Dead Like Me Quotes
Delores: [on how her website operates] I've got a camera there [she waves at the camera], a camera there, a camera there, and a camera there. Not in the bathroom though... [in a conspiratorial tone] people watching me in the potty would just be plain wrong.
George: [voiceover] ...As opposed to watching you everywhere else?
George: [voiceover] ...As opposed to watching you everywhere else?
TV Show: Dead Like Me
Delores: [On the name of her website] I was going to call it "Her Big" Website, but I was afraid I'd attract people with [indicates with her fingers] a fetish for big things.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
George: So, people actually pay to watch you?
Delores: I do get two cents every time someone clicks on but that would go straight to my favorite charity - The American Amputees Association.
George: [voiceover] Oh, Christ! My boss has a wooden leg.
Delores: I do get two cents every time someone clicks on but that would go straight to my favorite charity - The American Amputees Association.
George: [voiceover] Oh, Christ! My boss has a wooden leg.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
George: My mother was more excited about me going to college than I was. It was like "Hey, here's a socially acceptable way to evict my daughter from our house."
TV Show: Dead Like Me
Mason: I'll show you both, we'll be like Romeo and Juliet. We will.
George: You do know how that story ended, don't you?
Daisy: If Romeo had just masturbated a couple of times a week he would have saved both those nice families a heap of trouble.
George: You do know how that story ended, don't you?
Daisy: If Romeo had just masturbated a couple of times a week he would have saved both those nice families a heap of trouble.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
Rube: You need to fix it.
Roxy: He put his hands on me.
Rube: Last time I checked, being pissed off wasn't enough of a reason to remove a person's soul from their body. Don't do that again.
Roxy: I didn't think he'd turn into a nutball.
Rube: Well, how would you have responded, Roxy? God appeared to the man.
Roxy: I wouldn't be making up words and shit.
Rube: He's creating a mythology to take back to his people. Joseph Smith had the same thing happen to him. Now the Mormons have a monopoly on the hotel industry.
Roxy: Well what do you want me to do?
Rube: It's about restoring the status quo, the guy wasn't supposed to get enlightened, he was supposed to get a parking ticket. You got to turn him back into a prick. If you ever take someone's soul again, without first having a post-it, I'm gonna break this pipe off in your ass.
Roxy: He put his hands on me.
Rube: Last time I checked, being pissed off wasn't enough of a reason to remove a person's soul from their body. Don't do that again.
Roxy: I didn't think he'd turn into a nutball.
Rube: Well, how would you have responded, Roxy? God appeared to the man.
Roxy: I wouldn't be making up words and shit.
Rube: He's creating a mythology to take back to his people. Joseph Smith had the same thing happen to him. Now the Mormons have a monopoly on the hotel industry.
Roxy: Well what do you want me to do?
Rube: It's about restoring the status quo, the guy wasn't supposed to get enlightened, he was supposed to get a parking ticket. You got to turn him back into a prick. If you ever take someone's soul again, without first having a post-it, I'm gonna break this pipe off in your ass.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
George: [voiceover] Humans beings are simple, predictable clichés. Broken hearts, betrayal, it's all been done a billion times before. The problem is, every time still hurts like the first. And if you're lucky enough to recover, you can be sure that just as you finish filling in all the cracks in your life, the next one is starting to open.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
[Dolores is setting George up for a conference roomful of collating.]
Dolores: Collating is so Zen, so meditative. I suppose it's the rhythmic nature of repetition that frees the mind to think deep thoughts. It's like sweeping! Whoosh! Do you know where I'm coming from?
George: [voiceover] Jupiter?
George: I do.
Dolores: You'll be amazed to discover how much your busy-bee hands have accomplished!
George: Bees don't have hands.
Dolores: No, they don't, do they? [grinning] But you know who does? You do. And you know what they say about idle hands?
George: [voiceover] They'll strangle the person who asked them to collate?
Dolores: Collating is so Zen, so meditative. I suppose it's the rhythmic nature of repetition that frees the mind to think deep thoughts. It's like sweeping! Whoosh! Do you know where I'm coming from?
George: [voiceover] Jupiter?
George: I do.
Dolores: You'll be amazed to discover how much your busy-bee hands have accomplished!
George: Bees don't have hands.
Dolores: No, they don't, do they? [grinning] But you know who does? You do. And you know what they say about idle hands?
George: [voiceover] They'll strangle the person who asked them to collate?
TV Show: Dead Like Me
[Roxy gives everyone a balloon]
George: What's the occasion?
Daisy: I'm guessing she had sex with a carnie.
Roxy: Why do I need to have an occasion to spread the love?
Mason: Because you are an ornery bitch and you eat puppy dogs for breakfast.
George: What's the occasion?
Daisy: I'm guessing she had sex with a carnie.
Roxy: Why do I need to have an occasion to spread the love?
Mason: Because you are an ornery bitch and you eat puppy dogs for breakfast.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
(Daisy goes to the Point Grey Club to find her reap and stops at a table where she meets Mary Kate Hourihan.)
M. K. Hourihan: [To waiter] We'll have that dessert now, I think.
Daisy: [To M. K.'s friend]: I'm so sorry to interrupt. That scarf is absolutely beautiful. Where did you get it, if you don't mind me asking?
Joyce: It was a gift. My husband bought it for me in San Francisco.
Daisy: So flattering.
Mary Kate: As are you. What's your name, dear?
Daisy: Daisy Adair.
Joyce: Do we know any Adairs?
Mary Kate: Shawn Adair. But I don't think you're related to him. You're much too fresh and lovely and he is a little oily. Lebanese, I think. Anyway, uh, where were you raised, Daisy?
Daisy: I am one of the Greenwich Adairs.
Joyce: Greenwich, Connecticut?
Daisy: Is there any other?
[All laugh.]
Joyce: I'm Joyce, and this is Sylvia...
Sylvia: Hello.
Joyce: ... Jane and Mary Kate.
Daisy: So nice to meet you all.
[A dessert trolley comes along their table and they all gasp.]
Joyce: Ah! Bananas Foster. My favorite.
Mary Kate: Joyce is turning 30. For the 31st year in a row.
Joyce: Are you married, Daisy? I have a son.
Daisy: I'm single, but I'm not really in the market. (Laughs)
Mary Kate: Are you a lesbian? Sylvia has a daughter. (The waiter lights the dessert.) Oh, how exciting.
[Sylvia starts choking.]
Joyce: That dessert is so evil. 800,000 calories a bite.
Mary Kate: Oh please, it's not like it's going to kill you.
Daisy: I believe your friend is choking on a sugar cookie.
Mary Kate: Oh, my gosh.
[Joyce tries to help Sylvia and Daisy takes Mary Ka
M. K. Hourihan: [To waiter] We'll have that dessert now, I think.
Daisy: [To M. K.'s friend]: I'm so sorry to interrupt. That scarf is absolutely beautiful. Where did you get it, if you don't mind me asking?
Joyce: It was a gift. My husband bought it for me in San Francisco.
Daisy: So flattering.
Mary Kate: As are you. What's your name, dear?
Daisy: Daisy Adair.
Joyce: Do we know any Adairs?
Mary Kate: Shawn Adair. But I don't think you're related to him. You're much too fresh and lovely and he is a little oily. Lebanese, I think. Anyway, uh, where were you raised, Daisy?
Daisy: I am one of the Greenwich Adairs.
Joyce: Greenwich, Connecticut?
Daisy: Is there any other?
[All laugh.]
Joyce: I'm Joyce, and this is Sylvia...
Sylvia: Hello.
Joyce: ... Jane and Mary Kate.
Daisy: So nice to meet you all.
[A dessert trolley comes along their table and they all gasp.]
Joyce: Ah! Bananas Foster. My favorite.
Mary Kate: Joyce is turning 30. For the 31st year in a row.
Joyce: Are you married, Daisy? I have a son.
Daisy: I'm single, but I'm not really in the market. (Laughs)
Mary Kate: Are you a lesbian? Sylvia has a daughter. (The waiter lights the dessert.) Oh, how exciting.
[Sylvia starts choking.]
Joyce: That dessert is so evil. 800,000 calories a bite.
Mary Kate: Oh please, it's not like it's going to kill you.
Daisy: I believe your friend is choking on a sugar cookie.
Mary Kate: Oh, my gosh.
[Joyce tries to help Sylvia and Daisy takes Mary Ka
TV Show: Dead Like Me
[At Der Waffle Haus.]
Daisy: Georgia! Are you wearing a fragrance this morning?
George: It's orange juice. I hate the bus.
Rube: Public transportation is the great equalizer.
George: I don't wanna be equal. Fuck equal.
Mason: Steal a car.
Daisy: What about a bicycle? I once had Dorothy's original bike from The Wizard of Oz. I knew someone from the props department.
Mason: Don't you mean you blew somebody in the props department?
Daisy: Knew, blew, tomato, tomahto. Once baby Judy died, I didn't want to ride it anymore, so I sold at an auction.
Rube: Speakin' of death, let's get to work. (Hands out post-its.)
Daisy: Georgia! Are you wearing a fragrance this morning?
George: It's orange juice. I hate the bus.
Rube: Public transportation is the great equalizer.
George: I don't wanna be equal. Fuck equal.
Mason: Steal a car.
Daisy: What about a bicycle? I once had Dorothy's original bike from The Wizard of Oz. I knew someone from the props department.
Mason: Don't you mean you blew somebody in the props department?
Daisy: Knew, blew, tomato, tomahto. Once baby Judy died, I didn't want to ride it anymore, so I sold at an auction.
Rube: Speakin' of death, let's get to work. (Hands out post-its.)
TV Show: Dead Like Me
[George is at Happy Time discussing her new job.]
Dolores: I'm not certain I'm understanding you, Millie. You've already contacted the employer--
George: Uh, I didn't. Um, Josh called them.
Dolores: Who is Jo- never mind. What did the employer say?
George: Yes.
Dolores: Yes what?
George: He said, 'Yes, I'm hired.' I didn't do anything. Josh did everything.
Dolores: Does Josh know you're a valued employee of Happy Time?
George: That's very nice of you, Dolores, but I thought I'd just look for something a little more 'living wage-ish'. Like, I wanna buy a bike.
Dolores: Well, I wanna ride in the Kentucky Derby, but you don't see me in racing silks, do you? Tsk. Well, when do they want you to begin?
George: Tomorrow.
Dolores: Tomorrow?! Aha. Interesting. Well, G. F. Y... Good for you! Looks like I've got a going away party to organize. Excuse me.
George: [voiceover] G. F. M. Good for me!
TV Show: Dead Like Me
[George is sitting out of her going away party and Stephanie walks up to her and whispers something]
George: Oh, no thank you.
Stephanie: It's no big deal. It's just a little tab you put on your tongue.
George: You know, I feel my current reality is altered enough.
[Stephanie nods]
Stephanie: I did one.
George: G. F. Y.!
[Stephanie hugs George making George feel violated]
Stephanie: Let's look out for each other today, okay?
George: Okay.
George: Oh, no thank you.
Stephanie: It's no big deal. It's just a little tab you put on your tongue.
George: You know, I feel my current reality is altered enough.
[Stephanie nods]
Stephanie: I did one.
George: G. F. Y.!
[Stephanie hugs George making George feel violated]
Stephanie: Let's look out for each other today, okay?
George: Okay.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
[George walks into an office to find Stephanie hiding]
George: [voiceover] It turns out that certain remarks like, 'Let's look out for each other,' which seemed casual and meaningless had a special significance here at Happy Time.
[Stephanie is under a desk rummaging through trash.]
Stephanie: Fuck. I can't find it. I can't find it.
George: Stephanie?
Stephanie: I can't- I can't find it.
George: You can't find what?
Stephanie: Blue! Red's taken it over!
George: Red's got blue?
Stephanie: Red's been attacking all the colors! We gotta stop it!
George: We do?
Stephanie: Yellow's next. It doesn't stand a chance! Poor yellow.
George: Why don't we go for a walk?
Stephanie: Nope! No walking!
George: I'm going to call the Color Police. [She picks up the phone] I'd like to report a color crime in progress. [To Stephanie] I'm on hold.
George: [voiceover] It turns out that certain remarks like, 'Let's look out for each other,' which seemed casual and meaningless had a special significance here at Happy Time.
[Stephanie is under a desk rummaging through trash.]
Stephanie: Fuck. I can't find it. I can't find it.
George: Stephanie?
Stephanie: I can't- I can't find it.
George: You can't find what?
Stephanie: Blue! Red's taken it over!
George: Red's got blue?
Stephanie: Red's been attacking all the colors! We gotta stop it!
George: We do?
Stephanie: Yellow's next. It doesn't stand a chance! Poor yellow.
George: Why don't we go for a walk?
Stephanie: Nope! No walking!
George: I'm going to call the Color Police. [She picks up the phone] I'd like to report a color crime in progress. [To Stephanie] I'm on hold.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
Joy: This is a lost cause.
Clancy: Maybe we should split up.
Joy: Fine! Fine, you walk away but you better find yourself one hell of a lawyer.
Clancy: Split up to find the dog!
Joy: [after a beat] Oh, that's a good idea.
Clancy: Maybe we should split up.
Joy: Fine! Fine, you walk away but you better find yourself one hell of a lawyer.
Clancy: Split up to find the dog!
Joy: [after a beat] Oh, that's a good idea.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
Henry: [contemplating suicide after his partner, Gary, has died] Why would I re-think this? Thirty years with that beautiful man and I am not getting into that bed tonight without him and I am not waking up tomorrow without him. I won't, I can't. We were going to Kyoto in the fall. They have beautiful gardens there and I won't go without Gary.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
[Rube passes out self-evaluation forms to the reapers]
Rube: Mason, please write legibly. There were complaints last year.
Mason: Well, that's ridiculous. I always had high marks for penmanship.
Rube: Seriously, I saw the thing. You write like you speak. I could barely understand a word.
Mason: Oh, you know what? In all honesty, I was, like, on something when I filled out my form last year.
Rube: Are you on something tonight?
Mason: No.
Roxy: For real?
Mason: [grinning] Well, a little bit.
Rube: Mason, please write legibly. There were complaints last year.
Mason: Well, that's ridiculous. I always had high marks for penmanship.
Rube: Seriously, I saw the thing. You write like you speak. I could barely understand a word.
Mason: Oh, you know what? In all honesty, I was, like, on something when I filled out my form last year.
Rube: Are you on something tonight?
Mason: No.
Roxy: For real?
Mason: [grinning] Well, a little bit.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
[Daisy is sharpening all the pencils the Rube has provided for the reapers to fill out their forms]
Roxy: Sharpen another pencil and I'm breakin' one in your little pink ass.
Roxy: Sharpen another pencil and I'm breakin' one in your little pink ass.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
[Rube walks over to Mason and George sneaks a peak at Rube's post-it.]
George: [To Rube] It's 3851 Beatrice Lane!
Rube: It's not your post-it.
George: That's my old house! That's where my family is!
Rube: I'm aware.
George: Wha- who is it?!
Rube: It's not your post-it. There are rules, Georgia.
George: What is going to happen in my driveway?
Rube: It's not your driveway anymore.
George: You know what I mean.
Rube: I do. It's not your driveway anyway.
George: Well, then. I'm coming with you.
Rube: That's not going to happen.
George: Someone dies, at my house, and you don't tell me about it?! What the fuck is wrong with you?!
George: [To Rube] It's 3851 Beatrice Lane!
Rube: It's not your post-it.
George: That's my old house! That's where my family is!
Rube: I'm aware.
George: Wha- who is it?!
Rube: It's not your post-it. There are rules, Georgia.
George: What is going to happen in my driveway?
Rube: It's not your driveway anymore.
George: You know what I mean.
Rube: I do. It's not your driveway anyway.
George: Well, then. I'm coming with you.
Rube: That's not going to happen.
George: Someone dies, at my house, and you don't tell me about it?! What the fuck is wrong with you?!
TV Show: Dead Like Me
[Talking about Rube's flashbacks of George]
George: You have a problem with me?
Rube: Yes, ma'am, I do. And one thing you should know about me by now, I am a problem solver.
George: How do I put this delicately?
Rube: [To the test-takers] Does this concern you? [To George] Try and choose your words carefully.
[George nods and is very angry.]
George: Blow me.
[George walks away.]
George: You have a problem with me?
Rube: Yes, ma'am, I do. And one thing you should know about me by now, I am a problem solver.
George: How do I put this delicately?
Rube: [To the test-takers] Does this concern you? [To George] Try and choose your words carefully.
[George nods and is very angry.]
George: Blow me.
[George walks away.]
TV Show: Dead Like Me
Rube: If you stand too close to a painting — all you see are patches of color, if you stand too far back, you can't see any of the detail. Right now this is your particular perspective and if you ask me—-
George: I'm a little too close.
George: I'm a little too close.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
Daisy: What do you say the very second we're done here, we go back to my place for a drink?
Mason: Don't fuck with me Daisy.
Daisy: I probably won't, but a drink isn't gonna kill anybody, least of all us. Right?
Mason: Don't fuck with me Daisy.
Daisy: I probably won't, but a drink isn't gonna kill anybody, least of all us. Right?
TV Show: Dead Like Me
George: [voiceover] Maybe death was the temp job, and life was the vacation. A vacation you were supposed to spend with the people that you loved… with the people who loved you, and if life was that kind of vacation, what then? What would your last thoughts be then?
TV Show: Dead Like Me
[The reapers are all in the Happy Time office, late at night, taking advantage of the fact that the Gravelings are taking the day off to catch up on paperwork. Rube lights his pipe.]
George: You can't smoke in here.
Rube: Ah, fuck that bullshit, they can blow me.
George: You can't smoke in here.
Rube: Ah, fuck that bullshit, they can blow me.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
[Clancy's cell phone rings]
Joy: You answer that phone and I will absolutely shove it up your ass.
Joy: You answer that phone and I will absolutely shove it up your ass.
TV Show: Dead Like Me