Drake and Josh Quotes
Josh Nichols: Drake, we're supposed to be studying for our driving test!
Drake Parker: [playing a driving video game] I am!
Josh Nichols: Drake, I highly doubt that our driven test will include stealing a bus and running into dragons.
Drake Parker: Do you know that for sure?
Drake Parker: [playing a driving video game] I am!
Josh Nichols: Drake, I highly doubt that our driven test will include stealing a bus and running into dragons.
Drake Parker: Do you know that for sure?
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Josh Nichols: [taking smores out of oven] Hello, smores!
Josh Nichols: Ahh! Hello Pain! [Josh sticks his arm in pitcher of milk]
Drake Parker: [staring at Josh] Uhh... Josh, they usually put the prize in the cereal, not the milk.
Josh Nichols: Ahh! Hello Pain! [Josh sticks his arm in pitcher of milk]
Drake Parker: [staring at Josh] Uhh... Josh, they usually put the prize in the cereal, not the milk.
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Josh Nichols: [locked in Dr. Favershim's closet] You'd better open the door or we'll call the cops!
Drake Parker: Yeah, we have a cell phone in here!
Dr. Favershim: You have no cell phone.
Josh Nichols: Do too!
Dr. Favershim: Prove it. Play me a ring tone.
Josh Nichols: [ringtone sounds] See?
Dr. Favershim: Does it have Bluetooth?
Josh Nichols: What?
Dr. Favershim: Your cell phone, does it have Bluetooth?
Josh Nichols: [mocking Favershim's accent] Yah, dude, it has Bluetooth!
Dr. Favershim: I don't believe you; show me.
Josh Nichols: Well open the door! [Favershim opens the door, Josh puts out his phone]
Josh Nichols: See? Bluetooth! Ha! [Favershim takes the phone, slams the door & locks it]
Drake Parker: Aw man!
Drake Parker: Nice going, Blue-TOOTH!
Drake Parker: Yeah, we have a cell phone in here!
Dr. Favershim: You have no cell phone.
Josh Nichols: Do too!
Dr. Favershim: Prove it. Play me a ring tone.
Josh Nichols: [ringtone sounds] See?
Dr. Favershim: Does it have Bluetooth?
Josh Nichols: What?
Dr. Favershim: Your cell phone, does it have Bluetooth?
Josh Nichols: [mocking Favershim's accent] Yah, dude, it has Bluetooth!
Dr. Favershim: I don't believe you; show me.
Josh Nichols: Well open the door! [Favershim opens the door, Josh puts out his phone]
Josh Nichols: See? Bluetooth! Ha! [Favershim takes the phone, slams the door & locks it]
Drake Parker: Aw man!
Drake Parker: Nice going, Blue-TOOTH!
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Mr. Roland: [Drake has just been in the chemical shower] Sit down Drake. [Drake ignores him]
Mr. Roland: Drake, sit down!
Drake Parker: No! Josh!
Josh Nichols: What?
Drake Parker: I'm sorry. I was wrong, OK? I was wrong!
Josh Nichols: What do you mean?
Drake Parker: Man, I'm sorry I made you late for your exam, I'm sorry I ran over your bike! I'm sorry I'm probably the worst brother in the world and you're way better off without me. And I need you more than you need me, I need you way more than you need me! I just-I just... I'm sorry Josh... I'm sorry... [walks out of the classroom]
Mr. Roland: Josh, would you like to speak to Drake?
Josh Nichols: [pauses] No, sir.
Mr. Roland: Drake, sit down!
Drake Parker: No! Josh!
Josh Nichols: What?
Drake Parker: I'm sorry. I was wrong, OK? I was wrong!
Josh Nichols: What do you mean?
Drake Parker: Man, I'm sorry I made you late for your exam, I'm sorry I ran over your bike! I'm sorry I'm probably the worst brother in the world and you're way better off without me. And I need you more than you need me, I need you way more than you need me! I just-I just... I'm sorry Josh... I'm sorry... [walks out of the classroom]
Mr. Roland: Josh, would you like to speak to Drake?
Josh Nichols: [pauses] No, sir.
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Trevor: [referring to the dune buggy] Man, the motor sounds great.
Drake Parker: Yeah. You know where it would sound even better?
Trevor: In the shower.
Drake Parker: On the road.
Trevor: Better!
Drake Parker: Yeah. You know where it would sound even better?
Trevor: In the shower.
Drake Parker: On the road.
Trevor: Better!
TV Show: Drake and Josh
[Josh, trying to look cool, leans against a freshly painted wall]
Drake Parker: Uh, Josh? [Josh looks at his back, which has white paint all over it]
Josh Nichols: How about PAINTING ON THE WEEKENDS?
Drake Parker: Uh, Josh? [Josh looks at his back, which has white paint all over it]
Josh Nichols: How about PAINTING ON THE WEEKENDS?
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Drake: Okay, Josh. I admit, it's kinda cute that you have a little crush on Susan.
Josh: She has a crush on me! AND IT AIN'T LITTLE!
Josh: She has a crush on me! AND IT AIN'T LITTLE!
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Josh: [from inside his dresser, waving his hand around] Can somebody please hand me my underwear?
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Josh: We could do a documentary on the reproductive habits of lizards.
Drake: I'm not going to do anything that involves me watching lizards make out!
Drake: I'm not going to do anything that involves me watching lizards make out!
TV Show: Drake and Josh
[Josh leans against a wall with wet paint. Twice.]
Josh: Okay. How 'bout...PAINTIN' ON THE WEEKENDS?!
Josh: Okay. How 'bout...PAINTIN' ON THE WEEKENDS?!
TV Show: Drake and Josh
[Josh arrives home looking very beat up]
Drake: What happened to you?
Josh: Football happened to me. First I got tackled, then I was trampled, and I'm pretty sure someone bit my ankle!
Drake: So...you didn't make the team.
Josh: Oh, I made the team.
Drake: Really?! That's so cool!
Josh: Yeah! My brother, you are looking at Belleview High's brand-new... [holds up a jersey]E-QUIPMENT MANAGER!
[Drake stares at Josh, incredulous]
Josh: ...E-QUIPMENT MANAGER!
Drake: What happened to you?
Josh: Football happened to me. First I got tackled, then I was trampled, and I'm pretty sure someone bit my ankle!
Drake: So...you didn't make the team.
Josh: Oh, I made the team.
Drake: Really?! That's so cool!
Josh: Yeah! My brother, you are looking at Belleview High's brand-new... [holds up a jersey]E-QUIPMENT MANAGER!
[Drake stares at Josh, incredulous]
Josh: ...E-QUIPMENT MANAGER!
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Josh: Did you do something to my brownies?
Drake: Oh yeah, Josh, I live to sabotage baked goods.
Drake: Oh yeah, Josh, I live to sabotage baked goods.
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Zeke: Hey, who are you kids, and what are you doing in my chocolate factory?
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Josh: Being at school at night creeps me out.
Drake: Really? That's how I feel about school during the day.
Drake: Really? That's how I feel about school during the day.
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Josh: Are you...are you copying my answers?
Drake: No...I'm just comparing your answers with the answers I'm about to write.
Drake: No...I'm just comparing your answers with the answers I'm about to write.
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Walter: Think fast! [throws basketball at Drake and accidentally hits lamp]
Drake: Lamps don't think that fast.
Drake: Lamps don't think that fast.
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Drake: [to Josh, who's dressed as Miss Nancy] Why are you dressed like Queen Latifah?!
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Drake: You didn't get in trouble for lying. You got in trouble for lying badly.
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Josh: [after he spills root beer on the TV and ruins it]I drink root beer. You don't see me explodin'!
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Josh: I don't know. LYING. It seems so wrong.
Drake: You wanna get grounded?
Josh: But it feels so right.
Drake: You wanna get grounded?
Josh: But it feels so right.
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Drake: Once again, you were not punished because you lied.
Josh: I know. [mockingly] "I got punished because I lied badly." Sing a new song, would ya?
Josh: I know. [mockingly] "I got punished because I lied badly." Sing a new song, would ya?
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Josh: Do you want to get grounded and end up moppin' floors like me?
Drake: [mockingly] Would I get to wear that purdy apron?
Drake: [mockingly] Would I get to wear that purdy apron?
TV Show: Drake and Josh
[Drake has just fixed Trevor's dune buggy]
Trevor: Man, the motor sounds great!
Drake: Yeah. You know where it would sound better?
Trevor: ...In the shower.
Drake: On the road!
Trevor: Better!
Trevor: Man, the motor sounds great!
Drake: Yeah. You know where it would sound better?
Trevor: ...In the shower.
Drake: On the road!
Trevor: Better!
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Drake: What are you smiling about?
Josh: The great Drake, grounded for two weeks. I love it!
Drake: Yeah, me too.
Josh: Heh?
Drake: Two weeks, laying in bed, no school, playing a little guitar, watching a little TV, you bringing me pizzas...yeah, being grounded is ba-a-ad.
Josh: The great Drake, grounded for two weeks. I love it!
Drake: Yeah, me too.
Josh: Heh?
Drake: Two weeks, laying in bed, no school, playing a little guitar, watching a little TV, you bringing me pizzas...yeah, being grounded is ba-a-ad.
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Walter: What else did the doctor say?
Drake: That I should stay in bed and rest for a couple of weeks.
Audrey: Well, that's gonna be easy, cause you're grounded.
Josh: FINALLY!
Drake: That I should stay in bed and rest for a couple of weeks.
Audrey: Well, that's gonna be easy, cause you're grounded.
Josh: FINALLY!
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Susan: Josh, it's not unintentional at all.
Josh: I knew it! [Susan grabs his face and kisses him; Drake walks in the house]
Drake: Susan?!
Susan: EW! Josh, what are you doing? I'm Drake's girlfriend!
Josh: Drake! This isn't what it looks like- wait. [turns around and gets on his knees] Dear Lord, thank you for my first kiss! Amen!
Josh: I knew it! [Susan grabs his face and kisses him; Drake walks in the house]
Drake: Susan?!
Susan: EW! Josh, what are you doing? I'm Drake's girlfriend!
Josh: Drake! This isn't what it looks like- wait. [turns around and gets on his knees] Dear Lord, thank you for my first kiss! Amen!
TV Show: Drake and Josh