pints or halves?
Pike: Pints!
TV Show: Dad's Army
Reverend Farthing has just joined the platoon, and Mainwaring is not happy about it.
Reverend Farthing: Could I stand by and watch my wife being raped by a Nazi? Finally I said to myself, no I couldn't.
Mainwaring: But you're not married.
Reverend Farthing: I have a very vivid imagination.
Reverend Farthing: Could I stand by and watch my wife being raped by a Nazi? Finally I said to myself, no I couldn't.
Mainwaring: But you're not married.
Reverend Farthing: I have a very vivid imagination.
TV Show: Dad's Army
(trying to find someone to open the door of a prisoner of war camp)
Jones: Is anybody there?, Is anybody there?, If you are not there..... Say so.
Jones: Is anybody there?, Is anybody there?, If you are not there..... Say so.
TV Show: Dad's Army
Hodges: (about lowering Mrs. Pike's rent) I'll do nothing of the sort. It's my property, and I'll charge what I want for it.
Jones: Oh, no you won't. I shall report you to the Chamber of Commerce, and they'll throw you out on your ear.
Frazer: And, as a member of the chamber of commerce (taps the table), I second that.
Godfrey: And I third it.
Frazer: (Amid much noise) You're not a shopkeeper, so shut up.
Jones: Oh, no you won't. I shall report you to the Chamber of Commerce, and they'll throw you out on your ear.
Frazer: And, as a member of the chamber of commerce (taps the table), I second that.
Godfrey: And I third it.
Frazer: (Amid much noise) You're not a shopkeeper, so shut up.
TV Show: Dad's Army
George Mainwaring: Men, I am a man of few words but, there comes a time in a soldier's life, when one must confront...
Frazer: For God's sake, man! We're in enough trouble without you making a speech!
Frazer: For God's sake, man! We're in enough trouble without you making a speech!
Movie: Dad's Army
Reverend Timothy Farthing: The morris dancers have booked the hall for one o'clock. I do hope you're not going to run over.
George Mainwaring: There is a war on you know, Vicar. If we're not finished, they'll just have to prance about outside.
George Mainwaring: There is a war on you know, Vicar. If we're not finished, they'll just have to prance about outside.
Movie: Dad's Army
[last lines] George Mainwaring: Touch and go, old friend. But we got there in the end.
Arthur Wilson: Friend, sir?
George Mainwaring: Eyes front, shoulders back. You're a sergeant of the home guard, not a sack of potatoes.
Arthur Wilson: Thank you, sir. You really are most awfully kind.
Arthur Wilson: Friend, sir?
George Mainwaring: Eyes front, shoulders back. You're a sergeant of the home guard, not a sack of potatoes.
Arthur Wilson: Thank you, sir. You really are most awfully kind.
Movie: Dad's Army
Dolly: [on Miss Winters]She seems most civilised.
Cissy: They said that about The Ripper.
Cissy: They said that about The Ripper.
Movie: Dad's Army
George Mainwaring: The boys have been dragging their feet, lately.
Arthur Wilson: Yes, they have been a bit lax.
George Mainwaring: There's no need for Latin, Wilson. If the king's English is good enough for him, it's good enough for you. You're not at Cambridge now, you know.
Arthur Wilson: Oxford actually.
Arthur Wilson: Yes, they have been a bit lax.
George Mainwaring: There's no need for Latin, Wilson. If the king's English is good enough for him, it's good enough for you. You're not at Cambridge now, you know.
Arthur Wilson: Oxford actually.
Movie: Dad's Army
Arthur Wilson: I do believe I won the exercise, sir.
George Mainwaring: You did nothing of the sort, not dressed like that. You're Disqualified!
Arthur Wilson: I thought I was being resourceful
George Mainwaring: You were being devious and underhand. It's no way for a spy to behave!
George Mainwaring: You did nothing of the sort, not dressed like that. You're Disqualified!
Arthur Wilson: I thought I was being resourceful
George Mainwaring: You were being devious and underhand. It's no way for a spy to behave!
Movie: Dad's Army