Drake and Josh Quotes
Josh: [to guitar] So I just kept applying the ointment..and eventually the rash went away...
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Josh: Do you sell guitars here?
Guy at counter: [sarcastically] Here? At Guitar World? Gee, I don't know.
Guy at counter: [sarcastically] Here? At Guitar World? Gee, I don't know.
TV Show: Drake and Josh
[Drake is staring at the vintage guitar he just won]
Drake: Josh, I think I'm in love.
Josh: Okay, but if you start makin' out with the thing, I'm leaving the room.
Drake: Josh, I think I'm in love.
Josh: Okay, but if you start makin' out with the thing, I'm leaving the room.
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Josh: [to a security guard] Would you mind taking me into the back alley and beating me until I lose consciousness?
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Drake: Hey, could you stare at my guitar for me? I gotta pee.
Josh: You want me to stare at your guitar...for you...while you pee?
Drake: I could pee in here.
Josh: I'll stare.
Josh: You want me to stare at your guitar...for you...while you pee?
Drake: I could pee in here.
Josh: I'll stare.
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Helen: Do you have a job?
Josh: No.
Helen: Are you, uh, all right in the head?
Josh: I think so.
Helen: Congratulations. You're hired.
Josh: What?!
Helen: Get to work!
Josh: No.
Helen: Are you, uh, all right in the head?
Josh: I think so.
Helen: Congratulations. You're hired.
Josh: What?!
Helen: Get to work!
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Plumber: [going through the drain] Oh here's the problem. You had a beef rib stuck in there. [starts eating it] No, actually, it's pork. [keeps eating] ...Yep. Definitely pork. [keeps eating and chuckles]
[Drake and Josh chuckle nervously]
Drake: MOM!
Josh: DAAAAAAAD!
[Drake and Josh chuckle nervously]
Drake: MOM!
Josh: DAAAAAAAD!
TV Show: Drake and Josh
[after Josh tells Drake that Helen is tough and does not just hand out jobs at the theater]
Drake: Hey, Helen, can I have a job here?
Helen: Sure. Start tomorrow.
Drake: Hey, Helen, can I have a job here?
Helen: Sure. Start tomorrow.
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Drake: I make my money the old fashioned way.
Josh: How?
Drake: Selling your stuff on eBay.
Josh: Yeah, right. [finds that his stereo is missing]
Josh: Uh, Drake, where's my stereo system?
Drake: Wisconsin.
Josh: How?
Drake: Selling your stuff on eBay.
Josh: Yeah, right. [finds that his stereo is missing]
Josh: Uh, Drake, where's my stereo system?
Drake: Wisconsin.
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Helen: You made Crazy Steve quit?!
Josh: You hired a guy named Crazy Steve?!
Helen: Had to. Long story. Not pretty.
Josh: You hired a guy named Crazy Steve?!
Helen: Had to. Long story. Not pretty.
TV Show: Drake and Josh
[After people cause a riot searching for little golden balls Josh hid in the popcorn (finding one would give people free movies for a month)]
Josh: Little golden balls. So much trouble... from such little... golden balls!
Josh: Little golden balls. So much trouble... from such little... golden balls!
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Walter: (Talking through objects) Hey, are you the weather man? Not just the weather man. (Audrey and Megan walk in) I'm the SUPERHERO WEATHER MAN!!! (Audrey and Megan just stare at him. Walter turns on the TV)
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Josh: I'm not ready to die! I haven't seen Paris!
Drake: They eat snails, the people smell bad; you don't wanna go there.
Drake: They eat snails, the people smell bad; you don't wanna go there.
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Zeke: Who are you?
Drake: I'm Drake.
Zeke: And you are...?
Josh: Josh.
Zeke: And I am...?
Drake: ...Zeke. ...You're Zeke.
Zeke: ...Right. And you are...?
Drake: I'm Drake.
Zeke: And you are...?
Josh: Josh.
Zeke: And I am...?
Drake: ...Zeke. ...You're Zeke.
Zeke: ...Right. And you are...?
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Josh: Hey Drake, wanna take a cooking class together?
Drake: [from another room, in a high-pitched voice] Sorry, Drake moved to Australia.
Josh: That's not even an Australian accent!
Drake: Yes it is...fromage!
Josh: That's French!
Drake: [from another room, in a high-pitched voice] Sorry, Drake moved to Australia.
Josh: That's not even an Australian accent!
Drake: Yes it is...fromage!
Josh: That's French!
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Drake: Hey Josh, come play.
Josh: I'm working!
Drake: You're playing!
Josh: ...Okay.
Josh: I'm working!
Drake: You're playing!
Josh: ...Okay.
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Josh: [about the two tough, scary-looking biker thugs he hired to scare Drake] Drake, meet Chip and Ronnie. My old camp counselors.
[laughs]
Drake: [pause] Where did you go to camp?
[laughs]
Drake: [pause] Where did you go to camp?
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Walter: [needing a last minute anniversary gift for his wife] Uh, go get her some toothpaste. She's always using toothpaste.
Josh: Dad, there's $200 here.
Walter: Well get her some mouthwash too! ...I'm just a man! [runs away]
Josh: Dad, there's $200 here.
Walter: Well get her some mouthwash too! ...I'm just a man! [runs away]
TV Show: Drake and Josh
[While walking out angrily on Drake, Josh trips and falls]
Josh: I may have tripped...but that does NOT diminish the impact of THIS exit!
Josh: I may have tripped...but that does NOT diminish the impact of THIS exit!
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Drake: I thought you were going to get an autograph from Regis.
Josh: I asked. He hit me.
Drake: Yeah, Regis...
Josh: I asked. He hit me.
Drake: Yeah, Regis...
TV Show: Drake and Josh
[Drake reads the bill Dr. Glazer gave him to look at Ashley Blake, who is unconcious]
Drake: $500?!
Dr. Glazer: I put her to sleep. $500.
Drake: $500?!
Dr. Glazer: I put her to sleep. $500.
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Josh: I hated the fourth grade. It was my awkward stage.
Drake: And this is...?
Drake: And this is...?
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Drake: Why are you going to be on the news? Did you get locked in the monkey cage again?
Josh: Hey, those chimps tricked me! The big one took my corn dog and, I mean, I had to go in there and get it back! And I'd do it again!
Josh: Hey, those chimps tricked me! The big one took my corn dog and, I mean, I had to go in there and get it back! And I'd do it again!
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Josh: [on the phone] Hello? ...Oh, hi Trevor... No, I don't want to see your growth... Look, I don't care if it's still growing. Put it back in the jar!"
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Josh: Drake, we're supposed to be studying for our driving test tomorrow.
Drake: [playing a video game] That's what I'm doing. Ooh, just rammed a dragon! Uh oh, bridge is out!
Josh: I seriously doubt our driving test will involve stealing a bus and ramming dragons.
Drake: Do you know that for sure?
Drake: [playing a video game] That's what I'm doing. Ooh, just rammed a dragon! Uh oh, bridge is out!
Josh: I seriously doubt our driving test will involve stealing a bus and ramming dragons.
Drake: Do you know that for sure?
TV Show: Drake and Josh