Dylan Moran: Yeah, Yeah Quotes
Dylan Moran: This place was an empire. you have to remember - Rule, Britannia. Remember all that? Britain all, y'know, *did* rule the waves. Before it became a permanently moored prison boat full of the disaffected.
Movie: Dylan Moran: Yeah, Yeah
Dylan Moran: This was in the era of Tony Blairism, y'know. Do you remember that philosophy? The belief system which held that if you smiled hard enough into the face of God, you would eventually shit money.
Movie: Dylan Moran: Yeah, Yeah
Dylan Moran: Why would anybody *want* to go skiing. When, you could sit in the comfort of your own kitchen and break your knees with a hammer. Why - what is - what is the human impulse... What's wrong with these people? I think it's because they're so cosseted, their lives are so comfortable - they actually seek out danger as a past time. If you're poor you don't go and look for danger, cause you're surrounded by it. Your accommodation is dangerous, your neighbors are dangerous, your family are pretty handy - you probably have a couple of moves yourself. Your dinner could fucking kill you anyway, so you don't have to go and look for things.
Movie: Dylan Moran: Yeah, Yeah
Dylan Moran: That's another thing you laugh about in the North, you laugh at the woman who goes out dressed on a Friday or Saturday night in string. You thing that's all very funny, but you know what; there's a very good reason for that. It's because that Northern woman in Newcastle, or Leeds or wherever - has had to get through the winter, and the dark - a thing you know nothing about. I've seen pictures of the winter down here in London and I know that's not snow, it's just an overproduction of cream cheese you left outside. You people don't know about suffering. She goes out dressed like that because of the winter and what it does to you. The first 14 months of the winter are okay - then you get a bit fuckin' edgy! That's why she goes and buys an outfit that costs more than the rest of her wardrobe, even though it only weighs a tenth of an ounce, is the color of nuclear fusion and *just* about covers the entry points to her body. She's giving a message with this piece of clothing. She's saying, 'Fuck off! Leave me alone! I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to talk to you unless you're a taxi driver or a doorman or somebody disguised as a Bacardi Breezer. Lee'me alone!' A perfectly sane reaction. The dark creates all kinds of things.
Movie: Dylan Moran: Yeah, Yeah
Dylan Moran: The dark creates all kinds of things. The dark creates music. Particular kinds of music. Horrible Folk music you don't want to listen to and Heavy Metal; which they love in dark places. They love it in Scandinavia. You have all these Metal bands, y'know. And they're not like the English ones or the American ones that have names like Metallica and Megadeath and so on, the names are... cause English isn't their first language in Scandinavia, even though they all speak it - so they call their bands things like; Anus Hammer! Eggs Muddler! All that stuff, and... it's a very interesting look, Heavy Metal. The look is a kind of argument. It's an argument against Darwinism, because what the people who're involved are saying... is that attraction is not necessary for reproduction. That's why they shave all the hair off from where it would normally be... and cultivate it in places where it shouldn't be - and it's why the music is so angry. You know, if you shave all the hair off your arse and then get into a pair of leather trousers - you're gonna sing an angry song. It's not gonna be some wistful ballad about that crazy summer in Paris with Justine. It's going to be much more, 'Death in the morning! Death for breakfast! Little pots of toasted death... ' Heavy Metal is what happens when a group of people with competitively disgusting appearances come together to try to kill the air.
Movie: Dylan Moran: Yeah, Yeah
Dylan Moran: So much is easy when you're 20 or 25. You know, you wake, up you sit down, you eat breakfast, you walk outside, you talk politics all day long, you find somebody and go to bed with them. That's a Wednesday. If you've been on the planet for a certain period of time it gets much harder. Y'know? Cause you sit down, you look at your breakfast and the voices kick in - cause you've acquired voices just by being alive. So part of you's going, 'You don't deserve breakfast you fat fuck. You had breakfast yesterday. Are you really gonna sit there and slobber over this shit again? Before you bumble off... to pretend to be a person *all* day long? You fucking *thing* - you disgust me.' And you're in the middle and thinking, 'Leave me alone I just want to eat my breakfast.' And the other voice kicks in going, 'More jam! More jam! You deserve more jam than these other fuckers - put it in your pocket, run off and eat it in the toilet! They won't see you in there.'
Movie: Dylan Moran: Yeah, Yeah
Dylan Moran: There's a wonderful directness about that. It'd be much better for straight people, that if instead of all this, 'G.S.O.H. - I love country walks!' nonsense; just give it to people. Say, 'Come around. Sit on my head and insult my furniture.' Then well talk!
Movie: Dylan Moran: Yeah, Yeah
Dylan Moran: Some people have a sexual crisis in their 30s! How would you *not* know if you were a gay man in your 30s? It's very simple; if you get to your 30s and you still take a small size in trousers - you're a gay person! All straight men are covered in excess fat - *all* of them! Because they're pregnant with unused desire and resentment. That's why you see them hanging around barbecues eating hamburgers they don't need! They say, 'She won't make love to me anymore... numnum numnum.' Maybe it's because you're depressing and overweight. 'Shut up! You hate me as well... numnum numnum.' There's a butterfly. 'Grill it!' Men express themselves through grilling.
Movie: Dylan Moran: Yeah, Yeah
Dylan Moran: I can't help it's what I do. I have to make art or I'll die. I'm like a shark in a beret.
Movie: Dylan Moran: Yeah, Yeah
Dylan Moran: I live on the edge. I'm a very edgy person! I walk sideways. I don't have nipples. It's more aerodynamic! I sneak up on myself and accuse myself of things.
Movie: Dylan Moran: Yeah, Yeah
Dylan Moran: Oh, what's that? It's a cake, it's a cake, it's a cake! Hahahahahaha! Mmmhmmm. Mmmm, it's a good cake! The only disadvantage... the only drawback to this, and it is nitpicking to mention it; is that this stuff is great when you're a kid, you know you just instantly you uhh, you eat this as a child and you just convert it into extra miles to run. When you've been around a while, you eat this and you instantly convert it into extra pallbearers.
Movie: Dylan Moran: Yeah, Yeah
Dylan Moran: I remember conversations. I remember... I remember people used to have them. Sentences - people would talk in them. People would say things like, 'Oh, I was very worried about seeing him, but when I got there, he was quick to reassure me - and we *actually* had a lovely evening.' That's 10 years ago - not 100. Now people just go, 'I was like Uuuuuh, and he was like Duuuh!' That's it. There's no time for anything else.
Movie: Dylan Moran: Yeah, Yeah
Dylan Moran: What does anyone believe anymore? And belief itself is treated with disgust. Belief is now regarded as a kind of fat, marbling the brain. Who here believes in organized religion? Who doesn't? You see, people in the West don't believe in anything - and we're proud of it! 'What do you believe in?' 'Nothing! Nothing!' 'What did you have for lunch?' 'I don't fucking believe you!' We don't believe in anything. We treat religion with contempt! Faith and all that - rubbish! What are you, a child? Believing in this: you do good and, you know, you die and get a biscuit? What are you, a fucking idiot? Pfffpppt. What's wrong with you? We don't believe in anything, because we know about Science! Believe in Science; that's the only thing we know about. The atoms and quarks and... things. We don't understand it! Any of it! But that's the case! So that's... totally different to having a faith... isn't it? Y'know that they've mapped out 5 of the universe? 5. I mean, in *any* other job description that'd be pretty poor, wouldn't it? 'Have you built that wall in my garden?' 'I've done 5.' 'You can fuck off.' I don't believe in God, of course I don't - or religion. I go along with Science like everybody else. But I don't understand *any* of it. So, I have to rely on television programs to explain it to me. Y'know, things like; Brian Cox. Doctor Goodlooking. A lot of women became very interested in the universe recently; I noticed. People would be talking and they'd go, 'Shut Up! The Universe is on! Fuck off, it's The Universe. Very important. You, uhh, need to know this stuff.' Cause he would come on and go, 'Hello. Look... look at the nebula. Look, isn't it beautiful? It's made up of millions and millions of years of things you don't understand. The white light comes out of the dark matter, and goes into the green lounge area. It's beautiful.' And all the women who're watching this going, 'It is. Yeah, it's lovely. Go on, walk around some more pretty boy. Go
Movie: Dylan Moran: Yeah, Yeah
Dylan Moran: I suppose the class system is probably quiet easy once you get the hang of it; it seems to me that it's all about how much time you spend with your parents. Because the higher you go, the less time you're with your folks. You know, because around the age of 1 and a half they come up to you and they go, 'Well done you. Whatever your name is, you're going to boarding school in Argentina.' And then, if you're poor you're just with your family a lot more. You're crawling out of the laundry into the bags of potatoes. You're swinging off your parents cigarettes as they have sex. You're *there*. So, it's funny to hear people talk about all this stuff again. And caring about all that and measuring themselves.
Movie: Dylan Moran: Yeah, Yeah
Dylan Moran: Excuse me. The cake was fine, but I need to chase that up with some chocolate. Umm, I'm eating the chocolate and, umm, the truth is - I'm not enjoying it. But I'm going to carry on eating it... because that's the way the mind works; you see. You tell yourself that the *good* chocolate is further on, deeper down, in the bottom. Very much like, when you wake up and you think, 'Oh, this is fucking hideous. I'll get up - things will improve.'
Movie: Dylan Moran: Yeah, Yeah
Dylan Moran: I worry about the younger generation... not just because you're losing skills all the time; but that's okay, you don't have to worry, you don't have to write or speak or spell anymore. You can straddle a computer and lick it. It'll do everything for you.
Movie: Dylan Moran: Yeah, Yeah
Dylan Moran: My father tells me that... women are like canoes... full of soup. At first everybody is suspicious - and then they all want one. My mother maintains that women are like enigma machines... made of hair. They might come across as fuzzy, but they always know what you're thinking. The truth is - that women are like chickpeas... under a psychopath's hat. They can be cherishable, and zingy, and surprising - but you ask too many questions and you get killed.
Movie: Dylan Moran: Yeah, Yeah
Dylan Moran: The single best thing that can happen to you, is when you catch the person you love... in your house - having a nap! 'Oh, no, no, no, no. Trying to enjoy yourself in your own lifetime? Are you outta your fucking mind?' And because everybody walks around with an obscure sense of guilt anyway, they bounce up in bed going, 'Oh, I wasn't asleep. I just laid down and closed my eyes.' 'You weren't asleep? You were fucking snoring!' 'That's not true. I-I don't snore. I never snore.' '*Really*? Well, it took me 5 minutes to pull the curtains out of your mouth. It sounded like someone throwing bananas into the Hadron Collider. Two rhinos fucking in a giant vat of crisps.'
Movie: Dylan Moran: Yeah, Yeah