Everybody Hates Chris Quotes
Narrator: While everyone else took the test, I took out the answers, and after the test results were in, I got called out.
Ms. Morello: Oh, Chris, I just never would have expected this out of you. I just don't see how you could do this.
Narrator: When you're about to go down for a crime, everybody knows it's best to throw yourself on the mercy of the court.
Chris: Ms. Morello, I can explain. This test meant a lot to my mother.
Ms. Morello: I bet it did, and she must be proud of you. A perfect score on the PSAT test? That's unheard of in the history of this school! You're like a little chocolate Einstein!
Narrator: More like chocolate Pinocchio.
Ms. Morello: Oh, Chris, I just never would have expected this out of you. I just don't see how you could do this.
Narrator: When you're about to go down for a crime, everybody knows it's best to throw yourself on the mercy of the court.
Chris: Ms. Morello, I can explain. This test meant a lot to my mother.
Ms. Morello: I bet it did, and she must be proud of you. A perfect score on the PSAT test? That's unheard of in the history of this school! You're like a little chocolate Einstein!
Narrator: More like chocolate Pinocchio.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: The teams were all white, but unfortunately for them, the questions were all black.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Rochelle: Just because you do summer in the Vineyard, and you go swimmin' in the Inkpen, and you play the violin instead of the funky bass, and you eat those, all those stupid finger foods, does NOT make you better than somebody, OK!? My son is a good kid, and my husband is innocent! So, you know what? You can take your little Hansel and Gretel and you can shove it up your...
Judge Watkins: Lady, you're out of order!
Rochelle: NO!!! You're out of order! YOU'RE OUT OF ORDER!! THIS WHOLE TRIAL IS OUT OF ORDER!!!
Judge Watkins: Get her out of here! GET HER OUT OF HERE!
Rochelle: Attica! ATTICA!!
Judge Watkins: Lady, you're out of order!
Rochelle: NO!!! You're out of order! YOU'RE OUT OF ORDER!! THIS WHOLE TRIAL IS OUT OF ORDER!!!
Judge Watkins: Get her out of here! GET HER OUT OF HERE!
Rochelle: Attica! ATTICA!!
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Ms. Morello: I'm sorry, but Chris, you're back in your regular classes as of next week, and...
Chris: Yeah, I know. Detention.
Ms. Morello: No, that would be too easy. I'm making you stay on the Academic Scholastathon Team, and as your punishment, you can go on losing along with them. Listen, I have to go while I still have some hubcaps.
Narrator: Too late!
Ms. Morello: [to Judge Watkins] And I don't know who you are, but I love a black man in a suit. Call me!
Chris: Yeah, I know. Detention.
Ms. Morello: No, that would be too easy. I'm making you stay on the Academic Scholastathon Team, and as your punishment, you can go on losing along with them. Listen, I have to go while I still have some hubcaps.
Narrator: Too late!
Ms. Morello: [to Judge Watkins] And I don't know who you are, but I love a black man in a suit. Call me!
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Rochelle: Boy, I oughta knock you into subspace.
Chris: Isn't that ridiculous?
Chris: Isn't that ridiculous?
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Store Clerk: You're under arrest!
Julius: What!? What am I under arrest for?
Store Clerk: 30 unpaid parking tickets from 1982!
Julius: Parkin' tickets?!
Store Clerk: Yeah, maybe next time you'll think twice before you try to cheat New York City out of a QUARTER!
Julius: Does this mean I don't get the free TV?
Julius: What!? What am I under arrest for?
Store Clerk: 30 unpaid parking tickets from 1982!
Julius: Parkin' tickets?!
Store Clerk: Yeah, maybe next time you'll think twice before you try to cheat New York City out of a QUARTER!
Julius: Does this mean I don't get the free TV?
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Chris: James "Bonecrusher" Smith is the first heavyweight champ with a college degree. The brother's smart.
Narrator: Then why'd he go into the face-punchin' business?
Chris: You know what? I'll bet you $5 that he beats Tyson in Vegas next week.
Greg: It's like taking candy from a baby.
Narrator: Who would do that?
Narrator: Then why'd he go into the face-punchin' business?
Chris: You know what? I'll bet you $5 that he beats Tyson in Vegas next week.
Greg: It's like taking candy from a baby.
Narrator: Who would do that?
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Coach Thurman: Instead of being the Italian Stallion, you'll be the Black Stallion!
Narrator: Hope I don't get sent to the glue factory!
Narrator: Hope I don't get sent to the glue factory!
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: My father had two full-time jobs (three if you count my mother).
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Coach Thurman: I need you, you need me.
Greg: And we need those tickets. It's a win-win.
Narrator: Said the guy who wasn't gonna get punched.
Greg: And we need those tickets. It's a win-win.
Narrator: Said the guy who wasn't gonna get punched.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Drew: Showtime!
Narrator: This gives a whole other meaning to Neighborhood Watch.
Narrator: This gives a whole other meaning to Neighborhood Watch.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: By dinnertime, I wasn't hungry 'cause I was full of myself.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
James: When is she gonna stop screamin' and start strippin'?
Drew: [slapping James] That's my mother!
James: I know!
Drew: [slapping James] That's my mother!
James: I know!
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: Before Cops was a show on TV, I saw cops chasing criminals every day in Bed-Stuy.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Rochelle: I don't need a computer. Girl, I'm a walkin' computer.
Vanessa: But I'm not. Girl, I don't even know what's goin' on in my own salon anymore.
Narrator: Sounds like my father.
Vanessa: But I'm not. Girl, I don't even know what's goin' on in my own salon anymore.
Narrator: Sounds like my father.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Peaches: My prison was better than school.
Narrator: How'd you know? She never went to school.
Narrator: How'd you know? She never went to school.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Angel: There's a lot of people getting high in school these days.
Narrator: That's why they call it high school.
Narrator: That's why they call it high school.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: While my mom was gettin' the lowdown with Vanessa, I was tryin' not to get the whole class high.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Ms. Morello: [to Chris] You might be black, but you're not fireproof.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: A bag of weed can cause you all kinds of problems: Big ones, like losin' your job, and little ones, like tryin' to figure out where to hide it. I thought about hidin' it in the bathroom.
Julius: Who's hidin' $27 worth of weed in the toilet?
Narrator: I thought about hidin' it in my room.
Tonya: Momma! Somebody hid some weed in Chris' sock drawer!
Narrator: I even thought about hidin' it in the kitchen.
Rochelle: Who hid weed in my cereal?!
Narrator: But I decided the safest place to hide it was on me.
Julius: Who's hidin' $27 worth of weed in the toilet?
Narrator: I thought about hidin' it in my room.
Tonya: Momma! Somebody hid some weed in Chris' sock drawer!
Narrator: I even thought about hidin' it in the kitchen.
Rochelle: Who hid weed in my cereal?!
Narrator: But I decided the safest place to hide it was on me.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Julius: How many times do I have to tell you kids, the Jamaicans do not sell records?
Narrator: Or if they do, they're Sean Paul.
Narrator: Or if they do, they're Sean Paul.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: Back at school, I had Jamaican Gold in my shoe and Italian Greg in my case.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Julius: You did somethin' I didn't like, now I'm doin' somethin' you don't like.
Narrator: You're lucky he didn't make you pay $12!
Narrator: You're lucky he didn't make you pay $12!
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: Tonya was such a big fan of Lisa Lisa, for a while we had to call her Tonya Tonya.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: Hi, this is Chris Rock. I'd like to take this moment to say this television network does not condone the use of marijuana or any illegal substance, even if it's funny, so please don't sue me. Now, back to the show!
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Mrs. Williams: Class, this is K9 Officer Kilo. Now, there's no reason to be afraid. He doesn't bite unless he's ordered to.
Narrator: He's better-behaved than Naomi Campbell.
Narrator: He's better-behaved than Naomi Campbell.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Rochelle: How do you know what weed smells like?
Narrator: Scratch 'n sniff Rick James' sticker?
Narrator: Scratch 'n sniff Rick James' sticker?
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris