Drake and Josh Quotes
Sammy: You can help me with my homework.
Drake: I don't even do my own homework!
Drake: I don't even do my own homework!
TV Show: Drake and Josh
[Drake and Josh find monitors in Megan's room]
Drake: I wonder what this button does. [presses a button; Josh gets shocked by a buzzer hidden in his trousers]
Josh: So THAT'S why that's been happening! I thought it was puberty.
Drake: I wonder what this button does. [presses a button; Josh gets shocked by a buzzer hidden in his trousers]
Josh: So THAT'S why that's been happening! I thought it was puberty.
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Josh: Have you ever been in Megan's room before?
Drake: Once, when she was five.
Josh: And?
Drake: She pushed me out the window and told Mom I fell.
Drake: Once, when she was five.
Josh: And?
Drake: She pushed me out the window and told Mom I fell.
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Megan: So when are the lobsters gonna be done?
Drake: Yeah, I'm hungry.
Josh: I do not control the speed at which lobsters die!
Drake: Yeah, I'm hungry.
Josh: I do not control the speed at which lobsters die!
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Josh: [takes the phone from Megan and shoves it down his pants] Now, you may have the phone back after we're done talking to you.
Megan: I wouldn't want that phone back if I were dying on the kitchen floor.
Megan: I wouldn't want that phone back if I were dying on the kitchen floor.
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Helen: Josh! Why aren't you working?!
Josh: It's my day off.
Helen: Oh, and so you think that's an excuse not to be working?!
Drake: Hi, Helen.
Helen: WHAT IS IT?!
Josh: It's my day off.
Helen: Oh, and so you think that's an excuse not to be working?!
Drake: Hi, Helen.
Helen: WHAT IS IT?!
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Josh: You know I have a spastic tongue.
Drake: How many spastic parts can one person have?
Josh: Seven.
Drake: How many spastic parts can one person have?
Josh: Seven.
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Josh: Look, we had $200, alright? ...Which you promptly threw away on bubblegum, a wristwatch, a telescope, and a Mexican robot!
Drake: Aw, come on, man, this is cool! [presses a button]
Robot: Me llamo Roberto Roboto.
Josh: Yeah, that is pretty cool.
Robot: Gracias.
Drake: Aw, come on, man, this is cool! [presses a button]
Robot: Me llamo Roberto Roboto.
Josh: Yeah, that is pretty cool.
Robot: Gracias.
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Drake: Josh, I'm in serious trouble!
Josh: Whose girlfriend did you hit on now?
Josh: Whose girlfriend did you hit on now?
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Drake: You're kind of a girl, right?
Mindy: Well if not I've been buying the wrong underwear.
Mindy: Well if not I've been buying the wrong underwear.
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Josh: I'm not much of an actor.
Director: Neither is Jennifer Lopez.
Josh: True that.
Director: Neither is Jennifer Lopez.
Josh: True that.
TV Show: Drake and Josh
[Drake and Josh are frantically searching for Megan, thinking she's up to something]
Drake: See her anywhere?
Josh: No, but that's when she's most dangerous!
Drake: See her anywhere?
Josh: No, but that's when she's most dangerous!
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Mindy: You can't end a relationship with a phone call.
Drake: Duh, I'm gonna text message her.
Drake: Duh, I'm gonna text message her.
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Mindy: (Refering to Drake's ex-girlfriend) You got jealous when you saw her with other guys, so to make her jealous, you...
Drake: Put a stinkbomb in her backpack!!!
Drake: Put a stinkbomb in her backpack!!!
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Megan: I'm studing astronomy.
Drake: Ah. The study of stars and planets.
Josh: [sarcastically] Yes. It's exciting to know things!
Drake: Ah. The study of stars and planets.
Josh: [sarcastically] Yes. It's exciting to know things!
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Josh: [seeing Drake kissing a girl] Drake?
Drake: Yeah?
Josh: You just met her and you're already kissing?
Drake: I gave her a soda.
Drake: Yeah?
Josh: You just met her and you're already kissing?
Drake: I gave her a soda.
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Megan: Listen to me. If either of you get on one of my nerves this weekend, you'll both wake up tomorrow very confused...in Cuba.
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Megan: Wanna help me with something?
Drake: I can't, I'm doing my homework.
Megan: You're watching TV.
Drake: Oh, well that explains why I'm failing math, doesn't it?
Drake: I can't, I'm doing my homework.
Megan: You're watching TV.
Drake: Oh, well that explains why I'm failing math, doesn't it?
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Drake: I'm not going to risk getting grounded again. Do you know what it's like going two weeks without girls?
Josh: [shakily] ...Yes...Yes I do.
Drake: ...Oh, that's right. Sorry.
Josh: [shakily] ...Yes...Yes I do.
Drake: ...Oh, that's right. Sorry.
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Josh: Can I ask your opinion on something serious?
Megan: Is this about your rash?
Josh: No!
Megan: Is this about your rash?
Josh: No!
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Audrey: [on why she won't go on a cruise] Boats sink.
Walter: It's not a boat, it's a ship. And ships don't sink.
Audrey: Tiiiiiiiiiiitanic.
Walter: That was just a movie.
Audrey: Based on a true story!
Walter: ...For real?
Walter: It's not a boat, it's a ship. And ships don't sink.
Audrey: Tiiiiiiiiiiitanic.
Walter: That was just a movie.
Audrey: Based on a true story!
Walter: ...For real?
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Josh: Where were you?
Drake: I told you, I went to go get a corn dog.
Josh: It took you more then an hour to get one corn dog?!
Drake: I also had a drink.
Drake: I told you, I went to go get a corn dog.
Josh: It took you more then an hour to get one corn dog?!
Drake: I also had a drink.
TV Show: Drake and Josh
Megan: Do you ever clean this car? It's full of garbage.
Drake: Hey, everything in this car is very important to me!
Megan: [holding up dead bird] Like this dead bird?
Drake: Aw, Tweeter died!
Drake: Hey, everything in this car is very important to me!
Megan: [holding up dead bird] Like this dead bird?
Drake: Aw, Tweeter died!
TV Show: Drake and Josh
[after airport security had arrested Drake and Josh]
Officer: I hope you boys learned a very important lesson on how seriously we take airport security.
Drake: Oh, we learned... Especially during that strip search.
Josh: ...Which was shockingly thorough.
Officer: We do our best. Have a nice day. [to Josh] And good luck with that rash.
Josh: [angrily] Yeah, thanks.
Officer: I hope you boys learned a very important lesson on how seriously we take airport security.
Drake: Oh, we learned... Especially during that strip search.
Josh: ...Which was shockingly thorough.
Officer: We do our best. Have a nice day. [to Josh] And good luck with that rash.
Josh: [angrily] Yeah, thanks.
TV Show: Drake and Josh