Frasier Quotes
Frasier: Niles, I'm sorry. It turns out Claire and I are going to Belize after all. You and Daphne will have to go some place else.
Niles: Wait. Daphne has her heart set to Belize.
Frasier: Niles, this is not Cranes Go Caribbean! I want to be alone with Claire.
Niles: Wait. Daphne has her heart set to Belize.
Frasier: Niles, this is not Cranes Go Caribbean! I want to be alone with Claire.
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier is waiting to retrieve some lost luggage. Bob Gardner walks in. This is the first time they meet
Bob: Have you been waiting here long?
Frasier: Time is irrelevant here in the Seventh Circle of Hell.
Bob: Have you been waiting here long?
Frasier: Time is irrelevant here in the Seventh Circle of Hell.
TV Show: Frasier
Kirby's ex-girlfriend has just arrived unexpectedly at his graduation party, and is furious when she meets his “other lady”
Roz: I was never his lady.
Kirby: Damn, baby, that’s cold!
Kristi: She’s old enough to be your mother, practically.
Roz: Damn, baby, now that’s cold!
Roz: I was never his lady.
Kirby: Damn, baby, that’s cold!
Kristi: She’s old enough to be your mother, practically.
Roz: Damn, baby, now that’s cold!
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier is consoling Lana after Bob leaves
Lana: You are a really good f...
Frasier: Don’t. Don’t use the F word.
Lana: (laughs) I wasn’t about to! I was gonna say we’re friends!
Lana: You are a really good f...
Frasier: Don’t. Don’t use the F word.
Lana: (laughs) I wasn’t about to! I was gonna say we’re friends!
TV Show: Frasier
Diane: She tried to kill me once.
Hester: Oh, not this paranoia again!
Diane: You had a gun.
Hester: Oh, not this paranoia again!
Diane: You had a gun.
TV Show: Frasier
The cricket in the apartment is driving Frasier insane
Frasier: Dear God, can't You make him shut up?!
Martin: That prayer doesn't get answered around here.
Frasier: Dear God, can't You make him shut up?!
Martin: That prayer doesn't get answered around here.
TV Show: Frasier
[Daphne knocks at the door of Niles' office]
Niles: Well, this is an unexpected treat.
Daphne: Niles, I have something to tell you.
Niles: Is it that I am the sexiest man you've ever known?
Daphne: No. I-I mean, yes, you are. That's not why I'm here.
Niles: Well, this is an unexpected treat.
Daphne: Niles, I have something to tell you.
Niles: Is it that I am the sexiest man you've ever known?
Daphne: No. I-I mean, yes, you are. That's not why I'm here.
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier has quoted an injurious limerick about himself to Niles
Niles: That's terrible! There's a tense shift, an approximate rhyme, the scansion leaves a lot to be desired…
Frasier: Niles, you're missing the point!
Niles: That's terrible! There's a tense shift, an approximate rhyme, the scansion leaves a lot to be desired…
Frasier: Niles, you're missing the point!
TV Show: Frasier
Daphne has told Niles that as a child she could not pronounce her own name, so her family called her "Dappy"
Niles: Oh, Dad! You'll never guess what silly nickname Daphne was called as a child!
Martin: Is it worse than Piles?
Niles: Oh, Dad! You'll never guess what silly nickname Daphne was called as a child!
Martin: Is it worse than Piles?
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier and Niles are discussing their father, while the chair catches fire unnoticed
Frasier: You know, I've been thinking of sending him someplace.
Niles: Like to a resort?
Frasier: Like to live with you.
Niles: Oh, yes. The last resort.
Frasier: You know, I've been thinking of sending him someplace.
Niles: Like to a resort?
Frasier: Like to live with you.
Niles: Oh, yes. The last resort.
TV Show: Frasier
Roz: It's time for another blooper.
Frasier: Ah, yes. We're up to number four, as voted by you, the listeners. Here's what happened when a certain producer didn't realize her microphone was on during the show...
Roz: [on tape] Now what the [beep] is this? You call this a [beep] paycheck? How the [beep] am I supposed to live on this [beep]? I'm gonna have a little word with that [beep]-damn station manager, walking around here like he owns the mother-[beep]-ing place!
Kenny Daly: [who's entered] Can't believe that wasn't voted number one.
Frasier: Ah, yes. We're up to number four, as voted by you, the listeners. Here's what happened when a certain producer didn't realize her microphone was on during the show...
Roz: [on tape] Now what the [beep] is this? You call this a [beep] paycheck? How the [beep] am I supposed to live on this [beep]? I'm gonna have a little word with that [beep]-damn station manager, walking around here like he owns the mother-[beep]-ing place!
Kenny Daly: [who's entered] Can't believe that wasn't voted number one.
TV Show: Frasier
[Frasier is obsessing over the absence of one tape from his collection.]
Frasier: That's it. I'm quirky. I'm delightfully quirky.
Niles: Do you realize that your delightful quirk has brought your life to a standstill?
Frasier: Niles, I've just finished my two thousandth show. I'm exhausted, physically and emotionally. I believe that I am entitled to an entire weekend of doing nothing, don't you?
Niles: Do you know you have your pyjamas on backwards?
Frasier: Another delightful quirk of mine.
Niles: Not from where I'm sitting.
[When Frasier gets a lead on a missing tape.]
Frasier: I'll put on some pants.
Niles Crane: Zipper goes in front.
Frasier: That's it. I'm quirky. I'm delightfully quirky.
Niles: Do you realize that your delightful quirk has brought your life to a standstill?
Frasier: Niles, I've just finished my two thousandth show. I'm exhausted, physically and emotionally. I believe that I am entitled to an entire weekend of doing nothing, don't you?
Niles: Do you know you have your pyjamas on backwards?
Frasier: Another delightful quirk of mine.
Niles: Not from where I'm sitting.
[When Frasier gets a lead on a missing tape.]
Frasier: I'll put on some pants.
Niles Crane: Zipper goes in front.
TV Show: Frasier
[Daphne is moping about losing Frasier's tape, so Martin shows her how he's covered up breaking a lot of Frasier's "treasures."]
Martin: See that fertility god over there? It used to be a lot more fertile, if you know what I mean.
Martin: See that fertility god over there? It used to be a lot more fertile, if you know what I mean.
TV Show: Frasier
John: Well, cameras never lie and cheaters never prosper.
Frasier: And you never shut up!
Frasier: And you never shut up!
TV Show: Frasier
Niles: [about Martin] You're a grown man. You're still scared of him.
Frasier: Well, you're a grown man. You're still scared of him, too.
Niles: Yeah, well, at least I have a girlfriend.
Frasier: Shut up.
Frasier: Well, you're a grown man. You're still scared of him, too.
Niles: Yeah, well, at least I have a girlfriend.
Frasier: Shut up.
TV Show: Frasier
[Frasier has successfully argued a motion forcing Cam Winston to park his Hummer in the sub-basement, citing pollution concerns.]
Cam Winston: Listen, Crane, you may have bamboozled the condo board, but we both know you just want more room to swing your fat ass into that BMW!
Cam Winston: Listen, Crane, you may have bamboozled the condo board, but we both know you just want more room to swing your fat ass into that BMW!
TV Show: Frasier
Cam: You do your share of polluting with that substitute for masculinity you're driving.
Frasier: If mine's a substitute for masculinity, then what is yours?
Cam: Bigger!
Frasier: If mine's a substitute for masculinity, then what is yours?
Cam: Bigger!
TV Show: Frasier
[Frasier refuses to let Simon bring a woman into his apartment]
Simon: [to Frasier] Well, you're just a big contraceptive, aren't you?
Simon: [to Frasier] Well, you're just a big contraceptive, aren't you?
TV Show: Frasier
[Frasier has been kept awake for several nights because of Cam Winston draping a giant American flag over his window]
Daphne: Still awake, Doctor Crane?
Frasier: Yes. It's almost dawn's early light... and our flag is still there.
Daphne: Still awake, Doctor Crane?
Frasier: Yes. It's almost dawn's early light... and our flag is still there.
TV Show: Frasier
[Frasier has just found out his mother was pregnant with him at her wedding.]
Frasier: You knew?
Niles: Well, do you remember that time I had the chickenpox? Mom told me to cheer me up.
Frasier: You knew?
Niles: Well, do you remember that time I had the chickenpox? Mom told me to cheer me up.
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier: Excuse me, Mr. Puck?
Wolfgang Puck: [annoyed] Yes, Dr. Crane?
Frasier: It's just that, I couldn't help noticing that the crab cakes are getting a bit... brown.
Wolfgang Puck: They're getting "beautifully crunchy."
Frasier: I see. Because when I said, "brown," I actually meant more like "black," like "burned."
Wolfgang Puck: They're Cajun!
Wolfgang Puck: [annoyed] Yes, Dr. Crane?
Frasier: It's just that, I couldn't help noticing that the crab cakes are getting a bit... brown.
Wolfgang Puck: They're getting "beautifully crunchy."
Frasier: I see. Because when I said, "brown," I actually meant more like "black," like "burned."
Wolfgang Puck: They're Cajun!
TV Show: Frasier
Niles: Daphne Moon, will you, and your beautiful toes and your exquisite ankles and your precious knees, elbows and arms and fingers, shoulders... [holds up the ring] Will you marry me?
Daphne: Oh, Niles! Of course, I will.
Daphne: Oh, Niles! Of course, I will.
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier refuses to be taken in by Blaine's apparent disability
Daphne: Dr. Crane, the man is in a wheelchair.
Frasier: Which means that somewhere, someone is missing a wheelchair!
Daphne: Dr. Crane, the man is in a wheelchair.
Frasier: Which means that somewhere, someone is missing a wheelchair!
TV Show: Frasier
Niles is trying to orchestrate a chance meeting between Frasier and Lisa in the bookshop, by sending his brother on errands
Frasier: Good Heavens, Niles, what am I? Your lackey?
Niles: No, no, no. I'm just engrossed in this "Heroes of Nas-Car."
Frasier: Good Heavens, Niles, what am I? Your lackey?
Niles: No, no, no. I'm just engrossed in this "Heroes of Nas-Car."
TV Show: Frasier
After an argument with a shop assistant, Frasier leaves indignantly, dragged by Niles
Frasier: You know, by the way: you have an alphabetical misfile, but I'm not telling you where!
Frasier: You know, by the way: you have an alphabetical misfile, but I'm not telling you where!
TV Show: Frasier