Dave the Barbarian Quotes
Candy: This is my secret princess pad. Absolutely NOBODY else knows it's here. [toilet flush, and Oswidge walks out of the bathroom]
Oswidge: Sorry, the upstairs one wasn't working.
Oswidge: Sorry, the upstairs one wasn't working.
Movie: Dave the Barbarian
Dave: Ready, Lula?
Lula the Magic Sword: I refuse to come out like this.
Dave: What's wrong?
Lula the Magic Sword: Her *ladyship* thought I needed a more civilized look. [she comes out covered with... ]
Dave: Are those roses?
Lula the Magic Sword: Yes.
Dave: Cause I'm ALLERGIC TO ROSES.
Lula the Magic Sword: I refuse to come out like this.
Dave: What's wrong?
Lula the Magic Sword: Her *ladyship* thought I needed a more civilized look. [she comes out covered with... ]
Dave: Are those roses?
Lula the Magic Sword: Yes.
Dave: Cause I'm ALLERGIC TO ROSES.
Movie: Dave the Barbarian
Chuckles the Silly Piggy: I'm the master of all evil. THE MASTER OF ALL EVIL! I can't help it if I have an adorably, curly tail.
Movie: Dave the Barbarian
Oswidge: Wow, it's a whole new kind of music! I'm gonna call it Rock & Roll, because it was like being hit with a rock, and I'm hungry for a roll.
Movie: Dave the Barbarian
[Princess Candy has just been informed that a giant muffin is attacking the enchanted forest, and various characters are suggesting how to deal with it.]
Dave: That'll never work. Does anyone have one of those yappy dogs? That might scare it away.
Dave: That'll never work. Does anyone have one of those yappy dogs? That might scare it away.
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[Lula is Dave's enchanted talking sword]
Lula: You know what would come in handy against a monster made of dough? Some sort of sharp implement. Oh, if only you had a sharp implement, David. If only-
Dave: There's no need to be sarcastic. Time to cut a muffin!
Lula: That sounds nasty for some reason.
Lula: You know what would come in handy against a monster made of dough? Some sort of sharp implement. Oh, if only you had a sharp implement, David. If only-
Dave: There's no need to be sarcastic. Time to cut a muffin!
Lula: That sounds nasty for some reason.
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Dave: Stop! Don't spoonfeed that sprite another bite of regurgitated goose! Not until I floss his royal teeth. Say "Ahh" your majesty!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
The Sprite of the Stump: Okay, whichever one of you manages to slay the muffin monster, wins this: it's an immunity totem. Whoever wins it is excused from giving me my evening spongebath.
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[The muffin monster's big brother is attacking Udrogoth Castle. He takes a tower and throws it.]
Fang: Hey, he threw my room! All my dollies are in there!
[Dave, Candy, and Oswidge look at Fang]
Fang: I mean, all my... Weapons.
Fang: Hey, he threw my room! All my dollies are in there!
[Dave, Candy, and Oswidge look at Fang]
Fang: I mean, all my... Weapons.
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[A tower falls in the middle of the Enchanted Forest.]
Oswidge: Hey, he threw my room! All my dollies are in there!
[Dave, Candy, and Fang look at Oswidge]
Oswidge: I mean, all my... Magic stuff?
Oswidge: Hey, he threw my room! All my dollies are in there!
[Dave, Candy, and Fang look at Oswidge]
Oswidge: I mean, all my... Magic stuff?
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[In the Great Indoor Marketplace Dave approaches a clerk at "Ye Sick People Shop" for advice.]
Sales Clerk: Eh, I just do holes and leeches. If you want advice, I guess you could read one of those self-help scrolls... but they're all written by crackpots and weirdos.
Dave: Crackpots and weirdos!? Count me in!
Sales Clerk: Eh, I just do holes and leeches. If you want advice, I guess you could read one of those self-help scrolls... but they're all written by crackpots and weirdos.
Dave: Crackpots and weirdos!? Count me in!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Dave: At last! I know my purpose in life: to help people! And to do that, I must become... A psychofloobicologist!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Quozmir: Who dares wake Quozmir, Udrogothian god of overused punctuation!? Whoever it is, he shall pay... um, or she.
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[Psychofloobicologist Dave has just asked Quozmir why he must destroy the earth.]
Quozmir: Why? You know, I never really thought about it before. Why must I destroy? Why do I feel such rage? Why do I persist in doing this atrocious combover, when I'm obviously balding. I mean, seriously, who am I fooling?
Quozmir: Why? You know, I never really thought about it before. Why must I destroy? Why do I feel such rage? Why do I persist in doing this atrocious combover, when I'm obviously balding. I mean, seriously, who am I fooling?
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[Quozmir has just purchased two wheels of cheese at the Great Indoor Marketplace, in part of his flaming-loogie-spitting rampage]
Oswidge: Not the Cheese!
Candy: What's the big deal?
Oswidge: Cheese produces phlegm.
Candy: And?
Oswidge: And if the cheese creates more phlegm, that means bigger flaming loogies!
Candy: And?
Oswidge: Look, I'm going to put this in terms you can understand: he could destroy all the shopping!
Candy: [gasps] Not on my watch!
Oswidge: Not the Cheese!
Candy: What's the big deal?
Oswidge: Cheese produces phlegm.
Candy: And?
Oswidge: And if the cheese creates more phlegm, that means bigger flaming loogies!
Candy: And?
Oswidge: Look, I'm going to put this in terms you can understand: he could destroy all the shopping!
Candy: [gasps] Not on my watch!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Candy: Why are you stoping me, that' guy's a menace to shopping! Besides, if he ate all that cheese, it'd go straight to his hips.
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Dave: We will use the mightiest weapon in the psychofloobicologist's arsenal: Happycrafts!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[Candy attempts to calm Quozmir's rage by reuniting him with his mom]
Quozmir's mom: Huh, he never calls, he never writes, I ask you: is this the way for a son to act?
Quozmir's mom: Huh, he never calls, he never writes, I ask you: is this the way for a son to act?
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Quozmir's mom: Herbert, what do you say we destroy the northern half of the continent, huh?
Fang: I love a happy ending!
Candy: Happy ending? They're gonna destroy half a continent!
Fang: Yeah, but not the half we live in.
Candy: Good point.
Fang: I love a happy ending!
Candy: Happy ending? They're gonna destroy half a continent!
Fang: Yeah, but not the half we live in.
Candy: Good point.
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Storyteller: Dawn in Udrogoth: a time for all barbarian heroes, and their trusty dragons, to rise and begin their mighty action-packed adventures!
Dave: What a lovely day to draw sap for pancake syrup!
Dave: What a lovely day to draw sap for pancake syrup!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Candy: There's only one way to show true love: we must... [shouting] shop!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
King Throktar: Anyway, the reason we called is, we hid the Magical Grape of Bobo-Be-Dobo in Faffy's room, and we need you to send it to us or this giant ice monster's gonna freeze the entire world. Okay? Hello? You still there? Hello?
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Enchanted toothbrush: Don't forget to brush the tongue! Everybody forgets to brush the tongue!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Bogmelon: Lookin' for something, darlin'?
Dave: I-
Bogmelon: We got that. Whaddya want? Tooth extractor? Rump whistle? Spiked helmet? Spiked boots? Spiked toilet paper? Oh, I got just the thing: a diseased weasel!
Dave: I-
Bogmelon: We got that. Whaddya want? Tooth extractor? Rump whistle? Spiked helmet? Spiked boots? Spiked toilet paper? Oh, I got just the thing: a diseased weasel!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Storyteller: But while trying to feed Carl the nosegrub, Dave fails to notice the little weasel's eyes darting about. Seeking something. Seeking... the hiding place of the Magical Grape of Bobo-Be-Dobo! But to what end? Can there be more to Carl than meets the eye? [Carl farts.] Well, there certainly can't be less!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[Carl, the diseased weasel, reveals himself to be The Dark Lord Chuckles the Silly Piggy in disguise.]
Dave: Bejabbers! It's... oh, what's your name? D-d-don't tell me. Does it start with a J?
Chuckles: The Dark Lord Chuckles the Silly Piggy!
Dave: I asked you not to tell me!
Dave: Bejabbers! It's... oh, what's your name? D-d-don't tell me. Does it start with a J?
Chuckles: The Dark Lord Chuckles the Silly Piggy!
Dave: I asked you not to tell me!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian