Everybody Loves Raymond Quotes
Marie Barone: We used to be happy, remember Frank?
Frank Barone: Then the meteor hit and killed all the dinosaurs. Except for one.
Frank Barone: Then the meteor hit and killed all the dinosaurs. Except for one.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Debra Barone: Gianni, while you're out getting a stove, could you pick up a spine for my husband?
Gianni: Why don't I just get you a new husband? 'Cause I know this one's leaking gas.
Gianni: Why don't I just get you a new husband? 'Cause I know this one's leaking gas.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Debra Barone: Maybe Peter could stay at our house tonight.
Ray Barone: What? No, no, no... our house... it's broken.
Ray Barone: What? No, no, no... our house... it's broken.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Frank Barone: I checked the washing-machine, and there was nothing wrong with it.
Ray Barone: Well, thats good.
Frank Barone: So, I took it apart.
Ray Barone: Well, thats good.
Frank Barone: So, I took it apart.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Debra Barone: I love surprises.
Ray Barone: Go upstairs and I'll surprise the hell out of you.
Ray Barone: Go upstairs and I'll surprise the hell out of you.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray Barone: I'll tell you what, my mother and my father... we're through with them!
Debra Barone: You read my letter to Santa!
Debra Barone: You read my letter to Santa!
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Frank Barone: You know what makes this sandwich so great? Doesn't come with a side of Marie.
[Marie walks in.]
Marie Barone: Frank!
Ray Barone: Somebody screwed up your order.
[Marie walks in.]
Marie Barone: Frank!
Ray Barone: Somebody screwed up your order.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Frank Barone: Am I dying?
Robert Barone: No dad, you're not dying.
Frank Barone: Then turn the TV back on.
Robert Barone: No dad, you're not dying.
Frank Barone: Then turn the TV back on.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray Barone: Debra bets the kids that I'll do stupid stuff.
Robert Barone: Are the betting windows still open?
Robert Barone: Are the betting windows still open?
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray Barone: What time you got?
Robert Barone: 6: 25.
Ray Barone: You don't got 6: 26?
Robert Barone: I will in a minute.
Robert Barone: 6: 25.
Ray Barone: You don't got 6: 26?
Robert Barone: I will in a minute.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray Barone: That's a lot of money to pay for a dress.
Debra Barone: Well, you've never been a 13-year-old girl.
Ray Barone: You know, you're really running out of things to criticize me about.
Debra Barone: Well, you've never been a 13-year-old girl.
Ray Barone: You know, you're really running out of things to criticize me about.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Frank Barone: Let me tell you something – you want your kids to hate you. If your kids like you, you've failed as parents.
Robert Barone: Allow me to congratulate you on your magnificent success.
Robert Barone: Allow me to congratulate you on your magnificent success.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Marie Barone: You are not getting a TV in the bathroom!
Frank Barone: Then I'm bringing the toilet into the living room.
Frank Barone: Then I'm bringing the toilet into the living room.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Robert Barone: You mean this is where we're doing it? In your basement?
Ray Barone: Yeah.
Robert Barone: It's supposed to look like a $2,000 picture.
Ray Barone: Well, just stand up against the backdrop. It's very nice.
Robert Barone: You mean your bedspread? It's like a porn shoot.
Ray Barone: Yeah.
Robert Barone: It's supposed to look like a $2,000 picture.
Ray Barone: Well, just stand up against the backdrop. It's very nice.
Robert Barone: You mean your bedspread? It's like a porn shoot.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Debra Barone: Robert, I just think that's terrific. I have always said that you were handsome.
Ray Barone: And then we would laugh and laugh and laugh.
Ray Barone: And then we would laugh and laugh and laugh.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Amy MacDougall: While we were waiting for our order in the bar, Robert got discovered!
Debra Barone: What do you mean?
Ray Barone: Discovered as in, "Hey, I found Bigfoot"?
Debra Barone: What do you mean?
Ray Barone: Discovered as in, "Hey, I found Bigfoot"?
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Frank Barone: Don't talk to your mother like that!
Ray Barone: You do!
Frank Barone: She's not my mother!
Ray Barone: You do!
Frank Barone: She's not my mother!
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Andy: I'll go with you. I wanna stretch my legs.
Gianni: What, so your feet can touch the floor?
Gianni: What, so your feet can touch the floor?
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Robert Barone: I told him, Ma, you must always be sensitive to your woman's emotions.
Frank Barone: You, my boy, are a girl!
Frank Barone: You, my boy, are a girl!
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Amy MacDougall: I should've realized guys just want to watch TV and be left alone.
Frank Barone: Amy, will you marry me?
Frank Barone: Amy, will you marry me?
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Robert Barone: I'm going to help Amy pick out drapes.
Ray Barone: If there's any material left over, maybe you can make yourself a little skirt.
Ray Barone: If there's any material left over, maybe you can make yourself a little skirt.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Robert Barone: I never thought I'd have three women in my whole life.
Frank Barone: We all lost money on that bet.
Frank Barone: We all lost money on that bet.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Debra Barone: Are you saying my children look like hobos?
Marie Barone: No, don't be silly! Hobos have beards.
Marie Barone: No, don't be silly! Hobos have beards.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Debra Barone: Was my hair long or short when we met?
Ray Barone: I dunno. I know one thing for sure, though, it was blonde.
[Debra gives him a look.]
Ray Barone: Oh, no, that wasn't you.
Ray Barone: I dunno. I know one thing for sure, though, it was blonde.
[Debra gives him a look.]
Ray Barone: Oh, no, that wasn't you.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Frank Barone: You're a real funny team, you two. You're a regular Bob and Ray.
Robert Barone: You know, I never thought of that. We are a Bob and Ray.
Ray Barone: Yeah, I'll be Ray.
Robert Barone: You know, I never thought of that. We are a Bob and Ray.
Ray Barone: Yeah, I'll be Ray.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
[Robert walks in on Amy cooking.]
Robert Barone: Boy, does that smell good. Doesn't that smell good? What is it, Amy?
Amy MacDougall Barone: It's boiling water.
Robert Barone: Boy, does that smell good. Doesn't that smell good? What is it, Amy?
Amy MacDougall Barone: It's boiling water.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Marie Barone: Oh, you're back. How was the movie?
Ray Barone: Sensitive.
Ray Barone: Sensitive.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Frank Barone: Hey, your answering machine is busted.
Ray Barone: Why?
Marie Barone: It fell in some water.
Ray Barone: Why?
Marie Barone: I was washing it.
Ray Barone: [to Debra] You know, it's my fault, really, 'cause I never said; "Don't wash the answering machine".
Frank Barone: Well, the good news is we came up with a better message for you to leave.
Ray Barone: On our next machine?
Frank Barone: Uh, yes. "Hi, this is Debra".
Marie Barone: No, I'm supposed to be Debra.
Frank Barone: No, that's the joke. It's funnier if the guy is Debra.
Marie Barone: Oh, okay, go a head. This is funny.
Frank Barone: "Hi, this is Debra".
Marie Barone: "Hi, I am Raymond".
Frank Barone: No, not "I am Raymond"; "This is Ray".
Marie Barone: What's the difference?
Frank Barone: It's got to be the same.
Debra Barone: Is this the message?
Frank Barone: Again, Marie, again.
Marie Barone: "Hi, this is Ray".
Frank Barone: No, me first.
Marie Barone: What are you yelling about? You just said go ahead.
Frank Barone: No, I'm supposed to say "This is Debra" and you're supposed to say "This is Ray".
Ray Barone: Beep.
Ray Barone: Why?
Marie Barone: It fell in some water.
Ray Barone: Why?
Marie Barone: I was washing it.
Ray Barone: [to Debra] You know, it's my fault, really, 'cause I never said; "Don't wash the answering machine".
Frank Barone: Well, the good news is we came up with a better message for you to leave.
Ray Barone: On our next machine?
Frank Barone: Uh, yes. "Hi, this is Debra".
Marie Barone: No, I'm supposed to be Debra.
Frank Barone: No, that's the joke. It's funnier if the guy is Debra.
Marie Barone: Oh, okay, go a head. This is funny.
Frank Barone: "Hi, this is Debra".
Marie Barone: "Hi, I am Raymond".
Frank Barone: No, not "I am Raymond"; "This is Ray".
Marie Barone: What's the difference?
Frank Barone: It's got to be the same.
Debra Barone: Is this the message?
Frank Barone: Again, Marie, again.
Marie Barone: "Hi, this is Ray".
Frank Barone: No, me first.
Marie Barone: What are you yelling about? You just said go ahead.
Frank Barone: No, I'm supposed to say "This is Debra" and you're supposed to say "This is Ray".
Ray Barone: Beep.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Frank Barone: I want the eggs fluffy today. Fluffy. You making them fluffly?
Marie Barone: Who you talking to? I know how you like your eggs.
Frank Barone: All I'm saying is today I want my eggs fluffy.
Marie Barone: Fine. So, for forty years you've been unhappy with the eggs?
Frank Barone: No, the eggs have been a highlight. It's the side order of you.
Marie Barone: Who you talking to? I know how you like your eggs.
Frank Barone: All I'm saying is today I want my eggs fluffy.
Marie Barone: Fine. So, for forty years you've been unhappy with the eggs?
Frank Barone: No, the eggs have been a highlight. It's the side order of you.
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Marie Barone: You remember your cousin Gerard?
Ray Barone: Oh no.
Marie Barone: Oh, it was so cute. You used to play together.
Ray Barone: Yeah, we used to play "Run away from Gerard".
Ray Barone: Oh no.
Marie Barone: Oh, it was so cute. You used to play together.
Ray Barone: Yeah, we used to play "Run away from Gerard".
TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond