Dead Like Me Quotes
Secretary: I'm sorry Mr. Munroe isn't available.
George: Did you tell him it's important?
Secretary: Yes, but he's just on his way out of the office.
George: It'll only take a second. Please, I'll be quick.
Secretary: He's not gonna see you. He doesn't know who you are or what this is regarding.
George: I'm the girl his son drugged and it's regarding him videotaping me while homeless people had sex with my unconscious body.
Secretary: I'll double check.
George: Did you tell him it's important?
Secretary: Yes, but he's just on his way out of the office.
George: It'll only take a second. Please, I'll be quick.
Secretary: He's not gonna see you. He doesn't know who you are or what this is regarding.
George: I'm the girl his son drugged and it's regarding him videotaping me while homeless people had sex with my unconscious body.
Secretary: I'll double check.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
George: I was just calling you, to see if there was anything I could do to help.
George: [voiceover] I became aware of the words only after they left my mouth.
Dolores: I like the way you show initiative, Millie. I like it a lot. I'd better watch my back, pretty soon you'll have my job.
George: Only after you get a promotion.
Dolores: Oh.
George: [voiceover] I felt dirty.
George: [voiceover] I became aware of the words only after they left my mouth.
Dolores: I like the way you show initiative, Millie. I like it a lot. I'd better watch my back, pretty soon you'll have my job.
George: Only after you get a promotion.
Dolores: Oh.
George: [voiceover] I felt dirty.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
Mason: I feel like I've been poisoned. Have you been poisoned?
Rube: No, not on purpose. I had some bad salmon once. I don't touch the stuff anymore.
Mason: Was it salmon mousse?
Rube: I don't know. It was canned.
[This is a reference to Monty Python's Meaning of Life where the Grim Reaper tells some snobs that they all died from eating bad salmon mousse made with canned salmon]
Rube: No, not on purpose. I had some bad salmon once. I don't touch the stuff anymore.
Mason: Was it salmon mousse?
Rube: I don't know. It was canned.
[This is a reference to Monty Python's Meaning of Life where the Grim Reaper tells some snobs that they all died from eating bad salmon mousse made with canned salmon]
TV Show: Dead Like Me
Rube: You pulled the wrong piece out of the Jenga tower little girl. You know what a hiccup is?
George: Yes.
Rube: You got yourself a hiccup. Something happens that's not supposed to happen. System has to figure out what that something is and fix it. P. J. Monroe.
George: I'm sorry.
Rube: What'd you do? Slash his tires? Have him arrested?
George: I just talked to him.
Rube: Must have been some conversation.
George: I guess.
Rube: I hope it was worth it. What, you got the hots for the guy or something?
George: No!
Rube: What, he give you some money?
George: No! [looks away]
Rube: Help...me...out.
George: I just wanted to see if I could do it?
Rube: I need somebody to give me lessons on how to communicate with you, Peanut, cuz I'm at a loss. The coin's in the slot, the gumball's on its way, and I'm plum out of wisdom. I'd start sleeping with the lights on if I were you.
George[voiceover]: I didn't know if that was a threat or a warning... Rube washed his hands of me. But that didn't mean I was off the hook. It only got worse. I broke the rules. The gravelings declared hunting season on my ass.
George: Yes.
Rube: You got yourself a hiccup. Something happens that's not supposed to happen. System has to figure out what that something is and fix it. P. J. Monroe.
George: I'm sorry.
Rube: What'd you do? Slash his tires? Have him arrested?
George: I just talked to him.
Rube: Must have been some conversation.
George: I guess.
Rube: I hope it was worth it. What, you got the hots for the guy or something?
George: No!
Rube: What, he give you some money?
George: No! [looks away]
Rube: Help...me...out.
George: I just wanted to see if I could do it?
Rube: I need somebody to give me lessons on how to communicate with you, Peanut, cuz I'm at a loss. The coin's in the slot, the gumball's on its way, and I'm plum out of wisdom. I'd start sleeping with the lights on if I were you.
George[voiceover]: I didn't know if that was a threat or a warning... Rube washed his hands of me. But that didn't mean I was off the hook. It only got worse. I broke the rules. The gravelings declared hunting season on my ass.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
[Mason is sitting in a booth, looking uncomfortable]
Roxy: What's wrong?
Mason: [miserably] I've got illegals in my bottom.
Roxy: What's wrong?
Mason: [miserably] I've got illegals in my bottom.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
Mason: Heed his advice, and stay on his good side. He's like a volcano, George, he erupts and he spews lava on all the little villages, they run around and, they run around for their lives. But, you know, he stops, and you can go back to the safety of your own home.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
Mason: I've seen him stay mad for years, but you're different, he likes you. He won't stay mad.
George: Well how long will he be mad for? Days? Weeks?
Mason: What's the one after that?
Geroge: Months?
Mason: Yeah, that one
George: Well how long will he be mad for? Days? Weeks?
Mason: What's the one after that?
Geroge: Months?
Mason: Yeah, that one
TV Show: Dead Like Me
Rube: You don't mess with fate, Peanut. People die when they are meant to die. There's no discussion. There's no negotiation. When life's done, it's done. You of all people should know that.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
(George is at a meeting at work about scrapbooking and has a daydream.)
George: This is my work related scrapbook. (She opens to a page and points.) These are bone fragments I found in a telephone pole next to an exploded high voltage transformer. (Turns to another page.) And, this is from that nuclear reactor incident. I think it's a testicle!
(Everyone in her daydream laughs.)
George: This is my work related scrapbook. (She opens to a page and points.) These are bone fragments I found in a telephone pole next to an exploded high voltage transformer. (Turns to another page.) And, this is from that nuclear reactor incident. I think it's a testicle!
(Everyone in her daydream laughs.)
TV Show: Dead Like Me
(Rube, George and Betty are at a Bowers family reunion trying to find M. J. Bowers.)
Rube: Is your name M. J.?
Old Man Bowers: What?
Rube: My friend tells me 'go say hello to M. J. he's standin over there' and she points to you.
Old Man Bowers: Which friend?
Rube: Right there. Pretty girl in the pant suit.
(They look at George and George waves.)
Old Man Bowers: That one? I don't know her. Uh, what is she pointing at me for?
Rube: She thought you were M. J. Bowers. Are you?
Old Man Bowers: Who wants to know?
Rube: It's a family reunion. We're all family. I'm just askin' your name.
Old Man Bowers: I don't know you, sir!
Rube: Rube. Hi, how are you? Listen, I'm tired of fuckin' around. Is your name M. J. Bowers or not?
Old Man Bowers(confused): Uh...
Rube: Is your name M. J.?
Old Man Bowers: What?
Rube: My friend tells me 'go say hello to M. J. he's standin over there' and she points to you.
Old Man Bowers: Which friend?
Rube: Right there. Pretty girl in the pant suit.
(They look at George and George waves.)
Old Man Bowers: That one? I don't know her. Uh, what is she pointing at me for?
Rube: She thought you were M. J. Bowers. Are you?
Old Man Bowers: Who wants to know?
Rube: It's a family reunion. We're all family. I'm just askin' your name.
Old Man Bowers: I don't know you, sir!
Rube: Rube. Hi, how are you? Listen, I'm tired of fuckin' around. Is your name M. J. Bowers or not?
Old Man Bowers(confused): Uh...
TV Show: Dead Like Me
(George sees Dolores bring a basket to her cubicle.)
George[voiceover]: If this is Murray the dead cat, I'm so outta here.
George[voiceover]: If this is Murray the dead cat, I'm so outta here.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
George: Why do I keep losing all the things and people that I care about?
Rube: That's what life is, Peanut.
Rube: That's what life is, Peanut.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
[Rube, George and Mason are in Der Waffle Haus and Mason sees Daisy walk inside.)
Mason: Oh, bloody hell.
Daisy: [To Casey, the waitress] Diet Coke, chipped ice, but not too much.
Rube: I think this is about Betty. I think George has her own Warren Commission in her head and somehow has implicated me in Betty's disappearance. Am I right or am I right?
George: [To Rube] Can you pass me the ketchup?
Mason: [To Daisy] How you doin'?
Daisy: I don't think so.
Rube: [To George] That's all you want from me? The ketchup? 'Cuz the ketchup I can handle. But the guilt trip about Betty, that I can not. I don't know where Betty is.
Mason: [To Daisy] Ah- hem. Um, hello? I'm Mason.
Daisy: I don't think so.
Mason: [To George] What does that mean?
George: It means she hates you.
Rube: You lost your friend, Peanut, I'm sorry. Reapers come and go. That's life.
George: [voiceover] I missed Betty like crazy. I had a thousand and one questions, and I didn't know where to begin. Where was she? Was she o.k.? Was she coming back? What did Rube know? Somebody had to confront Rube and ask these questions. And, hopefully this person will be along soon.
Daisy: [To Casey] This isn't chipped ice.
Casey: We don't have chipped ice. All we got's cubes.
Daisy: Well, if you have cubes, and an ice pick, then you have chipped. Do you, Casey, have an ice pick?
Casey: Mm- hm. Ya. A nice one.
Daisy: Well, then I think we need to start over.
Mason: [To Casey] Uh, you see that Diet Coke? Thats on me.(To Daisy): I'm Mason.
George: [To Mason] You're a fuckin' moron.
Daisy: [To Rube] Is your name Rube?
Mason: Oh, bloody hell.
Daisy: [To Casey, the waitress] Diet Coke, chipped ice, but not too much.
Rube: I think this is about Betty. I think George has her own Warren Commission in her head and somehow has implicated me in Betty's disappearance. Am I right or am I right?
George: [To Rube] Can you pass me the ketchup?
Mason: [To Daisy] How you doin'?
Daisy: I don't think so.
Rube: [To George] That's all you want from me? The ketchup? 'Cuz the ketchup I can handle. But the guilt trip about Betty, that I can not. I don't know where Betty is.
Mason: [To Daisy] Ah- hem. Um, hello? I'm Mason.
Daisy: I don't think so.
Mason: [To George] What does that mean?
George: It means she hates you.
Rube: You lost your friend, Peanut, I'm sorry. Reapers come and go. That's life.
George: [voiceover] I missed Betty like crazy. I had a thousand and one questions, and I didn't know where to begin. Where was she? Was she o.k.? Was she coming back? What did Rube know? Somebody had to confront Rube and ask these questions. And, hopefully this person will be along soon.
Daisy: [To Casey] This isn't chipped ice.
Casey: We don't have chipped ice. All we got's cubes.
Daisy: Well, if you have cubes, and an ice pick, then you have chipped. Do you, Casey, have an ice pick?
Casey: Mm- hm. Ya. A nice one.
Daisy: Well, then I think we need to start over.
Mason: [To Casey] Uh, you see that Diet Coke? Thats on me.(To Daisy): I'm Mason.
George: [To Mason] You're a fuckin' moron.
Daisy: [To Rube] Is your name Rube?
TV Show: Dead Like Me
[George is standing outside the bathroom in her apartment, waiting, agitated, for Daisy to finish.]:
George: You know Daisy, I have a job, I mean what do you do?
Daisy: [Opens the door in a hurry, with a face masque on. Acting very Marilyn Monroe-ish.] Today I'm going to buy The New York Times, since you obviously don't have it delivered. Then I'm going to sit at that little corner shop and have a green tea and a muffin and then I'm going to look for a sweater set. This afternoon, if I'm so obligated, I’m going to collect someone's soul before they die. And if I look really pretty while I'm doing it well, then good for me. That's what I do, Georgia. [Slams the door shut]
George: You know Daisy, I have a job, I mean what do you do?
Daisy: [Opens the door in a hurry, with a face masque on. Acting very Marilyn Monroe-ish.] Today I'm going to buy The New York Times, since you obviously don't have it delivered. Then I'm going to sit at that little corner shop and have a green tea and a muffin and then I'm going to look for a sweater set. This afternoon, if I'm so obligated, I’m going to collect someone's soul before they die. And if I look really pretty while I'm doing it well, then good for me. That's what I do, Georgia. [Slams the door shut]
TV Show: Dead Like Me
Angus the Cook: Who's complaining about the eggs?
Rube: Oh, no complaints, just observations.
Angus the Cook: Such as?
Rube: The eggs are not good. Its normally a moot point at the a la carte price of $2.95. I love eggs. I love 'em fried, scrambled, soft-boiled, florentine. These I didn't like. So who do we blame - the hen or the cook?
[Angus glares at Rube]
Rube: Let's blame the hen.
[Angus walks away]
Rube: [offhand] He's a nice guy.
Rube: Oh, no complaints, just observations.
Angus the Cook: Such as?
Rube: The eggs are not good. Its normally a moot point at the a la carte price of $2.95. I love eggs. I love 'em fried, scrambled, soft-boiled, florentine. These I didn't like. So who do we blame - the hen or the cook?
[Angus glares at Rube]
Rube: Let's blame the hen.
[Angus walks away]
Rube: [offhand] He's a nice guy.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
George: [shouting] Daisy? Listen, I have some things I want to say to you. You can't just move your shit into my apartment and kick me out of my own bed...
Daisy: [crying] I never ever get a break. My mother abandoned me. My father... was never a father. I never really had a real home or even a place that I felt like I belonged. Why can't I belong. Why can't you accept me? I just want you to hold me. This life has been a collection of...disappointments and...heartache.
[George tries to comfort Daisy and suddenly Daisy stops crying]
Daisy: And scene. Whew! "A collection of problems, disillusionment and unhappiness." Why do I always mutilate that line? Will you be a doll and help me run my lines? And please don't be afraid to stop me even if I'm off by one syllable, okay? Come on, it's magic time. Okay and... action!
[Daisy begins crying again. George throws the book down and storms off]
Daisy: [crying] I never ever get a break. My mother abandoned me. My father... was never a father. I never really had a real home or even a place that I felt like I belonged. Why can't I belong. Why can't you accept me? I just want you to hold me. This life has been a collection of...disappointments and...heartache.
[George tries to comfort Daisy and suddenly Daisy stops crying]
Daisy: And scene. Whew! "A collection of problems, disillusionment and unhappiness." Why do I always mutilate that line? Will you be a doll and help me run my lines? And please don't be afraid to stop me even if I'm off by one syllable, okay? Come on, it's magic time. Okay and... action!
[Daisy begins crying again. George throws the book down and storms off]
TV Show: Dead Like Me
[The bowling team picks up George and cheers after she wins the game]
George: [voiceover] I felt something I had never felt before - a hand on my ass. Who the hell was cupping my ass? Probably that perv from I.S. [Looks at Delores] Oh God, I hope it was that perv from I.S. I also felt something else... that in some strange undead way, I was alive. I was flying.
George: [voiceover] I felt something I had never felt before - a hand on my ass. Who the hell was cupping my ass? Probably that perv from I.S. [Looks at Delores] Oh God, I hope it was that perv from I.S. I also felt something else... that in some strange undead way, I was alive. I was flying.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
George: I know this is cliché to hate your boss but you're a real dickweed.
Rube: What you're feeling right now, the rage and frustration all knotted together, binding everything from your head to your digestive tract? That's my life with you.
Rube: What you're feeling right now, the rage and frustration all knotted together, binding everything from your head to your digestive tract? That's my life with you.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
George: So, uh, do you hear a lot of voices?
Ronnie: No, just one. I call him the Shepherd.
George: Does he tell you what to do?
Ronnie: Well, he doesn't control me. He spends most of his time yelling at me and making me feel stupid.
George: Hmmm... maybe it's my mother.
Ronnie: No, just one. I call him the Shepherd.
George: Does he tell you what to do?
Ronnie: Well, he doesn't control me. He spends most of his time yelling at me and making me feel stupid.
George: Hmmm... maybe it's my mother.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
Ronnie: I knew it, you're Death.
George: No no. I'm just a small cog in the system.
Ronnie: Then Rube is Death.
George: No Rube is...middle management.
George: No no. I'm just a small cog in the system.
Ronnie: Then Rube is Death.
George: No Rube is...middle management.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
George: [voiceover] I'm not a big fan of weddings, but a job is a job. So I sat there watching those 50 happy people gathered to celebrate a marriage, dressed in their Sunday best, about to hear some priest's flowery words about the joining together of two souls, uniting as one... blah, blah, blah, blah... until death do them part, which would be in about 11 minutes.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
George: What is it you wanted to say?
Ronnie: I just wanted to kiss you.
George: No...No way. I can't.
[Ronnie leans in and kisses George.]
George: [voiceover] It was my first post-death kiss. That alone made it memorable.
Ronnie: Actually, I came to say good-bye.
George: [voiceover] It was also my first post-death kiss-off.
Ronnie: I just wanted to kiss you.
George: No...No way. I can't.
[Ronnie leans in and kisses George.]
George: [voiceover] It was my first post-death kiss. That alone made it memorable.
Ronnie: Actually, I came to say good-bye.
George: [voiceover] It was also my first post-death kiss-off.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
[Casey the waitress brings the reapers' order to the table, setting plates before Rube and George]
Rube: [gesturing at his plate] What fresh hell is this?
Casey: Corned beef hash and eggs.
Rube: Corned beef hash, I speak not only for myself but aficionados of the dish, is to be fried, with a crisp exterior. This is...I don't know what this is. I'm flummoxed.
Daisy: It doesn't look good.
Rube: I do not say this phrase lightly, in this hallowed place: This is fucking inedible.
Rube: [gesturing at his plate] What fresh hell is this?
Casey: Corned beef hash and eggs.
Rube: Corned beef hash, I speak not only for myself but aficionados of the dish, is to be fried, with a crisp exterior. This is...I don't know what this is. I'm flummoxed.
Daisy: It doesn't look good.
Rube: I do not say this phrase lightly, in this hallowed place: This is fucking inedible.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
[Rube opens his apartment door, goes in, and picks up a manila envelope on the floor. He opens it, and extracts a single sheet of paper which bears what appears to be a list, and begins to read it as he closes the door. After the door closes, there is a beat, then the door opens quickly and Rube comes storming out, looking down the hall.]
Rube: What the FUCK is wrong with you?
[We hear the sound of an elevator beginning to operate. Rube looks back down at the list, then back down the hall in disgust, goes back into his apartment and slams the door.]
Rube: What the FUCK is wrong with you?
[We hear the sound of an elevator beginning to operate. Rube looks back down at the list, then back down the hall in disgust, goes back into his apartment and slams the door.]
TV Show: Dead Like Me
[referring to an old lady that George is about to reap]
Daisy: How old do you think she is? I'm thinking 70.
George: I don't know. I'm not good at that.
Daisy: It's not supposed to be good at it, its just a game - Guess someone's age.
George: How old are you? Like 35?
Daisy: Yeah, you're not good at it.
Daisy: How old do you think she is? I'm thinking 70.
George: I don't know. I'm not good at that.
Daisy: It's not supposed to be good at it, its just a game - Guess someone's age.
George: How old are you? Like 35?
Daisy: Yeah, you're not good at it.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
(George brings J. D. with her into Der Waffle Haus where she meets Rube, Mason and Daisy.)
Rube: What a gorgeous dog.
George: Isn't she?
Mason: Is it a golden?
George: Yes! She is.
Mason: What's its name?
George: J. D.
[Rube looks underneath J. D.]
Rube: J. D.'s a male.
George: Yes, she is.
Mason: Why you callin' him a she is he's a he?
George: Because dogs are referred to in the feminine.
Rube: In the way some guy would talk about a car?
George: Exactly.
Rube: As in, she's got eight under the hood, she gets twenty to the gallon?
George: ... Sure.
Rube: Actually, you refer to dogs by their sex. As in, here boy, down girl.
Rube: What a gorgeous dog.
George: Isn't she?
Mason: Is it a golden?
George: Yes! She is.
Mason: What's its name?
George: J. D.
[Rube looks underneath J. D.]
Rube: J. D.'s a male.
George: Yes, she is.
Mason: Why you callin' him a she is he's a he?
George: Because dogs are referred to in the feminine.
Rube: In the way some guy would talk about a car?
George: Exactly.
Rube: As in, she's got eight under the hood, she gets twenty to the gallon?
George: ... Sure.
Rube: Actually, you refer to dogs by their sex. As in, here boy, down girl.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
(Daisy and George are talking about J. D. and whether they should let him into their apartment.)
Daisy: Well, I know this isn't something you care about, but I own some very beautiful clothes.
George: What's your point?
Daisy: He looks like a 'shedder'.
George: Ha! That's absolutely something I can live with.
Daisy: Well, I know this isn't something you care about, but I own some very beautiful clothes.
George: What's your point?
Daisy: He looks like a 'shedder'.
George: Ha! That's absolutely something I can live with.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
Delores: The homeless are desperate, passionate lovers, but they will rob you blind.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
Delores: [typing on her computer] Millie...did you put detergent in the dishwasher?
George: Uh, no...I thought you did.
Delores: Oh, silly us. We'll just have to locate those dishes and wash 'em again.
George: Your computer told you that?
Delores: No, silly, "stinky5000" did.
George: Uh, no...I thought you did.
Delores: Oh, silly us. We'll just have to locate those dishes and wash 'em again.
George: Your computer told you that?
Delores: No, silly, "stinky5000" did.
TV Show: Dead Like Me