Everybody Loves Raymond Quotes
Debra Barone: A beautiful, famous skater has just told you how much she loves your work. How can it be better than that?
Ray Barone: I could be single.
Ray Barone: I could be single.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Debra Barone: Ray, the last thing I need is something else that eats and poops.
Ray Barone: Okay, I'll stop doing one of the two.
Ray Barone: Okay, I'll stop doing one of the two.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Dr. Nora: Hello, I'm Dr. Nora.
Marie Barone: Oh, that voice! Are you Dr. Nora?
Marie Barone: Oh, that voice! Are you Dr. Nora?
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Marie Barone: [to Dr. Nora] I can't tell you what a huge fan I am of yours! You taught me to express myself!
Frank Barone: Thanks a bunch, lady.
Frank Barone: Thanks a bunch, lady.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Frank Barone: What in hell's bathroom was that?
Ray Barone: I think it was a fight ... a girlie fight ...
Frank Barone: I'm glad we didn't order that on Pay-Per-View
Ray Barone: I think it was a fight ... a girlie fight ...
Frank Barone: I'm glad we didn't order that on Pay-Per-View
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Marie Barone: We had our cholesterol checked, and were very close to the danger zone.
Frank Barone: Mine was lower than hers.
Marie Barone: One point.
Frank Barone: I'm still gonna live longer than you.
Marie Barone: What, thirty seconds?
Frank Barone: Thirty seconds in paradise!
Frank Barone: Mine was lower than hers.
Marie Barone: One point.
Frank Barone: I'm still gonna live longer than you.
Marie Barone: What, thirty seconds?
Frank Barone: Thirty seconds in paradise!
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Frank Barone: Don't listen to her. It's not eggs. It's that fake egg crap.
Marie Barone: It tastes exactly the same.
Frank Barone: Yes. Exactly like crap.
Marie Barone: It tastes exactly the same.
Frank Barone: Yes. Exactly like crap.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Robert Barone: Oh God, I was just thinking about my childhood, and dad, playing us in ping pong.
Ray Barone: Oh yeah, with the taunting...
Robert Barone: Yeah, and the rhyming of the scores.
Ray Barone: Ten serving three, you can't compete with me.
Robert Barone: Fourteen serving one, you're really not my son.
Ray Barone: Oh yeah, with the taunting...
Robert Barone: Yeah, and the rhyming of the scores.
Ray Barone: Ten serving three, you can't compete with me.
Robert Barone: Fourteen serving one, you're really not my son.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Frank Barone: Marie, get a mop, cause after I play Ray, the floor is going to be soaked with tears.
Ray Barone: Yeah, but they're gonna be your tears, cause it's gonna be your funeral.
Frank: If it's my funeral, how could I be crying?
Ray Barone: Yeah, but they're gonna be your tears, cause it's gonna be your funeral.
Frank: If it's my funeral, how could I be crying?
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Marie Barone: Frank, put on the heat. It's freezing!
Frank Barone: It's too expensive.
Marie Barone: What's with you? We all have to get pneumonia so you can save three cents?!
Frank Barone: You know Marie, most of the body's heat escapes through the head, so you might wanna seal up any lodged openings!
Frank Barone: It's too expensive.
Marie Barone: What's with you? We all have to get pneumonia so you can save three cents?!
Frank Barone: You know Marie, most of the body's heat escapes through the head, so you might wanna seal up any lodged openings!
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Marie Barone: Would you stop? The boys did nothing wrong. You wanted them to make you a tribute, they made you a tribute.
Frank Barone: I can't wait for my eulogy.
Frank Barone: I can't wait for my eulogy.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Robert Barone: Mom, I'm scared to be alone.
Marie Barone: You mean for the rest of your life?
Robert Barone: No, but thanks for bringing up that possibility.
Marie Barone: You mean for the rest of your life?
Robert Barone: No, but thanks for bringing up that possibility.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Debra Barone: I agree with Marie, I think a boob job is a totally stupid procedure.
Robert Barone: But fantastic when done properly.
Robert Barone: But fantastic when done properly.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Debra Barone: Why would you want to hear me complain about Ray?
Robert Barone: Perhaps we haven't met. I'm Robert Barone.
Robert Barone: Perhaps we haven't met. I'm Robert Barone.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray Barone: Honey, you shouldn't let people tell you things are valuable, like pieces of paper with pictures on them.
Ally Barone: You mean like money?
Ally Barone: You mean like money?
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Robert Barone: Hey, is this about me?
Frank Barone: Don't come to my funeral!
Robert Barone: Oh, but there's so little I'm looking forward to.
Frank Barone: Don't come to my funeral!
Robert Barone: Oh, but there's so little I'm looking forward to.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Robert Barone: What about space? Is it really endless? I mean, if you take a spaceship and fly out, do you just keep flying and flying?
Frank Barone: Why don't you give it a shot?
Frank Barone: Why don't you give it a shot?
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Marie Barone: I would never deny my children water!
Frank Barone: Well, Robert, I guess that explains your bed wetting problem.
Frank Barone: Well, Robert, I guess that explains your bed wetting problem.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Frank Barone: Come with me.
Ray Barone: Come on! Why are you so scared? You were in a war!
Frank Barone: That was different! They gave me a rifle!
Ray Barone': I'm just glad they took it back.
Ray Barone: Come on! Why are you so scared? You were in a war!
Frank Barone: That was different! They gave me a rifle!
Ray Barone': I'm just glad they took it back.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray Barone: One time, when we snuck out to a concert, Robert stole a bottle of peppermints snoptz from your liquor cabinet.
Robert Barone: HE'S LYING!
Frank Barone: I know he is, because I had that cabinet padlocked.
Ray Barone: Yes, that's why he had to inch it away from the wall and pop out the back panel.
Marie Barone: You drank?
Frank Barone: You popped out the back panel?!
Ray Barone: And after the concert, Robert was so "snockered", that he'd fight anyone who didn't agree that "Bungle in the Jungle" was the best song ever written!
Robert Barone: It's a great song, but this is LIES
Robert Barone: HE'S LYING!
Frank Barone: I know he is, because I had that cabinet padlocked.
Ray Barone: Yes, that's why he had to inch it away from the wall and pop out the back panel.
Marie Barone: You drank?
Frank Barone: You popped out the back panel?!
Ray Barone: And after the concert, Robert was so "snockered", that he'd fight anyone who didn't agree that "Bungle in the Jungle" was the best song ever written!
Robert Barone: It's a great song, but this is LIES
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Robert Barone: Okay, got you a new plunger.
Debra Barone: Oh, thanks Robert. Michael flushed an action figure.
Robert Barone: What are you feeding that kid?!
Debra Barone: Oh, thanks Robert. Michael flushed an action figure.
Robert Barone: What are you feeding that kid?!
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray Barone: A mid-life crisis? I don't want one of those.
Doug Heffernan: I do. I can't wait for mine. I'm going to get a Harley and a girl who's impressed by Harleys.
Ray Barone: Debra won't let me have either of those.
Doug Heffernan: I do. I can't wait for mine. I'm going to get a Harley and a girl who's impressed by Harleys.
Ray Barone: Debra won't let me have either of those.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Robert Barone: I see a lot of bad things.
Ray Barone: What, with being a cop and all?
Robert Barone: Mom and Dad.
Ray Barone: What, with being a cop and all?
Robert Barone: Mom and Dad.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Andy: You wanna go to the track?
Ray Barone: No.
Andy: Come on, that horse is running. I know the trainer.
Doug Heffernan: Yeah... that doesn't mean he's going to win.
Andy: Yeah, but we can feed him after!
Ray Barone: No.
Andy: Come on, that horse is running. I know the trainer.
Doug Heffernan: Yeah... that doesn't mean he's going to win.
Andy: Yeah, but we can feed him after!
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
[Ray's just told his friends he's going to propose to Debra.]
Doug Heffernan: What's she going to say?
Ray Barone: She's going to say "Why are Doug and Andy here?".
Doug Heffernan: What's she going to say?
Ray Barone: She's going to say "Why are Doug and Andy here?".
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray Barone: My god, I am a jackass.
Robert Barone: I think you're supposed to put the accent on the "jack".
Robert Barone: I think you're supposed to put the accent on the "jack".
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Doctor: Hey, Ray, have a seat.
Ray Barone: Oh, boy, what's that supposed to mean?
Doctor: It means you're welcome to sit.
Ray Barone: Oh, boy, what's that supposed to mean?
Doctor: It means you're welcome to sit.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
[Ray is interviewing Barry Bonds.]
Barry Bonds: Excuse me, do you have change for the phone?
Ray Barone: Yeah, sure. What do you need me to break a million?
Barry Bonds: C'mon, what is it with you reporters always getting on me about my salary?
Ray Barone: It's funny, calling $7 million a salary.
Barry Bonds: What do you make?
Ray Barone: That's kind of personal.
Barry Bonds: Exactly.
Ray Barone: But what you make is news, because it's so gigantic.
Barry Bonds: What do you make, really? About, say $50,000 a year?
Ray Barone: Yeah, about that.
Barry Bonds: Okay, that's two columns a week, about eight columns a month. About $500 for every column.
Ray Barone: It is?
Barry Bonds: Yeah, it's $1 a word. For every little word like "the" and "a", if you hit the letter "a", it's $1.
Ray Barone: Heh, I guess I'm doing all right then.
Barry Bonds: You see?
Ray Barone: Yeah.
Barry Bonds: So, can I borrow a quarter for the phone?
Ray Barone: Here, take two.
Barry Bonds: Excuse me, do you have change for the phone?
Ray Barone: Yeah, sure. What do you need me to break a million?
Barry Bonds: C'mon, what is it with you reporters always getting on me about my salary?
Ray Barone: It's funny, calling $7 million a salary.
Barry Bonds: What do you make?
Ray Barone: That's kind of personal.
Barry Bonds: Exactly.
Ray Barone: But what you make is news, because it's so gigantic.
Barry Bonds: What do you make, really? About, say $50,000 a year?
Ray Barone: Yeah, about that.
Barry Bonds: Okay, that's two columns a week, about eight columns a month. About $500 for every column.
Ray Barone: It is?
Barry Bonds: Yeah, it's $1 a word. For every little word like "the" and "a", if you hit the letter "a", it's $1.
Ray Barone: Heh, I guess I'm doing all right then.
Barry Bonds: You see?
Ray Barone: Yeah.
Barry Bonds: So, can I borrow a quarter for the phone?
Ray Barone: Here, take two.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
[Ray and Debra are in bed trying to sleep. Ray starts moving about.]
Debra Barone: What? What's the problem?
Ray Barone: Gotta go to the bathroom.
Debra Barone: So go.
Ray Barone: No. Too tired. I gotta go all the way around and come all the way back. I hate this side of the bed. You're closer. You go to the bathroom for me.
Debra Barone: Not this again. Ray, you chose that side, you wanted that side, you made your bed so just shut up in it.
Ray Barone: I never should've took this side. I went with my childhood instinct. I took the side away from the door incase the boogieman comes in. If the boogieman gets you, I'm in my spaceship by then.
Debra Barone: What if he comes in through the window?
[Ray's eyes widen.]
Debra Barone: What? What's the problem?
Ray Barone: Gotta go to the bathroom.
Debra Barone: So go.
Ray Barone: No. Too tired. I gotta go all the way around and come all the way back. I hate this side of the bed. You're closer. You go to the bathroom for me.
Debra Barone: Not this again. Ray, you chose that side, you wanted that side, you made your bed so just shut up in it.
Ray Barone: I never should've took this side. I went with my childhood instinct. I took the side away from the door incase the boogieman comes in. If the boogieman gets you, I'm in my spaceship by then.
Debra Barone: What if he comes in through the window?
[Ray's eyes widen.]
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
[Ray interviews Kristi Yamaguchi in the Women's changing room.]
Kristi Yamaguchi: Come on in. Do you mind doing the interview in here?
[Ray takes a quick look around.]
Ray Barone: Not at all. It's just a little weird. I've never been in a women's locker room before. Once, in seventh grade. The guys pushed me in, but that was only for a second. It's been a big deal for female reporters going into male locker rooms. I know how they feel. Okay. So, let's just start. Kristi, Olympic gold medal, world championship, the cover of People magazine... what's next for you?
[[Kristi throws her clothes down, in front of Ray. Ray looks up and smirks.]
Ray Barone: You have an outie? I would've taken you for an innie.
Kristi Yamaguchi: Come on in. Do you mind doing the interview in here?
[Ray takes a quick look around.]
Ray Barone: Not at all. It's just a little weird. I've never been in a women's locker room before. Once, in seventh grade. The guys pushed me in, but that was only for a second. It's been a big deal for female reporters going into male locker rooms. I know how they feel. Okay. So, let's just start. Kristi, Olympic gold medal, world championship, the cover of People magazine... what's next for you?
[[Kristi throws her clothes down, in front of Ray. Ray looks up and smirks.]
Ray Barone: You have an outie? I would've taken you for an innie.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond