Deadpool 2 Quotes
Blind Al: Sweetheart, could you speak up? I can't hear you with that pity dick in your mouth.
Movie: Deadpool 2
Deadpool: [Cable gets out a gun and Deadpool draws his swords]Gimme your best shot, One-Eyed Willie! [Deadpool blocks the first bullet, then misses the rest]
Deadpool: ... Ow.
Deadpool: ... Ow.
Movie: Deadpool 2
Colossus: Come quietly, or there will be trouble.
Firefist: You stole that from Robocop!
Deadpool: That's from Robocop! Just stand down! You're embarrassing me.
Firefist: You stole that from Robocop!
Deadpool: That's from Robocop! Just stand down! You're embarrassing me.
Movie: Deadpool 2
[Colossus is reading a book when he hears music outside. He sees Deadpool playing Peter Gabriel's In Your Eyes on his smartphone before covering his ears] Deadpool: I made mistakes! I wanna take them back! You trusted me. I took that trust... and turned it into a glory hole in an airport bathroom. The one in Minneapolis. You know the one. [Colossus walks out of his room and looks at Deadpool]
Deadpool: But even you know I'm not a complete piece of shit! I was once an X-Man!
Negasonic Teenage Warhead: Trainee! [Negasonic Teenage Warhead throws a food container at Deadpool, knocking the smartphone off his hand. Deadpool turns around and picks up the container]
Deadpool: You're still using my Velcro labels. Aw.
Negasonic Teenage Warhead: They do stick better than tape.
Yukio: [waving at Deadpool]Hi Wade!
Negasonic Teenage Warhead: Please don't.
Colossus: Say whatever it is you're here to say. Make it quick.
Deadpool: Right. Quick. It's the kid. Just like you, I let him down. And just like me, he's never had anyone sacrifice anything for him because the whole world wrote him off as a piece of shit a long time ago. Look, he's teamed up with the Juggernaut! [gasps]
Deadpool: The Juggernaut! Who's, like, my favorite Marvel character ever- [looks at Yukio]
Deadpool: And hi Yukio! That was really nice of you to say hi, so I'm gonna say hi back. You guys make a super cute couple. Yeah. Where was I? [looks back at Colossus]
Deadpool: Oh, yeah. You should never meet your heroes because, honestly, he's a bit of a dick! And like most dicks, he's hard as a rock and causes nothing but problems! Look, you can stop the Juggernaut. I know you can!
Colossus: Do you know what would happen to me if I helped you? I would be disgraced. You are a criminal, a fugitive. But worst of all, y
Deadpool: But even you know I'm not a complete piece of shit! I was once an X-Man!
Negasonic Teenage Warhead: Trainee! [Negasonic Teenage Warhead throws a food container at Deadpool, knocking the smartphone off his hand. Deadpool turns around and picks up the container]
Deadpool: You're still using my Velcro labels. Aw.
Negasonic Teenage Warhead: They do stick better than tape.
Yukio: [waving at Deadpool]Hi Wade!
Negasonic Teenage Warhead: Please don't.
Colossus: Say whatever it is you're here to say. Make it quick.
Deadpool: Right. Quick. It's the kid. Just like you, I let him down. And just like me, he's never had anyone sacrifice anything for him because the whole world wrote him off as a piece of shit a long time ago. Look, he's teamed up with the Juggernaut! [gasps]
Deadpool: The Juggernaut! Who's, like, my favorite Marvel character ever- [looks at Yukio]
Deadpool: And hi Yukio! That was really nice of you to say hi, so I'm gonna say hi back. You guys make a super cute couple. Yeah. Where was I? [looks back at Colossus]
Deadpool: Oh, yeah. You should never meet your heroes because, honestly, he's a bit of a dick! And like most dicks, he's hard as a rock and causes nothing but problems! Look, you can stop the Juggernaut. I know you can!
Colossus: Do you know what would happen to me if I helped you? I would be disgraced. You are a criminal, a fugitive. But worst of all, y
Movie: Deadpool 2
[Deadpool carries baby Hitler] Deadpool: That's okay. Let me see here. Oh, gosh. That's why you're such a little bastard. No one's ever changed you. Yeah, you got a big, old stinky in there, don't you? God, it smells like Hitler's anus, which... which would make sense, wouldn't it? Yeah. [places baby Hitler on weighing scale]
Deadpool: I think we both know I don't have what it takes to do this, so I'm just gonna change your diaper real quick, and then I'm gonna come back with my friend Cable. He loves killing kids.
Deadpool: I think we both know I don't have what it takes to do this, so I'm just gonna change your diaper real quick, and then I'm gonna come back with my friend Cable. He loves killing kids.
Movie: Deadpool 2
[Deadpool sneaks into a maternity ward and approaches one of the babies] Deadpool: Boy, howdy. Hi. This is a toughie. Yeesh. Oh, yes. You're already practicing your little salute, huh? Yes, you are. Well, we'll take care of that, won't we? [turns around]
Deadpool: Jesus Christ! This is so much tougher than I thought. Oh-ho. [faces the baby again]
Deadpool: Oh, I'm going to hell. [points at baby]
Deadpool: That makes two of us. [places his hands on his head while walking in circles]
Deadpool: You can do this. [looks at baby again while waving his arms back and forth]
Deadpool: This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. All right. [cracks knuckles and sighs. Baby's crib is labeled 'A. Hitler - 20 April 1889']
Deadpool: Maximum effort. [proceeds to grab baby]
Deadpool: Jesus Christ! This is so much tougher than I thought. Oh-ho. [faces the baby again]
Deadpool: Oh, I'm going to hell. [points at baby]
Deadpool: That makes two of us. [places his hands on his head while walking in circles]
Deadpool: You can do this. [looks at baby again while waving his arms back and forth]
Deadpool: This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. All right. [cracks knuckles and sighs. Baby's crib is labeled 'A. Hitler - 20 April 1889']
Deadpool: Maximum effort. [proceeds to grab baby]
Movie: Deadpool 2
[During a Sicilian mafia funeral, Deadpool breaks out of the coffin and shoots at the mob] Deadpool: Whoo! Do not go in there!
Movie: Deadpool 2
Cable: Why are you protecting the kid?
Deadpool: I don't give a fuck about him and his Are You My Mother complex!
Deadpool: I don't give a fuck about him and his Are You My Mother complex!
Movie: Deadpool 2
[last lines] Ryan Reynolds: [to himself, holding the Green Lantern script]You're in the big leagues now, kid! [blood splatters on the script and cuts to Reynolds' face with a gunshot wound in the forehead, he drops revealing Deadpool behind him with a gun]
Deadpool: [to the camera]You're welcome, Canada.
Deadpool: [to the camera]You're welcome, Canada.
Movie: Deadpool 2
[after Deadpool realizes Cable traveled back in time to save him] Deadpool: You time-sliding son of a bitch. You did this for me? Wait, you can't go back. You used the last of your fuel. What about your girl and your wife?
Cable: No, my family's safe. And I didn't do it for you. No, I'm gonna stick around for a while and make sure the world doesn't shit itself into oblivion.
Deadpool: No, you did it for me.
Cable: No, I didn't.
Deadpool: You did.
Cable: No, I didn't.
Deadpool: Pretty sure you did.
Cable: No, I'm positive I didn't.
Deadpool: Fine. Alright, let's flip a coin, okay? Heads, you did it for me. Tails, you did it for me. [flips coin]
Deadpool: I'm not even gonna look because you did it for me.
Cable: Say it again.
Deadpool: You did it for me.
Cable: Jesus.
Cable: No, my family's safe. And I didn't do it for you. No, I'm gonna stick around for a while and make sure the world doesn't shit itself into oblivion.
Deadpool: No, you did it for me.
Cable: No, I didn't.
Deadpool: You did.
Cable: No, I didn't.
Deadpool: Pretty sure you did.
Cable: No, I'm positive I didn't.
Deadpool: Fine. Alright, let's flip a coin, okay? Heads, you did it for me. Tails, you did it for me. [flips coin]
Deadpool: I'm not even gonna look because you did it for me.
Cable: Say it again.
Deadpool: You did it for me.
Cable: Jesus.
Movie: Deadpool 2
Deadpool: [to Vanessa after traveling back in time to save her]We're definitely naming our kid Cher!
Movie: Deadpool 2
[after Dopinder kills the headmaster by running him over with his taxi] Dopinder: [intensely]I want some more.
Deadpool: I bet you do, Brown Panther.
Deadpool: I bet you do, Brown Panther.
Movie: Deadpool 2
[after Shatterstar is killed by landing on the spinning propellers on a helicopter] Deadpool: Well, I guess we found something you're not better at.
Movie: Deadpool 2
Wolverine: [Upon seeing the newly transformed Deadpool/Weapon XI]Wade, is that you? [Wade does not respond]
Wolverine: I guess Stryker finally figured out how to shut you up [unsheates his claws]
Wolverine: . [Suddenly Deadpool/Weapon XI is shot in the head by someone who is then revealed to be the current, time-traveling Deadpool]
Deadpool: Hey! It's me! Don't scratch! Just tidying up the timeline. [Deadpool shoots the old Deadpool several more times before walking away]
Deadpool: [to Wolverine]Love you.
Wolverine: I guess Stryker finally figured out how to shut you up [unsheates his claws]
Wolverine: . [Suddenly Deadpool/Weapon XI is shot in the head by someone who is then revealed to be the current, time-traveling Deadpool]
Deadpool: Hey! It's me! Don't scratch! Just tidying up the timeline. [Deadpool shoots the old Deadpool several more times before walking away]
Deadpool: [to Wolverine]Love you.
Movie: Deadpool 2
[Colossus charges at Juggernaut] Deadpool: Go get 'em, tiger! Big CGI fight comin' up!
Movie: Deadpool 2
Deadpool: [Juggernaut comes out of a pile of rubble]Oh my God! Juggernaut! I thought that was you! I should've worn my white pants.
Movie: Deadpool 2
[Deadpool travels back to the moment before Peter is killed] Deadpool: Peter!
Peter: Whoo! X-Force!
Deadpool: Walk away! Just walk away!
Peter: But we're X-Force!
Deadpool: Nope! We're not. X-Force is just a marketing tool designed by Fox executives to keep Josh Brolin employed. It doesn't exist.
Peter: All right, well, this has been pretty scary! And I need to feed my cat!
Deadpool: Go home, Sugarbear. Go home.
Peter: Okay. Will you give Domino my email?
Peter: Whoo! X-Force!
Deadpool: Walk away! Just walk away!
Peter: But we're X-Force!
Deadpool: Nope! We're not. X-Force is just a marketing tool designed by Fox executives to keep Josh Brolin employed. It doesn't exist.
Peter: All right, well, this has been pretty scary! And I need to feed my cat!
Deadpool: Go home, Sugarbear. Go home.
Peter: Okay. Will you give Domino my email?
Movie: Deadpool 2