Drake and Josh Quotes
Josh: [holding a too large T-shirt] Is this for me or a sport utility vehicle?!
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Drake & Josh's answering machine: [Wendy's voice] Hi, this is Wendy. Drake's not here right now. But if he were, that would be so awesome! I love you, Drake! (Pause) Please leave a message. (Machine beeps)
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Josh: [opens oven] Hello, s'mores! [takes s'mores out without oven mitt]HELLO, PAIN!!
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Walter: [Gives Josh his Campfire Kids chief hat] This is for you.
Josh: What're you doing?
Walter: Resigning. You're the new Campfire Kids chief.
Josh: But I don't wanna be the---
Walter: [Shouting] New chief!
Josh: [Nervously] Yes, daddy!
Josh: What're you doing?
Walter: Resigning. You're the new Campfire Kids chief.
Josh: But I don't wanna be the---
Walter: [Shouting] New chief!
Josh: [Nervously] Yes, daddy!
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Josh: So Wendy has a crush on you. It's cute. When I was her age, I had a crush on Oprah.
Drake: Oprah?
Josh: She's an inspiration! Anyway, don't worry. This week she likes you, next week it'll be...
Drake: [mockingly] Oprah?
Josh: Don't mock me!
Drake: Oprah?
Josh: She's an inspiration! Anyway, don't worry. This week she likes you, next week it'll be...
Drake: [mockingly] Oprah?
Josh: Don't mock me!
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Wendy: So, what movie are we seeing?
Josh: We're not seeing a movie. We're here to learn about the wilderness of navigation. (All the Campfire Kids groan)
Pete: You're the worst!
Josh: (Sarcastically) Thank you, Pete. Okay, so what would you do if someone dropped you of in the middle of nowhere?
Megan: I'd call mom on my cellphone.
Josh: Say you didn't have a cellphone.
Megan: I always have my cellphone.
Josh: The battery's dead.
Megan: I always carry a-
Josh: It's broken, it fell in the lake, a bear ate it, the point is YOU'RE LOST! And you only carry a compass and a topographical map.
Megan: So I carry a compass and a topographical map, but I don't carry my cellphone?
Josh: That tears it, we're seeing a movie!
Campfire Kids: Yeeeeeeeeah!
Josh: We're not seeing a movie. We're here to learn about the wilderness of navigation. (All the Campfire Kids groan)
Pete: You're the worst!
Josh: (Sarcastically) Thank you, Pete. Okay, so what would you do if someone dropped you of in the middle of nowhere?
Megan: I'd call mom on my cellphone.
Josh: Say you didn't have a cellphone.
Megan: I always have my cellphone.
Josh: The battery's dead.
Megan: I always carry a-
Josh: It's broken, it fell in the lake, a bear ate it, the point is YOU'RE LOST! And you only carry a compass and a topographical map.
Megan: So I carry a compass and a topographical map, but I don't carry my cellphone?
Josh: That tears it, we're seeing a movie!
Campfire Kids: Yeeeeeeeeah!
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Wendy: (To Megan) Where's your brother?
Megan: (Thinking she was talking about Josh) That is my brother.
Wendy: Not him! Drake!
Megan: Why are you always asking about Drake?
Wendy: He's only, like, the cutest boy ever!
Pete: Ahem!
Wendy: Don't you think Drake's adorable?
Megan: I think of him more as a... target.
Megan: (Thinking she was talking about Josh) That is my brother.
Wendy: Not him! Drake!
Megan: Why are you always asking about Drake?
Wendy: He's only, like, the cutest boy ever!
Pete: Ahem!
Wendy: Don't you think Drake's adorable?
Megan: I think of him more as a... target.
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Wendy: Hey, Drake!
Drake: Don't talk, just listen!
Wendy: Baby, what's wrong?
Drake: You know how much trouble your little fliers caused me?! Everyone in my entire school made fun of me today because of you!
Wendy: They just don't understand our relationship.
Drake: We don't have a relationship! You got it? I'm not gonna sing a song for you, and I'm not your boyfriend! I'm not even your friend! So, just leave me alone! (Drake walks away. Wendy looks sadly at the Campfire Kids)
Pete: So, when's the wedding?
Drake: Don't talk, just listen!
Wendy: Baby, what's wrong?
Drake: You know how much trouble your little fliers caused me?! Everyone in my entire school made fun of me today because of you!
Wendy: They just don't understand our relationship.
Drake: We don't have a relationship! You got it? I'm not gonna sing a song for you, and I'm not your boyfriend! I'm not even your friend! So, just leave me alone! (Drake walks away. Wendy looks sadly at the Campfire Kids)
Pete: So, when's the wedding?
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Josh: Um, could someone...LET ME OUT OF HERE?!! (Shakes the tent all about) I HATE CAMPING, TOO! I'M CLAUSTROPHOBIC! I WOULD LIKE SOME S'MORES! GET ME OUT OF HERE!!
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Josh: Hey! I wanna go to Chuck-E-Cheddars! Oh, come on, let me out! I wanna whack the mole! Drake, Megan, could I just get some water? (Shakes the tent all about) There's no bathroom in here! THAT'S A PROBLEM!
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Megan: [with a tomato launcher] Okay, first we aim...next we load the tomatoes...and now, we wait for the boob and boobyer
[Josh enters the room, and Megan shoots a tomato at him and misses]
Megan: Aw, man! I missed your head. How could I have missed your giant head?
Josh: Okay, first of all, my head is only slightly larger than average. Second-
[Megan shoots more tomatoes, and keeps missing]
Megan: Darn it! I gotta go read the manual.
Josh: Wait, aren't you going to clean this up?
Megan: It's your room.
[she leaves, and Drake enters and sees the tomato mess]
Drake: ...Who exploded?
[Josh enters the room, and Megan shoots a tomato at him and misses]
Megan: Aw, man! I missed your head. How could I have missed your giant head?
Josh: Okay, first of all, my head is only slightly larger than average. Second-
[Megan shoots more tomatoes, and keeps missing]
Megan: Darn it! I gotta go read the manual.
Josh: Wait, aren't you going to clean this up?
Megan: It's your room.
[she leaves, and Drake enters and sees the tomato mess]
Drake: ...Who exploded?
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Audrey: Where are you going?
Drake: Break up with my girlfriend.
Audrey: Have fun.
Drake: Break up with my girlfriend.
Audrey: Have fun.
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Drake: So, uh...nice night we're having?
Mrs. Hayfer: I hate you.
Drake: I know.
Mrs. Hayfer: I hate you.
Drake: I know.
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Josh: [to his date] I forgot whether you'd asked for regular or diet soda, so I went for the diet because you're a model, so you're probably watching your figure...I mean, not that you need to watch your figure, I mean, you have a great body...I mean, not that I was looking at it, I was just...I was just...aw, jeez!
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Mrs. Hayfer: Why don't you tell the class your favorite novel from the 20th century?
Drake: Uh, Catcher in the Rye.
Mrs. Hayfer: Wrong.
Drake: But...but you just asked....
Mrs. Hayfer: Wrong!
Drake: But you...
Mrs. Hayfer: Was I speaking to you?
Drake: Kinda!
Drake: Uh, Catcher in the Rye.
Mrs. Hayfer: Wrong.
Drake: But...but you just asked....
Mrs. Hayfer: Wrong!
Drake: But you...
Mrs. Hayfer: Was I speaking to you?
Drake: Kinda!
TV Show: Drake and Josh
[Drake knocks at Kelly's door, only to have Mrs. Hayfer answer it]
Mrs. Hayfer: Drake?!
Drake: Mrs. Hayfer?! What are you doing here?!
Mrs. Hayfer: Watching OR and I'm missing Natalin's coenauscopy. What are you doing on my front porch?
Drake: Wait. Isn't this Kelly's address?
Mrs. Hayfer: Wait...YOU'RE the boy who's been dating my daughter?
Drake: You're Kelly's mom!?
Mrs. Hayfer: I'm going to be sick.
Drake: Yeah, I'm right there with you.
Mrs. Hayfer: Drake?!
Drake: Mrs. Hayfer?! What are you doing here?!
Mrs. Hayfer: Watching OR and I'm missing Natalin's coenauscopy. What are you doing on my front porch?
Drake: Wait. Isn't this Kelly's address?
Mrs. Hayfer: Wait...YOU'RE the boy who's been dating my daughter?
Drake: You're Kelly's mom!?
Mrs. Hayfer: I'm going to be sick.
Drake: Yeah, I'm right there with you.
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Mrs. Hayfer: Drake, what language were Homer's The Iliad and The Odyssy written in?
Drake: Greek?
Mrs. Hayfer: Wrong! Todd?
Todd: Greek?
Mrs. Hayfer: Correct!
Drake: Greek?
Mrs. Hayfer: Wrong! Todd?
Todd: Greek?
Mrs. Hayfer: Correct!
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Papa Nichols: Ohh, where am I?
Eric: He's disoriented.
Papa Nichols: What did you call me?
Eric: Oh. Nothing, sir. I...
Papa Nichols: What have you done with the rest of my unit?
Craig: What does he mean his unit?
Eric: He's disoriented.
Papa Nichols: What did you call me?
Eric: Oh. Nothing, sir. I...
Papa Nichols: What have you done with the rest of my unit?
Craig: What does he mean his unit?
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Drake: [Drake hits the answering machine] Ah, I can't take it anymore! I'm gonna make that girl break up with me tonight!
Josh: You already tried that, and it didn't work.
Drake: I know...but...I need...something...like [stares and points at Josh's shirt] That shirt
Josh: My shirt???
Drake: Your shirt!
Josh: No! You don't even believe in it's lucky powers!
Drake: Yea I do!!! You got video games, gold jewelry, a date with a model, you life's not that good! [points at the shirt] This shirt is possessed!
Josh: I prefer enchanted.
Josh: You already tried that, and it didn't work.
Drake: I know...but...I need...something...like [stares and points at Josh's shirt] That shirt
Josh: My shirt???
Drake: Your shirt!
Josh: No! You don't even believe in it's lucky powers!
Drake: Yea I do!!! You got video games, gold jewelry, a date with a model, you life's not that good! [points at the shirt] This shirt is possessed!
Josh: I prefer enchanted.
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Josh: You made my customer leave.
Drake: So, who cares?
Josh: I do. Helen's been all over my butt to sell more snacks.
Drake: Uh, you really shouldn't use the words 'butt' and 'snacks' in the same sentence.
Josh: [annoyed] HEADACHES!
Drake: So, who cares?
Josh: I do. Helen's been all over my butt to sell more snacks.
Drake: Uh, you really shouldn't use the words 'butt' and 'snacks' in the same sentence.
Josh: [annoyed] HEADACHES!
TV Show: Drake and Josh
[Gary Coleman is about to confiscate their new translucent chair]
Josh: Please, can we keep the chair?
Gary Coleman: Have you sat in it?
Josh: Yeah.
Gary Coleman: [in disgust] Keep it.
Josh: Please, can we keep the chair?
Gary Coleman: Have you sat in it?
Josh: Yeah.
Gary Coleman: [in disgust] Keep it.
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Cop: [interrogating Drake and Josh] The description said that two caucasion males were seen at the site.
Drake: Hah! We're not caucasion, were just a couple of white guys!
Drake: Hah! We're not caucasion, were just a couple of white guys!
TV Show: Drake and Josh
[Josh has discovered that Jerry is wearing his pajamas]
Josh: [to Drake] What, is he wearing my underwear too?
Jerry: No, I don't wear underwear when I sleep.
Josh: Okay then. Three words: KEEP...THE PAJAMAS!
Josh: [to Drake] What, is he wearing my underwear too?
Jerry: No, I don't wear underwear when I sleep.
Josh: Okay then. Three words: KEEP...THE PAJAMAS!
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Megan: [to Drake] Oh, and if you ever pick me up and kiss me like that again, you're going to wake up breathin' through a tube.
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Walter: You have been known to 'act out'.
Drake: Like when?
Walter: You drove the lawnmower into the living room.
Drake: By accident!
Audrey: You filled our swimming pool with lobsters.
Drake: To make money!
Walter: Should I mention the stink bomb at my sister's wedding?
Drake: Oh, come on, even you hate your sister!
Drake: Like when?
Walter: You drove the lawnmower into the living room.
Drake: By accident!
Audrey: You filled our swimming pool with lobsters.
Drake: To make money!
Walter: Should I mention the stink bomb at my sister's wedding?
Drake: Oh, come on, even you hate your sister!
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Mindy: I think when you were a baby, your mother dropped you on your head, then fed you a bottle of Stupid Juice, then sucked your brain out with a vacuum.
Josh: Oh yeah, well...oh yeah, well...oh yeah?!
Mindy: Good comeback, Josh.
Josh: OH YEAH?!
Josh: Oh yeah, well...oh yeah, well...oh yeah?!
Mindy: Good comeback, Josh.
Josh: OH YEAH?!
TV Show: Drake and Josh