Drawn Together Quotes
Wooldoor is crying
Spanky Ham If you don't stop your crying, two things are going to happen: I'm going to have an orgasm, and then I'm gonna fall asleep. Is that what you want?
Spanky Ham If you don't stop your crying, two things are going to happen: I'm going to have an orgasm, and then I'm gonna fall asleep. Is that what you want?
TV Show: Drawn Together
Wooldoor is doing a striptease for Captain Hero
Captain Hero You know, when Captain Girl danced for me, SHE at least had the decency to tuck her balls between her legs!
Wooldoor Sockbat But, I am not...
Captain Hero leaves and slams the door
Wooldoor Sockbat ...Captain Girl.
Captain Hero You know, when Captain Girl danced for me, SHE at least had the decency to tuck her balls between her legs!
Wooldoor Sockbat But, I am not...
Captain Hero leaves and slams the door
Wooldoor Sockbat ...Captain Girl.
TV Show: Drawn Together
Captain Hero finished the Mad Libber's note
Captain Hero: Well, that seems to be it. "I, the evil Mad Libber, viciously penised Captain Girl for getting too penis to my ingenious penis."
Everyone laughs, but Hero's crying
Captain Hero: Oh, Captain Girl.
Captain Hero: Well, that seems to be it. "I, the evil Mad Libber, viciously penised Captain Girl for getting too penis to my ingenious penis."
Everyone laughs, but Hero's crying
Captain Hero: Oh, Captain Girl.
TV Show: Drawn Together
Toot: She just needs some discipline. Baby, you're grounded!
Toot's baby gives her the finger
Toot: HEY! Watch the language, you filthy whore! Don't make me wash my mouth out with ham!
Toot's baby gives her the finger
Toot: HEY! Watch the language, you filthy whore! Don't make me wash my mouth out with ham!
TV Show: Drawn Together
Xandir Toot, where the hell you think you're going?
Tootcarries her vodka bottle The store. Mommy's completly run out of medicine.
Foxxy Love Toot, if you don't start takin' care of your child, she gon' be ruhl messed up.
Xandir She's right, Toot. I mean, Ling-Ling was about to kill your baby.
Toot Don't tell how to raise my baby! I know how to keep it safe!
Toot puts herself and her baby inside a ring of fire, after she fills gasoline on the floor around her
Toot Who would dare to enter "The circle of Fire". Toodles!
exits the ring of fire and her coat was caught on fire
Tootcarries her vodka bottle The store. Mommy's completly run out of medicine.
Foxxy Love Toot, if you don't start takin' care of your child, she gon' be ruhl messed up.
Xandir She's right, Toot. I mean, Ling-Ling was about to kill your baby.
Toot Don't tell how to raise my baby! I know how to keep it safe!
Toot puts herself and her baby inside a ring of fire, after she fills gasoline on the floor around her
Toot Who would dare to enter "The circle of Fire". Toodles!
exits the ring of fire and her coat was caught on fire
TV Show: Drawn Together
Foxxy: Wooldoor, have you been going into the live-action forest again?
Wooldoor: I, um, well, um, brought the manure home because I thought they'd make nice slippers.
[He steps in the manure as if they were shoes.]
Captain Hero: It's an honest mistake.
[We see him doing the same thing.]
Wooldoor: I, um, well, um, brought the manure home because I thought they'd make nice slippers.
[He steps in the manure as if they were shoes.]
Captain Hero: It's an honest mistake.
[We see him doing the same thing.]
TV Show: Drawn Together
Foxxy: Wooldoor, is this your Live-Action Cow?
Live-Action Cow: Moo.
Wooldoor: It followed me home.
Live-Action Cow: Moo.
Wooldoor: It followed me home.
TV Show: Drawn Together
Captain Hero: I can't outrun a squirrel! But it won't matter as long as I can outrun you! (kicks Clara)
Clara: Oh fuck!
Captain Hero: Save yourselves! Aaaah! (Runs off)
Clara: Oh fuck!
Captain Hero: Save yourselves! Aaaah! (Runs off)
TV Show: Drawn Together
Spanky Ham: No wonder you hate the show! You're everything we make fun of! You're a Jewish, conservative, pro-life, born-again, overweight, Asian, homophobic, lesbian broad who cuts herself!
EW Reviewer: So?
Spanky Ham: Soooo, maybe someone who doesn't happen to be a Jewish, conservative, pro-life, born-again, overweight, Indian, homophobic, lesbian broad who cuts herself might not be offended by the show!
EW Reviewer: I have every right to tell people what I think about your show!
Spanky Ham: YESSSS! BUT PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW THAT YOU'RE NOT OUR AUDIENCE, ASSHOLE!
EW Reviewer: So?
Spanky Ham: Soooo, maybe someone who doesn't happen to be a Jewish, conservative, pro-life, born-again, overweight, Indian, homophobic, lesbian broad who cuts herself might not be offended by the show!
EW Reviewer: I have every right to tell people what I think about your show!
Spanky Ham: YESSSS! BUT PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW THAT YOU'RE NOT OUR AUDIENCE, ASSHOLE!
TV Show: Drawn Together
Xandir: Oh Tim! *Jumps into Captain Hero/Tim's arms* Last night was so special! I mean, I've had a lot of gay sex in my life, uhm, a lot of gay se- I mean a lot, a lot a lot a lot of gay se- I've had LOO-LOOOTS of gay sex, HUGE huuge amounts of *tries to find word* LOOTS! *flashes to confessional* "Right, Craig?"
TV Show: Drawn Together
Spanky: Put the gun down.
Pluto: [holding Goofy hostage] He's the only fucking dog who's good enough to wear fucking pants? Well, I wanna wear the fucking pants for once! [shoots Goofy with the gun and then puts the gun in his mouth and shoots himself]
Pluto: [holding Goofy hostage] He's the only fucking dog who's good enough to wear fucking pants? Well, I wanna wear the fucking pants for once! [shoots Goofy with the gun and then puts the gun in his mouth and shoots himself]
TV Show: Drawn Together
Camera follows Billy's dotted line from Family circus, surveying a rampage through the house
Spanky: Billy, Mommy says God will decide who should pay for the sins of the world.
Billy: [standing next to a tub with his dead mother in it] Mommy will live inside of me forever! [tears out his mothers heart and swallows it whole, and then takes out a gun and shoots himself in the head]
Spanky: Billy, Mommy says God will decide who should pay for the sins of the world.
Billy: [standing next to a tub with his dead mother in it] Mommy will live inside of me forever! [tears out his mothers heart and swallows it whole, and then takes out a gun and shoots himself in the head]
TV Show: Drawn Together
Xandir: Oh Tim, you're such a stitch. You're so much more fun than Captain Hero.
"Tim": [impersonating Captain Hero] Oh! Look at me! I'm a big, dumb superhero who's big and dumb! Now I'm fondling a girl. Oopsie! She's dead! [Xandir and "Tim" laugh; "Tim" falls into the lake]
Xandir: You did not just do that! ["Tim" throws him into the lake; they kiss and the camera pans away from them] It unsnaps in the front.
"Tim": [impersonating Captain Hero] Oh! Look at me! I'm a big, dumb superhero who's big and dumb! Now I'm fondling a girl. Oopsie! She's dead! [Xandir and "Tim" laugh; "Tim" falls into the lake]
Xandir: You did not just do that! ["Tim" throws him into the lake; they kiss and the camera pans away from them] It unsnaps in the front.
TV Show: Drawn Together
[after one of Spanky's farts]
Toot: Goddamnit Spanky! It's farts like that that made EW gave us a fucking F!
[a fart sound comes from her]
Toot: [giggling, blushing] Oopsie!... What? That was a queef! And I only laughed 'cause it tickled! [starts scratching her crotch]
Toot: Goddamnit Spanky! It's farts like that that made EW gave us a fucking F!
[a fart sound comes from her]
Toot: [giggling, blushing] Oopsie!... What? That was a queef! And I only laughed 'cause it tickled! [starts scratching her crotch]
TV Show: Drawn Together
Foxxy: Ever since we got that F, thangs seem to just fall apart. Now, some would say we's a bit oversensitive to the honest criticism of a professional TV reviewer, but in our defense: FUCK YOU EW! [gives the finger]
TV Show: Drawn Together
Popeye: It's time ya knew. I've contracted the deadly AIDs virus from sharing steroid needles... (Shows his hand covered in syringes)
TV Show: Drawn Together
Captain Hero: AIDs? How come I've never heard of this AIDs? They should have a walk or something to raise awareness.
TV Show: Drawn Together
Popeye: (coughs and wheezes) Get clean for me Cap'n. (coughs) (sings) Oh I'm weak at the finish 'cus AIDs beats out Spinach, I'm Popeye the dyin' man. (toots) Of AIDs!
TV Show: Drawn Together
Captain hero: I did it Popeye, I did it for you!(Popeye's face appears in the sky) Who the hell is that asshole!?
TV Show: Drawn Together
Producer: Congratulations, original cast of Drawn Together. For winning the badminton game, you'll receive a pound of ground beef and a quarter cup of water.
Helping Hand: Boo-ya! That's all I need. [high-fives the Transformer]
Helping Hand: Boo-ya! That's all I need. [high-fives the Transformer]
TV Show: Drawn Together
Spanky: I feel so guilty.
Clara: Me too. Poor Wooldoor.
Spanky: Not about that, I watered down one of the lemonade jugs with my piss. If only I knew which one.
Clara: Me too. Poor Wooldoor.
Spanky: Not about that, I watered down one of the lemonade jugs with my piss. If only I knew which one.
TV Show: Drawn Together
Captain Hero: [elbowing Wooldoor out of his way] Out of the way, subplot, main story coming through!
TV Show: Drawn Together
Xandir: Mommy, daddy, I'm gay.
Captain Hero: Well son, I know I speak for the both of us when I say...
Captain Hero & Toot: Uh, DUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Captain Hero: Well son, I know I speak for the both of us when I say...
Captain Hero & Toot: Uh, DUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHH!!!!!
TV Show: Drawn Together
Toot: I don't want my son to go to hell... or wherever the gays and Jews end up.
TV Show: Drawn Together
Wooldoor: well, that went well. now, if you'll excuse me, i have a nooner. (To a random kid.) So, you want to be an alter boy.
Kid: No I don't. You took me from the playground.
Wooldoor: (demonically)God took you from the playground. Weeeeeeee!
Kid: No I don't. You took me from the playground.
Wooldoor: (demonically)God took you from the playground. Weeeeeeee!
TV Show: Drawn Together
Clara: I just adore it! It's so much slimmer now. Wait! What's that?
Wooldoor: That's just a freckle.
Clara: Sweet Jesus! Get rid of it! NOW!
Wooldoor: Relax, Clara. Lots of pussies have freckles, like Ron Howard!
Clara: FIX IT! FIX IT!! FIX IT!!!
Wooldoor: That's just a freckle.
Clara: Sweet Jesus! Get rid of it! NOW!
Wooldoor: Relax, Clara. Lots of pussies have freckles, like Ron Howard!
Clara: FIX IT! FIX IT!! FIX IT!!!
TV Show: Drawn Together