Everybody Loves Raymond Quotes
Debra: Robert, just do what I do; tell him you're tired and he'll climb off.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Lois: So, how are things going with you, Robert?
Robert: Well, you know, one day you're rescuing a puppy, the next you're fishing a skull out of a toilet.
Robert: Well, you know, one day you're rescuing a puppy, the next you're fishing a skull out of a toilet.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray: These people shouldn't be at the same table together. They shouldn't be in the same state!
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Debra: You lost $2300 to your father?!?!
Ray: Relax, alright? We're gonna get the money back.
Debra: How?
Ray: When he dies.
Ray: Relax, alright? We're gonna get the money back.
Debra: How?
Ray: When he dies.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
[Robert interrogates Ray and Frank for illegally gambling.]
Ray: What the hell are you doing?
Robert: "Good Cop/Bad Cop". It's just taking a little longer because there's only one of me.
Ray: What the hell are you doing?
Robert: "Good Cop/Bad Cop". It's just taking a little longer because there's only one of me.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Marie: You're giving him back that money!
Frank: Like hell, I am! I want to teach him a lesson. You up the stakes, you lose a lot. Play with fire, you're going to get burned.
[Waves check in front of Raymond]
Frank: AND ALWAYS, THANK YOU, COME AGAIN!
Frank: Like hell, I am! I want to teach him a lesson. You up the stakes, you lose a lot. Play with fire, you're going to get burned.
[Waves check in front of Raymond]
Frank: AND ALWAYS, THANK YOU, COME AGAIN!
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Frank: You're not talking to me?
Marie: Nope.
Frank: [smiling] I just keep winning.
Marie: Nope.
Frank: [smiling] I just keep winning.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Marie: This is for you.
Debra: Ahh. But I thought Frank said...
Marie: No, he doesn't know anything about that. This is my money.
Debra: You have money?
Marie: Oh... My father, oh, such a wise man. On my wedding day, he took me aside, gave me $200, and said, "Here". This is if you come to your senses and leave Frank.
Debra: Wow. My dad only gave me fifty.
Debra: Ahh. But I thought Frank said...
Marie: No, he doesn't know anything about that. This is my money.
Debra: You have money?
Marie: Oh... My father, oh, such a wise man. On my wedding day, he took me aside, gave me $200, and said, "Here". This is if you come to your senses and leave Frank.
Debra: Wow. My dad only gave me fifty.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray: For the last time I'm not taking the money. I lost it, that's all. I'm a big boy alright? If I take the money what kind of message does that send to my kids? That no matter what happened you can go to your father and he'll make everything ok?
Frank: You're right. You're right.
Ray: What, what am I right about?
Frank: You should be able to go to your father, and he should be able to make it ok. [Gives Ray his money back]
Frank: You're right. You're right.
Ray: What, what am I right about?
Frank: You should be able to go to your father, and he should be able to make it ok. [Gives Ray his money back]
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ally: My teacher says they had fish at the first Thanksgiving.
Ray: Yeah, well, people were stupid then, sweetie!
Ray: Yeah, well, people were stupid then, sweetie!
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Debra: Look, Ray, we want to start our own tradition, and Ally wants it to be like the first Thanksgiving.
Ray: Well, why don't we have some smallpox then, too?
Ray: Well, why don't we have some smallpox then, too?
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray: You want me to convince my parents to come here, and my sales pitch is, "mmm, mmm, fish!"
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray: I got the last of the baking powder. I had to fight two old ladies to get it.
Debra: What did you do?
Ray: Nothing I'm proud of.
Debra: What did you do?
Ray: Nothing I'm proud of.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray: Debra, calm down. You're reacting to missing squash like the time we left Ally at the mall!
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Debra: I can't compete with your mother's turkey Ray, the woman has giblets in her blood!
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray: My mom is such a great cook. Thanksgiving, that's kinda what makes my mom...worth it.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Frank: [Looking at the TV] What the hell is this crap?
Warren: That's soccer. Frank, only in America is football the game that you're familiar with. In many countries, when people refer to football, they actually mean soccer!
Frank: In many countries people eat cats.
Warren: That's soccer. Frank, only in America is football the game that you're familiar with. In many countries, when people refer to football, they actually mean soccer!
Frank: In many countries people eat cats.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Uncle Mel: My god! That fish smell is like a....a punch in the face.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Marie: Where do you want me to put this turkey?
Debra: I'll tell you where you can put it...
Debra: I'll tell you where you can put it...
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Debra's Mother: You want some yams?
Uncle Mel: No, I hate yams.
Ally[dressed up as a yam]: You hate yams?
Debra: Aw, honey, he doesn't hate ALL yams.
Uncle Mel: Yes, I do, I hate them, they're very binding!
Uncle Mel: No, I hate yams.
Ally[dressed up as a yam]: You hate yams?
Debra: Aw, honey, he doesn't hate ALL yams.
Uncle Mel: Yes, I do, I hate them, they're very binding!
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ally: Good morning, Mommy.
Debra: Hi, honey. Where's Daddy?
Ally: In the shower singing. He's terrible!
Debra: Hi, honey. Where's Daddy?
Ally: In the shower singing. He's terrible!
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Debra: You know I gave up some stuff when we had kids.
Ray: I know...did it have to be sex?
Ray: I know...did it have to be sex?
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Marie: Why do you insist on making this car wreck our Christmas tree every year? I want a real tree.
Frank: An artificial tree saves water, saves the forest, and saves the planet. I'm a conservationist.
Marie: You're cheap.
Frank: An artificial tree saves water, saves the forest, and saves the planet. I'm a conservationist.
Marie: You're cheap.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray: Wait, Mickey Mantle didn't sign this ball? It isn't real?
Frank: It's a real ball.
Frank: It's a real ball.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Marie: What's the matter?
Ray: Nothing, nothing's the matter.
Debra: Oh nothing at all, except Ray was just about to tell Ally the truth about Santa Claus.
Marie: You what?!?!
Ray: NO, I didn't tell her.
Marie: My own son, an atheist?!?!
Ray: Nothing, nothing's the matter.
Debra: Oh nothing at all, except Ray was just about to tell Ally the truth about Santa Claus.
Marie: You what?!?!
Ray: NO, I didn't tell her.
Marie: My own son, an atheist?!?!
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
[Robert enters dressed as Santa Claus.]
Robert: Merry Christmas! Is Ally here? I understand there are doubts about me in this house!
[to Ray] Ho,Ho, Ma told me what you did... nice.
Ray: There are now. Come on, Robert--
Robert: No, you have me mistaken for some other party for I am jolly old Saint Nick.
[Ally walks in.]
Debra: Look, Ally, it's Santa Claus.
Ally: Santa?
Robert: Yes, it is really I, and I came to see you Ally because I heard you were a very good girl this year and you're going to get everything you want. [to Ray] Unlike some other people. [in disgust] Ho ho ho ho ho.
Ray: Hold the ho's, I want to talk to you for a minute.
Robert: I'm sorry, I'm with a client. And you may call me Mr. Claus.
[Frank enters, dressed as Santa.]
Frank: Where's Ally?
[Frank notices Robert.]
Frank: Ho-ho-holy crap. What are you doing here?
Robert: I'm Santa Claus.
Frank: You're Santa?
Ray: Okay, will you guys cut it out already. She's confused enough as it is.
Frank: What's there to be confused about? I'm the real Santa! Who is this impostor?
Debra: Well, you couldn't both be Santa. You must be Santa's helpers.
Frank: Right! He's my helper. Helper, why don't you warm up the reindeer and bring the sled around?
Robert: I bet you can't even name the reindeer.
Frank: Rudolph! Donner, Blitzen... those are the main ones. We rotate them so they wear evenly. Cupid! Ajax! And... Lefty!
Robert: Now we know the truth.
[Ally pulls off Robert's Santa beard]
Ally: It's Uncle Robert!
Robert: [in Santa voice] No, no. I have merely assumed the body of a life form suitable to you.
Robert: Merry Christmas! Is Ally here? I understand there are doubts about me in this house!
[to Ray] Ho,Ho, Ma told me what you did... nice.
Ray: There are now. Come on, Robert--
Robert: No, you have me mistaken for some other party for I am jolly old Saint Nick.
[Ally walks in.]
Debra: Look, Ally, it's Santa Claus.
Ally: Santa?
Robert: Yes, it is really I, and I came to see you Ally because I heard you were a very good girl this year and you're going to get everything you want. [to Ray] Unlike some other people. [in disgust] Ho ho ho ho ho.
Ray: Hold the ho's, I want to talk to you for a minute.
Robert: I'm sorry, I'm with a client. And you may call me Mr. Claus.
[Frank enters, dressed as Santa.]
Frank: Where's Ally?
[Frank notices Robert.]
Frank: Ho-ho-holy crap. What are you doing here?
Robert: I'm Santa Claus.
Frank: You're Santa?
Ray: Okay, will you guys cut it out already. She's confused enough as it is.
Frank: What's there to be confused about? I'm the real Santa! Who is this impostor?
Debra: Well, you couldn't both be Santa. You must be Santa's helpers.
Frank: Right! He's my helper. Helper, why don't you warm up the reindeer and bring the sled around?
Robert: I bet you can't even name the reindeer.
Frank: Rudolph! Donner, Blitzen... those are the main ones. We rotate them so they wear evenly. Cupid! Ajax! And... Lefty!
Robert: Now we know the truth.
[Ally pulls off Robert's Santa beard]
Ally: It's Uncle Robert!
Robert: [in Santa voice] No, no. I have merely assumed the body of a life form suitable to you.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Frank: You mean that even though you know that ball's a fake it still means something to you?
Ray: Yeah, yeah dad.
Frank: Then this Christmas you're gonna love the Rolex I got you.
Ray: Yeah, yeah dad.
Frank: Then this Christmas you're gonna love the Rolex I got you.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond