Everybody Hates Chris Quotes
Chris Rock: I didn't know a lot of girls who had boyfriends. Babies yes, but not boyfriends.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Chris Rock: Can we bring a box of canned goods?
Chris' Teacher: Oh, you don't have to do that, you need those things yourself!
Chris Rock: What are you talking about? My family's doing fine.
Chris' Teacher: [Sympathetic] I know. I know.
Himself - Narrator: She was acting like I was having a bowl of steam for dinner!
Chris' Teacher: Oh, you don't have to do that, you need those things yourself!
Chris Rock: What are you talking about? My family's doing fine.
Chris' Teacher: [Sympathetic] I know. I know.
Himself - Narrator: She was acting like I was having a bowl of steam for dinner!
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Himself - Narrator: [Narrating] My mom had amazing hearing. You couldn't do anything in that house without her hearing.
Himself - Narrator, Rochelle Rock: [Cut to Chris dropping a bag of cotton balls on the floor in the living room, whilst his mom is in a diffrent room on the other side of the house]
Rochelle Rock: Chris! Quit throwing cotton balls all over the place!
Himself - Narrator, Rochelle Rock: [Cut to Chris dropping a bag of cotton balls on the floor in the living room, whilst his mom is in a diffrent room on the other side of the house]
Rochelle Rock: Chris! Quit throwing cotton balls all over the place!
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Tanya Rock: [about her new doll] I wanted a Cabbage Patch doll with long hair!
Rochelle Rock: How about you have no doll with no hair?
Tanya Rock: Thanks.
Rochelle Rock: How about you have no doll with no hair?
Tanya Rock: Thanks.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
[Chris won't be getting any presents for chirstmas because he's parents need the money for a new boiler]
Rochelle Rock: Oh baby, you'll be able to use up all hot water you want.
Himself - Narrator: [Narrating] So all I'm getting is a clean ass.
Julius Rock: Steaming hot.
Rochelle Rock: Oh baby, you'll be able to use up all hot water you want.
Himself - Narrator: [Narrating] So all I'm getting is a clean ass.
Julius Rock: Steaming hot.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
[Chris reminisces in the following series of flashbacks: ]
Rochelle: [moderate voice] Boy, I'll slap da *caps* off ya knees!
Rochelle: [low and menacing tone] I will slap you into last *night*!
Rochelle: [loud voice] I will *slap* your name outta da phone book, and *call* Ma Bell, tell 'em I did it!
Rochelle: [moderate voice] Boy, I'll slap da *caps* off ya knees!
Rochelle: [low and menacing tone] I will slap you into last *night*!
Rochelle: [loud voice] I will *slap* your name outta da phone book, and *call* Ma Bell, tell 'em I did it!
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Julius: Twenty dollars to get into a club? We can dance at home for free!
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: Thanks to Drew and Tonya, I was taking care of kids till I was taking care of my own kids!
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: In the game of Dare, there are no rules, there are no regulations, and the game doesn't end 'til somebody's dead.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Chris: [to Julius] I was hoping you could give me an allowance?
[Everyone suddenly looks at him in shock, especially Julius]
Narrator: I know it sounded like an innocent enough question, but here's what he he heard:
[Cutaway]
Chris: Since you work like a slave all day, and don't have any time to enjoy your own money, can I have it? [Draws same response as before]
[Everyone suddenly looks at him in shock, especially Julius]
Narrator: I know it sounded like an innocent enough question, but here's what he he heard:
[Cutaway]
Chris: Since you work like a slave all day, and don't have any time to enjoy your own money, can I have it? [Draws same response as before]
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: 1982. That was the year I turned 13. Before I was a comedian, I thought the coolest thing that would happen to me was being a teenager. I was gonna have women, money, stay out late... I thought it was gonna be the bomb! Boy, was I wrong!
Rochelle Rock: CHRIS! Get in the bathroom and wipe the pee off the toilet seat! [under her breath] Disgusting!
Rochelle Rock: CHRIS! Get in the bathroom and wipe the pee off the toilet seat! [under her breath] Disgusting!
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Julius: If you smell smoke, and you think the house is going to catch fire, get your brother and your sister and get out of here. If you smell smoke, and you think the house is going to blow up, get your brother and your sister and get out of here. If you smell smoke, and your brother catches on fire, get your sister and get out of here.
Narrator: Fortunately, the house never caught fire, and neither did my brother.
Narrator: Fortunately, the house never caught fire, and neither did my brother.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Tonya: I have to go to the bathroom!
Chris: I told you to go at school!
Tonya: That bathroom is nasty!
Chris: I told you to go at school!
Tonya: That bathroom is nasty!
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Julius: Unplug that clock, boy. You can't tell time while you sleep. That's two cents an hour.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
[flashback]
Mr. Palmer: I didn't touch her! I don't know what you're talking about!
Narrator: Mr. Palmer was accused of doing something that we can't tell you about because of the network censors. The school settled the lawsuit out of court and he's not allowed to teach anymore. If he moves to your neighborhood, you'll get a warning.
Mr. Palmer: I didn't touch her! I don't know what you're talking about!
Narrator: Mr. Palmer was accused of doing something that we can't tell you about because of the network censors. The school settled the lawsuit out of court and he's not allowed to teach anymore. If he moves to your neighborhood, you'll get a warning.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Rochelle Rock: If I ever catch any of y'all spray-paintin' on anybody's wall, I'll put my foot so far up your behind that you'll have toes for teeth!
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Joey Caruso: This isn't over, n----r.
Narrator: He got away with calling me "n----r" that day. But he said it later in life at a DMX concert and got stomped half to death.
Narrator: He got away with calling me "n----r" that day. But he said it later in life at a DMX concert and got stomped half to death.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Julius: We get one combo meal. Drew gets the burger, Tonya gets the fries. Chris, you can have the drink.
Narrarator: One time I only got ice.
Narrarator: One time I only got ice.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: When I was 13, my mom convinced my dad to move us outta the projects. She always said "project" is just another word for "experiment." In a lab, the government gives rats cheese. In the projects, the government gives people cheese.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Rochelle Rock: CHRIS!
Narrator: My mother was so loud, every Chris in Brooklyn would hear her!
Narrator: My mother was so loud, every Chris in Brooklyn would hear her!
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: I sucked at every sport I tried: baseball, football... Like a fool, I even tried bowling.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: At that moment, I discovered one of life's greatest secrets -- black guy, plus basketball, equals white girl.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: It took us about an hour to get my mother off of Tonya's behind, but eventually, Tonya did eat her sausage. And as for my mother, well, to this very day, she still ain't raisin' no babies.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: That kid snitched so much, he made more money than the teachers.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Chris: All he had to do was see somebody do something and he could copy it. Today you call that a music producer.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Chris: He beat me so bad I had to take the underground railroad home.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Julius: Rochelle, I feel bad enough about not working. I don't need you around here complaining about how I do things.
Rochelle: [Shrugs] Well, if you did things right, I wouldn't have to complain.
Julius: Half the stuff around here I do better than you! [Rochelle pauses while eating] It ain't that hard!
[Rochelle looks at him]
Chris: [Narrating]] My father was the oldest of ten brothers and sisters. He had been cooking and cleaning all of his life. But even if the job wasn't that hard, he's not supposed to say it.
Julius: What? You got somethin' to say? [Rochelle smiles and stands up]
[A warning message reading, "Warning! The following scene contains language of? a frank and explicit? nature. Viewer discreation is advised." appears on screen as a narrator reads it out loud]
Rochelle: Well, ain't this about a bitch?! [Cuts to outside of house as Rochelle is heard inside yelling. Crashes can be heard. People outside stop] Are you crazy! You do my job for one day, and now it ain't that damn hard?! You bacon-frying, biscuit-baking, pancake-making, bald headed bastard![Time card reading, "One Hour Later", appears] You must think I'm crazy! You can kiss my "Ain't-That-Hard" ass! [Cuts to Rochelle inside] Have you LOST your mind?! [She leaves the room]
Chris: [narrating] And that was my mother's way of letting him of easy.
Rochelle: [Shrugs] Well, if you did things right, I wouldn't have to complain.
Julius: Half the stuff around here I do better than you! [Rochelle pauses while eating] It ain't that hard!
[Rochelle looks at him]
Chris: [Narrating]] My father was the oldest of ten brothers and sisters. He had been cooking and cleaning all of his life. But even if the job wasn't that hard, he's not supposed to say it.
Julius: What? You got somethin' to say? [Rochelle smiles and stands up]
[A warning message reading, "Warning! The following scene contains language of? a frank and explicit? nature. Viewer discreation is advised." appears on screen as a narrator reads it out loud]
Rochelle: Well, ain't this about a bitch?! [Cuts to outside of house as Rochelle is heard inside yelling. Crashes can be heard. People outside stop] Are you crazy! You do my job for one day, and now it ain't that damn hard?! You bacon-frying, biscuit-baking, pancake-making, bald headed bastard![Time card reading, "One Hour Later", appears] You must think I'm crazy! You can kiss my "Ain't-That-Hard" ass! [Cuts to Rochelle inside] Have you LOST your mind?! [She leaves the room]
Chris: [narrating] And that was my mother's way of letting him of easy.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris