Everybody Hates Chris Quotes
Ms. Morello: Your Tardiness is excused, but you should tell your family to lay off the bacon.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Rochelle: Freeze! 'Cause I ain't raisin' no babies!
Narrator: Kool-Aid's gone Rambo.
Narrator: Kool-Aid's gone Rambo.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Jerome: Put the tape on, little dude.
Narrator: Get outta here, big dude.
Narrator: Get outta here, big dude.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Rochelle: Is this remedy of yours gonna work?
Julius: Oh, it'll work. It's been passed down for generations. My mother got it from my grandmother who got it from her great-grandmother who got it from a Puerto Rican lady.
Narrator: My father's home remedies were legendary. If you had a headache...
Julius: Baking soda and a pomegranate.
Narrator: If you were nauseous...
Julius: Catfish and grape jelly.
Narrator: If you were blind...
Julius: A tin cup and a white cane.
Narrator: Hey, he couldn't cure everything.
Julius: Oh, it'll work. It's been passed down for generations. My mother got it from my grandmother who got it from her great-grandmother who got it from a Puerto Rican lady.
Narrator: My father's home remedies were legendary. If you had a headache...
Julius: Baking soda and a pomegranate.
Narrator: If you were nauseous...
Julius: Catfish and grape jelly.
Narrator: If you were blind...
Julius: A tin cup and a white cane.
Narrator: Hey, he couldn't cure everything.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: After my mother got through with me, Tonya, and Mr. Omar, I realized that having privacy and being independent isn't all it's cracked up to be. But at least she didn't find out about Tasha.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Mr. Omar: There's some videos over there you're welcome to watch. I've got Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Day of the Dead, Dead Zone, Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid, Death in Venice, Death Wish, Love and Death, Murder by Death, and Ososhiki a.k.a. Death, Japanese Style.
Chris: Cool, thanks.
Narrator: Turns out Mr. Omar only had one movie that wasn't about death: Richard Pryor: Live in Concert.
Chris: Cool, thanks.
Narrator: Turns out Mr. Omar only had one movie that wasn't about death: Richard Pryor: Live in Concert.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Greg: You've got a place. Now all you need to do is get a girl. You're so in there. I can't imagine what I'd do if I had a place to myself.
Narrator: I could.
[Greg is then seen alone and crying as "All By Myself" by Eric Carmen plays]
Chris: Guess I am in there.
Greg: You're so in there, we'd have to send a search party to find you.
Narrator: I could.
[Greg is then seen alone and crying as "All By Myself" by Eric Carmen plays]
Chris: Guess I am in there.
Greg: You're so in there, we'd have to send a search party to find you.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Ms. Morello: All men are created equal, especially if they're on CP Time.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Greg: You can still get involved in an activity.
Chris: Like what?
Greg: I don't know. Something that plays into your strong suits.
Narrator: Problem is, all I had were weak suits.
Chris: Like what?
Greg: I don't know. Something that plays into your strong suits.
Narrator: Problem is, all I had were weak suits.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Chris: I can't eat this. My peas are touching my mashed potatoes.
Rochelle: Are they separated now?
Rochelle: Are they separated now?
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Councilman Lamar Johnson: Oh, this is a disaster!
Rochelle: Can you believe what this is gonna do to the community?
Councilman Lamar Johnson: I mean, why would you let your son Chris write a story like this when I'm tryin' to get reelected?
Rochelle: What? You worried about bein' reelected when my son is out there about to be snipped to death by a scissor killer! Is that what you sayin' to me?!
Councilman Lamar Johnson: Uh, n-no, no.
Narrator: Yes!
Councilman Lamar Johnson: I'm sayin', what would people think if I'm allowin' a serial killer to roam the neighborhood?!
Narrator: I hadn't seen spin like that since Usher battled Omarion.
Rochelle: Can you believe what this is gonna do to the community?
Councilman Lamar Johnson: I mean, why would you let your son Chris write a story like this when I'm tryin' to get reelected?
Rochelle: What? You worried about bein' reelected when my son is out there about to be snipped to death by a scissor killer! Is that what you sayin' to me?!
Councilman Lamar Johnson: Uh, n-no, no.
Narrator: Yes!
Councilman Lamar Johnson: I'm sayin', what would people think if I'm allowin' a serial killer to roam the neighborhood?!
Narrator: I hadn't seen spin like that since Usher battled Omarion.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: After my mother set me straight, I had to set the story straight.
Ms. Morello: You made it up?
Chris: Well, I'm sorry. I was just giving the people what they want.
Lisa: Oh, this is just great. All the real killers running around Bed-Stuy, and you had to make one up. That's just lazy. What else did you make up? Is your real name Chris? Are you even black? Who knows?
Ms. Morello: You made it up?
Chris: Well, I'm sorry. I was just giving the people what they want.
Lisa: Oh, this is just great. All the real killers running around Bed-Stuy, and you had to make one up. That's just lazy. What else did you make up? Is your real name Chris? Are you even black? Who knows?
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Doc: I dated all the pretty women in Syracuse.
Narrator: Both of 'em.
Doc: Then I dated all the pretty women in Albany.
Narrator: Now we're up to three.
Doc: Then I dated all the pretty women in Pittsburgh.
Narrator: OK, we're back at two.
Narrator: Both of 'em.
Doc: Then I dated all the pretty women in Albany.
Narrator: Now we're up to three.
Doc: Then I dated all the pretty women in Pittsburgh.
Narrator: OK, we're back at two.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: Lisa hated my story, so I showed it to Ms. Morello, who loved anything black.
Ms. Morello: Lisa's right. This isn't good.
Chris: What's wrong with it?
Ms. Morello: Chris, there's nothing worse than racial stereotypes. We've seen this a thousand times. The tall, shirtless black man, his ebony pecs glistening with sweat from working in the fields, his furrowed brow filled with savage lust. Where was I?
Chris: I think you were talking about racial stereotypes.
Ms. Morello: Oh, right. I want to read about the real black men who walk the gritty streets of the hood. People like Superfly, The Mack, Black Belt Jones, Truck Turner and Blacula. Tell me the truth about the pimps and the hustlers, the violence... all set to a jazzy beat!
Narrator: Oh, there's a jazzy beat I want to give her, right upside the head!
Ms. Morello: Lisa's right. This isn't good.
Chris: What's wrong with it?
Ms. Morello: Chris, there's nothing worse than racial stereotypes. We've seen this a thousand times. The tall, shirtless black man, his ebony pecs glistening with sweat from working in the fields, his furrowed brow filled with savage lust. Where was I?
Chris: I think you were talking about racial stereotypes.
Ms. Morello: Oh, right. I want to read about the real black men who walk the gritty streets of the hood. People like Superfly, The Mack, Black Belt Jones, Truck Turner and Blacula. Tell me the truth about the pimps and the hustlers, the violence... all set to a jazzy beat!
Narrator: Oh, there's a jazzy beat I want to give her, right upside the head!
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Mr. Omar: With Himelfarb in office, everything will fall naturally into place.
Rochelle: OVER MY DEAD BODY!
Mr. Omar: That would be tragic, but if it were to happen, you can rest assured I'll give Mr. Julius a nice discount.
Rochelle: OVER MY DEAD BODY!
Mr. Omar: That would be tragic, but if it were to happen, you can rest assured I'll give Mr. Julius a nice discount.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: When I turned in my story, Lisa read me the riot act.
Lisa: You call yourself a writer? This is the worst story I've ever read. I just wasted 20 minutes of my life. Do you know how many trees died for you to write this? You're destroying the ozone layer. People are gonna get cancer.
Chris: OK, OK. I get it. So, what's wrong with it?
Lisa: Everything. I mean, who wants to read about some crusty old ghetto Romeo?
Chris: Well, you told me to write about something I know, and I know this guy.
Lisa: Well, if this is the best you can do, maybe you should think about doing something else.
Narrator: Like the Chess Club?
Lisa: You call yourself a writer? This is the worst story I've ever read. I just wasted 20 minutes of my life. Do you know how many trees died for you to write this? You're destroying the ozone layer. People are gonna get cancer.
Chris: OK, OK. I get it. So, what's wrong with it?
Lisa: Everything. I mean, who wants to read about some crusty old ghetto Romeo?
Chris: Well, you told me to write about something I know, and I know this guy.
Lisa: Well, if this is the best you can do, maybe you should think about doing something else.
Narrator: Like the Chess Club?
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Mr. Omar: What kinda councilman got people campaignin' for him hollerin' outta windows? Vote for Himelfarb!
Rochelle: How you gonna vote for somebody if you can't even spell their name?! Vote Johnson!
Mr. Omar: We can't spell his name, 'cause Johnson ruined the schools. Vote Himelfarb! When I say "Himel," you say "Farb!" Himel!
Crowd: Farb!
Mr. Omar: Himel!
Crowd: Farb!
Rochelle: Well, at least Johnson ain't locked outta his own damn house! When I say "Locked," you say "Out!" Locked!
Crowd: Out!
Rochelle: Locked!
Crowd: Out!
Rochelle: That's what he is!
Rochelle: How you gonna vote for somebody if you can't even spell their name?! Vote Johnson!
Mr. Omar: We can't spell his name, 'cause Johnson ruined the schools. Vote Himelfarb! When I say "Himel," you say "Farb!" Himel!
Crowd: Farb!
Mr. Omar: Himel!
Crowd: Farb!
Rochelle: Well, at least Johnson ain't locked outta his own damn house! When I say "Locked," you say "Out!" Locked!
Crowd: Out!
Rochelle: Locked!
Crowd: Out!
Rochelle: That's what he is!
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: For most of my life, I'd never had a friend stay over at my house.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Greg: If this isn't special, I'd hate to see her overdo it.
Rochelle: Come, eat.
Narrator: Help! My mother's possessed by a nice lady!
Rochelle: Come, eat.
Narrator: Help! My mother's possessed by a nice lady!
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Rochelle: Now, wait a minute. You know we say grace every night.
Chris: No we don't.
Rochelle: Yes we do. Shut up and bless the food.
Narrator: If I didn't thank the Lord at the table, my mom was gonna send me to thank Him in person!
Chris: No we don't.
Rochelle: Yes we do. Shut up and bless the food.
Narrator: If I didn't thank the Lord at the table, my mom was gonna send me to thank Him in person!
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: Greg had brought so much stuff, I couldn't tell if he was stayin' over or takin' over.
Chris: You wearin' Transformers pajamas? Man, you're 15!
Greg: I like to pray as different characters. That way God doesn't get bored with me. Tonight I'm Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots. [in a robotic voice] Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. Amen.
Narrator: He should pray for some self-esteem!
Chris: You wearin' Transformers pajamas? Man, you're 15!
Greg: I like to pray as different characters. That way God doesn't get bored with me. Tonight I'm Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots. [in a robotic voice] Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. Amen.
Narrator: He should pray for some self-esteem!
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: Greg was drivin' me up the wall and my dad was about to get taken for a ride.
Julius: Where to?
Eddie: Las Vegas.
Julius: Seriously, man, where to?
Eddie: Las Vegas, Nevada.
Julius: Man, you crazy. Get outta my cab!
Eddie: Hey, no, seriously, brother, I really need to get to Las Vegas.
Julius: Look, I cannot take you to Las Vegas!
Eddie: Would you take me to Las Vegas for $1000?
Narrator: For $1000, he'd take you to South Africa during the height of apartheid.
Julius: Where to?
Eddie: Las Vegas.
Julius: Seriously, man, where to?
Eddie: Las Vegas, Nevada.
Julius: Man, you crazy. Get outta my cab!
Eddie: Hey, no, seriously, brother, I really need to get to Las Vegas.
Julius: Look, I cannot take you to Las Vegas!
Eddie: Would you take me to Las Vegas for $1000?
Narrator: For $1000, he'd take you to South Africa during the height of apartheid.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: While my father set off for Sin City, I showed Greg around the original Sin City, Bed-Stuy.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: If you listen closely, you'll learn how to say the "N" word in Chinese.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Greg: I've been having a hard time with my Mandy situation. This girl could be my future ex-wife, and I don't wanna mess it up.
Narrator: Greg still isn't over his parents' divorce.
Narrator: Greg still isn't over his parents' divorce.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris