Deadpool Quotes
[Looking at his slowly regrowing 'baby hand'] Wade Wilson: I bet it feels huge in this hand.
Movie: Deadpool
Colossus: We can't allow this, Deadpool. Please, come quietly.
Deadpool: You big chrome cock-gobbler!
Colossus: That's not nice.
Deadpool: You're really gonna fuck this up for me? Trust me, that wheezing bag of dick-tips has it coming. He's pure evil. Besides... Nobody's getting hurt. [a dead body falls off an overhead traffic sign]
Deadpool: That guy was already up there when I got here.
Deadpool: You big chrome cock-gobbler!
Colossus: That's not nice.
Deadpool: You're really gonna fuck this up for me? Trust me, that wheezing bag of dick-tips has it coming. He's pure evil. Besides... Nobody's getting hurt. [a dead body falls off an overhead traffic sign]
Deadpool: That guy was already up there when I got here.
Movie: Deadpool
Deadpool: [Cutting off his arm and spraying blood in Colussus' face]Are you there God? It's me, Margaret!
Movie: Deadpool
Wade Wilson: [Looking at a text from Ajax]What is that?
Weasel: That's the shit emoji. You know the turd with the smiling face and the eyes. I thought it was chocolate yogurt for so long.
Weasel: That's the shit emoji. You know the turd with the smiling face and the eyes. I thought it was chocolate yogurt for so long.
Movie: Deadpool
[from leaked test footage] Deadpool: [singing to Hollaback Girl on the radio]I heard that you were talking shit / And you didn't think that I'd hear it / People hear you talking like that, getting everybody fired up... This my shit, this my shit / This shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S...
Movie: Deadpool
Strip Club DJ: Hey. Coming on to our stage right now... give it up for Chastity!
Weasel: Or as I like to call her... Irony.
Weasel: Or as I like to call her... Irony.
Movie: Deadpool
Deadpool: There are no words. Me and you are headed to fix this butterface.
Ajax: What? You stupid fucking idiot. Did you really think there was a cure... for that?
Deadpool: What?
Ajax: You heard me.
Deadpool: No. No! So, you mean to say... after all this, you can't fix me?
Ajax: It sounds even stupider when you say it.
Deadpool: Like the kind of stupid who admits he can't do the one thing I'm keeping him alive for? [Deadpool aims gun at Ajax's head]
Deadpool: Any last words?
Ajax: What's my name?
Deadpool: [Cocks his gun]Who fucking cares?
Ajax: What? You stupid fucking idiot. Did you really think there was a cure... for that?
Deadpool: What?
Ajax: You heard me.
Deadpool: No. No! So, you mean to say... after all this, you can't fix me?
Ajax: It sounds even stupider when you say it.
Deadpool: Like the kind of stupid who admits he can't do the one thing I'm keeping him alive for? [Deadpool aims gun at Ajax's head]
Deadpool: Any last words?
Ajax: What's my name?
Deadpool: [Cocks his gun]Who fucking cares?
Movie: Deadpool
Deadpool: I hope they blocked pain to your every last nerve 'cause I'ma go lookin'!
Ajax: I hear you grow back body parts now, Wade. When I'm finished, perhaps I'll have to grow back you.
Ajax: I hear you grow back body parts now, Wade. When I'm finished, perhaps I'll have to grow back you.
Movie: Deadpool
[first lines] Deadpool: Kinda lonesome back here. [wedges himself through the Plexiglas opening between the back seat and the front]
Deadpool: Yeah, little help.
Deadpool: Yeah, little help.
Movie: Deadpool
Weasel: Oh, shit.
Wade Wilson: What?
Weasel: I put all my money on you and now I just realized I'm never going to win the, uh...
Wade Wilson: Dead pool. [thinks for a moment]
Wade Wilson: Captain Deadpool... No, just...
Weasel ,
Wade Wilson: Just Deadpool.
Weasel: To you, Mr. Pool. Deadpool. That sounds like a fucking franchise.
Wade Wilson: What?
Weasel: I put all my money on you and now I just realized I'm never going to win the, uh...
Wade Wilson: Dead pool. [thinks for a moment]
Wade Wilson: Captain Deadpool... No, just...
Weasel ,
Wade Wilson: Just Deadpool.
Weasel: To you, Mr. Pool. Deadpool. That sounds like a fucking franchise.
Movie: Deadpool
Deadpool: [to The Recruiter]Nice to see you, Jared. I'll take the foot long... Fully loaded.
Movie: Deadpool
Wade Wilson: Listen, we both know that cancer is a shit-show. Like a Yakov Smirnoff opening for the Spin Doctors at the Iowa State Fair shit-show. And under no circumstances will I take you to that show. I want you to remember me, not the ghost of Christmas me.
Vanessa Carlysle: Well, I wanna remember us.
Wade Wilson: I swear to God, I will find you in the next life and I'm gonna boom-box Careless Whisper outside your window. Wham!
Vanessa Carlysle: No one is boom-boxing shit. Okay? We can fight this. Besides, I just realized something. You win. Your life is officially way more fucked up than mine.
Vanessa Carlysle: Well, I wanna remember us.
Wade Wilson: I swear to God, I will find you in the next life and I'm gonna boom-box Careless Whisper outside your window. Wham!
Vanessa Carlysle: No one is boom-boxing shit. Okay? We can fight this. Besides, I just realized something. You win. Your life is officially way more fucked up than mine.
Movie: Deadpool
Ajax: We have everything we need now.
Weasel: You sure? You don't want any clothes that are not monochromatic? Have fun at your midnight showing of Blade II.
Weasel: You sure? You don't want any clothes that are not monochromatic? Have fun at your midnight showing of Blade II.
Movie: Deadpool
Colossus: Do you have off switch?
Deadpool: Yeah, it's right next to the prostate. Or is that the on switch?
Deadpool: Yeah, it's right next to the prostate. Or is that the on switch?
Movie: Deadpool
Weasel: Wade Wilson, patron saint of the pitiful. What can I do for you?
Deadpool: I'd love to get a Blow Job.
Weasel: Oh, God, me too.
Deadpool: The drink, moose knuckle, But first...
Weasel: All right, Kahlua, Bailey's and whipped cream. I give you a Blow Job. Why do you make me make that?
Deadpool: I'd love to get a Blow Job.
Weasel: Oh, God, me too.
Deadpool: The drink, moose knuckle, But first...
Weasel: All right, Kahlua, Bailey's and whipped cream. I give you a Blow Job. Why do you make me make that?
Movie: Deadpool
Deadpool: This is confusing. Is it sexist to hit you? Is it more sexist to not hit you? I mean, the line gets real... blurry! [cocks gun]
Movie: Deadpool
Wade Wilson: Hey, is Ajax your actual name? Because it sounds suspiciously made up. What is it really? Kevin? Bruce? Scott? Mitch? The Rickster? [in British accent]
Wade Wilson: Is it Basil Fawlty?
Ajax: Oh, joke away. One thing that never survives in this place is a sense of humor.
Wade Wilson: We'll see about that.
Ajax: I suppose we will.
Ajax: [to Angel]He's all yours. [Ajax leaves]
Wade Wilson: Oh, come on. You're gonna leave me all alone here with less-angry Rosie O'Donnell? [Angel punches Wade]
Wade Wilson: Is it Basil Fawlty?
Ajax: Oh, joke away. One thing that never survives in this place is a sense of humor.
Wade Wilson: We'll see about that.
Ajax: I suppose we will.
Ajax: [to Angel]He's all yours. [Ajax leaves]
Wade Wilson: Oh, come on. You're gonna leave me all alone here with less-angry Rosie O'Donnell? [Angel punches Wade]
Movie: Deadpool
Colossus: I've given Deadpool every chance to join us but he'd rather act like a child. A heavily armed child. When will he grow up and see benefits of becoming an X-Man?
Negasonic Teenage Warhead: Which benefits? The matching unitards? The house that blows up every few years?
Colossus: Please. House blowing up builds character.
Negasonic Teenage Warhead: Which benefits? The matching unitards? The house that blows up every few years?
Colossus: Please. House blowing up builds character.
Movie: Deadpool
Dopinder: I presume a crisp high five?
Deadpool: For you? 10. [slaps Dopinder a double high-five]
Deadpool: [to Colossus and Negasonic]Okay, guys, let's get out there and make a difference.
Deadpool: [Whispers to Dopinder]You know what do to.
Dopinder: Knock 'em dead, Pool Boy!
Deadpool: For you? 10. [slaps Dopinder a double high-five]
Deadpool: [to Colossus and Negasonic]Okay, guys, let's get out there and make a difference.
Deadpool: [Whispers to Dopinder]You know what do to.
Dopinder: Knock 'em dead, Pool Boy!
Movie: Deadpool
Deadpool: A hush fall over the crowd as rookie sensation Wade W. Wilson out of Regina, Saskatchewan, lines up the shot. His form looks good. [kicks Francis in the head]
Deadpool: Oh! And that's why Regina rhymes with fun.
Deadpool: Oh! And that's why Regina rhymes with fun.
Movie: Deadpool
Deadpool: Superhero landing. She's gonna do a superhero landing. Wait for it. [Angel Dust jumps from the platform and lands]
Deadpool: [clapping his hands]Whoo! Superhero landing! You know, that's really hard on your knees.
Deadpool: [clapping his hands]Whoo! Superhero landing! You know, that's really hard on your knees.
Movie: Deadpool
Vanessa Carlysle: Hey, hands off the merchandise.
Wade Wilson: Merchandise? Huh... so you uh, bump fuzzies for money?
Vanessa Carlysle: Yep.
Wade Wilson: Rough childhood?
Vanessa Carlysle: Rougher than yours. Daddy left before I was born.
Wade Wilson: Daddy left before I was conceived.
Vanessa Carlysle: Ever had a cigarette put out on your skin?
Wade Wilson: Where else do you put one out?
Vanessa Carlysle: I was molested!
Wade Wilson: Me too. Uncle.
Vanessa Carlysle: Uncles. They took turns.
Wade Wilson: I watched my own birthday party through the keyhole of a locked closet, which also happened to be my...
Vanessa Carlysle: Your bedroom. Lucky. I slept in a dishwasher box.
Wade Wilson: [Gasps]You had a dishwasher. I didn't even known sleep. It was pretty much 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn.
Vanessa Carlysle: [laughs]Who would do such a thing?
Wade Wilson: Hopefully you. Later tonight? Hey, what can I get for $275 and uh... a Yogurtlands reward card?
Vanessa Carlysle: Baby, about 48 minutes of whatever the fuck you want. And a low-fat dessert. [Puts card in his mouth]
Wade Wilson: Merchandise? Huh... so you uh, bump fuzzies for money?
Vanessa Carlysle: Yep.
Wade Wilson: Rough childhood?
Vanessa Carlysle: Rougher than yours. Daddy left before I was born.
Wade Wilson: Daddy left before I was conceived.
Vanessa Carlysle: Ever had a cigarette put out on your skin?
Wade Wilson: Where else do you put one out?
Vanessa Carlysle: I was molested!
Wade Wilson: Me too. Uncle.
Vanessa Carlysle: Uncles. They took turns.
Wade Wilson: I watched my own birthday party through the keyhole of a locked closet, which also happened to be my...
Vanessa Carlysle: Your bedroom. Lucky. I slept in a dishwasher box.
Wade Wilson: [Gasps]You had a dishwasher. I didn't even known sleep. It was pretty much 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn.
Vanessa Carlysle: [laughs]Who would do such a thing?
Wade Wilson: Hopefully you. Later tonight? Hey, what can I get for $275 and uh... a Yogurtlands reward card?
Vanessa Carlysle: Baby, about 48 minutes of whatever the fuck you want. And a low-fat dessert. [Puts card in his mouth]
Movie: Deadpool
Negasonic Teenage Warhead: [pointing behind Deadpool]Hey, Douche-Pool!
Deadpool: [turns around]And I hope *you're* watching - [gasps in horror, as Ajax has disappeared]
Colossus: Quite unfortunate...
Deadpool: [shaking his head in disbelief]THAT DOES IT! [punches Colossus in the face, breaking his own hand]
Deadpool: Ooh! Oh, Canada! That's not good...
Deadpool: [turns around]And I hope *you're* watching - [gasps in horror, as Ajax has disappeared]
Colossus: Quite unfortunate...
Deadpool: [shaking his head in disbelief]THAT DOES IT! [punches Colossus in the face, breaking his own hand]
Deadpool: Ooh! Oh, Canada! That's not good...
Movie: Deadpool