Dilbert Quotes
Dilbert: Hold it - were you just reading a book?
Wally: Are you bonkers - what makes you think that?
Dilbert: My own eyes.
Wally: Hardly a reliable source.
Dilbert: I just saw you!
Wally: Are you bonkers - what makes you think that?
Dilbert: My own eyes.
Wally: Hardly a reliable source.
Dilbert: I just saw you!
TV Show: Dilbert
Dilbert: Insider trading is illegal - you could go to jail!
PHB: Wally I'll need you to review the RFP for the BGA project before the IOC meeting.
Wally: Well that has alibi written all over it. Are you in?
PHB: Wally I'll need you to review the RFP for the BGA project before the IOC meeting.
Wally: Well that has alibi written all over it. Are you in?
TV Show: Dilbert
Dilbert: I thought you were supposed to buy when the stock is down.
Dogbert: Have I ever lied to you?
Dilbert: About a thousand times.
Dogbert: You don't have to throw it in my face.
Dogbert: Have I ever lied to you?
Dilbert: About a thousand times.
Dogbert: You don't have to throw it in my face.
TV Show: Dilbert
Wally: You do whatever you want. Me - I'm cashing out.
Dilbert: You plan to retire?
Wally: Retire? From what? I don't do anything now except surf the net - why should I pay for that? Besides, I really like the coffee here.
Dilbert: You plan to retire?
Wally: Retire? From what? I don't do anything now except surf the net - why should I pay for that? Besides, I really like the coffee here.
TV Show: Dilbert
Stockholder: You two are going to fit right in here, and I'm referring of course only to Wally.
TV Show: Dilbert
Dilbert: What are you doing with my laser?
Dogbert: Did you know there are no laws in space?
Dogbert: Did you know there are no laws in space?
TV Show: Dilbert
PHB: Look, I've worked very hard seeing the Gruntmaster 6000 through to this final phase of testing and I just want to say how proud I am of myself. Now if we can just get rid of that junk on the field maybe we can start the tests..
Dilbert: Uh, that's the Gruntmaster 6000.
PHB: Really? It's so big.
Dilbert: Uh, that's the Gruntmaster 6000.
PHB: Really? It's so big.
TV Show: Dilbert
Dilbert: Just out of curiosity, how often does an asteroid hit an exercise machine?
PHB: A comet hit my Stairmaster - that's why I don't exercise anymore!
PHB: A comet hit my Stairmaster - that's why I don't exercise anymore!
TV Show: Dilbert
Dilbert: You're going into space?
Dogbert: Good observation, potato boy. I'll send you a postcard.
Dilbert: I don't think you can send a postcard from outer space.
Dogbert: Ooh, it can be done. But you might see a little jump in your next tax bill.
Dogbert: Good observation, potato boy. I'll send you a postcard.
Dilbert: I don't think you can send a postcard from outer space.
Dogbert: Ooh, it can be done. But you might see a little jump in your next tax bill.
TV Show: Dilbert
Wally: Hey Bob, how's it going?
Bob Bastard: Wally. [walks off with Alice]
Wally[smitten]: He called me "Wally."
Dilbert: That's your name.
Wally: There's no call for bitterness.
Bob Bastard: Wally. [walks off with Alice]
Wally[smitten]: He called me "Wally."
Dilbert: That's your name.
Wally: There's no call for bitterness.
TV Show: Dilbert
Dogbert: So, you're welcome!
Dilbert: Thanks, Dogbert. You really bailed me out.
Dogbert: Ohh, it's nothing you wouldn't have done for me if you weren't you and I wasn't me and everything was completely different.
Dilbert: Thanks, Dogbert. You really bailed me out.
Dogbert: Ohh, it's nothing you wouldn't have done for me if you weren't you and I wasn't me and everything was completely different.
TV Show: Dilbert
Dilbert: You're living in the past, my furry friend. Capitalism has transformed Elbonia. The economy is burgeoning.
Dogbert: Nothing like slave labor to perk up the economy.
Dilbert: They're making many advances. For instance, did you realise the leading cause of death in Elbonia is no longer Black Plague?
Dogbert: Oh really? What is?
Dilbert: Here we go, it's.. self-inflicted gunshot wounds? Must be a typo.
Dogbert: Nothing like slave labor to perk up the economy.
Dilbert: They're making many advances. For instance, did you realise the leading cause of death in Elbonia is no longer Black Plague?
Dogbert: Oh really? What is?
Dilbert: Here we go, it's.. self-inflicted gunshot wounds? Must be a typo.
TV Show: Dilbert
Garbageman: Well in that case he'll need the help of someone who is incapable of sympathy; someone so cynical that the suffering of others is nothing but a source of cheap entertainment.
Dogbert: Oh alright - I'll go.
Dogbert: Oh alright - I'll go.
TV Show: Dilbert
Dilbert: Hey, hi.
PHB: What an odd-looking people.
Alice: It's us! From work!
Dilbert: Remember?
PHB: If only I spoke your language. Do you know where the pool is? The POOL? Swimmy swimmy?
PHB: What an odd-looking people.
Alice: It's us! From work!
Dilbert: Remember?
PHB: If only I spoke your language. Do you know where the pool is? The POOL? Swimmy swimmy?
TV Show: Dilbert
Dilbert: Shouldn't there be a guard-rail around that?
Elbonian: Guard-rail? Haha, what is this, an amusement park?
Elbonian: Guard-rail? Haha, what is this, an amusement park?
TV Show: Dilbert
Alice: You can't put babies to work on an assembly line!
Elbonian: These are not babies. They are toddlers.
Elbonian: These are not babies. They are toddlers.
TV Show: Dilbert
Dilbert: Are those people dead?
Elbonian: Technically, yes. But that's no excuse. Get to work you lazy corpse!
Elbonian: Technically, yes. But that's no excuse. Get to work you lazy corpse!
TV Show: Dilbert
Dilbert: If you're going to change anything you're gonna have to organise.
Elbonian Worker: Now you've lost us.
Elbonian Worker: Now you've lost us.
TV Show: Dilbert
Elbonian Dictator: You will be read your rights, given a fair trial, then executed. On second thought, since we have no rights, and we have no courts, let's go to the execution.
TV Show: Dilbert
PHB: Their sacrifices are a inspiration to us all - not to mention the cost-savings that go directly to the bottom line.
TV Show: Dilbert
PHB: Secondly, we've stocked the first aid kits with these new wonder-drugs - placebos!
TV Show: Dilbert
Dogbert: I'll bet you 20 dollars it doesn't feel good to give. [extends hand]
Dilbert: You are on, my cynical friend! [shakes Dogbert's hand]
Dogbert: Okay, to settle the question, give me 40 dollars and then tell me if it feels good.
Dilbert: That wouldn't feel good.
Dogbert: Okay, then give me 20 dollars because you lost the bet.
Dilbert[puzzled look]: Did I just make a bet that would cost me 20 dollars whether I won or not? [hands Dogbert a $20 bill]
Dogbert[taking the money]: Yes. But you also got to help someone more fortunate than yourself.
Dilbert: You are on, my cynical friend! [shakes Dogbert's hand]
Dogbert: Okay, to settle the question, give me 40 dollars and then tell me if it feels good.
Dilbert: That wouldn't feel good.
Dogbert: Okay, then give me 20 dollars because you lost the bet.
Dilbert[puzzled look]: Did I just make a bet that would cost me 20 dollars whether I won or not? [hands Dogbert a $20 bill]
Dogbert[taking the money]: Yes. But you also got to help someone more fortunate than yourself.
TV Show: Dilbert
Jay Leno: And you've heard about this guy? Well, he's sort of a guy. And he's reportedly a surrogate mother for an alien, hilbilly, robot, engineer, cow baby. Michael Jackson already has an order in for three of them! Part cow, part engineer...now do you think it'll spend a lot of the nights surfing the internet and milking itself?
TV Show: Dilbert