Dirty Jobs Quotes
Mike Rowe: The thing I most like about the crew here on Dirty Jobs is that not *one* of them, in the years that I've known them, has ever once exhibited the slightest ounce of anything that could possibly *ever*, under any condition, be confused with good judgment.
Movie: Dirty Jobs
[after throwing a pregnant shark back into the ocean, Mike notices a small wriggling shark on the deck of the boat. The marine biologist identifies this as a baby]
Host: Did I just scare a baby out of a shark?
Host: Did I just scare a baby out of a shark?
Movie: Dirty Jobs
Mike: That stinks a little.
Renee: You sure it's not you?
Mike: At this point, no.
Renee: You sure it's not you?
Mike: At this point, no.
TV Show: Dirty Jobs
Mike: This is what you did with your back room. And you could have gone with a computer office or a library...you've got a bat cage.
Barbara: Yeah, I've decided to go with the fruit bat motif.
Barbara: Yeah, I've decided to go with the fruit bat motif.
TV Show: Dirty Jobs
Mike: There's really not a lot of difference between an octopus and like a giant pile of snot.
TV Show: Dirty Jobs
Mike: Are we walking in sand or guano?
Jim: That's powdered bat guano.
Mike: Holy shit.
Jim: I don't know if it's holy, but it's definitely shit.
Jim: That's powdered bat guano.
Mike: Holy shit.
Jim: I don't know if it's holy, but it's definitely shit.
TV Show: Dirty Jobs
John: Worms are low maintenance, real easy to take care of. They basically do three things: they eat, they poop, and have sex.
Mike: Man, that's a great life.
Mike: Man, that's a great life.
TV Show: Dirty Jobs
Mike: You know they throw poop at each other over at that other ranch. Just so you know.
Chris: We're a little bit cleaner facility.
Chris: We're a little bit cleaner facility.
TV Show: Dirty Jobs
Mike: [while he's inside a septic tank] Are you a religious man, Les? I'm about to become one. I'm going to be real good for the rest of my life because I don't want to come here when I die.
TV Show: Dirty Jobs
Roadkill Cleaner: There's times that you have to either laugh or throw up, whatever comes first which you might as well laugh.
Mike: I'll tell you what. You laugh and I'll throw up.
Mike: I'll tell you what. You laugh and I'll throw up.
TV Show: Dirty Jobs
Mike: [to golf ball diver] Did you ever lose your bag of balls? That's got to be frustrating.
TV Show: Dirty Jobs
Golf ball diver: You fan with your hands through the mud until you feel something hard and you grab onto it. It's gonna be a golf ball. And if it moves, you let it go.
TV Show: Dirty Jobs
Horse Breeder: [said while horse breeder was pulling out manure from the horse's butt] I can identify most of our horses from this angle.
Mike: You gotta get out more.
Mike: You gotta get out more.
TV Show: Dirty Jobs
Mike: Nice warm day. Rough seas. The smell of freshly ground mackerel hitting you square in the face like a moist sponge. If you don't vomit in a situation like this, you never will.
TV Show: Dirty Jobs
Mike: That's going in my wine? Please tell me there's another process between here and the vineyard.
TV Show: Dirty Jobs
Mike: What's the coolest thing you ever found in a car you were disassembling?
Mark: One time I found a forty-five.
Mike: A forty-five... a weapon?
Mark: A weapon. I found a cassette box that was loaded with drugs.
Mike: What kinda drugs?
Mark: Green stuff in a bag, I guess it was...
Mike: Oregano, probably
Mark: Probably. Oregano to me...
Mike: What happened was that you probably got the car of an ex-cooking expert, probably.
Mark: And he was afraid someone was gonna steal his recipe and that's why he had the forty-five.
Mark: One time I found a forty-five.
Mike: A forty-five... a weapon?
Mark: A weapon. I found a cassette box that was loaded with drugs.
Mike: What kinda drugs?
Mark: Green stuff in a bag, I guess it was...
Mike: Oregano, probably
Mark: Probably. Oregano to me...
Mike: What happened was that you probably got the car of an ex-cooking expert, probably.
Mark: And he was afraid someone was gonna steal his recipe and that's why he had the forty-five.
TV Show: Dirty Jobs
Mike: Nobody makes a turd like that and lives.
Gary: Sure they do.
Mike: Come on, it's orange!
Gary: Sure they do.
Mike: Come on, it's orange!
TV Show: Dirty Jobs
Gary: The first thing we have to do, Mike, is get acquainted with this tool right here.
Mike: What is this?
Gary: This tool here is called the Pooper Scooper.
Mike: This is called a garden trowel.
Gary: For us it's a Pooper Scooper.
Mike: You're not gonna tell me that were gonna scoop the poop out of the pot with a garden trowel?
Mike: What is this?
Gary: This tool here is called the Pooper Scooper.
Mike: This is called a garden trowel.
Gary: For us it's a Pooper Scooper.
Mike: You're not gonna tell me that were gonna scoop the poop out of the pot with a garden trowel?
TV Show: Dirty Jobs
Mike: Ho ho ho, three giant bags of poo. Who's been naughty? I'm the real bad Santa.
TV Show: Dirty Jobs
Mike: And while some people might have left their hearts in San Francisco, I can tell you from my experience today, that's not all they left.
TV Show: Dirty Jobs
[Mike is pushing the pigs out of a fenced area.]
Mike: Go to where your friends are peeing... Join the urine parade.
Mike: Go to where your friends are peeing... Join the urine parade.
TV Show: Dirty Jobs
Mike: [Stumbles on roof] Another colossally stupid way to die: "What happened to Mike?" - "Ah, he fell off a building." - "What was he doing?" - "Ah, he was cleaning up pigeon poo. Tragic really, cut down in the sub-prime of his life."
TV Show: Dirty Jobs
Eric: Now, you're gonna wanna to take your hand and brush off the excess dirt off her vulva.
Mike: Right, with my clean gloves. Excess dirt? There's nothing here but... this vulva is encased in poo.
Mike: Right, with my clean gloves. Excess dirt? There's nothing here but... this vulva is encased in poo.
TV Show: Dirty Jobs