Drawn Together Quotes
Captain Hero: Oh why, oh why, did I break it off with Unusually Flexible Girl? This was the biggest mistake of my life. [cut to confessional] Even bigger than that unfortunate incident with that trick-or-treating kid. Why would you dress like Aquaman when you can't breathe underwater?
TV Show: Drawn Together
Ni-Pul: I have a crazy thought. Now, bear with me: What if instead of battle, we just fuck?
Ling-Ling So you're suggesting we drop metaphor and Ling Ling stick his crispy noodle in your duck sauce?
Ling-Ling So you're suggesting we drop metaphor and Ling Ling stick his crispy noodle in your duck sauce?
TV Show: Drawn Together
Ling-Ling: Ling-Ling battle like champ last night. But toughest battle always next morning.
Hoochie: Last night's battle was amazing. What are you thinking about?
Ling-Ling: Look babe, if you want, Ling-Ling call you cab.
Hoochie: [crying] I thought you were different!
Ling-Ling: Hate the game baby, not the playa.
Hoochie: Scoo You!
Hoochie: Last night's battle was amazing. What are you thinking about?
Ling-Ling: Look babe, if you want, Ling-Ling call you cab.
Hoochie: [crying] I thought you were different!
Ling-Ling: Hate the game baby, not the playa.
Hoochie: Scoo You!
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Bob The Cucumber: ENOUGH FUCKING TALK!!! IN THE NAME OF GOD, PUT THE FUCKING CLUM BABY DOWN!!!
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Larry The Tomato: But the bible says--
Spanky Ham: Yeah, the bible says lots of things. But not very clearly.
Spanky Ham: Yeah, the bible says lots of things. But not very clearly.
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Larry the Tomato: We're not here to fight, we're here to sing!
Veggie Fables: [singing] God is watching everything you do
Bob the Cucumber: [singing] When you get undressed or take a shower
Larry the Tomato: [singing] When you touch yourself for hour after hour
Veggie Fables: God is watching everything you do
And He thinks you're a nasty, naughty nympho slut!
You sinful filthy whore you're going to hell!
Your flesh will burn, your bones will churn
Your soul will be torn asunder
You wretched heathen heretic, burn in hell
Larry the Tomato: For eternity!
Bob the Cucumber: So you better remember!
Veggie Fables: God is watching everything you do!
Wooldoor: I'll never masturbate again! I don't wanna go to hell! I quit! (ends up crying just like he did in "Hot Tub", in which Spanky and Ling-Ling both chase after him)
Veggie Fables: [singing] God is watching everything you do
Bob the Cucumber: [singing] When you get undressed or take a shower
Larry the Tomato: [singing] When you touch yourself for hour after hour
Veggie Fables: God is watching everything you do
And He thinks you're a nasty, naughty nympho slut!
You sinful filthy whore you're going to hell!
Your flesh will burn, your bones will churn
Your soul will be torn asunder
You wretched heathen heretic, burn in hell
Larry the Tomato: For eternity!
Bob the Cucumber: So you better remember!
Veggie Fables: God is watching everything you do!
Wooldoor: I'll never masturbate again! I don't wanna go to hell! I quit! (ends up crying just like he did in "Hot Tub", in which Spanky and Ling-Ling both chase after him)
TV Show: Drawn Together
Clara [seeing Wooldoor humping the toaster]: WOOLDOOR SOCKBAT!!!! WHAT IN THE NAME OF GOD'S GREAT WHITE EARTH ARE YOU DOING??!
Wooldoor: Can't... stop... humping!!
Wooldoor: Can't... stop... humping!!
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Larry the Tomato: I'm sorry for thinking impure thoughts. [whips himself]
Bob the Cucumber: I'm sorry for being so phallic. [whips himself]
Clara: I'm sorry for buying child slaves from Third World countries. [whips herself]
Chinese Boy: Free! [drops his featherduster]
Clara: [to the Chinese boy] I said I'm sorry, not stop dusting!
Wooldoor: I'm sorry I masturbated! [whips himself] And I'm sorry I helped people! [whips himself again] And I'm sorry I spied on Clara going potty every morning!
Clara: What? That's disgusting!
Wooldoor: You're one to talk, Princess Smell-Your-Wipes. [Clara whips him]
Bob the Cucumber: I'm sorry for being so phallic. [whips himself]
Clara: I'm sorry for buying child slaves from Third World countries. [whips herself]
Chinese Boy: Free! [drops his featherduster]
Clara: [to the Chinese boy] I said I'm sorry, not stop dusting!
Wooldoor: I'm sorry I masturbated! [whips himself] And I'm sorry I helped people! [whips himself again] And I'm sorry I spied on Clara going potty every morning!
Clara: What? That's disgusting!
Wooldoor: You're one to talk, Princess Smell-Your-Wipes. [Clara whips him]
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Spanky: Captain Hero, do you think you can beat The Mad Felcher?
Captain Hero: Are you kidding me? That guy sucks ass!
Captain Hero: Are you kidding me? That guy sucks ass!
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Foxxy: I decided to take it upon myself to show Wooldoor how to get it on with his bad self, and all you horny college kids, now would be a real good time to hit them lights, grab some lotion and pull out a big ol' box of tissues. First, Foxxy sets the mood. [turns on a boom box] Now, before I gets my engine runnin', I pops the hood. [takes off her underwear and throws it at the camera] And then, Foxxy starts goin' to town! Oh! You wanna party too, do ya? Sure thang, baby. There's enough room down here for everybody.
Wooldoor: Enough... room... for... everybody.
Foxxy: Oh yeah, and sometimes a little exotic food play spices thangs up. [whips out a raw chicken drumstick and cooks it with her crotch, then eats it] Ooh yeah, that's fingerfuckin' good! Keep it goin'. And sometimes the Foxxy lose herself in a little role-playin' fantasy. [masturbates with a jackhammer] Oh yeah! Frank, that's the spot! And then, Foxxy brings it all home by usin' a little bit of force! [calls a lightsaber to her hand] Oh! Oh jeez! That's it, Daddy! Almost there! You got me! Here, Daddy! Almost there! Here I come! Lalalalalalalalalalala! [her orgasm becomes a fiery explosion; she lights a cigarette with the lightsaber] And that is how the Foxxy masturbates.
Wooldoor: Enough... room... for... everybody.
Foxxy: Oh yeah, and sometimes a little exotic food play spices thangs up. [whips out a raw chicken drumstick and cooks it with her crotch, then eats it] Ooh yeah, that's fingerfuckin' good! Keep it goin'. And sometimes the Foxxy lose herself in a little role-playin' fantasy. [masturbates with a jackhammer] Oh yeah! Frank, that's the spot! And then, Foxxy brings it all home by usin' a little bit of force! [calls a lightsaber to her hand] Oh! Oh jeez! That's it, Daddy! Almost there! You got me! Here, Daddy! Almost there! Here I come! Lalalalalalalalalalala! [her orgasm becomes a fiery explosion; she lights a cigarette with the lightsaber] And that is how the Foxxy masturbates.
TV Show: Drawn Together
Clara: Isn't masturbation considered a sickening and indefensible sin against God?
Foxxy: Princess, please! Masturbation is fun and natural. Not to mention it's a great way to earn five bucks without touchin' a guy.
Clara: You have an answer for everything, don't you?
Foxxy: Yup. 'Cept for math.
Foxxy: Princess, please! Masturbation is fun and natural. Not to mention it's a great way to earn five bucks without touchin' a guy.
Clara: You have an answer for everything, don't you?
Foxxy: Yup. 'Cept for math.
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Foxxy: Wooldoor went to his room to figure hisself out. As it turned out, Sockbat masturbation was a lot more complicated than I expected.
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Foxxy: Goddamnit Princess, if there wasn't a good chance that I was pregnant and that fall didn't help me out of a real jam I would kick your ass.
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Foxxy: And just then, Foxxy remembered something her momma told her when she was only 14 years old.
[cut to the outline of a suburban home]
Foxxy's Mother: You dress like a stripper, get the hell out my house! [boots Foxxy out the door]
[cut to the outline of a suburban home]
Foxxy's Mother: You dress like a stripper, get the hell out my house! [boots Foxxy out the door]
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Captain Colonicus: Captain Hero, you in direct violation of code 24601 gambling on your own battles.
Captain Hero: WHAT, since when has that been illegal?
Captain Colonicus: For as long as stealing, sexual assault and murder have been.
Captain Hero: Those are illegal too? I really am a terrible super hero!
Captain Hero: WHAT, since when has that been illegal?
Captain Colonicus: For as long as stealing, sexual assault and murder have been.
Captain Hero: Those are illegal too? I really am a terrible super hero!
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The King: Who is that sexy servant girl?
Clara: You mean Foxxy?
The King: She sure is...that's one civil rights protester I can't wait to turn my hose on...
Clara: You mean Foxxy?
The King: She sure is...that's one civil rights protester I can't wait to turn my hose on...
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Captain Hero: The evil Koala Bear Rapist. That guy's a total dick! And I won't even tell you what he does to koala bears!
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Super Nanny: All right, Captain Hero. You're going to sit on this naughty stool until I tell you to get off.
Captain Hero: You don't actually expect me to--
Super Nanny: I SAID NAUGHTY STOOL!!!
Captain Hero: You don't actually expect me to--
Super Nanny: I SAID NAUGHTY STOOL!!!
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Captain Hero: At last we meet Super Nanny! So whatcha got? A little X-ray Vision, heat vision or, like our president, no vision at all?
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Various clips of Captain Hero being naughty in hilarious ways, then cuts to Captain Hero in the confessional.
Captain Hero: Something HAD to be done, I had to find a way to defeat her AND her Naughty Stool..... but how..... but..... HOW......
long pause
You know if you keep the camera ROLLING it's not nearly as DRAMATIC........
long pause again
Nyeeeeeeeeh.... Jerkoff assholes.
Captain Hero: Something HAD to be done, I had to find a way to defeat her AND her Naughty Stool..... but how..... but..... HOW......
long pause
You know if you keep the camera ROLLING it's not nearly as DRAMATIC........
long pause again
Nyeeeeeeeeh.... Jerkoff assholes.
TV Show: Drawn Together
Toot walks in room eating chicken
Captain Hero: Hey, is that MY barette?
Toot: No, it is NOT!
Captain Hero: Lemme see! LEMME SEE!
Super Nanny walks in
Super Nanny: What's going on in here?
Toot: Oh nothing, Captain SHEro is just trying to take MY BARETTE!
Captain Hero: It's pronounced Captain HEro, the 'S' is silent, you hit-head.
Super Nanny: Captain Hero, ENOUGH! TO THE NAUGHTY STOOL WITH YOU!
Captain Hero: B-but... But I-I-I...
Super Nanny: I SAID NAUGHTY STOOL!
Captain Hero: Awwwwwww......
Captain Hero: Hey, is that MY barette?
Toot: No, it is NOT!
Captain Hero: Lemme see! LEMME SEE!
Super Nanny walks in
Super Nanny: What's going on in here?
Toot: Oh nothing, Captain SHEro is just trying to take MY BARETTE!
Captain Hero: It's pronounced Captain HEro, the 'S' is silent, you hit-head.
Super Nanny: Captain Hero, ENOUGH! TO THE NAUGHTY STOOL WITH YOU!
Captain Hero: B-but... But I-I-I...
Super Nanny: I SAID NAUGHTY STOOL!
Captain Hero: Awwwwwww......
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Cuts to Captain Hero in confessional.
Super Nanny had always been so fair, but now she was being Super-Not-Fair, why would she....
Peek Show sign begins to slide down screen until the whole screen is covered.
Wait, OH NO, NO! I-I'm out of quarters, I've got more to say!
Nyeeeeeeeeh.... Jerkoff assholes.
Super Nanny had always been so fair, but now she was being Super-Not-Fair, why would she....
Peek Show sign begins to slide down screen until the whole screen is covered.
Wait, OH NO, NO! I-I'm out of quarters, I've got more to say!
Nyeeeeeeeeh.... Jerkoff assholes.
TV Show: Drawn Together
Captain Hero in confessional
Everyone thinks I'm a liar! Weeell I'm a lot of things, I'm an astronaut, I'm a basketball player...... I'm the President of the Universe with a 14 inch cock, but I'm not a liar.
Everyone thinks I'm a liar! Weeell I'm a lot of things, I'm an astronaut, I'm a basketball player...... I'm the President of the Universe with a 14 inch cock, but I'm not a liar.
TV Show: Drawn Together
Foxxy: Oh Lord, here go Captain Tardo again. Every time he hears about somethin' else bein' super, he goes a little bit nuts, like when he first heard of a supermarket...
Captain Hero: You're not so super now! [fires laser beams at the supermarket, destroying it as people flee]
Foxxy: ...and Super Glue...
Captain Hero: [head glued to a construction site]] Damn you, Super Glue!
Foxxy: ...and, of course, that incident with the soup or salad.
Captain Hero: Show yourself, Super Salad!
Waiter: Sir, I was just asking you if you want soup or salad. I'm giving you a choice between... [Captain Hero snaps the waiter's neck, killing him]
Captain Hero: You're not so super now! [fires laser beams at the supermarket, destroying it as people flee]
Foxxy: ...and Super Glue...
Captain Hero: [head glued to a construction site]] Damn you, Super Glue!
Foxxy: ...and, of course, that incident with the soup or salad.
Captain Hero: Show yourself, Super Salad!
Waiter: Sir, I was just asking you if you want soup or salad. I'm giving you a choice between... [Captain Hero snaps the waiter's neck, killing him]
TV Show: Drawn Together
Captain Hero Once a month in the most beautiful and natural process possible, blood comes flowing out of a woman's butthole!
TV Show: Drawn Together
Wooldoor Sockbat(trying to decipher the Mad Libber's note) I don't get it Spanky, how do you "horribly penis" someone?
Spanky Ham Ok, but I'm only going to show you this one more time. *unzips his swimming trunks*
Wooldoor Sockbat Wait! I've got an idea. Maybe if we filled in the blanks with words other than "penis," the Mad Libber's note would make more sense!
Spanky Ham That's crazy, Wooldoor. Just crazy enough to penis.
Spanky Ham Ok, but I'm only going to show you this one more time. *unzips his swimming trunks*
Wooldoor Sockbat Wait! I've got an idea. Maybe if we filled in the blanks with words other than "penis," the Mad Libber's note would make more sense!
Spanky Ham That's crazy, Wooldoor. Just crazy enough to penis.
TV Show: Drawn Together