Dave the Barbarian Quotes
Fang: You've gotta stop passing all these stupid laws! Everybody's really mad at you! Especially the cats.
[A rock with a note tied to it breaks through a window. Dave catches and reads it.]
Dave: It says, "Meow."
Fang: And they mean it.
[A rock with a note tied to it breaks through a window. Dave catches and reads it.]
Dave: It says, "Meow."
Fang: And they mean it.
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Dave: I'll show them! Heads will roll! Excrutiating punishments will be enacted! Wedgies will be given!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[Dave orders all subjects to attend the opening day of his musical, "Oh, Pastry!"]
Sentry on the Left: "Every subject must attend?" But if we go, the kingdom will be unguarded against invaders.
Sentry on the Right: Nope. See, it says, "All invaders must attend as well."
Sentry on the Left: Wow, the king thinks of everything.
Sentry on the Left: "Every subject must attend?" But if we go, the kingdom will be unguarded against invaders.
Sentry on the Right: Nope. See, it says, "All invaders must attend as well."
Sentry on the Left: Wow, the king thinks of everything.
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[The intro to Dave's musical.]
Dave: [Singing.] With all the suffering in the world... that makes us feel sad, or irate... One thing still fills us all with joy and starchy carbohydrates... Pastry, why the heck are you so tasty?
Dave: [Singing.] With all the suffering in the world... that makes us feel sad, or irate... One thing still fills us all with joy and starchy carbohydrates... Pastry, why the heck are you so tasty?
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[Chuckles struggles getting the Enchanted Throne of Udrogoth to make him king.]
Chuckles: Now make me king, or I'll reupholster you in a really ugly plad!
Chuckles: Now make me king, or I'll reupholster you in a really ugly plad!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[Another scene in Dave's musical.]
Dave: Alas, poor danish, what is thy filling? Well, who knows better than the danish prince!
Dave: Alas, poor danish, what is thy filling? Well, who knows better than the danish prince!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Chuckles: Okay, time for new laws! [Clears throat.] First, pickled pigs' feet do not belong in jars in delis, they belong on [Screaming] pigs' ankles!
Dave: You call that a law?
Chuckles: It beats shaving cats.
Dave: You call that a law?
Chuckles: It beats shaving cats.
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[Candy brings the citizens of Udrogoth to rescue David.]
Sentry on the Right: We will defend to the death he who brought us Casual Dress Friday!
Proclaimer: Even if he did make us watch that awful play!
Sentry on the Right: You know, you don't have to yell like that. You're not making proclamations.
Proclaimer: Yell like what?!
Sentry on the Right: We will defend to the death he who brought us Casual Dress Friday!
Proclaimer: Even if he did make us watch that awful play!
Sentry on the Right: You know, you don't have to yell like that. You're not making proclamations.
Proclaimer: Yell like what?!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Storyteller: Throughout history, there have been many great barbarian heroes: Kronkaz the Smasher, Mortaad the Ridiculer-
Mortaad: Hey! Pizza face!
Storyteller: Sheebor, the Stomper on Things Until They're Squished Into Mushy Paste-
Sheebor: Ha! Are you paste yet?
Flat Ugly Monster: Not... Quite.
Storyteller: These mighty heroes have been honored in the most ancient and venerable of old art forms.
Fang: One pack of Famous Barbarian Trading Cards, please. [Shouting.] Or I'll crush you like a grape!
Mortaad: Hey! Pizza face!
Storyteller: Sheebor, the Stomper on Things Until They're Squished Into Mushy Paste-
Sheebor: Ha! Are you paste yet?
Flat Ugly Monster: Not... Quite.
Storyteller: These mighty heroes have been honored in the most ancient and venerable of old art forms.
Fang: One pack of Famous Barbarian Trading Cards, please. [Shouting.] Or I'll crush you like a grape!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Fang: Now, I've got Strom's trading card, and action figure, and poster, and lunch box, and board game, complete table setting, snow globe, his official biography, his unofficial biography, his officially unofficial biography, and his new-and-improved super-deluxe monkey warmer!
Monkey [lying in a wooden hot tub with Strom's picture on it] Is it hot in here, or is it me?
Monkey [lying in a wooden hot tub with Strom's picture on it] Is it hot in here, or is it me?
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Strom: I'm here to slay the dragon, people! [Cow moos.] You know, big scaly monster? Fangs? Wings? Been terrorizing you for years?
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[Ms. Bogmelon describes Faffy, Dave's dragon.]
Bogmelon: It's more of a dumb, little, flyin' potato or somethin'.
Bogmelon: It's more of a dumb, little, flyin' potato or somethin'.
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[Candy teaches Faffy the martial art of "Tae Kwon Don't."]
Candy: It's not as good for fighting as Tae Kwon Do, but it's great for firming the buttocks.
Candy: It's not as good for fighting as Tae Kwon Do, but it's great for firming the buttocks.
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Fang: Strom the Slayer has slain griffins, and basilisks, and manticores. He's slain so much stuff it's amazing anything's still alive! He is exactly what I want to be when I grow up.
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Strom: So, there's eight or ten girls back home, and then maybe... twenty or thirty on the road?
Candy: So... you're saying you're single?
Candy: So... you're saying you're single?
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[Strom points out that the book Dave is holding is smoking.]
Dave: Ye-e-es, yes, it's a filthy habit, but I can't get it to stop.
Dave: Ye-e-es, yes, it's a filthy habit, but I can't get it to stop.
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[Strom guesses Fang is a human (who is normally mistaken for a monkey)]
Fang: [In awe.] He guessed my species...
Fang: [In awe.] He guessed my species...
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[Strom takes out his axe to slay Faffy.]
Fang: Oooh, the Legendary Golden Tri-Axe! And here comes his famous battle cry!
Strom: [Screaming.] Valim-Valee!
Fang: Okay, the battle cry isn't all that great. But the axe is cool!
Fang: Oooh, the Legendary Golden Tri-Axe! And here comes his famous battle cry!
Strom: [Screaming.] Valim-Valee!
Fang: Okay, the battle cry isn't all that great. But the axe is cool!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[Uncle Oswidge casts a magic spell, which is reflected back to him and Candy and turns them into centipedes.]
Candy: Do you have any idea what this is gonna cost me in shoes?
Candy: Do you have any idea what this is gonna cost me in shoes?
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Dave: Could we move to another part of the castle? I'm running out of things to hide behind!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[Dave questions why Strom has stopped trying to slay him.]
Strom: Obviously you've never touched a monkey. It's kind of addicting.
Strom: Obviously you've never touched a monkey. It's kind of addicting.
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Storyteller: And thus did Fang learn, that even the greatest hero can be a-
Fang: Weenie.
Fang: Weenie.
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[Dave looks at the new card added to the Famous Barbarian Trading Cards collection.]
Dave: "Dave the Hider Behind Things"? Oh, that's not a flattering picture at all.
Dave: "Dave the Hider Behind Things"? Oh, that's not a flattering picture at all.
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[Some bugs are telling scary stories about Fang, and are interrupted by Fang.]
Fang: I squash you all!
Fang: I squash you all!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[Dave reads a letter from his parents.]
Dave: Dear kids, we're still busy fighting evil, but we'll be home soon. Your mother says the demon monkeys may attack but I don't think- egad, they're here. Ieee, argh, ow, ow, ow, ow, yar, ock, yargh, ock, ye, ye, ye, ye, ye, scree, erk. Love, mom and dad.
Dave: Dear kids, we're still busy fighting evil, but we'll be home soon. Your mother says the demon monkeys may attack but I don't think- egad, they're here. Ieee, argh, ow, ow, ow, ow, yar, ock, yargh, ock, ye, ye, ye, ye, ye, scree, erk. Love, mom and dad.
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Dave: We can teach Fang to be way, way, way more civilized with this: [holds up book.] A Young Lady's Guide to being Way, Way, Way More Civilized.
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Candy: What was I thinking? Making Fang civilized is hopeless!
Oswidge: Yes, because we've been missing the key ingredient: bribery!
Oswidge: Yes, because we've been missing the key ingredient: bribery!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Storyteller: Fizzberries: a treat so beloved by Fang, that she would chew off her own leg to get to them!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian