Firefly Quotes
Mal: Zoe, would you get Wash?
Zoë: [on the intercom] This is Zoe. We need all personnel in the cargo bay.
Mal: "All"? I said Wash!
Zoe: Captain, everyone should have a chance to congratulate you on your day of bliss.
Mal: There's no bliss. I don't know this girl!
Jayne: Then can I know her?
Zoe: Jayne! Don't sully this.
Mal: You are going to be cleaning out latrines with your face if you don't cut that out.
Zoë: [on the intercom] This is Zoe. We need all personnel in the cargo bay.
Mal: "All"? I said Wash!
Zoe: Captain, everyone should have a chance to congratulate you on your day of bliss.
Mal: There's no bliss. I don't know this girl!
Jayne: Then can I know her?
Zoe: Jayne! Don't sully this.
Mal: You are going to be cleaning out latrines with your face if you don't cut that out.
TV Show: Firefly
[Mal's insensitive remarks and horror at being wed have reduced his new bride to tears.]
Wash: You brute.
Kaylee: Oh, sweetie, don't feel bad. He makes everybody cry. He's like a monster.
Mal: I'm not a monster!
Wash: You brute.
Kaylee: Oh, sweetie, don't feel bad. He makes everybody cry. He's like a monster.
Mal: I'm not a monster!
TV Show: Firefly
[Mal is alarmed about his new bride's expectations and attitudes.]
Mal: Someone ever tries to kill you, you try to kill 'em right back! Wife or no, you are no one's property to be tossed aside. You got the right same as anyone to live and try to kill people.
Mal: Someone ever tries to kill you, you try to kill 'em right back! Wife or no, you are no one's property to be tossed aside. You got the right same as anyone to live and try to kill people.
TV Show: Firefly
Book: If you take sexual advantage of her, you're going to burn in a very special level of Hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater.
TV Show: Firefly
[Wash and Zoe find Mal enjoying Saffron's culinary skills.]
Wash: Is there any more where that came from?
Saffron: [to Mal] I didn't think to make enough for your friends... [to Zoe] But everything's laid out if you'd like to cook for your husband.
[Wash turns to Zoe, who gives him a look.]
Wash: [nervously] Z— heh-heh... Isn't she quaint? I'm just not hungry.
Zoe: So… are you enjoying your own nubile little slave girl?
Mal: She wanted to make me dinner. Well, at least she's not cryin'.
Wash: I might. Did she really make fresh bao?
[Zoe glares at Wash.]
Wash: ...Quaint!
Zoe: Remember that sex we were planning to have, ever again?
Wash: Is there any more where that came from?
Saffron: [to Mal] I didn't think to make enough for your friends... [to Zoe] But everything's laid out if you'd like to cook for your husband.
[Wash turns to Zoe, who gives him a look.]
Wash: [nervously] Z— heh-heh... Isn't she quaint? I'm just not hungry.
Zoe: So… are you enjoying your own nubile little slave girl?
Mal: She wanted to make me dinner. Well, at least she's not cryin'.
Wash: I might. Did she really make fresh bao?
[Zoe glares at Wash.]
Wash: ...Quaint!
Zoe: Remember that sex we were planning to have, ever again?
TV Show: Firefly
Mal: I would appreciate it if one person on this boat would not assume I'm an evil, lecherous hump.
Zoe: No one's saying that, sir.
Wash: Yeah, we're pretty much just giving each other significant glances and laughing incessantly.
Zoe: No one's saying that, sir.
Wash: Yeah, we're pretty much just giving each other significant glances and laughing incessantly.
TV Show: Firefly
[Wash and Zoe discuss Saffron's oddities.]
Wash: Every planet has its own weird customs. About a year before we met, I spent six weeks on a moon where the principal form of recreation was juggling geese. My hand to God. Baby geese. Goslings. They were juggled.
Wash: Every planet has its own weird customs. About a year before we met, I spent six weeks on a moon where the principal form of recreation was juggling geese. My hand to God. Baby geese. Goslings. They were juggled.
TV Show: Firefly
[Jayne menacingly approaches Mal with a huge weapon.]
Jayne: Six men came to kill me one time. The best of 'em carried this. It's a Callahan full-bore auto-lock. Customized trigger. Double cartridge thorough gauge. It is my very favorite gun.
[He hands it to Mal.]
Mal: Da-shiong bao-jah-shr duh la doo-tze... Are you offering me a trade?
Jayne: A trade? Hell, that's theft! This is the best damn gun made by man. It has extreme sentimental value. It's miles more worthy'n what you got.
Mal: What I got? She has a name!
Jayne: So does this! [caresses the gun lovingly] I call it Vera.
Mal: Well, my days of not taking you seriously are certainly comin' to a middle.
Jayne: Six men came to kill me one time. The best of 'em carried this. It's a Callahan full-bore auto-lock. Customized trigger. Double cartridge thorough gauge. It is my very favorite gun.
[He hands it to Mal.]
Mal: Da-shiong bao-jah-shr duh la doo-tze... Are you offering me a trade?
Jayne: A trade? Hell, that's theft! This is the best damn gun made by man. It has extreme sentimental value. It's miles more worthy'n what you got.
Mal: What I got? She has a name!
Jayne: So does this! [caresses the gun lovingly] I call it Vera.
Mal: Well, my days of not taking you seriously are certainly comin' to a middle.
TV Show: Firefly
[Mal is disconcerted to find Saffron in his bed, wearing only a bedsheet.]
Saffron: But we've been wed. Aren't… we to become one flesh?
Mal: Well, no, uh… we're still two fleshes here, and... I think... that your flesh oughta… sleep somewhere else.
Saffron: I'm sorry. When we talked, I'd hoped, but I—
[She gestures with her hands, losing the sheet. Mal turns away.]
Mal: Whoa, hey! Flesh. Um... Saffron... i-it... it ain't a question of pleasing me. It's more a question of what's...
[Mal, breathing heavily, strains not to look at the naked woman.]
Mal: ...um... of what's morally right.
Saffron: I do know my Bible, sir. [Recites a fictional bible verse] "On the night of their betrothal, the wife shall open to the man as the furrow to the plow, and he shall work in her, in and again, till she bring him to his fall, and rest him then upon the sweat of her breast."
[Cut to Mal, who is openly staring now.]
Mal: Whoa. Good Bible.
. . .
Mal: ...it's been a while—a long, damn while—since anybody but me took ahold of my plow…
. . .
[Saffron stands up from the bed and slowly approaches a stunned Mal.]
Saffron: If I'm wed, I'm a woman, and I'll take your leave to be bold. I want this. I swell to think of you in me.
[She looks down.]
Saffron: And I see that you do, too.
Mal: Oh, th-th— that's just, uh...
Saffron: Leave me at the nearest port. Never look upon me again. I'll make my way with the strength that you've taught me. Only let me have my wedding night.
Mal: [resignedly] Oh, I'm gonna go to the special hell.
Saffron: But we've been wed. Aren't… we to become one flesh?
Mal: Well, no, uh… we're still two fleshes here, and... I think... that your flesh oughta… sleep somewhere else.
Saffron: I'm sorry. When we talked, I'd hoped, but I—
[She gestures with her hands, losing the sheet. Mal turns away.]
Mal: Whoa, hey! Flesh. Um... Saffron... i-it... it ain't a question of pleasing me. It's more a question of what's...
[Mal, breathing heavily, strains not to look at the naked woman.]
Mal: ...um... of what's morally right.
Saffron: I do know my Bible, sir. [Recites a fictional bible verse] "On the night of their betrothal, the wife shall open to the man as the furrow to the plow, and he shall work in her, in and again, till she bring him to his fall, and rest him then upon the sweat of her breast."
[Cut to Mal, who is openly staring now.]
Mal: Whoa. Good Bible.
. . .
Mal: ...it's been a while—a long, damn while—since anybody but me took ahold of my plow…
. . .
[Saffron stands up from the bed and slowly approaches a stunned Mal.]
Saffron: If I'm wed, I'm a woman, and I'll take your leave to be bold. I want this. I swell to think of you in me.
[She looks down.]
Saffron: And I see that you do, too.
Mal: Oh, th-th— that's just, uh...
Saffron: Leave me at the nearest port. Never look upon me again. I'll make my way with the strength that you've taught me. Only let me have my wedding night.
Mal: [resignedly] Oh, I'm gonna go to the special hell.
TV Show: Firefly
Mal: [After kissing Saffron he begins rubbing his mouth] Son of a... [falls over unconscious]
TV Show: Firefly
Inara: [After kissing Mal when she discovers he is not dead. She begins rubbing her mouth in a similar way] Oh you stupid son of a... [she also falls over unconscious]
TV Show: Firefly
[After closing the bridge door, Saffron grabs Wash's hand and pulls him close. They stare at the stars.]
Saffron: Do you know the myth of Earth-That-Was?
Wash: Not so much.
Saffron: That when she was born, she had no sky, and was open, inviting. And the stars would rush into her, through the skin of her…
Wash: Huh.
Saffron: ...making the oceans boil with sensation. And when she could endure no more ecstasy, she puffed up her cheeks and blew out the sky.
Wash: Whoa. Good myth.
. . .
Saffron: Make this night what it should be. Please? Show me the stars.
Wash: Wuh duh ma huh ta duh fung-kwong duh wai-shung doh... I wish I was somebody else right now. Somebody not… married, not... madly in love with a beautiful woman who... can... kill me with her pinkie!
Saffron: Do you know the myth of Earth-That-Was?
Wash: Not so much.
Saffron: That when she was born, she had no sky, and was open, inviting. And the stars would rush into her, through the skin of her…
Wash: Huh.
Saffron: ...making the oceans boil with sensation. And when she could endure no more ecstasy, she puffed up her cheeks and blew out the sky.
Wash: Whoa. Good myth.
. . .
Saffron: Make this night what it should be. Please? Show me the stars.
Wash: Wuh duh ma huh ta duh fung-kwong duh wai-shung doh... I wish I was somebody else right now. Somebody not… married, not... madly in love with a beautiful woman who... can... kill me with her pinkie!
TV Show: Firefly
[Simon describes how Saffron's lip-delivered drug is well-known to doctors.]
Simon: They called it the "good-night" kiss.
Zoe: So you two were kissin'?
Book: Well, isn't that... special[Referring to the "special hell" he threatend Mal with when he would take sexual advantage of "Saffron"]?
Simon: They called it the "good-night" kiss.
Zoe: So you two were kissin'?
Book: Well, isn't that... special[Referring to the "special hell" he threatend Mal with when he would take sexual advantage of "Saffron"]?
TV Show: Firefly
Zoe: If she can fly this thing, why just take the shuttle?
Wash: Maybe she likes shuttles.
[Everyone stares at him.]
Wash: Some people juggle geese!
Wash: Maybe she likes shuttles.
[Everyone stares at him.]
Wash: Some people juggle geese!
TV Show: Firefly
[Mal is somewhat relieved to hear Inara describe Saffron as Companion Academy-trained. He points at a disapproving Book.]
Mal: You woulda kissed her too.
Zoe: Wash didn't.
Mal: But she was naked! And all... articulate!
Wash: Okay! Everybody not talking about sex, in here. Everybody else, elsewhere.
Mal: You woulda kissed her too.
Zoe: Wash didn't.
Mal: But she was naked! And all... articulate!
Wash: Okay! Everybody not talking about sex, in here. Everybody else, elsewhere.
TV Show: Firefly
[Jayne takes aim at the Net with his favorite weapon.]
Jayne: See, Vera? Dress yourself up, you get taken out somewhere fun.
Jayne: See, Vera? Dress yourself up, you get taken out somewhere fun.
TV Show: Firefly
(Mal has kissed Kaylee on the head)
Wash: Captain, don't you know kissin' girls makes you sleepy?
Mal: Sometimes, I just can't help myself.
Wash: Captain, don't you know kissin' girls makes you sleepy?
Mal: Sometimes, I just can't help myself.
TV Show: Firefly
(Mal bursts in on Saffron, gun drawn)
Mal: Honey, I'm home.
(Saffron tries to grab the gun away, but Mal wrestles her onto the bed.)
Mal: Looks like you get that wedding night after all.
(Saffron fights back harder and they end up on the floor.)
Mal: It's the first time, darlin', I think you should be gentle with me.
Saffron: You gonna kill me?
Mal: Can you conjure up a terribly compelling reason for me not to?
Saffron: I didn't kill you.
Mal: You handed me and my crew over to those that would kill us. That buys you nothing.
Saffron: [smiles] I made you dinner.
Mal: Why the act? All the seduction games, the dancin' around folk, there has to be an easier way to steal.
Saffron: You're assuming the point is the paycheck.
Mal: I'm not assuming anything at this point.
Saffron: How'd you find me?
Mal: Only a couple places that shuttle would make it to from where you left… happy to find it intact.
Saffron: You're quite a man, Malcolm Reynolds. [Seductively] I've been waiting a long time for someone good enough to take me down.
Mal: Saffron, you even think about playing me again I will riddle you with holes.
Saffron: Everybody plays each other. That's all anybody ever does. We play parts.
Mal: You've got all kinds o' learnin' and you made me look the fool without even trying, yet here I am, with a gun to your head. That's 'cause I got people with me. People who trust each other, who do for each other, and ain't always lookin' for the advantage.
Saffron: Promise me you're gonna kill me soon.
Mal: (gets off her) Oh, you already know I ain't gonna.
Saffron: (sits up) You know, you did pretty well. Most men, they're on me
Mal: Honey, I'm home.
(Saffron tries to grab the gun away, but Mal wrestles her onto the bed.)
Mal: Looks like you get that wedding night after all.
(Saffron fights back harder and they end up on the floor.)
Mal: It's the first time, darlin', I think you should be gentle with me.
Saffron: You gonna kill me?
Mal: Can you conjure up a terribly compelling reason for me not to?
Saffron: I didn't kill you.
Mal: You handed me and my crew over to those that would kill us. That buys you nothing.
Saffron: [smiles] I made you dinner.
Mal: Why the act? All the seduction games, the dancin' around folk, there has to be an easier way to steal.
Saffron: You're assuming the point is the paycheck.
Mal: I'm not assuming anything at this point.
Saffron: How'd you find me?
Mal: Only a couple places that shuttle would make it to from where you left… happy to find it intact.
Saffron: You're quite a man, Malcolm Reynolds. [Seductively] I've been waiting a long time for someone good enough to take me down.
Mal: Saffron, you even think about playing me again I will riddle you with holes.
Saffron: Everybody plays each other. That's all anybody ever does. We play parts.
Mal: You've got all kinds o' learnin' and you made me look the fool without even trying, yet here I am, with a gun to your head. That's 'cause I got people with me. People who trust each other, who do for each other, and ain't always lookin' for the advantage.
Saffron: Promise me you're gonna kill me soon.
Mal: (gets off her) Oh, you already know I ain't gonna.
Saffron: (sits up) You know, you did pretty well. Most men, they're on me
TV Show: Firefly
Mal: You're a very graceful woman, Inara.
Inara: [surprised] I... thank you
Mal: So here's where I'm fuzzy. You got by that girl, came and found me, and somehow you happen to just trip and fall.
Inara: What do you mean?
Mal: Come on, Inara. How's about we don't play. You didn't just trip, did you?
(pause)
Inara: No.
[You will remember that Inara kissed Mal while he was unconscious and that was why she passed out]
Mal: Well, isn't that something.
(Mal smiles)
Mal: I knew you let her kiss you.
(Mal leaves, whistling, while Inara just stares)
Inara: [surprised] I... thank you
Mal: So here's where I'm fuzzy. You got by that girl, came and found me, and somehow you happen to just trip and fall.
Inara: What do you mean?
Mal: Come on, Inara. How's about we don't play. You didn't just trip, did you?
(pause)
Inara: No.
[You will remember that Inara kissed Mal while he was unconscious and that was why she passed out]
Mal: Well, isn't that something.
(Mal smiles)
Mal: I knew you let her kiss you.
(Mal leaves, whistling, while Inara just stares)
TV Show: Firefly
[Kaylee has expressed her belief that Simon doesn't swear]
Simon: I swear... when it's appropriate.
Kaylee: Simon, the whole point of swearing is that it ain't appropriate.
Simon: I swear... when it's appropriate.
Kaylee: Simon, the whole point of swearing is that it ain't appropriate.
TV Show: Firefly
[Companion Inara leaves for an appointment.]
Kaylee: Bye now. Have good sex.
[Simon looks aghast at Kaylee.]
Kaylee: What?
Kaylee: Bye now. Have good sex.
[Simon looks aghast at Kaylee.]
Kaylee: What?
TV Show: Firefly
[Jayne is in the infirmary, which is in total disarray, taping a gun to his midriff]
Simon: What... happened in here?
Jayne: Needed to find some tape.
Simon: So you had to tear my infirmary apart?
Jayne: [Looks around himself] Apparently.
Simon: My God. You're like a trained ape... without the training!
Simon: What... happened in here?
Jayne: Needed to find some tape.
Simon: So you had to tear my infirmary apart?
Jayne: [Looks around himself] Apparently.
Simon: My God. You're like a trained ape... without the training!
TV Show: Firefly
Mal: Jayne, I told you we were settin' down on the Canton factory settlement on Higgins' Moon?
Jayne: Yep, that ya did.
Mal: Canton don't allow guns in their town.
Jayne: Yes sir, s'why I ain't strappin' one to my hip.
Mal: No, that's why you ain't strappin' one anywhere.
Jayne: Oh, listen Mal, I was in Canton a few years back. Might've made me a few enemies thereabouts.
Simon: [sarcastically] Enemies? You? No, how can it be?
Jayne: Yep, that ya did.
Mal: Canton don't allow guns in their town.
Jayne: Yes sir, s'why I ain't strappin' one to my hip.
Mal: No, that's why you ain't strappin' one anywhere.
Jayne: Oh, listen Mal, I was in Canton a few years back. Might've made me a few enemies thereabouts.
Simon: [sarcastically] Enemies? You? No, how can it be?
TV Show: Firefly
Simon: Canton really... stinks.
Mal: That's what makes it such a good drop point. No one comes through here that doesn't have to.
Wash: I vote we do this job really really fast.
Mal: That's what makes it such a good drop point. No one comes through here that doesn't have to.
Wash: I vote we do this job really really fast.
TV Show: Firefly
Mal: The management here don't take too kindly to sightseers, [which is] why we're posin' as buyers. There ain't-a one of us looks the part more than the good doctor. I mean, the pretty fits, soft hands, definitely a moneyed individual. All rich and lily-white, pasty all over—
Simon: All right! Fine, I'll go. Just... stop describing me.
Mal: You're the boss, boss.
Jayne: He's the boss now?
Simon: All right! Fine, I'll go. Just... stop describing me.
Mal: You're the boss, boss.
Jayne: He's the boss now?
TV Show: Firefly
Foreman: We've over 2,000 workers, mostly indentured. We pay them next to nothing. That way, we can pass the savings directly on to you, the customer.
. . .
[Simon struggles to keep up with the foreman.]
Simon: Yes. I... I-I've heard great, uh... um, uh... things about mud...
[Wash turns to Kaylee.]
Wash: What happened to Simon? Who is this diabolical master of disguise?
. . .
[Simon struggles to keep up with the foreman.]
Simon: Yes. I... I-I've heard great, uh... um, uh... things about mud...
[Wash turns to Kaylee.]
Wash: What happened to Simon? Who is this diabolical master of disguise?
TV Show: Firefly
[Jayne, dressed in a bulky hooded coat and goggles, keeps his head down as they walk past the workers.]
Wash: You haven't been here in years, Jayne. You really think you need that getup? No one's gonna remember you.
Mal: I think it's possible they might.
[They all look up to see an elevated, life-sized mud statue of Jayne.]
Simon: Son of a bitch!
. . .
Mal: You wanna tell me how come there's a statue here, lookin' at me like I owe him something?
Jayne: Wishin' I could, cap'n.
Mal: No, seriously, Jayne, you want to tell me...?
Jayne: Look, Mal, I got no ruttin' idea. I was here a few years back, like I said. Pulled a second-story, stole a lot of scratch from the magistrate up on the hill. But things went way south. I had to hightail it. They don't... put you on a pedestal in town square for that.
Mal: Yeah, 'cept I'm looking at some fair compelling evidence says they do.
[Simon is just staring at the statue]
Simon: This must be what going mad feels like.
Wash: You haven't been here in years, Jayne. You really think you need that getup? No one's gonna remember you.
Mal: I think it's possible they might.
[They all look up to see an elevated, life-sized mud statue of Jayne.]
Simon: Son of a bitch!
. . .
Mal: You wanna tell me how come there's a statue here, lookin' at me like I owe him something?
Jayne: Wishin' I could, cap'n.
Mal: No, seriously, Jayne, you want to tell me...?
Jayne: Look, Mal, I got no ruttin' idea. I was here a few years back, like I said. Pulled a second-story, stole a lot of scratch from the magistrate up on the hill. But things went way south. I had to hightail it. They don't... put you on a pedestal in town square for that.
Mal: Yeah, 'cept I'm looking at some fair compelling evidence says they do.
[Simon is just staring at the statue]
Simon: This must be what going mad feels like.
TV Show: Firefly