Deadpool Quotes
Deadpool: [as Angel Dust walk towards them]Finish fucking her the fuck up.
Colossus: Language, please.
Deadpool: Suck a cock.
Colossus: Language, please.
Deadpool: Suck a cock.
Movie: Deadpool
Recruiter: What if I told you we can cure your cancer? And what's more, give you abilities most mean only dream of?
Wade Wilson: I'd say that you sound like an infomercial, but not a good one, like Slap Chop. More Shake Weight-y.
Wade Wilson: I'd say that you sound like an infomercial, but not a good one, like Slap Chop. More Shake Weight-y.
Movie: Deadpool
Wade Wilson: [voiceover, after Vanessa has agreed to marry him]Here's the thing. Life is an endless series of trainwrecks with only brief commercial-like breaks of happiness. This had been the ultimate commercial break. Which meant it was time to return to our regularly scheduled programming. [Wade collapses]
Movie: Deadpool
[after shooting three people in the head with one bullet, inhales the smoke from his own guns] Deadpool: Ahhhh. I'm touching myself tonight.
Movie: Deadpool
Wade Wilson: [to Vanessa]Your right leg is Thanksgiving and your left leg is Christmas. Can I come and visit you between the holidays?
Movie: Deadpool
Vanessa Carlysle: Well I hate to break it to you, but your forty-eight minutes are up.
Wade Wilson: Hey! How many more minutes can I get for this? [looking at his Voltron ring]
Wade Wilson: FYI, five mini lion bots come together to form one super-bot!
Vanessa Carlysle: Five mini lion bots? [deadpans]
Vanessa Carlysle: Three minutes.
Wade Wilson: Deal! What do we do with the remaining two minutes thirty-seven seconds?
Vanessa Carlysle: [pause]Cuddle?
Wade Wilson: Hey! How many more minutes can I get for this? [looking at his Voltron ring]
Wade Wilson: FYI, five mini lion bots come together to form one super-bot!
Vanessa Carlysle: Five mini lion bots? [deadpans]
Vanessa Carlysle: Three minutes.
Wade Wilson: Deal! What do we do with the remaining two minutes thirty-seven seconds?
Vanessa Carlysle: [pause]Cuddle?
Movie: Deadpool
[from leaked test footage] Deadpool: There's no easy way to say this... I'm pregnant, Trevor!
Movie: Deadpool
Dopinder: Uh, why the fancy red suit, Mr. Pool?
Deadpool: Oh, that's because it's Christmas Day, Dopinder. And I'm after someone on my naughty list. I've been waiting one year, three weeks... six days and, oh... 14 minutes to make him fix what he did to me.
Dopinder: And what did he do to you, Mr. Pool?
Deadpool: This shit... [lifts his mask halfway showing his scarred face]
Deadpool: Boo!
Deadpool: Oh, that's because it's Christmas Day, Dopinder. And I'm after someone on my naughty list. I've been waiting one year, three weeks... six days and, oh... 14 minutes to make him fix what he did to me.
Dopinder: And what did he do to you, Mr. Pool?
Deadpool: This shit... [lifts his mask halfway showing his scarred face]
Deadpool: Boo!
Movie: Deadpool
Weasel: [looking for Vanessa]Have you decided what you're gonna say to her?
Wade Wilson: [to self]Fuck me!
Weasel: Uh, maybe not start with that.
Wade Wilson: [to self]Fuck me!
Weasel: Uh, maybe not start with that.
Movie: Deadpool
Deadpool: I should've come and found you sooner, but the guy under this mask, he ain't the same one that you remember.
Vanessa Carlysle: You mean this mask? [takes off mask to reveal cheap paper mask of Wolverine]
Deadpool: And this one, in case the other fell off. [she peels off the mask]
Vanessa Carlysle: Wow.
Wade Wilson: Yeah.
Vanessa Carlysle: After a brief adjustment period and a bunch of drinks, it's a face... I'd be happy to sit on.
Vanessa Carlysle: You mean this mask? [takes off mask to reveal cheap paper mask of Wolverine]
Deadpool: And this one, in case the other fell off. [she peels off the mask]
Vanessa Carlysle: Wow.
Wade Wilson: Yeah.
Vanessa Carlysle: After a brief adjustment period and a bunch of drinks, it's a face... I'd be happy to sit on.
Movie: Deadpool
Deadpool: [to Colossus]You, go be a big brother to someone! And tell Beast to stop shitting on my lawn!
Movie: Deadpool
Deadpool: Listen Al, if I never see you again, I want you to know that I love you very much. I also buried 1,600 kilos of cocaine somewhere in the apartment - right next to the cure for blindness. Good luck.
Weasel: [to Blind Al]Wanna get fucked up?
Weasel: [to Blind Al]Wanna get fucked up?
Movie: Deadpool
Blind Al: Why such a douche this morning?
Wade Wilson: Let's recap: the cock-thistle that turned me into this freak slipped through my arms today... arm... Catching him was my only chance to be hot again, get my super sexy ex back and prevent this shit from happening to someone else, so yeah, today was about as much fun as a sandpaper dildo.
Wade Wilson: Let's recap: the cock-thistle that turned me into this freak slipped through my arms today... arm... Catching him was my only chance to be hot again, get my super sexy ex back and prevent this shit from happening to someone else, so yeah, today was about as much fun as a sandpaper dildo.
Movie: Deadpool
Deadpool: I didn't ask to be super, and I'm no hero. But when you find out your worst enemy is after your best girl, the time has come to be a fucking superhero.
Movie: Deadpool
Recruiter: Mr. Wilson.
Wade Wilson: How can I help you? Besides luring children into a panel van.
Wade Wilson: How can I help you? Besides luring children into a panel van.
Movie: Deadpool
Ajax: Why don't you do us all a favor and shut the fuck up or I'll sew your pretty mouth shut.
Wade Wilson: Oh, I wouldn't do that if I were you.
Wade Wilson: Oh, I wouldn't do that if I were you.
Movie: Deadpool
[the one scene where they don't have sex] Wade Wilson: Happy Lent.
Vanessa Carlysle: Happy Lent dear.
Vanessa Carlysle: Happy Lent dear.
Movie: Deadpool
Wade Wilson: Vanessa's already working on plan's A, B, through Z. Me? I'm trying to memorize the details of her face, like it's the first time I'm seeing it... or the last.
Movie: Deadpool
Deadpool: [In the middle of a fistfight]Have you seen this man? [holds up a crude crayon drawing of Francis]
Movie: Deadpool
Colossus: You've been warned before, Deadpool. This is a shameful and reckless use of your powers. You will both be coming with us.
Deadpool: Look, Colossus, I don't have time for the goody two-shoes bullshit right now!
Deadpool: Look, Colossus, I don't have time for the goody two-shoes bullshit right now!
Movie: Deadpool
Deadpool: LOOK! I'm a teenage girl, I'd rather be anywhere than here! I'm all about long sullen silences, followed by mean comments, followed by more silence! So what's it gonna be: long sullen silence or mean comment? Go on, take your pick.
Negasonic Teenage Warhead: ...You got me in a box here.
Deadpool: AH-HAA!
Negasonic Teenage Warhead: ...You got me in a box here.
Deadpool: AH-HAA!
Movie: Deadpool
Deadpool: How's the Kullen coming along? Ikea doesn't assemble itself, you know.
Blind Al: You're telling me. I don't mind the Kullen. It's an improvement on the Hurdal.
Deadpool: Please. Anything's an improvement over the Hurdal. I'd have taken a Hemnes or a Trysil over a Hurdal. [sighs]
Deadpool: No, I didn't get excited until I saw the Kullen.
Blind Al: Screw, please.
Deadpool: Here? Now? Just kidding. I know it's been decades.
Blind Al: You'd be surprised.
Deadpool: Pretty grossed out.
Blind Al: You're telling me. I don't mind the Kullen. It's an improvement on the Hurdal.
Deadpool: Please. Anything's an improvement over the Hurdal. I'd have taken a Hemnes or a Trysil over a Hurdal. [sighs]
Deadpool: No, I didn't get excited until I saw the Kullen.
Blind Al: Screw, please.
Deadpool: Here? Now? Just kidding. I know it's been decades.
Blind Al: You'd be surprised.
Deadpool: Pretty grossed out.
Movie: Deadpool
Deadpool: [Ripping his own underwear out of his pants to make a white flag]Look away! LOOK AWAY CHILD!
Movie: Deadpool