Everybody Hates Chris Quotes
Chris: I think we should get a dog.
Narrator: I'd always wanted a dog, but my parents always said no. But maybe the robbery would make them change their mind.
Rochelle: For the umpteenth time, Chris, we are not getting a dog.
Narrator: Wishful thinking.
Narrator: I'd always wanted a dog, but my parents always said no. But maybe the robbery would make them change their mind.
Rochelle: For the umpteenth time, Chris, we are not getting a dog.
Narrator: Wishful thinking.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: I tried monkey see, monkey do, which was quite useless with a dog.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Tonya: Captain Kangaroo is so funny.
Old Woman: Get outta here, you Peepin' Toms. I'm callin' the cops.
Old Woman: Get outta here, you Peepin' Toms. I'm callin' the cops.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: Tonya and Drew couldn't watch TV, but that didn't stop them from readin' it.
Drew: Check this out. Matlock at 4: 00. When Nashville star Dolly Parton gets arrested for murder, she turns to Ben Matlock.
Tonya: Look at this: Moses Gunn is gonna be on The Jeffersons.
Drew: Did you know that Little House on the Prairie was closed-captioned for the hearing impaired?
Tonya: Stephanie Mills is gonna be on Captain Kangaroo!
Drew: Check this out. Matlock at 4: 00. When Nashville star Dolly Parton gets arrested for murder, she turns to Ben Matlock.
Tonya: Look at this: Moses Gunn is gonna be on The Jeffersons.
Drew: Did you know that Little House on the Prairie was closed-captioned for the hearing impaired?
Tonya: Stephanie Mills is gonna be on Captain Kangaroo!
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Carlos: Blackie, ataca!¡Ataca!
Narrator: To y'all who don't speak Spanish, that means "attack."
Narrator: To y'all who don't speak Spanish, that means "attack."
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Rochelle: Believe me, there have been many other problems.
Narrator: One time the house flooded.
Rochelle: Can we call the insurance company now?
Julius: No. Now we have a swimming pool.
Narrator: Another time a plane dropped a load.
Rochelle: Can we call the insurance company now?
Julius: No way. Now we have new luggage.
Narrator: And another time, aliens took over.
Rochelle: Now can I call the insurance company?
Julius: No, I've always wanted to go to another planet.
Narrator: One time the house flooded.
Rochelle: Can we call the insurance company now?
Julius: No. Now we have a swimming pool.
Narrator: Another time a plane dropped a load.
Rochelle: Can we call the insurance company now?
Julius: No way. Now we have new luggage.
Narrator: And another time, aliens took over.
Rochelle: Now can I call the insurance company?
Julius: No, I've always wanted to go to another planet.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: I thought I'd never see Blackie again.
Chris: Blackie, cómo estás? How are you?
Narrator: And he thought he'd never seen me before.
Chris: [Blackie growls] Blackie, remember, it's me, Chris, tu amigo. Hey papi, tranquilo. Papi, tranquilo. [Blackie chases him] No, no, no!
Background Singers: Todo el mundo odia Chris. (Everybody hates Chris.)
Chris: Blackie, cómo estás? How are you?
Narrator: And he thought he'd never seen me before.
Chris: [Blackie growls] Blackie, remember, it's me, Chris, tu amigo. Hey papi, tranquilo. Papi, tranquilo. [Blackie chases him] No, no, no!
Background Singers: Todo el mundo odia Chris. (Everybody hates Chris.)
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Chris: I'm training the dog in Spanish.
Julius: Why?
Chris: It's part of the attack-dog training. Like you can only talk to a German Shepherd in German or an Irish Wolfhound in Irish. [referring to Blackie] This is a Puerto Rican mutt.
Julius: Well, I don't care what he speaks as long as he stays out of my chair and you turn him into a killer.
Chris: Bueno. (Good.)
Julius: ¿Qué? (What?)
Chris: Nada. (Nothing.)
Julius: Why?
Chris: It's part of the attack-dog training. Like you can only talk to a German Shepherd in German or an Irish Wolfhound in Irish. [referring to Blackie] This is a Puerto Rican mutt.
Julius: Well, I don't care what he speaks as long as he stays out of my chair and you turn him into a killer.
Chris: Bueno. (Good.)
Julius: ¿Qué? (What?)
Chris: Nada. (Nothing.)
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Julius: Forget this. I'm gettin' a gun.
Rochelle: Julius, do you know what would happen if we got a gun?
Julius: Who ate the big piece of chicken? [gets out a gun] You? Baby girl?
Rochelle: [gets out two guns] Who left the damn toilet seat up? Huh?
Tonya: Who ate all the cereal? [gets out a shotgun] I WILL BLOW YOUR FREAKIN' HEAD OFF!
Rochelle: Julius, do you know what would happen if we got a gun?
Julius: Who ate the big piece of chicken? [gets out a gun] You? Baby girl?
Rochelle: [gets out two guns] Who left the damn toilet seat up? Huh?
Tonya: Who ate all the cereal? [gets out a shotgun] I WILL BLOW YOUR FREAKIN' HEAD OFF!
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Julius: Chris, this is it. You got 48 hours to train that dog or he's dog food.
Narrator: Dogs aren't used in dog food, but this wasn't a good time to correct my father.
Narrator: Dogs aren't used in dog food, but this wasn't a good time to correct my father.
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Narrator: Drew and Tonya finally settled on an activity they could both enjoy: prank phone calls.
Tonya: Do you have pig's feet?
Woman on Telephone: Yes. Yes, we do.
Tonya: Well, if you wear shoes, nobody will notice.
Tonya: Do you have pig's feet?
Woman on Telephone: Yes. Yes, we do.
Tonya: Well, if you wear shoes, nobody will notice.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Drew: Hi, I'm just confirming that I have a hundred large pizzas ordered to Mr. Omar's funeral home?
Man on Telephone: I'll check.
Drew: Yes, OK. Thank you. Tragic.
Man on Telephone: I'll check.
Drew: Yes, OK. Thank you. Tragic.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Tonya: Help!
Woman on Telephone: 911 emergency.
Tonya: Help! They're choking me!
Drew: Come here, woman! Shut up girl! Come here!
Woman on Telephone: Stay calm, ma'am.
Drew: Hey! Hey, get back here!
Woman on Telephone: 911 emergency.
Tonya: Help! They're choking me!
Drew: Come here, woman! Shut up girl! Come here!
Woman on Telephone: Stay calm, ma'am.
Drew: Hey! Hey, get back here!
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: I love havin' a dog, and losin' Blackie made me really depressed. Plus, havin' the Lassie, Rin Tin Tin, Sounder, Turner & Hooch marathon on TV didn't help.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: Not only did I learn Spanish, I also learned about a whole new world. A world that, ironically, wasn't too different from the world I already knew. There was a Puerto Rican Kill Moves, a Puerto Rican Doc, a Puerto Rican Risky, and even a Puerto Rican Jerome.
Puerto Rican Jerome: Hey! Papi de otra calle! (Little dude from another street!) Lemme hold un dollar, papa. [Chris gives him a dollar]
Narrator: Everything was different, but gettin' robbed still hurt.
Puerto Rican Jerome: Gracias, hermano. (Thank you, brother.)
Puerto Rican Jerome: Hey! Papi de otra calle! (Little dude from another street!) Lemme hold un dollar, papa. [Chris gives him a dollar]
Narrator: Everything was different, but gettin' robbed still hurt.
Puerto Rican Jerome: Gracias, hermano. (Thank you, brother.)
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Manny: Go talk to Kill Moves, 'cause Kill Moves has his ear to the street.
Julius: What do you hear, Kill Moves?
Kill Moves: Four riders, two on ponies.
Julius: No! About my place gettin' robbed.
Kill Moves: I didn't hear anything about that, but don't say I didn't warn you about the comin' Indian attack.
Julius: What do you hear, Kill Moves?
Kill Moves: Four riders, two on ponies.
Julius: No! About my place gettin' robbed.
Kill Moves: I didn't hear anything about that, but don't say I didn't warn you about the comin' Indian attack.
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Julius: They took my meat! All of it! Steaks, hamburgers, hot dogs, bologna!
Narrator: If they stole that stuff earlier, maybe he wouldn't have the gout.
Narrator: If they stole that stuff earlier, maybe he wouldn't have the gout.
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Greg: Here's a couple books on dog training.
Chris: You just happen to have books on dog training in your locker?
Greg: I got lots of stuff in there. Let's see... I've got a bartender's guide, an auction catalog to fine crystal (mostly Lalique), How to Fly a Helicopter, The Idiot's Guide to Tic-Tac-Toe, a Gutenberg Bible, and a street guide to Baghdad. You never know.
Narrator: That guidebook lists a lot more streets than they have left in Baghdad now.
Chris: You just happen to have books on dog training in your locker?
Greg: I got lots of stuff in there. Let's see... I've got a bartender's guide, an auction catalog to fine crystal (mostly Lalique), How to Fly a Helicopter, The Idiot's Guide to Tic-Tac-Toe, a Gutenberg Bible, and a street guide to Baghdad. You never know.
Narrator: That guidebook lists a lot more streets than they have left in Baghdad now.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Carlos: This dog is a lover, not a fighter.
Narrator: In fact, Blackie was such a lover, we have to go to commercial right now.
Narrator: In fact, Blackie was such a lover, we have to go to commercial right now.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Chris: [about the dog] Can we name him?
Julius: He already has a name: Blackie.
Drew: But he's brown.
Julius: You black and you brown.
Julius: He already has a name: Blackie.
Drew: But he's brown.
Julius: You black and you brown.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: All I knew about Mr. Omar was he liked dead men and live women.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Yao: I have a quiz tomorrow on chapter seven. Either I pass it, or it's your ass.
Narrator: It's not my ass's fault you suck at math.
Narrator: It's not my ass's fault you suck at math.
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Narrator: A little butter and onions and Tonya would make a nice side dish.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Chris: What time is it?
Mr. Omar: 8: 45.
Narrator: 8: 45 was a quarter past late as hell.
Mr. Omar: 8: 45.
Narrator: 8: 45 was a quarter past late as hell.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris