Dead Like Me Quotes
George: [voiceover] The day I dropped out of college, I remember lying on my bed. My mother came into my room, and she'd been crying. She stared at me for a long time and then she said, "You only have one shot at life, Georgia. This is no dress rehearsal." And I said, "You know what, Mom? Maybe I don't even want to be in the play." A month later I was killed. I wonder sometimes if someone was listening.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
George: [voiceover] That night, a man was killed by a speeding car and I was there to take his soul. The street on which he died turned into a flowing river of light, and he hesitated at its banks. I told him to take a deep breath as if its the last one you will ever take, because sometimes in life, or in death I guess, you just never know.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
Mason: Nah, five deaths is not a disaster.
George: How many deaths is a disaster?
Mason: More than five. Five's bullshit.
George: How many?
Mason: 16 to 20, disaster; 21 and up, catastrophe; 8 to 15 is a calamity.
Rube: 7 and under?
Mason: That's a cryin' shame.
George: How many deaths is a disaster?
Mason: More than five. Five's bullshit.
George: How many?
Mason: 16 to 20, disaster; 21 and up, catastrophe; 8 to 15 is a calamity.
Rube: 7 and under?
Mason: That's a cryin' shame.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
Mason: Are you going to finish those hashbrowns?
Roxy: Probably not.
(he takes them from her plate and eats them. Roxie stabs him with her knife but he moves his hand just in time.)
Mason: Fucking bloody hell.
Roxy: I'm outta here.
Mason: Did you see that? I mean just because I wanted some of her hashbrowns.
Rube: I was there.
Mason: I've never seen such violence over such small potatoes.
Rube: Oh, that was almost clever.
Mason: What was almost clever Rube?
Rube: The thing about the hashbrowns being small potatoes.
Mason: I don't get it...because hashbrowns are small potatoes.
Rube: Never mind.
Roxy: Probably not.
(he takes them from her plate and eats them. Roxie stabs him with her knife but he moves his hand just in time.)
Mason: Fucking bloody hell.
Roxy: I'm outta here.
Mason: Did you see that? I mean just because I wanted some of her hashbrowns.
Rube: I was there.
Mason: I've never seen such violence over such small potatoes.
Rube: Oh, that was almost clever.
Mason: What was almost clever Rube?
Rube: The thing about the hashbrowns being small potatoes.
Mason: I don't get it...because hashbrowns are small potatoes.
Rube: Never mind.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
[Reggie weighs two options in her hands.]
Reggie: Unhappy in a cheesy apartment... unhappy in a big house...
[The big house wins.]
Reggie: Unhappy in a cheesy apartment... unhappy in a big house...
[The big house wins.]
TV Show: Dead Like Me
George: Rube, can I borrow your truck?
Rube: Are you a responsible driver?
George: I am an excellent driver.
[Rube pulls his keys out…]
George: I promise to take care of your piece-of-shit truck.
[… and quickly puts them away again.]
Rube: Well, that's not the response I was looking for.
Rube: Are you a responsible driver?
George: I am an excellent driver.
[Rube pulls his keys out…]
George: I promise to take care of your piece-of-shit truck.
[… and quickly puts them away again.]
Rube: Well, that's not the response I was looking for.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
[Mason practices at being the world's most incompetent shell game actor.]
Rube: You know why people play the shell game?
Mason: Because they think they can beat the odds.
Rube: Wrong. They think they can beat you. They think they're smarter than you. [pause] In this case, they're right.
Mason: I'm smarter than you think.
Rube: You smart enough to play stupid?
Mason: I am so smart, I'm practically retarded.
Rube: You know why people play the shell game?
Mason: Because they think they can beat the odds.
Rube: Wrong. They think they can beat you. They think they're smarter than you. [pause] In this case, they're right.
Mason: I'm smarter than you think.
Rube: You smart enough to play stupid?
Mason: I am so smart, I'm practically retarded.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
Security Expert: Ripoff. Report... Identify... Prove... Ostracize... Fire.
George: [aside, to Delores] Rip-of?
Security Expert: You got a problem there Millie?
George: [aka Millie] You misspelled ripoff. You dropped an 'f'.
Security Expert: Oh I see. We have ourselves a smart-ass.
George: Don't you mean smart as?
George: [aside, to Delores] Rip-of?
Security Expert: You got a problem there Millie?
George: [aka Millie] You misspelled ripoff. You dropped an 'f'.
Security Expert: Oh I see. We have ourselves a smart-ass.
George: Don't you mean smart as?
TV Show: Dead Like Me
[Rube sees George has a new car.]
Rube: You steal it?
George: Not exactly.
Rube: Did you buy it?
George: Not exactly.
Rube: Well how'd you get it exactly?
George: I think I was supposed to get it. That whole balance thing? [Rube stares at her.] I had a really bad day, Rube. [George looks out the window at the car. Quietly.] I think I was supposed to get it.
Rube: You steal it?
George: Not exactly.
Rube: Did you buy it?
George: Not exactly.
Rube: Well how'd you get it exactly?
George: I think I was supposed to get it. That whole balance thing? [Rube stares at her.] I had a really bad day, Rube. [George looks out the window at the car. Quietly.] I think I was supposed to get it.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
[Dolores tries to get George/Millie to sign up for the Happy Time annual retreat.]
Dolores: We only retreat once a year. That's what makes it annual.
George: Why retreat at all? Who's attacking us?
Dolores: We only retreat once a year. That's what makes it annual.
George: Why retreat at all? Who's attacking us?
TV Show: Dead Like Me
George[after being asked what animal she thought best described her] I'm a cat. I mean not like a house cat, not like Murry, Deloris, I'm a stray, who wanders the streets alone, kind of distant and mean. I'm not a cat you'd wanna pet or bring home to your kids... you just don't know where those claws are, ya know and I'm a black cat and I have many, many lives... and now you know who I am.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
Daisy: You do that, you know. You withhold the love.
Rube: How can I withhold that which I do not possess?
Rube: How can I withhold that which I do not possess?
TV Show: Dead Like Me
[Everyone rushes out to their reaping appointments.]
Daisy: Are you coming, Georgia?
George: I'm already late for work. Twenty minutes isn't gonna kill me… again.
Daisy: Are you coming, Georgia?
George: I'm already late for work. Twenty minutes isn't gonna kill me… again.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
[Dolores drags George/Millie into her cubicle, where they sneak a peek over the rim of the cube wall.]
Dolores: Check it out, Millie! Gollum at 2 o'clock.
[George looks to her left.]
Dolores: That's 10 o'clock! No wonder you're always late.
Dolores: Check it out, Millie! Gollum at 2 o'clock.
[George looks to her left.]
Dolores: That's 10 o'clock! No wonder you're always late.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
Gollum: May I ask you a question?
George: That is a question. Would you like to ask me another one?
George: That is a question. Would you like to ask me another one?
TV Show: Dead Like Me
[A woman cuts in line at the post office]
Rube: : Afternoon, ladies. Are you two old friends?
Woman: Eh, her daughter is in my son's class.
Rube: : I have a question for you. Is everyone in this line an asshole?
Woman: Excuse me?
Rube: : Is everyone you just cut in front of an asshole?
Woman: Uhm. No?
Rube: : So it's just you then.
Woman: I have children in the car.
Rube: : I have a cake in the oven. He's got three minutes left on the meter. She's got a lunch meeting. We all have a finite amount of time. Now get in the back of the line. And don't use your children like that — it's shameful.
Rube: : Afternoon, ladies. Are you two old friends?
Woman: Eh, her daughter is in my son's class.
Rube: : I have a question for you. Is everyone in this line an asshole?
Woman: Excuse me?
Rube: : Is everyone you just cut in front of an asshole?
Woman: Uhm. No?
Rube: : So it's just you then.
Woman: I have children in the car.
Rube: : I have a cake in the oven. He's got three minutes left on the meter. She's got a lunch meeting. We all have a finite amount of time. Now get in the back of the line. And don't use your children like that — it's shameful.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
George: Everyone says "live in the now," but that's bullshit. I mean, who lives in the moment? We're too busy thinking about what happens next... or what didn't happen at all.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
[Crystal and George/Millie are chuckling over a digestively challenged applicant. Dolores is unamused.]
Dolores: Irritable Bowel Syndrome is a serious affliction. Most people don't know this, but Marilyn Monroe had IBS.
George: Is that what blew her skirt up?
Dolores: Irritable Bowel Syndrome is a serious affliction. Most people don't know this, but Marilyn Monroe had IBS.
George: Is that what blew her skirt up?
TV Show: Dead Like Me
[Dolores has just given George a new assignment to pick an applicant for a new pharmaceutical company account]
George/Millie: Backup. Did you just say choose, me?
Dolores: No I said, "You choose." You're in a new position now. You're like, the prettiest girl at prom, or the sluttiest girl if you went to Catholic school. You get to pick.
George/Millie: Backup. Did you just say choose, me?
Dolores: No I said, "You choose." You're in a new position now. You're like, the prettiest girl at prom, or the sluttiest girl if you went to Catholic school. You get to pick.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
Dolores: You know, when you're young like you are, Millie, it's easy. Man, woman, bottom, top… sex is this big buffet, and you're just a… fat man with a fork, but… as you get older, it's harder to get a fork.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
[A newspaper clipping's succinct summary of George's death: TERROR TOILET TOTALS TEEN.]
TV Show: Dead Like Me
[Roxy gives Mason a hard time about ordering a drink during an airplane flight reap.]
Mason: Roxy, I've never flown before. I'm a bit nervous, all right?
Roxy: Well, congratulations, baby! Drink up. Buckle up. And don't fuck it up.
Mason: Roxy, I've never flown before. I'm a bit nervous, all right?
Roxy: Well, congratulations, baby! Drink up. Buckle up. And don't fuck it up.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
[Tending to a heart attack victim, Dolores discovers the office defibrillator has orange goo between the paddles.]
Dolores: Who has been making grilled cheese sandwiches with the defibrillator paddles?
Dolores: Who has been making grilled cheese sandwiches with the defibrillator paddles?
TV Show: Dead Like Me
[Clancy has given Reggie a poem, a portion of Shakespeare's Twelfth Sonnet.]
Reggie: He said for you to read it. He said the end's the best part.
Joy: Since sweets and beauties do themselves forsake // And die as fast as they see others grow; // And nothing 'gainst Time's scythe can make defence // Save breed, to brave him when he takes thee hence.
Reggie: What does it mean?
Joy: It's Shakespeare. It means... it means you should have kids because then you're never alone.
Reggie: Is Dad trying to get back together with you?
Joy: No sweetie, no. He did it for you. It's about you.
Reggie: He said for you to read it. He said the end's the best part.
Joy: Since sweets and beauties do themselves forsake // And die as fast as they see others grow; // And nothing 'gainst Time's scythe can make defence // Save breed, to brave him when he takes thee hence.
Reggie: What does it mean?
Joy: It's Shakespeare. It means... it means you should have kids because then you're never alone.
Reggie: Is Dad trying to get back together with you?
Joy: No sweetie, no. He did it for you. It's about you.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
(George walks into Der Waffle Haus where she meets Daisy and Mason)
George: I'm a stalker.
Daisy: I had a stalker once. Yeah, he was a sweet boy. He'd leave me wildflowers. Dead wildflowers. And little sparrows.
George: Doesn't anyone wanna know why I'm a stalker?
Mason (To Daisy): How'd you get rid of him?
Daisy: I stabbed him with garden shears.
Mason: Did you kill him?!
Daisy: No, no. I stabbed him right here...
(Daisy hits Mason on the thigh.)
Mason: Whew. I would have stalked you, Daisy, I would have stalked you.
Daisy: What is it you're doing right now?
Mason: Please, come on, I'm not stalking you. I'm persistent.
George: Well, I'm stalking someone now. Who wants to guess why?
(Kiffany comes over and waits their table.)
Kiffany: What would you like, sweety?
George: Revenge.
Kiffany: We're all out of that. Anything else look good?
George: Oatmeal with raisins.
(Kiffany leaves.)
Daisy (To George): Why are you stalking somebody?
(Roxy comes in and sits down.)
Roxy: Why would you be stalking anyone at all?
Mason: Oh, shit. It's Johnny Law.
George: I'm not exactly stalking anyone. I'm-
Roxy: - You're what?
George: I'm just-
Roxy: Spit it out.
(Mason snorts up a booger.)
George: I'm having oatmeal.
Mason: With raisins!
Roxy: Well, I'm glad we got that settled.
George: I'm a stalker.
Daisy: I had a stalker once. Yeah, he was a sweet boy. He'd leave me wildflowers. Dead wildflowers. And little sparrows.
George: Doesn't anyone wanna know why I'm a stalker?
Mason (To Daisy): How'd you get rid of him?
Daisy: I stabbed him with garden shears.
Mason: Did you kill him?!
Daisy: No, no. I stabbed him right here...
(Daisy hits Mason on the thigh.)
Mason: Whew. I would have stalked you, Daisy, I would have stalked you.
Daisy: What is it you're doing right now?
Mason: Please, come on, I'm not stalking you. I'm persistent.
George: Well, I'm stalking someone now. Who wants to guess why?
(Kiffany comes over and waits their table.)
Kiffany: What would you like, sweety?
George: Revenge.
Kiffany: We're all out of that. Anything else look good?
George: Oatmeal with raisins.
(Kiffany leaves.)
Daisy (To George): Why are you stalking somebody?
(Roxy comes in and sits down.)
Roxy: Why would you be stalking anyone at all?
Mason: Oh, shit. It's Johnny Law.
George: I'm not exactly stalking anyone. I'm-
Roxy: - You're what?
George: I'm just-
Roxy: Spit it out.
(Mason snorts up a booger.)
George: I'm having oatmeal.
Mason: With raisins!
Roxy: Well, I'm glad we got that settled.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
Ray Summers: [Approaching George, Mason, and Daisy in a bar] Hi, I'm Ray.
George: Fuck you, Ray.
Ray Summers: [Turning, as if to leave] Nice spendin' time with you guys.
Daisy Adair: Ray, this is Mason. Mason, Ray. And George--curious George.
Mason: So Daisy, what's goin' on, I thought it was just the three of us.
Ray Summers: Daisy?
Daisy Adair: Daisy Adair.
George: So what do you do, Ray?
Ray Summers: I'm a television producer, George.
George: So you're rich.
Ray Summers: Comfortable.
George: I suppose you're charming.
Ray Summers: Tolerable.
George: And women just fall the fuck all over you.
Ray Summers: Not you, I suspect.
Daisy Adair: Georgia, you're being impolite.
Ray Summers: No, no, that's okay. Everybody likes me eventually.
George: Fuck you, Ray.
Ray Summers: [Turning, as if to leave] Nice spendin' time with you guys.
Daisy Adair: Ray, this is Mason. Mason, Ray. And George--curious George.
Mason: So Daisy, what's goin' on, I thought it was just the three of us.
Ray Summers: Daisy?
Daisy Adair: Daisy Adair.
George: So what do you do, Ray?
Ray Summers: I'm a television producer, George.
George: So you're rich.
Ray Summers: Comfortable.
George: I suppose you're charming.
Ray Summers: Tolerable.
George: And women just fall the fuck all over you.
Ray Summers: Not you, I suspect.
Daisy Adair: Georgia, you're being impolite.
Ray Summers: No, no, that's okay. Everybody likes me eventually.
TV Show: Dead Like Me
Ray Summers: You're an angry little thing, aren't you?
George: You call me a "little thing" again, and I'll put this fucking dart right between your twinkling eyes!
Ray Summers: [Unfazed, grinning at George] Another tequila?
George: [Suddenly calm] Please.
George: You call me a "little thing" again, and I'll put this fucking dart right between your twinkling eyes!
Ray Summers: [Unfazed, grinning at George] Another tequila?
George: [Suddenly calm] Please.
TV Show: Dead Like Me